A lukewarm breeze was blowing through the open hallway when we left the UG Clubroom. Maybe it was due to stewing in anxiety for so long, but my shoulders were particularly stiff. Putting a hand to my shoulder, I twisted my neck until it made a nice cracking sound. Beside me, Yuigahama stretched high with a groan, and Yukinoshita stifled a small yawn.
"Um, I'm sorry."
"For laughing and stuff." Hatano and Sagami quietly bowed their heads with contrite expressions. The fact that they were apologizing was perhaps proof that their hearts had been in the right place. It had to be why they couldn't hold back their remarks when they'd first heard Zaimokuza pontificating about his delusions. In a way, they were the only ones who had taken Zaimokuza seriously when he'd talked about his dreams. If they had not done so, they would never have considered criticizing him.
Oh, I'm not like them, though. I believe from the bottom of my heart that Zaimokuza is scum and reject him entirely.
"Mm-huh? …Fwa-ha-ha-ha! So long as you understand! Come now, just you wait a few years. I shall send my stunning Yoshiteru Zaimokuza Presents video game out into the world!" Obnoxiously enough, Zaimokuza's head had swelled even larger.
But the UG Club boys were willing to excuse it with a smile. "Yeah. We'll be looking forward to your game, Master Swordsman."
"Well, the company will own the copyright, so it won't really be yours."
Zaimokuza's laughter instantly faded. "Wh-wha—? Wh-what do you mean?" he stammered.
Hatano and Sagami looked at each other before launching into a detailed explanation. "Products from a company generally become the intellectual property of that company."
"With stuff like games, the joint copyright goes to the company."
"It depends on your contract, but I believe writers are often workfor-hire."
"Under work-for-hire, no matter how successful the property is, you won't receive any compensation beyond your initial payment."
"S-seriously?!" Zaimokuza dropped his bag with a thud. "Ththen…maybe I won't… Yeah, screw that."
What a tool… He snapped right back to talking like the real Zaimokuza… I…I wanna deck him…
Fearing my fist might connect with Zaimokuza's temple at any moment, I desperately restrained myself. The UG Club boys only smiled awkwardly, as pity had eclipsed their frustration.
"Nghh. If my share is minuscule even if I write a big hit, then there's no point. Being a light-novel author was the better idea after all! My, my, now that I've decided, there's no time to waste! I must be getting started on my plot outline…," Zaimokuza said, picking up his bag. Arms still crossed, he began briskly striding away. "We must part, Hachiman! Fare thee well!"
I replied with only a flip of my hand, shooing him away. He waved back, beaming with joy.
That was…the biggest waste of time the Service Club has engaged in since its inception.
"He's kinda weird," Hatano said with a sigh.
"I know, right? Nothing good comes of getting involved with that," I replied.
"Uh, you guys are pretty weird, too, though." This time it was Sagami who spoke, and his expression was rather frosty.
"Huh? Hey, how can you say that? I'm as commonsense as they come!"
"In what culture is your attitude considered commonsense? Associating with a freak like you is utterly exhausting," quipped Yukinoshita.
"Uh, but you're sorta odd too, Yukinon…," Yuigahama coolly fired back, then looked at Yukinoshita and followed up with an uncomfortable ta-ha-ha.
But Yukinoshita didn't seem particularly offended, and a gentle smile appeared on her face. "Indeed. It seems both Hikigaya and I are somewhat abnormal…so it's good to have a normal person like you around." Illuminated in the fading light, Yukinoshita's cheeks flushed a faint crimson.
Yuigahama gaped at her in a daze, her mouth slowly curving into an expression of joy. Her eyes grew slightly moist as she latched onto Yukinoshita's arm and squeezed. "…Y-yeah!"
"You're smothering me…," Yukinoshita muttered quietly, but she made no attempt to untangle herself.
"Let's just go back to the clubroom," I suggested, starting to walk there. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama trailed a few steps behind. Well, for now I'll assume they've made up…
6 Finally, his and her beginning ends.
I arrived in the clubroom and glanced at the evening sun slowly setting into Tokyo Bay outside the window. On the eastern side, the curtains of night were falling in a wash of pale indigo over the sky.
"What do we do now…? I even went to the trouble of baking a cake," Yukinoshita commented with a sigh. She'd noticed the color of the sky, just like me. It was indeed nearly time to go home. The bell would probably ring right as we cut the cake.
Yuigahama tilted her head, confused. "A cake? Why a cake?"
"What do you mean, 'why'? Oh, I haven't told you yet, have I? I asked you to come here because I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, Yuigahama," replied Yukinoshita.
"Huh?"
"You haven't been coming to the club lately…and, um…I wanted to encourage you to put in the appropriate effort to show up. Also, uh…I suppose you could call this a symbol of my gratitude." Yukinoshita cleared her throat quietly with a little he-hem, as if to draw attention away from her shyness.
Before she had even finished speaking, Yuigahama glomped her.
"…You remembered my birthday, Yukinon!"
Uh, she didn't remember it. She just guessed it from your e-mail address, you know.
Still, uninterested in how it had come about, Yuigahama tearfully basked in her lingering joy.
"Regardless, it doesn't look like we can do this today," said
Yukinoshita. I guess she felt smothered after all, as she attempted to peel Yuigahama off her as she spoke. Yuigahama resisted a little, then clapped her hands as if she had an idea. Yukinoshita took advantage of the distraction and smoothly slipped free.
"Okay, then let's go somewhere. Like…out," suggested Yuigahama.
"Huh? But we can't just…" Yukinoshita floundered in the face of such a sudden proposal.
But Yuigahama rolled right over her objections and insisted, "Come on, come on!" with a wink that said, Leave it to me! "I'll make the reservation and everything, so don't worry about it! It's fine! I'm already superhappy you got a cake for me."
"There's more than just a cake, though…"
"N-no way, you got me a present, too?!" Yuigahama's eyes sparkled at Yukinoshita. Heedless of the fact that she had peeled her off just moments earlier, Yuigahama again closed the gap between them.
Wary of another glomping, Yukinoshita replied, "Yes, well…I'm not the only one, though," she said, implicating me with a glance. "Huh? You mean…" Yuigahama deciphered the other girl's meaning and gave a vague, awkward smile. "Ah…ah-ha-ha. I totally didn't expect you to get me a present, Hikki. Since, um,
like…recently…things have been a bit…weird." Yuigahama's eyes met mine, and we both immediately broke the contact.
When Yukinoshita was with us, I could overcome the weird unpleasantness by pretending not to notice it. But Yukinoshita had deliberately dragged me into the conversation this time, and I figured that was a message to acknowledge that something happened and get my ass in gear to resolve it. Considering how insensitive she typically was, she'd sure chosen an odd time to butt in.
I pulled a small package out of my bag and casually passed it straight to Yuigahama. "…It's not necessarily for your birthday, though."
"Huh?"
I was drowning in an atmosphere that made it extraordinarily hard to speak, but I forced my mouth to move as properly as I was able, even
as I felt in danger of stuttering. "I've been thinking a little. I guess…let's call it even with this, you know? Me saving your dog and you trying so hard to be nice to me. Let's wipe the slate," I said, forging ahead without waiting for her response. "I mean, there's no reason to force yourself to go out of your way for me. The person who hit me paid for my hospital bills with insurance and came with the lawyer to apologize, or so I heard. So there's no reason for you to pity me or worry about my feelings." With every phrase that left my mouth, I felt an unpleasant pressure around my heart as if something were squeezing it. Nevertheless, I'd never be able to end it if I didn't say this. "Plus, I didn't save the dog because it was yours."
For a brief moment, Yuigahama looked at me with incredible sadness, but she lowered her eyes right away.
"I wasn't thinking of you as a particular individual who would owe me, so there's no need for you to repay your debt to me individually, either. But…like…I dunno…I do want to pay you back for how friendly you've been to me. Once you subtract this, we're at zero. We're even. You don't have to worry about me anymore. So we're done with all this," I finished, and when I released a breath, I felt the load on my chest leaving me along with the exhalation. Now the situation could be resolved, and we could put this behind us—both the awkward misunderstandings and the misguided attempts at selfpreservation. Though both of those would probably happen in the future, anyway.
I avoided Yuigahama's eyes, watching only the tight, hard line of her lips. "…Why do you think of it like that? Like I feel sorry for you, or I'm forcing myself to be considerate? …I've never once thought of it that way. I just…" Her voice was trembling, quiet as a whisper. Yukinoshita and I only listened silently. It was all we could do. There was nothing either of us could say. A faint darkness lurked in the corners of the clubroom. Only the tiniest rays of sunlight still slanted in. "Like…it's so complicated, and I don't really know anymore… I thought it was a lot simpler than this…" Her tone was a little brighter than it had been, but she was likely forcing that cheery veneer, lending her words no more substance than so much air.
An icy comment cut through the ambiguity. "It's not that complicated." Yukinoshita stood with the setting sun at her back. A sea breeze from the open window swished through her hair. "Hikigaya doesn't remember saving you, Yuigahama, and you don't remember ever feeling sorry for him. You were both wrong from the start."
"Yeah, that's true," I agreed.
Yukinoshita nodded. "So I think Hikigaya's proposal to end it would be the correct choice."
We began in error, so obviously the ensuing events left us in error, too. No matter the emotions involved, that answer didn't change, I was sure. Even if…if…those feelings were something special. If that sentiment was born due to an arbitrary accident, if it was directed at me because of my sacrifice, or if it would have developed for any altruist who had saved her dog, then I couldn't accept it as the real thing.
If I had done that favor for her without recognizing her as herself, then she had received it without recognizing me as myself. Thus, her feelings and her benevolence weren't for me. They were for the person who had helped her. That was why I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.
I've stopped bothering getting my hopes up and watching them die when all of it's just in my head. I expect nothing from the start, I expect nothing in the middle, and I expect nothing up until the end.
Yuigahama was silent for a while before muttering a few words. "But ending it…? I kinda… I don't want that."
"…Don't be silly," said Yukinoshita. "If it's over, then you should just make a new start. Neither of you is at fault." "What?" I asked, startled.
Cool and composed, Yukinoshita swept back the hair resting on her shoulders. "Though there is a difference between you two in that one helped and one was helped, you were both equally victimized by the traffic accident, were you not? In which case, the cause of it all was the perpetrator of the accident. That means…" Yukinoshita paused for a moment. During that brief interval, she fixed me, then Yuigahama, with a firm look. "…you two…can make a proper start," she said, wearing a smile that was both gentle and vaguely sorrowful. I couldn't distinguish what was in her narrowed eyes in the sunset glow. "I have to go report to Miss Hiratsuka that we've recruited the additional member she requested," Yukinoshita added as if she'd just remembered, then curtly spun on her heel and marched away faster than usual, out the clubroom door without turning back.
Now it was just Yuigahama and me. Yukinoshita had said her piece, so I supposed she had no reason to stay, but this awkward vibe could go straight to hell.
Furtively eyeing me, Yuigahama searched for the right moment before gently, tentatively concluding the conversation. "Um…uh… Iit's good to be back." The words needed no follow-up, but for some reason she bobbed her head in a bow.
"Y-yeah…" I had no idea what was so good about it.
Something still didn't sit right for me. I had a sense that Yukinoshita had wheedled me into this. Sophistry is supposed to be my specialty. I can't believe she beat me at my own game. I smiled wryly.
Yuigahama poked me in the back. "…Hey, can I open it?"
"Go right ahead." Now that I'd handed the present over to her, it was in her possession. No need to bother requesting permission to open it.
Yuigahama carefully undid the wrapping paper, and her face lit up. "Wow…" She gasped.
A round silver tag lay in the center of a braid of black leather. It would pair nicely with brown hair. The item was well chosen, if I do say so myself. I got something out of buying so many presents for Komachi over the years. I happen to be an expert on running errands for her.
Yuigahama appeared satisfied with my selection as she gently studied the present. "H-hold on a second," she said and instantly spun away from me. In less than thirty seconds, she was facing me again and fidgeting with her bangs. "H-how does it look?" She averted her eyes a little bashfully. The black leather adorning her white neck struck a lovely contrast with her brown hair in the radiance of the setting sun. It suited her perfectly.
I really didn't want to tell her…but at times like these, it was undoubtedly wisest to get it over with. "Uh…that's a dog collar, though." Why does it look so good on her?
"Huh?" Yuigahama's face changed color before my eyes. "Wh-why didn't you say that earlier?! You jerk!" she yelled, hurling the wrapping paper at me.
Uh, can't you tell? Well, I guess it is adjustable, so…
"Honestly, geez! I'm gonna go reserve us a place now!" Fuming, Yuigahama removed the collar and stalked toward the exit. But when she opened the door, she halted.
"Thanks. Jerk." Without a glance behind her, she left me with those two words and slammed the sliding door shut before I could reply.
"Agh…" Alone in the classroom, I let out a deep, deep sigh and looked at the empty space by the window Yukinoshita had occupied earlier. Yuigahama and I had been sitting not two meters from that spot, but for some reason, the distance seemed impassable, as if an invisible line divided the space between us.
Before long, we would learn the facts—the truth that unmistakably separated us from her.
BT Bonus track! "Like, This Sort of Birthday Song."
This bonus track is a prose adaptation of the drama CD that came packaged with the My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected, Vol. 3 special edition copy. This script details an episode that occurs soon after the events of Volume 3. We recommend you listen to it after you have finished reading this book. Also, please understand in advance that, as the text has been revised, some parts do differ slightly from the vocal track.
Birthdays.
On one of these auspicious days, I was delivered into the world, and on many others, traumas were delivered into my life. Birthday parties where I was the only one not invited, for example. Times when my classmates singing the birthday song touched my heart because I believed it was for me, and then it turned out to be for someone else with the same birth date. Birthday cakes that misspelled my name… Oh, and about that last one—what the hell was my mom doing? Don't get your own son's name wrong.
Perhaps the reason babies cry upon being born is not from the emotions of their nascent existence, but because they are experiencing loneliness for the first time after being separated from their mothers. Thus, loneliness begins with one's birthday.
As a wise man once said, never forget what it was to be new. Therefore, spending your birthday alone is the correct course of action, and frittering the day away chumming it up with friends is wrong…though the desire to celebrate someone isn't, I think.
One day, I was going down the hallway of the special building. A few meters ahead of me, I caught sight of a student of mine humming contentedly as she walked along. Her name was Yui Yuigahama. She's a generally cheerful girl, but that day she seemed to be in an especially good mood.
"Hmm, hmm, hummm! "
"Hey there, Yuigahama," I called out to her. "You sure look chipper today. Something nice must have happened for you to hum like that in the hallway."
She came to a stop and replied with a warm smile, "Oh, Miss Hiratsuka. Well, it's my birthday today. And I think Yukinon is gonna throw me a…birthday party? Or something."
A birthday…? Yes, at that age, they're still enjoyable, but at mine…whoops, strike that. Anyway, it would be fun for her, so she should have a proper celebration. Once she reaches my age, she might not be able to accept those "happy birthday" wishes quite as graciously.
"Oh-ho, so today's your birthday, huh? Happy birthday. I'm glad you're getting along so well. I'm pleased to see how much Yukinoshita's grown as a person, but on the other hand…agh." Without warning, the face of another student rose to mind.
I suppose Yuigahama was thinking along the same lines I was, as the corner of her mouth quirked upward as if she didn't know how to respond. "…Yeah. W-well, Hikki's like…um, he's generally pretty crappy, but he can be nice on occasion and, like…give people presents…and stuff."
When I saw her reaction, my face relaxed into a smile. "Oh? I never brought up Hikigaya's name at all, though."
"What?! No way! Was that a trick question?!" Yuigahama floundered in surprise. But it wasn't.
"If you must classify it, I'd call it a leading question. But never mind that. You're someone I can count on when it comes to those two. They're a hassle, but be a good friend to them." Hmm. Did I just say something rather teacher-like? I thought to myself, and Yuigahama herself seemed stunned for a moment.
She blurted out her simple and naive impression. "S-sure… Miss Hiratsuka, you kind of remind me of my mom."
"Gwagh! I-I'm not old enough to be your mother…though…" Instantly, a blow like a blunt weapon struck my heart. Struggling to keep my legs steady, I grinned back at her.
Flustered, Yuigahama continued. "O-oh, n-no! I didn't mean it that way! It's more like…you're…mom-ish? Like a mom, not my mom, specifically. You'll be a good mother, Miss Hiratsuka! If you just get married!"
Wheeze. "Ngh! It hurts all the more because I know you're not trying to…" When confronted with iaijutsu, drawing and attacking in a single motion, the moment right after the strike is when you're most vulnerable. That means that if I hadn't read in Rurouni Kenshin that one must always prepare for the follow-up, I would have failed to react in time and collapsed from the shock just now. But it was okay. She was essentially complimenting me. I could still go on. It's not time to give up just yet! Go, Shizuka!
While I was busy cheerleading myself, Yuigahama spoke up, as if she'd just thought of something. "Oh, I know! Why don't you come to the party, too, Miss Hiratsuka?"
"Hmm. While I appreciate the offer, I'll have to sit this one out. I have another get-together today."
"Are you going to a birthday party, too?"
"N-no, not exactly… I'll die before I tell her I'm going to a matchmaking event." …Let's change the subject before she asks me what kind of get-together it is. "Anyway, should the birthday girl be hanging around here? Aren't they all waiting for you?" "Oh, right! See you later, then!" she chirped.
"See you. Have fun." I watched her dash off and then looked out the window to the sky slowly darkening overhead. "…Agh, I want to get married."
Yukinoshita and I were reading together in the silent clubroom. This was nothing out of the ordinary. What made this different from usual was that for once, we had plans after this.
"Hey, Yukinoshita," I said. "Can we just end club now? Even if we continue, all we'll be doing is reading…"
Firmly fixed on her paperback, Yukinoshita turned a page and replied, "You're right. We'll be celebrating Yuigahama's birthday after this, so we won't be able to engage in any Service Club activities. Do you have any objections?"
"No, no objections. In fact, I feel lucky to get the day off. I'm thrilled Yuigahama was born. Thanks to her, there's no more club today."
"I can't tell if your perspective is too narrow or too broad… You're as shallow as ever." Vexed, Yukinoshita closed her book.
But I was exasperated, too. You just don't get it, Yukinoshita. You don't understand. "Don't be stupid. Being deep isn't necessarily a good thing."
"I was under the impression it was preferable, or am I wrong?" Yukinoshita expressed the very objection I had predicted.
"A deep river has a fast current, your vision can't reach the bottom, and your feet can't, either. So paradoxically, if I am shallow, I am calm, easy to see through, and grounded," I replied with a smug chuckle.
Yukinoshita looked bewildered. "Inexplicably…I've come to understand that you are a great man…"
"Inexplicably…I've come to understand that you're being insincere…" That's odd. I think I'm a pretty solid guy.
But a baffled Yukinoshita was tilting her head. "Huh? But you lack even a single laudable trait."
"Why are you giving me that cute puzzled look? The discrepancy between your expression and your remarks is causing me unnecessary pain," I said.
Yukinoshita spared me no concern. "I apologize. My nature is fundamentally honest."
"That's not what you should be apologizing for. Look. If you ignore how I don't have friends or a girlfriend, I'm basically high caliber," I expounded.
Yukinoshita softly pressed a hand to her brow as if her head hurt. "Generally speaking, those are fatal deficiencies, though… Well, not that it matters. I myself have a few objections with that particular prevailing notion."
"You got that right. To declare 'the more friends and girlfriends the better' is to deny the individual. Among those lauded by the world as the greatest, the most prominent individuals, the geniuses, there are some who have no friends at all. Well, more to the point, you're a genius, ranked top in our grade, capable of anything, and you don't have any friends, either."
"I—I have one…," Yukinoshita protested shyly. She was most likely referring to a mutual acquaintance of ours.
"Yeah, Yuigahama. But you know, I said friends, plural, and that typically implies you have more than one. You don't have friendzuh!"
"You're splitting hairs again…," Yukinoshita said bluntly and with condescension.
That was when the door to the clubroom opened. "Yahallo! Hmm? What're you guys talking about?" That particular idiotic greeting arrived along with Yui Yuigahama.
"Oh, Yuigahama. Oh, Hikigaya was just insisting that he's a great man and refuses to back down."
Yuigahama clapped her hands as she burst into laughter. "Ah-ha-ha! That's rich."
"Don't shoot me down right out of the gate. C'mon, calm down. I'll explain my greatness point by point. First, I've got a decent face, so that's plus one point."
"But you've got a rotten look in your eyes. Minus one," said Yukinoshita.
"Plus, you're tooting your own horn there…" Yuigahama chimed in. The girls were so generous with their subtractions.
"Ngh! W-well… I'm here at a school that'll put me on track for university. Plus one," I retorted.
"There's a possibility you'll repeat the year. Minus one," replied Yukinoshita with indifference.
"Ah…ah-ha…ha. I—I don't think I can talk. I'll leave that one for now." Yuigahama tittered uncomfortably.
W-well, so far my points had been kinda…on the abstract side. Or like, one could contend a lot of it was subjective. But this time, I would come up with points that were both concrete and rock solid. "Then how about this? In the arts category, I'm ranked third in our year in Japanese. Plus one."
"But your grade in math is nine percent, the lowest mark in the year. Minus one," Yukinoshita retorted.
"U-ughhh. Mine is twelve percent… I-I'll leave that one." Yuigahama was nearly crying.
What else, what else… "Nghhhh… A-also…I have a deep and abiding love for my sister?"
"That's just a sister complex," said Yuigahama. Both girls wordlessly told me, Die, pervert.
"Minus two points," announced Yukinoshita.
"Why was that two?! Damn it! Is there anything else…? I—I can't. I can't think of anything…" I tried to scrounge up something else, but there was nothing.
Yukinoshita smiled mercilessly upon me and my troubles. "Are you done already? We have more."
"What…did you say?" She has more dirt on me? Come on, do you have heaven's memo pad or something?
Yukinoshita quietly averted her eyes and muttered softly. "Like…how you actually got Yuigahama a birthday present. Plus one point…or not."
"Huh? Did you say something?" I asked.
"Nothing important. Come on, let's get going. The cake has fruit in it, so it would be best to eat it while it's still fresh." Yukinoshita coolly deflected my question, pushing her chair back.
"Y-yeah…," I replied. Yuigahama and I followed suit and stood.
"Yay! Cake! What kind of fruit is in it, Yukinon? Watermelon?!" she said.
"The first thing that comes to your mind is watermelon? Your cooking skills are terrible as ever," muttered Yukinoshita.
We left the clubroom and trudged down the hallway. When we arrived at the first floor, I remembered the e-mail from my sister. "So
where are we going now? Komachi said she wanted to come, too, so I'd like to invite her." Yukinoshita nodded.
"Why not?" Yuigahama replied. "We're headed to the karaoke place by the station. They're charging a flat rate after five. You know, the 'free time' deal."
"Okay, gotcha. I'll e-mail her, then… 'Free time,' huh? I'm not a fan of that." Unpleasant memories rose unbidden to my mind.
Looking grumpy, Yuigahama asked, "Huh? Why? 'Free' means you can do whatever you want. It's a great thing."
"Freedom is not necessarily an unequivocal good. Freedom means no protection, no shelter," Yukinoshita said.
That seemed rational, so I nodded, too. "That's exactly right. Be it field trips, school-wide outings, swimming classes… I never knew what to do when they said we had free time, and I was constantly stressing over it. I didn't have anything to do when we went to the pool, so I swam about two kilometers."
"That's essentially endurance swimming," Yukinoshita remarked.
Yeah, that was clearly beyond the scope of the class, huh? It was rough…
"Ha-ha-ha!" Yuigahama laughed. "It's easy to deal with field trips and stuff, though. All you have to do is be quiet and reserved and keep three steps behind."
"That sounds like a rather unpleasant yamato nadeshiko…," Yukinoshita replied.
As this pointless conversation continued, we arrived at the school entrance, and abruptly, I detected boisterous laughter from somewhere nearby.
"Fwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hachiman!" …Oh, must have been my imagination.
"But why karaoke?" I asked.
"Ngh? Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh… Hachiman…"
Yuigahama pondered for a moment. "Why? 'Cause people won't get mad at you even if you're supernoisy, and you get all-you-can-drink beverages."
"Ho-mmph… H-Hachiman? Hello?"
"Plus, I hear for birthdays they'll let you bring in the cake," she added.
"You should still ask the staff first, though," Yukinoshita said.
Yes, that cackling was just my imagination after all. Yukinoshita,
Yuigahama, and I continued our conversation. "Huh, but, like…it's Yuigahama's birthday. So why was she the one reserving the karaoke?" I asked.
"…! I-it's not like I had a choice!" Yukinoshita replied. "I don't know how to plan these sorts of events."
"Oh, don't worry about it!" Yuigahama said. "Also, like, you know…I'm just happy people are coming to a party for me, and I'm even happier when I think, like, Oh, Yukinon's relying on me!" "Yuigahama…" Yukinoshita trailed off.
"Eh-heh-heh." The two of them blushed rather shyly and shared a smile.
All of a sudden, a black shadow stomped its way into our group!
"JUST A MOMENT! DON'T LEEEEAVE MEEEE!"
The fierce bellow made both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama cower. By the way, so did I.
"Eek!"
"Waugh!"
"Yaaagh!" I cried. "That scared me! …Oh, it's Zaimokuza. Huh, where'd you come from?" He was there? Really?
"Ga-hum, ga-hum! If you ask from whence I came, first I must needs prove that I exist at all, though?" He cleared his throat in a contrived manner before spouting a bunch of self-important nonsense. What a pain in the butt.
"Oh, that sounds like it'll be exhausting, so forget it… What is it? Do you want something?" I asked.
Zaimokuza folded his arms arrogantly and replied, "Hmph. After our last meeting, I went straight to drafting a premise for my new light novel… I'll permit you to see it if you want."
"Why are you acting like I'm beneath you? And don't give us a plot or an outline or whatever. Bring us a complete draft."
"Hwa-ha-ha-ha! Come now, this time the outline alone is so stunning, you'll be back for more! Come, behold my work!" He shoved a stack of papers at me.
"Right now? Sorry, but we've got things to do. How about later?" I casually rebuffed him.
Suddenly, he gazed off into the distance and began to ramble. "Fleh. Have you heard this tale before? The god of luck, Caerus, has only one lock of hair near his forehead. So you cannot let him slip by you…muh? Hey, Hachiman, if you miss his bangs, why can't you grab his hands or feet or something?"
"I don't know. Don't quote myths you don't really understand… If you're in such a hurry about your story, anyway, go have some message board evaluate it."
"That would be impossible. If one of the other wannabes were to post something like Lulz this guy's writing sux so bad lolol whoever wrote this is a talent vacuum rofl, I would choose death." Zaimokuza meaningfully emphasized the English word wannabe.
"Let's try cultivating some thicker skin before we polish our creative strengths, shall we?" Zaimokuza was so pathetic, I found myself kindly chiding him.
Yukinoshita peered up at me. "Hey, Hikigaya, what's a wannabe?"
"Oh, I'm not completely sure, but I've heard that's what they call people who aspire to be light-novel writers." I'm sure there are various theories on this, but my guess is that it comes from the English I wanna be such and such. But I don't really know.
Yuigahama, who knew no more than I did, made an appreciative noise. "Ohh…I thought it was those animals at the Chiba Zoo." "…There're no wallabies in the Chiba Zoo, though," I said.
"Yuigahama, it's eastern gray kangaroos that they have there," Yukinoshita replied in all seriousness.
Yuigahama's face reddened as she protested. "I—I know what kangaroos are! But, like, you know, there's those tinier ones, aren't there? I got it mixed up with those!"
"…Do you mean meerkats?" Yukinoshita suggested.
"Yeah, that's it! Tsk! I was so close! …Next question, please."
"No, you weren't close, and we're not doing the Trans-Chiba Ultra Quiz, either," I said. Also, you know way too much about the Chiba Zoo. You're weirding me out, seriously.
"Hyagh! Who cares about marsupials or whatever, anyway?!" Zaimokuza thumped his draft as he became more insistent. "I have confidence in this one! Thus far, I have been called a stinking garbage wannabe, but 'tis only a matter of time before they drop a word or two from that title…"
Yukinoshita put a hand to her jaw and gave an appreciative nod. "I see. So from now on they'll simply call you stinking garbage, hmm?"
"Why take out that part…?" I commented. I imagine the correct assumption was that they would drop the "stinking garbage" part and call him a plain wannabe. Wait, you're gonna make them take the nasty parts out and then stick with being a wannabe?
But Zaimokuza's fearless smile was brimming with assurance. "Heh. You'll understand how different this one is soon enough, once you've read it… Hmm? By the way, Hachiman, what is this business you're on today?"
"Huh? Oh, it's Yuigahama's birthday, so we're having a little party."
"What?! The celebration of her nativity?! Is this perhaps what they call a…baasudei in English?!"
"Well, yeah. There was absolutely no need to bust out the English, though."
Trembling like a leaf, Zaimokuza said, "Oh-ho…so the old legend was true… When a certain personage's seventeenth birthday arrives, the Master Swordsman General shall also hasten to give her his blessings."
"You're kinda freaking me out…" Yuigahama swiftly cringed away and retreated behind me, her human shield.
"Old ladies always go wild whenever they hear the word birthday, though, don't they?" I said. "I dunno, Chibanese are just sensitive to the subject of birthdays."
"Is that so? I've never paid them much mind, though." Yukinoshita quizzically cocked her head.
"Well, in elementary schools in Chiba, seating charts are based on your birthday, right?" I replied.
"Ahh! You're right, they were!" Yuigahama spoke up in agreement. "I was surprised when I started high school and we were suddenly in alphabetical order."
"You're right. It seems that determining the order based on date of birth is unusual compared to the rest of the country," said Yukinoshita.
"Indeed so. And 'tis an anomaly that can bring about tragedy…" "Where's this coming from, Zaimokuza?" I asked.
Zaimokuza's know-it-all expression darkened. "…Two days before, everyone said happy birthday to the guy in the seat in front of me. Three days later, they said it to the guy behind me." "Ahh, got it," I said.
"They completely snubbed you, huh?" remarked Yukinoshita.
I guess that kind of thing can happen when your birthday is during the school year. My birthday is in the middle of summer vacation, though, meaning I've never experienced anything similar myself. So I could easily accept his claim. "When you think about it, then, Chiba is a rough prefecture for a loner."
"Ma-hom. Why are you looking at me like this has nothing to do with you, Hachiman?"
"Nobody wants anything to do with him, so everything has nothing to do with him." Yukinoshita grinned broadly.
"Why do you have to smile when you say that? I don't wanna hear it from you. Everything has nothing to do with you, too," I replied.
Yukinoshita swept her hair back with a hand and a generous helping of self-assurance. "Indeed. I don't want anything to do with anyone, either…"
"Huh?" A disappointed Yuigahama gave Yukinoshita a few sharp prods in the back.
"Yuigahama, could you not poke me like that?"
"Hmm…" Yukinoshita's request did not stop Yuigahama, and she continued jabbing at the other girl as if she was grumpy about something.
Unable to bear it, Yukinoshita lightly cleared her throat. "Ahem… I amend my statement. While there are exceptions, I don't want anything to do with most people."
"Yukinon!" Yuigahama leaped upon Yukinoshita.
"You're smothering me…," Yukinoshita muttered in a complex mixture of gladness and annoyance.
Ignoring the pair, I said my farewells to Zaimokuza. "So yeah, Zaimokuza, we've got some stuff going on, so I can't today. Later." We parted with him and set off once more.
But there were footsteps close behind us. "Ahem. What a coincidence. I just so happen to have no plans today…"
"I see. It sure is nice to have nothing going on. Anyway…why are you following us?" I asked, gently implying that he should stop.
Zaimokuza, however, did not get the message. "I am so bored, ah, so very bored! I have naught to do, so mayhap I might go on a quick jaunt before I head home. Whoops, now that I think of it, Hachiman, wh-where are you guys going?"
"The station."
"You don't say! …What a coincidence. I was just about to pass through thereabouts today on my way home. This might perchance be fate… So this is the choice the world has made…"
"…"
His performance was annoying, so I ignored it.
Zaimokuza sank deep into thought, glancing at me from time to time.
Yuigahama, repulsed by our exchange, quietly whispered in my ear. "Hey, Hikki. About the Special Snowflake…"
"'Snowflake'? Is that your nickname for Zaimokuza?" Isn't that kinda mean?
Yuigahama seemed unconcerned, though, and continued. "Yes. Don't you think Snowflake wants to be invited?" "Yeah, I get that, but…" I trailed off.
Yukinoshita shrugged her shoulders. "So you do understand…sigh. But so long as Yuigahama is okay with it, I see no problem with inviting him. I'd rather give up now than have him follow us indefinitely."
"Hmm… I dunno," said Yuigahama.
"If you do invite him, though, you have to take due care of him until the end," commented Yukinoshita.
"Are you my mom or what?" I said. "Hey, Yuigahama. Can we let him come?"
Yuigahama considered it for a bit. "Hmm…well…it's not like I don't know him, and he is your friend, so…okay."
"Thanks. He's not my friend, though."
"H-he's not…?" Yuigahama had this odd expression that was not quite shock and not quite disgust.
Turning my back to her, I spoke to Zaimokuza. "Zaimokuza, why don't you come, too? To Yuigahama's party, I mean."
"Hrrm? Oh, but I am a man driven. My internal deadlines hound my heels, and it is crunch time even now, but…even so, 'twould be rude to refuse such an invitation. Very well, I shall accompany you."
"Damn… I wanna smack this guy…" I have no idea why he puts on that self-important persona. As usual, he talks big, but it's all hollow.
Even Yukinoshita seethed with a hint of murderousness in her eyes. "He's far and away more insufferable than I had imagined…" "W-well, hey, the more the merrier, right?" said Yuigahama.
"No need to force yourself," I told her.
Yuigahama made the best cover-up smile she could. "Ah…ah-ha-haha-ha-ha! Oh, there's Sai-chan!"
"Wh-what?! Did you say Totsuka?! H-hey, Yuigahama…the more the merrier, right? Right?!"
"Huh? Y-yeah, but… Wait, where are you going?!"
I barely heard Yuigahama's question as I dashed away as fast as a certain combat butler, quick enough to set a personal record.
"He sure ran off in a hurry…," commented Yukinoshita.
"Totsukaaa!" I cried out. "T-today is Yuigahama's birthday, a-and we're having a little party, s-so…d-do you…want to c-c-c-come too?!" As my cry echoed in my ears, I somehow sensed that Zaimokuza was wailing behind me.
"Uh. Hannngh? He wasn't doing that with me at all, was he?! Hey, hey, he's acting different now!"
The train station at twilight was hustling and bustling with people and cars. The five of us made our way through the throng.
"Sorry, Totsuka," I apologized. "I feel like I dragged you into this."
"Oh, no, it's okay. I was just thinking about going over to give
Yuigahama a present. And I'm really glad you invited me, you know?"
Totsuka was so cute, I cried delicious tears. Sob, sob, sob. "I'm so happy that Totsuka is coming t—ah! No, no, Totsuka is adorable, but he's a guy. Stay calm; don't be led astray, Hachiman Hikigaya! Stay calm, like a Buddhist monk. Don't give in to temptation. Breathe in, out…in…out… Focus and still your spirit… The way of the Buddha has no need of women… The way of the Buddha has no need of women… Wait, Totsuka's a guy, so that won't work! Asceticism is useless!"
"What kind of nonsense are you muttering to yourself? Here, we're at the karaoke parlor." By the time Yukinoshita's icy admonition had pulled me back to reality, we had arrived at our destination.
Karaoke is one of the foremost pastimes of the high schooler. I mean, there has always been an unbreakable connection between students and music. Choir recitals, for instance. Actually, why do normies get into fights during practice for those? One girl goes like, The boys aren't even trying to sing properly! and bursts into tears, and everyone in the class rushes after her. It's a familiar youthful cliché. But in reality, behind the scenes, they're saying stuff like:
"Anyway, why is A-ko crying all of a sudden? It's hilarious."
"I dunno, it's less funny and more, like, annoying."
"I know, right?! She totally wants to be in charge!"
"But, like…isn't she taking a long time to come back? Should we go get her?"
"Oh man, is this like that thing where everyone goes? Oh my god, we're totally living out our youth, aren't we?"
…That sort of exchange. Gosh, those celebrations of youth sure are magnificent, aren't they? Wonderful!
When the automatic doors parted and we entered the karaoke parlor, a cacophonous deluge washed over us.
"Oh! Bro!" Komachi, who had arrived ahead of us, leaped up from the sofa when she spotted our group and rushed over.
"Oh, Komachi. You got here first, huh?" I said.
"Heya, Komachi," Yuigahama greeted.
"Hello, hello! Thanks so much for inviting me today," Komachi replied.
"I'm glad you're here. Thanks for coming!" said Yuigahama.
"Oh, don't thank me! When I heard it was your birthday, Yui, I just had to come."
While the pair exchanged pleasantries, Yuigahama let out an affectionate sigh. "Aww… You're so sweet, Komachi… It'd sure be fun to have a little sister like you. I wish you could be my sister… Wait.
I—I didn't mean…"
"Y-you jerk! H-how can you say that?!" I demanded. "Komachi is my little sister, and mine alone! I won't give her to anyone!" I'd never, ever give her to anyone.
Yuigahama sighed again, differently from before. "There it is. Hikki's sister complex… Agh…"
"I apologize for my brother…"
"Don't worry about it. It's not your fault, Komachi…"
Ngh, now I'm starting to suspect I did something wrong. I have to retreat for now. "Anyway, we haven't checked in yet, right? I'm gonna go do that." When I started for the counter, I heard voices pipe up behind me, but the background music drowned it out.
"I-I'll come, too," said Yuigahama.
"Hrrm, then I shall join you. Because there is nowhere I belong!" announced Zaimokuza.
"…What a sad reason for a third wheel to butt in…"
Good, good, good. They've got a weirdo tagging along, too, but it looks like Yui is doing her best, and in Komachi terms, that's a relief.
When my brother headed toward the front counter with the others in tow, Yukino came to talk to me. "Thank you for your help the other day, Komachi."
"It was no big deal," I replied. "You asked me to, after all… My brother's always causing you trouble, so I don't mind helping you whenever to make up for it." Well, in Komachi terms, the "help" I was talking about was a different kind of help. Tee-hee.
"What are you talking about?"
As always, Totsuka was too cute for words… He just looks so fascinated, and…ah! Bad Komachi. No. "Oh, nothing much. Yukino, my brother, and I recently went to buy Yui presents together."
"Oh, really? That sounds like fun. I'd like to go out with you guys, too."
"Yeah! …I get the feeling my brother would rather go out with just you, though…ahh! My brother is starting down a strange path… I'm worried…" This was a fairly serious concern of mine. At home, when my brother talked about school, it was mostly about Totsuka. It was so bad he'd practically scheduled a Totsuka Today segment into the regular broadcast schedule.
"I don't quite know what you're talking about, but it seems you are in a difficult situation as well," said Yukinoshita. "I sympathize…"
"Now that it's come to this, everything hinges on you and Yui…" Yukino is the queen of aloofness, but in Komachi terms, I have high hopes for her, you know?
"Me and Yuigahama? …What could be hinging on us? I'm not terribly confident in my ability to deliver corporal punishment."
"I'm sorry. I mean without violence."
"I see. Inflicting mental and emotional distress is my forte."
"Th-the way you said that with a grin is making me uncomfortable…"
The clerk at the front counter rang us up. "The reservation is for Miss Yuigahama, is that right? You're in booth 208. The microphone and touchpad are in the room. When you're out of time, we'll call you on the booth phone."
"Okay! Thank you very much." Yuigahama took the tray with the receipt.
While she occupied herself with that, Zaimokuza spoke to me. "Hey,
Hachiman."
"Hmm? What?" I asked.
"Was that her ladyship, your most honored younger sister?"
"Yeah…" I had a bad feeling about this…
"…I see. By the way, Elder Brother, what might your most honored younger sister's name be? And her age and hobbies, in detail?"
"No way am I telling you. And if you call me 'Elder Brother' again, I'm gonna punch you."
"Hrrm. How cold, Dear Sib."
"You're not allowed to call me that, either!"
We had finally assembled in the karaoke booth after getting beverages from the drink bar. Each of us held our glasses in hand.
In a thoughtful gesture for the rest of us who couldn't manage to start this thing, Totsuka raised his glass high. "Um…a-all right, then. Happy birthday, Yuigahama."
We all toasted along with him, clinking our glasses. "Happy birthday," said Yukinoshita.
"Happy birthday!" added Komachi.
"May you enjoy a felicitous new year."
"Uh, Zaimokuza, while that is a form of congratulations, you don't say it on someone's birthday," I said.
After everyone had offered their congratulatory greeting, the birthday girl raised her hands and replied, "Thank you so much, guys! O-okay, I'm blowing out the candles, now!" Fwooo!
"Yaaay!"
"Wooo!"
After Yuigahama blew out the candles, we had another toast, and for some reason or another clapped. Very birthday-ish.
Then, a brief silence…
"…"
"Huh?! Wh-why's everyone gone quiet?!" Yuigahama said, startled.
"This is kinda awkward somehow, like…we got too excited at a wake or something…" Komachi seemed uneasy.
Yukinoshita and I, however, dealt with the silence calmly. "It's not that," she said. "I'm just unaccustomed to this sort of thing."
"I don't know what people do at birthday parties and after parties and stuff, so I'm lost," I added.
"I agree most profoundly," said Zaimokuza. "Although I am never invited to after parties."
"Me neither, ever since I went that one time," I announced with an utter lack of concern, as if this were incredibly ordinary.
For some reason, this made Zaimokuza burst into noisy, victorious laughter. "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That is nothing! Is being invited once not enough? What a trifling reason to tout yourself as a loner…laughable!"
"What did you say?! It sounds like I have to explain this to you, because you don't understand. I was only invited because the entire class was obligated to participate, all right? You haven't even been to one party, so there's still a possibility you could enjoy yourself at one. I'm one step ahead of you."
"Wh-what?! Ngh, I should have expected nothing less of a pro loner."
"What a tasteless dispute… I'm invited every time, but I've never once accepted. May I propose that I'm the winner here?"
"Erk!" I flinched. "You're so miserably competitive." I don't know what the condition for victory was in that conversation, but Yukinoshita counted herself the winner, apparently.
Sensing we were spoiling the mood, Totsuka interjected, "Come on, this is a birthday party. Let's talk about fun stuff, okay? Right, Yuigahama?"
"Huh? Oh, I'm having a lot of fun, though," Yuigahama asserted. "Nobody's ever thrown me a birthday party before, so I'm pretty happy…" I think she genuinely was. The peaceful smile on her face was exuding joy more and more.
"That's surprising. I thought you were jooshy polly yey 365 days a year," I said.
"What's with the random English? I don't get it. …Wait, is that English?" asked Yuigahama.
"I'm not sure… Didn't Miura and her crowd throw you a party out of pity, at least?" I asked.
Yuigahama adopted a thoughtful pose for a bit. "Hmm. It's not like I never had the opportunity to do something like that. It was just, like, I was always the celebrater rather than the celebratee, and I was usually the one organizing everything, like serving everyone and stuff, and before I knew it, it was over…"
"Oh… Well…sorry, I guess," I apologized reflexively. What a sad story.
Yuigahama awkwardly looked down. "Oh…yeah. It…doesn't really bother me."
"…"
Both of us fell silent.
Komachi broke in with a strained smile. "…And now it feels like we're at a wake again… I can't take this! Let's just drink some cola, Yui!"
"Oh, o-okay!"
"Woo!" Komachi and Yuigahama clinked their glasses to cheer things up.
While they busied themselves with that, I sighed.
"…Haaah."
I really am no good with these kinds of social functions. Part of it is because I don't get invited to after parties or class parties and stuff, so I'm unaccustomed to them. But I also simply have doubts about parties in general. Everything strikes me as an act where everyone raises their voices in unison and pours so much effort into being festive. I bet if all those normies were to stop screaming, they wouldn't be able to take the ensuing anxiety. If they shut up for a minute, they might realize they're dull human beings. And thus, they force themselves to chitchat, move the conversations along, and stage a theatrical show of merriment. It's a display to ward off threats, puffing themselves up to look bigger.
"Haah…"
"Hachiman? What's wrong? You're sighing." Totsuka peered at my face.
"Oh, yeah. It's just, this…like…birthday party? At the end of the day, I don't know what to do."
"U-um…eat food, say cheers, do party tricks, and stuff? And…cut the special cake together?"
"That sounds like a wedding…"
"Ah-ha-ha, you're right. But it's a celebration, all the same, so… Shall we…cut the cake?"
"We'll be just like newlyweds, Saika." Without meaning to, I gave him a pointed stare.
"H-Hachiman…y-you're playing dirty… You can't just suddenly…call me by my first name…"
"Stop! Okay, that's enough! I'll cut it." Yuigahama interposed herself between us, bringing me to my senses.
"…Ah! That was close!" I said. "The mental image of Totsuka in a wedding dress flitted through my mind for a moment there. How strange. I mean, Totsuka is a guy."
"…Uh, that really is strange. And, uh…gross." Yuigahama was super weirded out.
I gave her a soft smile. "Yeah, it's strange. But it's not gross. Totsuka's a guy, so he should wear a tux!"
"You've already decided to marry him?!"
Right then, something banged violently against the wall.
"Whoa, that scared me!" I said. "See, you're being so loud, you made the neighbors angry."
"Oh, sorry. That's weird. It's supposed to be soundproof. Well, whatever," Yuigahama muttered, reaching for the knife we'd borrowed from the karaoke parlor's kitchen. "O-okay, I'm cutting the cake. H-Hikki, will you hold the plate down? U-um, I don't mean anything by, like, how we're doing it together…" The latter half of her sentence disappeared into mumbles, and I couldn't make it out at all.
Are you me when the hairstylist asks what I want, or what? Enunciate. Come on.
"Hey, today's your birthday, so why don't you sit back and relax?
Totsuka and I will cut it. It's okay."
"H-huh? I-I'd feel bad for Sai-chan, though…"
"You're not gonna feel bad for me? Then…Komachi."
"Huh?" said Komachi. "If I cut it at this point, it'd be like…low Komachi points. At home when we're alone together would be fine, though, blush, blush. Oh, and that just now scored major Komachi points."
"…You're so obnoxious. Zaimokuza, then." I attempted to ask him.
"…Uhhhhh." Yuigahama's expression said, No way.
"Hey, that look kinda makes me feel sorry for him," I gently protested, out of pity.
Beside me, Zaimokuza clenched his chest and began groaning. "Hrrngh! The sealed door within me opens! Yes, it was back when I was but a lad completing my military training at a regular elementary school. Mayhap it was a strange twist of fate…but when I volunteered to hand out rations, a single Valkyrie, in tears, refused the curry I served her…"
"See? You stirred up old trauma, and now his character's messed up…," I said.
"Oh, i-it's not like I don't want him to do it. It's just, like…you know…I want him to go wash his hands or something," muttered Yuigahama.
"Heblagh!" It looked like that was the finishing strike for Zaimokuza.
Yukinoshita watched them both with irritation, huffed a short sigh, and took the knife in her hand. "Hmph… I'll take care of the cake. I'm excellent at cutting."
"Yeah, I bet you are. Like cutting people off or making cutting remarks."
"And you're good at being cut off," she retorted.
"Why'd you put that in the passive voice? And that's because, you know…I'm Buddhist. My goal is to become a Buddha through severing ties with the physical realm. I'm way up there, from a Buddhist perspective."
"There you go again with your feeble knowledge of Buddhism… Buddhism is, in essence, a religion that attaches little importance to the indirect ties of pratyaya that you describe. Gautama Buddha, in fact, advocated the existence of pratyaya in the form of hetupratyaya."
"…Here she comes, the great Yukipedia."
"What is that questionable nickname? Well, whatever. More important, I'm cutting the cake, so hold the plate," she said.
"Okay." As ordered, I gently pressed the plate down.
Yuigahama, in a panic, tried to stop us. "H-hey! Hold it! I'm gonna do it after all! I-I can't let you guys cut the cake together…" I couldn't hear most of the latter half of that. Are you like, you know, me when a police officer stops me on my bicycle and checks for a criminal record? Articulate. Come on.
I guess Yukinoshita heard her, though, as she regarded Yuigahama with some curiosity. She didn't comment on whatever it was, though. "Oh? Okay, go ahead."
"Huh? Yay! Yeah, yeah! I'll do it! I'll do it!"
"Hold the plate good and still, Yuigahama," Yukinoshita said.
"You and me?! U-ugh… My feelings are so complicated now."
Yukinoshita swiftly inserted the knife into the cake.
"Those are some damn even sixths," I remarked.
"Not really. It's not so difficult." Yukinoshita stood with poise before a cake divided into perfect, precise slices.
But Yuigahama, who was watching, reacted with some surprise. "Whoa, it's true! Are you blood type A, Yukinon?" she asked.
"What are you basing that on?"
"Well, I mean, you're so methodical."
"She's not methodical," I said. "She's more like a neat freak or a perfectionist or something."
"What nonsense… How is there any relation between blood type and personality?" Yukinoshita, who apparently was not fond of bloodtype personality theory, was producing her characteristic chill.
Totsuka neutralized it with his warm, balmy voice. "Oh, I'm type A, though. I am often picky about details."
"Oh? You'd make a good bride, Totsuka," I said.
"D-don't tease me, Hachiman…" Totsuka blushed a hot red.
Beside him, Yukinoshita turned her frigid energy toward me. "Not that I care, but my impression is that you're treating him very differently from me."
What extreme temperature fluctuations. Does this booth have a desert climate?
The one who ruined the atmosphere was, of course, a professional at such tasks: Zaimokuza. "Hrrm. But blood-type personality theory may not necessarily be untrue. 'Tis a popular belief that AB types have dual personalities, and I find that to be peculiarly fitting. I feel that I, too, could suddenly awaken to my other identity at any time…ngh! Not now! Calm thyself, my right hand!"
"If you're going to play those games of yours, could you do it outside? Anyway, what type are you, Yuigahama?" asked Yukinoshita.
"Me? I'm type O," Yuigahama replied.
Komachi clapped her hands in agreement. "Offhand O, huh?" "What the heck. So is type A affhand?" I asked.
"Oh dear…," said Yukinoshita. "If Yuigahama is type O, blood-type personality theory is starting to sound more believable." "Huh? Hey! Am I really that careless?" Yuigahama asked.
"Yui, it's okay! I'm type O, too," said Komachi.
"What's so okay about that…?" I inquired.
"Huh? I can…give her blood if something happens?" Komachi replied.
Inundated in a wave of offhand, careless remarks, Yukinoshita shuddered. "How accurate… This is becoming more and more plausible…"
"So what type are you, Yukino?" Komachi asked. "You've got to be type A, right?"
Yukinoshita replied readily. "Type B."
"Oh. Well, I believe in blood-type personality theory now," I said.
"Are you trying to suggest something?" she asked.
"Oh, I mean, you're totally my-way-or-the-highway, or, like, selfish, or maybe I'd call it arrogant. Basically, I think it's on the mark." "If that's your reasoning, then you must be type B, too."
"My brother is type A, though." The moment Komachi said it, everyone froze.
"What?" Yukinoshita gawked in disbelief.
"Huh?!" exclaimed Yui.
"Hey, your combined shock is striking me as kinda mean, guys," I said.
"Pffshhht!" Zaimokuza sputtered. "H-Hachiman, you're t-t-type A?! No, no, 'tis preposterous! An irresponsible, unpunctual, uncooperative loner like you, type A?! No matter how you look at it, you are nothing like a farmer. Thank you very much."
"Damn it… I wanna punch you…" I restrained my right fist from connecting with Zaimokuza's jaw as it so desperately wanted to.
A little dismayed, Totsuka commented, "S-sorry, Hachiman… I think…I'm sorta surprised, too."
"T-Totsuka…" Tears unwittingly sprang to my eyes.
"Oh, b-but I'll give you blood if anything bad happens to you!" "T-Totsuka!" A cry of joy unwittingly sprang from my mouth.
Apparently, I wasn't the only jubilant occupant of the room, as happiness played across Yukinoshita's face, too. "What a relief. It's thanks to you that I can again discount all blood-type personality theory."
"Hey," I protested. "You can't say something like that with such a sweet smile on your face. That hurts!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. There is the possibility a complicated family situation led to them lying about your blood type. Perhaps my comment was indeed thoughtless. I apologize."
Yukinoshita had a belligerent way of asking forgiveness.
"You can't say something like that in front of my real sister. I don't know what I'd do if I found out we're not actually blood related." I keep myself in check because we're close kin, but if we weren't, I'd be showering her with loads of love, seriously.
Yuigahama must have sensed that, as she had clearly lost patience and snapped at me. "That's sister-complex level! Or maybe you're just a pervert!"
"Well, in Komachi terms," Komachi butted in, "if we weren't related, it would be okay, though. Oh, I bet that scores high Komachi points."
"In societal term, it's scoring low points!" cried Yuigahama. "You're kinda weird, too! You guys really are brother and sister!"
"Well, my brother and I have different blood types, but we have fairly similar personalities. I guess it's nurture after all."
"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Like how we both like celery, and we're both demanding." Plus, we hate summer and are willing to compromise.
"How do you raise a person to become that…?" asked Yukinoshita. "I'd like to meet your parents sometime…"
"Please do, please do!" Komachi said, cheerful as could be. "Our parents would be moved to tears if they were introduced to you."
Yukinoshita responded with utter bafflement. "Hmm? And why would that be?"
"Huh? Why? Because that'd mean my brother…"
"Hikigaya?"
"…Uhh, nothing… That's so weird. I thought I triggered that flag." Komachi mumbled something unintelligible.
Yuigahama cleared her throat, drowning out Komachi. "Ahem. I-I'd kinda like to meet them. Ah-ha. Or not."
Komachi's eyes promptly sparkled. "Please, please do come over to our place, Yui. It's a done deal, it's a done deal! "
"S-sure!"
Those two sure get along well. But they had neglected one crucial fact. "Give it up. We have a cat. You don't like cats, do you?" "O-oh dear! Th-that's right!" Yuigahama melodramatically yielded.
Totsuka's reaction to the word cat, however, was a far cry from hers. "Oh, your family's cat is so cute, Hachiman!"
"You think?" I replied. "He's cheeky, he smacks the floor with his tail when you call his name, and when you see him at his water dish in the middle of the night, he could seriously pass for some kind of demon. Also, when I come home he goes crazy huffing my stinky feet." No, actually, that's the way cats act toward people they don't care about. Well, I have to admit it's still cute, though.
Totsuka was apparently a cat person, and he disputed my assessment of kitty flaws. "Huh? That's adorable! Yeah… I'd like to pet him again sometime. Could I…come to…your house?"
"S-sure…sometime soon. When my parents aren't home."
"Ngh? Why only then?"
I shouldn't have to explain that, Zaimokuza.
My heart all a-flutter over Totsuka's charm, from the corner of my eye, I saw Yukinoshita fidgeting.
"H-Hikigaya… U-um…I would…also…" "Huh?" I replied. I hadn't quite heard her.
But Yukinoshita shook me off.
"N-never mind. More importantly, the cake's divided, so let's eat."
"Ah. Oh yeah. Komachi, get me a fork."
"Okeydoke!"
Accepting the fork from Komachi, I thought I heard a soft little murmur, accompanied by a sigh.
"…Haah…cats."