MY best friend is (probably) a typical anime high-school harem protagonist. That string of words may sound horribly confusing and 'weeb-ish' to you, but for me, a super awesome Otaku named Akiyo, it's like a second language to me at this point.
Anyway. Back to my best friend, Haruki. I'm 99% sure he's a harem protagonist. Wait, screw that, I'm one hundred and one percent sure that he's a harem protagonist. Seriously, he has it all:
Proof #1: He has the 'childhood best friend' trope in. the. Bag. Yep. Meet Kaori, a purple haired girl, who's always using her sparkly, baker girl persona around Haruki, her amethyst eyes practically shining from his— extremely platonic, mind you— attention. Since we were in diapers, Haruki and I have known this oddball of a woman who had a massive crush on Haruki. (One of us was more aware of this than the other).
But the moment that bag of rocks leaves? Her shoulders slump. Her eyes lose the sparkle. Her expression screams, 'Someone help me before I lose the will to live.'
Which, honestly?
Cannot be anymore true. That man can be so infuriating. I've made him play otome dating sims, explicitly telling him the characters were going to fall in love with him, hoping to make him connect the dots and realize how similar the game is to his real-life situation.
You know what he said?
"Wow, Akiyo. These people are so friendly, just like our other classmates! (A.k.a, his suffering Harem.) The only difference is that you can romance them!"
Oh. My. God. When I tell you I wanted to SCREAM, I mean it. Seriously, how can a man be this stupid?
Well, not stupid. He gets higher marks than me. Stupid rich kid. But he is as dense as a back of really, really heavy boulders. It's no wonder his Harem™️has been driven utterly insane.
I'd feel bad for them.
If I wasn't LAUGHING SO HARD-
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
Oops. Too much? My bad.
But it was accurate!
Such observations also apply to the rest of the Haruki Harem™️if it wasn't obvious enough. I hate yapping unless it's only about my favorite games, so here are the other hopelessly in love girls who are getting very much worn down.
Proof #2: Meet Akira, who fills the tsundere archetype, and is part of the Disciplinary Commitee. Yes, she blushes so wildly around him, but Haruki doesn't even notice. Yes, her ugly ass red ahoge quivers when he's near. Yes, she's rude to Haruki. Yes, she pisses me off.
So what?
Whenever I hear that, "I-It's not that I like you-!!!!!" I just—
Grrr. Ugh. Blegh. Disgusting.
Pathetic.
Be nicer to Haruki, and MAYBE I'll support you.
She makes my ears bleed.
ANYWAY. Enough about that thing.
Proof #3: Rin, your local kuudere. Absolute DIVA, by the way. A QUEEN among women, by the way. Head of the Student Council? Check. Part of the Library Commitee? Check. Logical and pragmatic but still lenient and softer towards Haruki? Check.
Oh, Rin, why did you have to be wasted on that dense bag of rocks?! Find someone better, please! I'll even volunteer as tribute to take your place in the Harem!!!
But I digress.
Proof #4: Haruki also has a hajidere at his side— Yukina. She's sweet, I guess, but she's so shy I've never really had a conversation with her. Yukina's one hell of an artist, though. I once saw her sketchbook, full of drawings of Haruki. Gotta admit, she made him so handsome, like a god, really. That's probably what he is to her, since Haruki's the entire reason why she's even in the art club.
Proof #5: At last! The final Pokem- I mean, girl. Lina. She's an exchange student. I'll be so real right now, I'm not sure what other tropes she fills. But I do know she's really bubbly and cheery and nice, so I guess I can allow her to have a crush on Haruki. Lina's got pretty blonde hair, and I love braiding it. Her blue eyes are so cute, too! She's like a little sister for me.
And what about the star of the show? The unsuspecting ring leader of this entire circus?
Well, Haruki Hanma is—
"Akiyo! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere. I almost missed soccer practice for you!"
I jolt, stopping my scribbling on my logs and observations notebook to whirl around and stare at Haruki. The perfect rich golden boy, black eyes sparkling as his dyed black-and-blonde hair bounces like he's in some shampoo commercial.
My eyes flick upwards, as always, and I note how his ahoge is practically quivering with joy. My lips curve upwards, and I rub my weary, eyebag-laden eyes. "Hey, Haru," I say, voice softer and fonder towards him than anybody else.
I mean, he is my best friend. It's natural to show such favoritism to him, right?
Anyway, Haruki strides forward with that confident rich boy aura he has for some reason. I quickly shut my notebook to find all the observations I'd been making about his Harem by the window, and blinked up at him when he towered above me.
He was unfairly tall. I'd turned my head away from him by then, but I could see his reflection in the mirror grinning at me.
Haruki's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me towards him against my will. I tried to plant my feet on the ground more firmly, even clenching my fists and ass to try and stay rooted to the tiles floors, but it was no use.
I was lifted up like a prized pet. I tried to twist out of his grip, but Haruki just chuckled warmly, brushing my choppy, black-streaked hair out of my pale face. "Looks like you still need to work on your strength, Akiyo," He teased lightly, "You still haven't passed my lift test yet. Why don't you stop your gaming marathons for once and be with me? Practicing soccer, of course."
I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to answer, but just then, the Haruki Harem™️ thought it was a good time to interrupt my quality time with my best friend. Like, c'mon. Seriously? I love them, (except Akira, she's EVIL) but, please. I love Haruki, too, y'know!
Pause. Love as in platonic love. Y'know. Bromance, and all that.
Regardless, they're stealing away my Haruki, which is annoying me. My eyes narrow the moment they walk in, loud and happy and disgustingly love-sick. It makes me almost glad that Haruki can't understand them. I pull Haruki's arms tighter around my waist. He doesn't seem to notice.
"Haruki!!!" Kaori beams, purple hair neatly tied into a bun. She's holding a bento box and a bag of cookies, eyes glittering with pure love. But theres a sheen of frustration beneath the cheery persona. "There you are. I thought for sure you would be at the field! I made you something, you must be hungry."
Haruki smiles, and I can just hear the 'Sha-la-la' sound effects ringing in all the girls' ears. "Oh, wow, Kaori, thank you! This looks delicious. You're such a good friend, making me this type of stuff all the time!" He thanks, genuine, happy, and totally oblivious.
This man, I swear.
I study Kaori carefully to put her reaction in my log notebook. Her violet eyes dim, barely. Her shoulders, taut with anticipation, now slump, visible to everyone except Haruki himself. "You're welcome, Haruki," She says, an edge of weariness to it that makes me pity her. Her smile has tightened, and her fists clench.
"Oi, Baka, we're just friends, huh?" Akira marches in, just then. We both glare at each other for a few seconds before she jabs a finger out, pointing at Haruki's chest. "Ew, you're disgusting!" She snaps, and I bristle, "Look at your tie. It's all messy! You bring dishonor to your family!"
Akira's eyes flick to the made-with-love-and-tears bento. Her lips press thinner in irritation. Her eye muscles twitch. Serves her right.
I smirk, a little, leaning my head into Haruki's chest just to watch her squirm and make her wish she was in my spot. Haruki grins again. "Oh, really?" He says, "Sorry, Akira! I was distracted by trying to find Akiyo." His arms tighten around my waist, fleeting.
Akira stomps over, and I stiffen, scowling. She fixes his tie with something like a glare in her eyes— aggressive, precise.
Too aggressive, in fact. My fingers just barely dig into the flesh of Haruki's wrists. My best friend should be treated with care, gentleness. Not— This.
She's not good enough for him, The voice in my head says, and my frown deepens.
A blush has spread across Akira's cheeks, fiery and fierce, just like her. Her hands pull away from Haruki's tie and chest, and it doesn't escape my vision how its wracked with small tremors.
There a creaking of hinges, near the doorway, and here comes Rin, my goat, calm and composed as always. In her hands is Haruki's calculus textbook, something he'd mentioned off-handedly yesterday. Her cool, red eyes scan the room and land on her target. Rin's shoes click against the floor, a soft, hypnotizing rhythm until she stands with the group. She pushes forward the textbook, making it land with a soft noise on the desk.
Haruki notices it immediately. "Oh, Rin, that's my textbook, isn't it? Thank you so much!" He releases me from his grip, only momentarily, to stuff it inside his backpack.
Rin inclines her head. "I noticed it on one of the desks. Carelessness leads to difficulties. I was just minimizing such difficulties for you." Her voice was pragmatic, logical. But between words, I saw her give an almost weary blink. The corners of her lips tugged downwards in silent disappointment.
All her interactions with Haruki were orchestrated, I knew. But the energy needed to think of such schemes, and the unromantic outcome that would always happen without fail, was making her tired.
I heard a rustling beneath the desks, and my eyes flicked downwards, meeting Yukina's flustered gaze. She squeaks, heading popping up, sketchbook clutched against her chest as if to shield herself. I catch a glimpse of a page full of Haruki doodles before she snatches it. My lips twitch. She's adorable, but a quiet aura of despair is radiating from her, obviously from Haruki's density.
The door, that poor, abused door, slams open, and enters my dear Lina, her braided blonde hair swinging wildly as she bounces over. "Haruki!" She says, brightly, throwing an arm around his shoulder. "There you are! Heard a karaoke place opened up. Perfect for a duet, ja? Great spot for a date night!"
Haruki smiles, carefully extricating himself from Lina's embrace. "That sounds great," He says, and our positions adjust. I'm beside him now, and his hand rests on my hip. "I'm sure Akiyo and the others would love to tag along. Right?" He glances down at me, smiling and expectant.
I stare at him in pure, baffled silence. Lina does the same, her cheerful air dimmed by Haruki's ignorance. Under her breath, I can hear her mutter, "Mein Gott, er ist dicht!" (My God, he's dense!).
Honestly? Valid.
Haruki's eyes flick to the clock, and his smile drops. His hand falls from my hip, instead grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly. "Aw, man," Haruki sighs, looking genuinely distraught, "I gotta dash for my extracurriculars. Aki, see you at the club room?"
I nod, barely, already missing him. "Yeah. See you." I bid him goodbye, and his smile returns, brighter this time. There's a glint in his eye, an emotion I can't place, but it's gone in a second. Weird, but I brush it off.
I wave, and he reciprocates, and then he's out the door. I blink once, slow, and the masks drop.
Kaori slams her hands on the desk, and I flinch. That happy-go-lucky baker girl persona? It's gone. Her eyes are ablaze with determination and pent-up frustration. "AKIYO!!!" She cries, and it's tinted with such desperation I feel something like pity in my heart. "Haruki's destroying me. Utterly ruining me, and not in the way I want him too!"
The other girls nod, and Kaori presses on, "Y'know, just today, at lunch, I gave him heart shaped onigiri's, right? Do you know what he said?" I shake my head, but I can already guess. "He said, 'Wow, Kaori! This is way easier to eat than a normal one!'" Kaori proceeds to bang her head on the table, and I pat her back.
"Uhm, wow, that's—" I start to say, but the other girls start piling on their own misfortunes with Haruki. I sigh, weary, leaning against the window sill before I sit on it. I half-listen, half-plan how I'm going to write this in my log notebook like a therapist. Hell, I probably have that same empathetic expression therapists have.
I close my eyes briefly, readying myself to an hour of wailing and depression and being late to meeting up with Haruki, when Kaori says something that makes my eyes pop out of their sockets.
"Akiyo, help us!" She begs, grabbing my hand and pulling it close to her chest. "You're his best friend, right?! You know him better than anyone!" For once, Kaori's eyes are shining with hope.
Rin nods, imperceptibly. "Yes, Kaori is correct. Akiyo, you're the only person here who can speak 'Haruki.' You know how to get to him."
"P-Please," Yukina inputs, her voice shy but clearly attempting to be loud, "You have to help us. B-Be our guide. Our wingman. I-I just can't…!" She buries her face into her arms, embarrassed and despairing. Oof.
Lina's eyes glint with determination as well. "Please, Akiyo!" She says, loud, and I feared her voice might reach Haruki. "Help us with this dense concrete wall that is Haruki!"
The rest nod, all voicing their agreements.
I pause, not responding immediately, eyeing the girls' faces carefully. They're all hopeful sunflowers, looking towards me as the sun. I can see the shine of optimism in their eyes.
But I hesitate.
Because I remember—
"Haru, don't ever leave me."
I startle myself, eyes widening briefly before I school my expression back to normal. Why did that memory pop up suddenly?
I exhale, shaking my head to clear those thoughts away. Haruki's just my best friend. I've got no reason to be so possessive over him.
So I just lift my head, stare at the Haruki Harem™️ one more time. I draw in a breath, before offering a curt nod. "Don't worry," I hear myself saying, but it's all so distant, "I'll help you."
Kaori claps her hands, eyes wide. "Oh, really?! Thank you, thank you, Akiyo!" She says, delighted.
After that, it's a chorus of thank yous. I nod and smile, but there's a lump in my throat.
Why did I think of that so suddenly? And why can't I remember what Haru said afterwards?
I sigh again, shaking my head as if that would make me forget. Right now, I'll focus on playing Cupid.
For my friends.
For Haruki.
For his happiness.
Always for his happiness.
End of Chapter One.