"What do you mean..."
She muttered.
"As you can see."
"So, what does that mean?"
"Aika is dead."
I stared at her face, her expression dark and gloomy.
"Aika jumped off the school roof and died. So, there is no one named Hiiragi Aika left in this world."
"Am I gone...?"
"That's right."
I stated it firmly.
"That day, I met the real Aika by chance. It was a rainy day, and she was taking shelter from the rain on a bench in the park. It was just a coincidence. I just happened to sit next to her, and I didn't even know her face. I hadn't intended to start a conversation, but I was intrigued by the look on Aika's face at the time. She was just staring up at the sky in silence. She didn't react at all when I sat next to her. So, just thinking of it as small talk, I asked her, 'What were you thinking?' and she said, 'I was wondering how high I would have to jump to die.'
I scolded her, saying, "Don't think about depressing things. Your family will be sad," but she just looked down and said, "No one will be sad if I die."
After that, until the rain stopped, we discussed why suicide shouldn't be done. How the people left behind would be sad, and how there's no one who shouldn't be alive. I thought she understood. Aika wasn't delirious and remained calm.
"So if I die, will you be sad?" he asked.
"Of course. And don't even say I'm going to die," I said, and she replied, "It's okay. If you're really sad, I won't die." That made me a little excited. After that, she started asking me all sorts of questions about myself. We talked about how I have a step-sister who still can't let go of her brother, and how I have a childhood friend who's a crybaby and a clumsy girl. At first, Aika seemed to be enjoying listening to me, but gradually her expression began to look gloomy again. Seeing that, I wondered if she found my story boring.
But the truth was different. I could have stopped him then. Because I knew there were lots of girls around me. Because I told him that, he must have thought he was lonely after all. But I didn't realize anything at the time... Let's meet again somewhere. Don't die until then. And with that, we parted ways..."
I looked down.
"So I'd forgotten about it until I heard your story. I thought he'd recovered by then, and that everything would be okay. But then that happened..."
"Stop it..."
When she looked up, tears were in her eyes.
"Stop it already! Please!"
She yelled, shaking her hair wildly.
"I... I'm Aika! I'm not dead!"
"you..."
I flinched at her sudden panic, but
"...It's all a lie."
"...picture?"
She exclaimed in surprise at my words.
"All right, are you kidding me...?"
She asked with blank eyes.
it hurts.
My heart feels like it's going to burst.
My heart feels crushed.
She had been acting all sad and caring in her own way for her sister, but what I was trying to do now was ruin it all.
Stupid. Gross. Stupid.
But now that I've come this far, there's no turning back.
To save her.
I said.
"You're not Hiiragi Aika. You're Hiiragi Renka."
The moment he spoke, he heard the sound of something breaking.
Renka didn't answer, but the look of fear was clearly visible in her eyes.
I continued.
"That's why you're panicking like that. According to your father, you were close to Aika since you were a child. That's why you felt responsible for her death. If only you had been more responsible, your sister wouldn't have had to die. Ever since then, you've lived your life believing you were Aika. Why? Because you couldn't accept Aika's death. And because you didn't want to acknowledge that she was dead...right?"
I stopped the conversation there.
Renka said nothing for a while, but then she finally spoke.
"...I"
"picture?"
"...I should have died. I knew everything about Aika being bullied at school and how Father had disciplined her so harshly. But I pretended not to see it... I was afraid that if I ineptly protected her, the consequences would spread. I was only thinking about myself..."
Saying this, Renka embraced Aika's grave.
"It's as Susumu said. I'm Renka. Not Aika."
Koika said as she gently stroked the tombstone.
Tears were flowing from his eyes.
"Even if I had become Aika, that girl would no longer be in this world... I knew it. I knew it. If only I had been more aware of her feelings while she was still alive..."
And Koika continued to cry endlessly.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry...!"
As if doing so was an apology.
He held onto Aika for a long time.
I waited for a while, and when she had calmed down, I spoke to her.
"What are you going to do from now on?"
"...I'll live as Koika. She won't be happy if I pretend to be Aika..."
Renka answered while crying.
"I see. Well then, I have one request."
I took out a letter from my pocket.
"This is Aika's suicide note. I was entrusted with it by my father. I should probably give it back to you, my sister, but... can I have it? I'm also responsible for Aika's death, and I don't want to forget these feelings. I don't want to make the same mistake again. So, is it okay?"
My heart ached as I listened. That day, Aika had decided to kill herself. She was bullied at school, and when she returned home, her strict parents would be waiting for her. She couldn't talk to her sister about it. So...
"That's fine. But why does Susumu care about us so much?"
In response to Renka's question, I sniffled with my fingers,
"You two have a similar relationship to the one between me and Shiori. Shiori is a dangerous guy, just like you. So, why don't we put off dating for now? It's not your wish after all. I've also decided not to date anyone until I sort out my own feelings. If I make a choice based on impulsive feelings… I'll end up getting stabbed by someone again."
With that said, I left the place, leaving Renka behind.
I'm sure they have a lot to talk about, so I wanted to leave the two sisters alone.
I was sitting on a bench at the bus stop, waiting for the next bus. There was no one else sitting on the old bench.
I've been thinking about this for a while now. I wonder if Aika has been saved.
Perhaps it was because we thought that way that we ran away.
But even if I think about it like that... I'll never find the answer.
Still...was it possible to change something about Renka?
Is that hypocrisy?
Or is it just my imagination?
Or is it self-centered?
That may be true. What I did was just for my own satisfaction.
Even so, I want to believe that I was able to at least take responsibility.
For some reason, I suddenly wanted to see Shiori's face.
I didn't say I was leaving the house or coming here today.
So I shouldn't be here...
At that moment, a woman sat down next to me.
It was a young woman. When I frantically tried to put some distance between us, she moved horizontally next to me, matching my movements.
How annoying. I'm thinking about something else. I glared at the woman.
The woman was wearing a straw hat pulled down over her eyes, a white T-shirt, and grey skinny pants. I couldn't see her face, but she seemed quite attractive. She must have noticed my gaze as she took off her hat.
"...Brother. Have you settled your score?"
"Huh..."
It was a target.
"You... you came with me?"
I asked in surprise,
"yes"
Shiori replied apologetically.
"Sorry. I just couldn't help but be curious."
Shiori bowed deeply. Although he hadn't meant to, it seemed like he was scolding him.
"Was that a bother?"
Shiori looked up at me with her eyes parted like a child who had been caught mischievously.
I silently pat her on the head.
Then Shiori puffed out his cheeks and said, "Mmmm."
"Brother. Don't treat me like a child."
"You idiot. You're usually acting like a kid. Don't act like an adult."
As I said that, I stroked down Shiori's silky hair.
"Ahhhh... Big Bro is a real technician."
"Idiot, don't make that weird noise."
"...If you stop, I'll cry out loud, okay?"
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Hehe. I'm a spoiled brat. I try to spoil my brother just as much as he spoils me. That's my philosophy."
Saying that, Shiori leaned onto my shoulder.
"That's a nasty belief, dude."
At that moment, I saw a bus coming.
"Ufufu. Come on, let's go home together, brother."