«You're hired!» Gorō Tobita, the manager of the place where Aoshi works part-time as a waiter, exclaims. He's a middle-aged man built wider than he is tall, always dressed like a cowboy and wears sunglasses even at night — especially at night. He claims it's because his eyes are sensitive to light, but everyone knows it's really so he can secretly ogle the girls who come into his bar — the Moonlight Club.
«B-But, Mr. Tobita, she hasn't even introduced herself yet…» Aoshi murmurs. Truth is, he didn't expect anything different from someone like Gorō.
«Who cares about her name?» Gorō grumbles, shooting Aoshi an annoyed glare. «She's the most beautiful girl these expert eyes have ever seen! 90-60-89, height 168 centimeters, weight between 53 and 54 kilos. A goddess — an actual goddess of beauty! A perfect blend of curves and proportions no man could ever resist, especially the sex-starved losers that make up my clientele!»
Every measurement is accurate to the centimeter, thanks to years of honing his hopeless stalker and pervert skills.
He talks about others, but he's the biggest pervert of them all...
«My name is Eliss Narkhalis, and I'm Aoshi's girlfriend. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tobita,» Eliss introduces herself with the sweetest, most graceful voice to ever grace human ears in the history of civilization, bowing politely as she speaks. The bow might've been a little too deep, though — Gorō's shameless old geezer eyes instantly drop to her cleavage.
Wait a second — we never agreed she could introduce herself as my girlfriend!!!
Gorō immediately throws his arm around Aoshi's shoulders, rubbing his knuckles roughly on the boy's head.
«Good job, my boy! Tell me, have you turned into a real lady-killer lately or what? First that demi-goddess... what was her name again? Miori Yukinaga, right? And now this actual goddess! When you first started working here four months ago, you were a good-for-nothing loser who spent all day jerking off to erotic video games, but look at you now — under my expert guidance, you've become a first-class womanizer!»
«Y-Yeah, boss... your precious advice really helped me out,» Aoshi mutters, dripping with sarcasm.
Yeah, right. A real lady-killer, sure… Miori only dated me to make that pretty boy, Renji Kurotani, jealous. And Eliss... well, if she hadn't hypnotized herself, there's no way she'd be this obsessed with me — she wouldn't even glance my way if I were the last guy on Earth. Come to think of it, since I started working here, the boss must've hit on at least a thousand women, and not a single one — not even the ones he offered money to — has ever given in to his advances.
No, I don't think his "expert guidance" would've ever been useful for anything — except maybe earning me a slap or a sexual harassment complaint.
«Oh, so even your boss — no, our boss — knows about Miori? I must say, it's quite the public topic despite you two only dating for a month,» Eliss hisses, frying him alive with a single glance. «I can only imagine how you strutted around the city, hand in hand with that girl, bragging while she wasn't even a fraction as beautiful as me! And today, you had the nerve to tell your friend I was a cleaning lady! Unbelievable!»
Maybe because Miori actually was my girlfriend...
Aaah... she's already way too jealous for someone I didn't even know twenty-four hours ago. What's she gonna do in a week? Follow me around like a rabid pit bull, growling at every girl she imagines even looked at me? Not that it's ever happened once in my entire nineteen years of life...
And Gorō Tobita, of course, doesn't waste the opportunity — he drops to his knees at Eliss's feet, takes her hand, and showers it with an endless stream of kisses.
«My sweet Eliss, why don't you dump that loser Aoshi who can't appreciate having an angel fallen from heaven by his side, and go out with me instead? I'd make you the happiest woman—»
Gorō freezes mid-sentence, petrified by Eliss's glare. Her eyes gleam with a murderous spark worthy of a serial killer.
«Get your filthy hands off me, you pig.»
Cold sweat trickles down Aoshi's back.
Oh crap... OH CRAP! She's gonna get fired on the spot... and I'm going down with her! I brought Eliss here so she could help with the house expenses during her stay at my place...
...and yet, not only does she get herself fired before even starting, but Mr. Tobita will definitely fire me too out of spite! Though, to be fair, he totally deserved it. To him, Eliss is my girlfriend, and even knowing that, he had the nerve to propose to her — right in front of me!
But...
«Every wish of yours is my command, my goddess! I won't so much as touch you again until you're the one who asks me to,» Gorō apologizes, bowing his head with a trembling voice. He kneels on the floor with perfect devotion, as if Eliss really were some divine incarnation.
Aoshi finally starts breathing again — he'd already been composing the funeral message to leave on his tombstone — right after telling his parents he'd been fired and needed money.
Spoiler: they definitely wouldn't have sent him any. Not after the time, five months ago, when they found out he'd spent his entire monthly allowance — money meant for rent and bills — on an erotic RPG titled One Hundred Ways to Make Your Sad Little Cousin Happy.
His father was one step away from disowning him completely, and his mother cut him off entirely. «If you want to keep studying, you'll have to do it with money you earn yourself! Maybe once you've sweated for it, you'll stop wasting it on that kind of nonsense!»
None of his excuses worked — not even when he tried explaining that it was a birthday present for Takuma.
«Since this is your first day on the job, I'll have you work with Aoshi. Anyone else would probably be better to learn from, but unfortunately, the employees here are all hopeless perverts, and I don't trust leaving you alone with them all night. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, and if Aoshi can't answer, feel free to come to my office — even if you don't have any questions, you're always welcome there. Welcome aboard the Moonlight Club, my goddess.» Gorō says, still maintaining his reverent tone.
It's unbelievable — this dirty old pervert still hasn't stopped flirting with her! And he's calling his employees the perverts? Aaaah… why does life have to be this hard?