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Fickly29
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The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
Almost never do our vices do anything good for us. They're vices because they're bad, we're supposed to feel guilty about them. Try to avoid giving into them. They're not lifesaving, never the thing we're thanking for getting us out of a dangerous situation safely. But for Alex, using his addiction is the only thing that can help get him home to his family. For him, it's all he's got left.
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Chapter 1 - 100%

"Did you remember your backup batteries for your flashlight?"

"Course. This isn't my first rodeo." Steph laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners a little as she did. 

"Okay cowboy. Can't blame me for being worried." I smiled, leaning down to gently grab her behind the neck and pull her forehead to my lips for a quick kiss. 

"I know. Just giving you shit. Is she still asleep?" I glanced at the now ever present baby monitor in her hand, which she held up in response to my question. 

"Like a rock." 

"I do love those." I muttered, reaching to bring the monitor closer to my face so I could get a good look at my sleeping newborn. A pretty little girl we'd named Violet. I glanced at Steph when she gave me a small, humorless laugh in response. "You still worried?" I asked her, letting go of her wrist that still hung onto the image of our daughter to instead focus on trying to sooth her worries. 

She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head a little as she laughed, more real this time at least. "Yes, yes. I know. You've done this a thousand times, before you even met me." She rolled her eyes, looking up at me with those pretty seafoam green colored eyes of hers. "I just…" She bit the corner of her lip a little, and I felt my heart jump a little in my chest at the tears welling in her eyes. 

"Oh come on baby." I muttered, pulling her into my chest. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She huffs, wiping her suddenly snot filled nose on the front of my sweatshirt. "I'm being ridiculous, I know." 

I sighed, fighting back a smile. I didn't want her to think I was making fun of her, because that really wasn't the reason for my smile. "No. You're being a new mom, a new wife. Worried about her husband." She pulled back a little to look up at me, her face covered with anxiety. I found myself wanting nothing more than to erase her worries. "And I love you for it." I kissed her on the lips softly, gently. Trying to make her understand that I understood her fears. Because I really wasn't making fun of her in my head, I wasn't just telling her what I knew she needed to hear. 

I was grateful.

Grateful in that moment I had someone worried for me, someone who would be waiting for me to come home. At one point I couldn't have said that with certainty. And knowing no one might not notice you disappearing does something to a man. I think, at least.

"It's only a week." I reassured her one last time before backing away, crouching down with a slight groan to grab the strap of my bag off the floor where I'd set it down to say goodbye to my wife of two months. Stephanie, or Steph as I called her. "And don't forget, your sister will be here tomorrow to make sure you have help." 

"Don't remind me." She grumbled, smiling a little as she crossed her arms over her chest and took a step back. 

"Oh come on. It'll be fun." I teased, though I knew how she felt about her younger sister, Emila. She had always been the opposite of Steph, wild, crass, carefree. That wasn't to say my wife was some frigid stuck-up bitch, but she was for sure the big sister. Took more time to think things through, always had a backup plan, never ran late for anything. Personally, I loved all those things about her. She helped ground me, helped reign me in. She was everything I wasn't, and everything I needed to be.

Before her, I had no home. Don't feel too bad for me though, it was by choice. 

When I turned eighteen, my parents gave me a couple of different options. Go to school on their dime and continue to live rent free in their home until I was ready to be on my own or take a hundred-thousand-dollar check and start my life as I pleased right then and there. 

Even at the time I had thought it was a crazy offer for an eighteen-year-old fresh out of high school. Private schooling, at that. I was extra sheltered. Who in my shoes wouldn't take the hundred and run? 

Luckily, I'd never had much of an itch for things like drugs, partying, though I'd be lying if I said in the next five years after leaving home I didn't experiment with those things. I never went too off the rails though, though I was in a more than ideal situation to do so.

In fact, an exclusive rave that took place in the Kulusuk ice caves in Greenland was the whole reason I ever even realized my true passion. I had only gone because some friends had invited me, and it wasn't like I had anything better going on. That was honestly the reason I did almost anything from the age of eighteen to twenty, to be honest. Just kind of floating along, waiting for a spark to ignite somewhere inside me. Waiting to understand what it was I wanted to fill my time with.

The night was a blur, twelve hours of drugs and partying that to this day I still can't remember. But the morning after the party, I remember every single second of it in crystal clear quality. 

I remember waking up in a room that looked like it had walls made of ice, the newly rising sun beginning to make the slightly melty ice look bubbly. My eyes struggled to adjust for a moment, but then I could finally see clearly, and I fell in love. 

I remember standing up, looking around the walls of the ice cave I was in with nothing but respect and awe. Why did I feel so at home suddenly? Why was a lump forming in my throat just at the sight of this place in the sobering daylight? 

That was just the beginning. 

I ended up backpacking all over Greenland, completely abandoning the friends I'd flown in with, and going off on my own to explore the vast cave systems of the area. I loved each one a little more than the last. 

I loved finding new entrances to already explored caves, I loved crawling through their tunnels and finding out what secrets hid inside. What weird bugs and creatures, gorgeous and dangerous rock formations I stumbled across. Each time I went deeper, stayed in for longer. And each time I came out with a little more peace, a little more direction in my life it felt. 

"Is Kenny meeting you at the airport?" I turned, nodding in response as I strapped the clips of my bag around the front of my chest. "Let's hope he's awake." I chuckled at the sassy, low comment on my best friend's lack of punctuality. It had always bugged my wife. 

"I told him to be there an hour earlier than he needs to be, don't worry. I know the guy." I stopped as I opened the door, turning to stand in the entry way and look back at Steph one last time. "Stop worrying. I've done this a thousand times. I just want to… get it out of my system-"

"So you can focus on us, I know, I know." Steph sighs, stepping forward and falling into my embrace. "I get it, you're the perfect dad and husband." Comes her muffled teasing. 

I laughed, squeezing her tightly. "Far from it. But I can try." I muttered, inhaling the scent of her freshly washed hair. "I love you. I'll miss you."

"Please be careful. You have people waiting for you to come home now." She said, backing up to look up at me. I smiled, tucking her chestnut colored brown hair behind one ear before kissing her one last time. 

"One week, my love. And then we have forever."