"I don't know what I'm crying for
I don't think I could love you more
It might be long, but, baby, I
I'll love you till the day that I die
Til the day that I die
Til the light leaves my eyes
Til the day that i die....."
Ps. That's "Birds of a feather" by Billie Eilish.
For the past five minutes my head has been resting on my table,and that song has constantly been on repeat in my head.
Most people would think I had fallen asleep but am wild awake thinking about both things I ought not to, and things I ought to at the same time.
Now where am I? Am in class like every other uni student waiting patiently for our lecturer but he decided we were going to wait a little longer so naturally the class was very noisy, with gossips telling their fellow gossips the most recent news,some were actually on their phones, some were listening to music, and some were even sleeping, some were walking to and fro, some went to buy things to eat and so on.
Let me introduce myself « My name is Patrick Nairim and am 19 year old and I have a younger sibling, a boy to be precise, his name is Gavriel
I don't stay in the uni,hostel or in a lodge so I go to school from home which can be stressful sometimes but the word STRESS isn't in my dictionary so technically I don't like it anyways there is nothing I can do about that situation so we leave with it like we have always done.
Some say am too young to be in the unis but I made it before some people sooooo what they say has nothing to do with me but if they have a problem they should hold my brain accountable but let it be known that I didn't skip any of my class.
Basically, nobody noticed that I suddenly went quiet.
Normally you almost never see me quiet, like am always talking to one person or another like what can I say I know everybody in my department and when I mean everybody I mean everybody, its either I know you but I don't know your name, or I know your name but I didn't know you in person, or I know your name and I know you in person, or I just know you are in my department but I don't know your name or know you in person.
But then it still felt as if I knew nobody, as if i was deliberately ignored, overlooked, neglected forgotten, like I never even once existed and to be real my body system didn't like that.
I hit the table out of frustration and stood up, everyone turned to look at me and I said,
"If you consider me your friend can I please see your hands up."
I know I may sound desperate, hopeless or needy but I needed to do it, I needed to know if I was dead to some people, or just asleep to some, or if I was a lone wolf cause sometimes I do feel like one.
My question wasn't taken seriously, as everyone felt I was joking, murmurs followed and I felt like a fool. I had to repeat my question again,this time with a shaky voice cause one thing is for sure I am never crying in public.
The moment the words left my lips,little by little some hands went up and I smirked cause it came to my realisation that most people don't know these
>>>you are my friend
>>>I am your friend
>>>we are friends
are entirely different things.
I looked around, at each finger making sure I glared at each person and it seemed like some people got there senses back as little by little some hands went down,some still stayed up though and I glanced at each person, I saw some people I talk to a lot, I saw some members of the male football team, but the hands that caught my eye where that of Jason and George.
Now who are these two boys? Power Jason and Gibson George are best friends, like you can't see one without the other even if you do, the other always knows where the other went.
Both of them are members of the male football team and being one of the best players our coach always praises them and trust me I don't think these boys know I even exist even when we see each other almost everyday.
George may know I exist cause in our freshman year we had a few conversations but Jason, no I don't exist and I think they know I exist but pretend I don't cause of a reason I may know but I need to check that out to be sure.
I stared long and hard at both of them, to see if they would quiver but they didn't, I still stared cause I felt they were lying, they had to be lying but their eyes did not say so,I then decided that it was okay so I shaked my head ,said thank you and sat down.
I didn't know I left a few people worried but I figured I did because after lectures some people that said I was a friend to them walked up to me to check if I was okay and as I normally did I told them I was fine and they all nodded and left. Some were still persistent thinking they could coax or make me say something to which I didn't adhere to.
Reaching home I realized I got a handful of my course mates worried as my WhatsApp was filled with worried messages and texts. Things like, Nairim are you alright?, What's happening?, What's wrong?, are you okay?, etc.
I told myself that I do not need any of this right now as I had a very long and stressful day so i ended up not replying to the WhatsApp and the text messages so I put off my phone had my mp3 play "am a mess" by Omahley and then I finally decided to go to bed.
Thoughts
What do you think???