Yuigahama had to realize that.
There was a sniffling sound.
"Tobecchi didn't get rejected, Hayato and all the guys are on good terms as far as I can tell, and Hina doesn't have to worry about it, either… Now, tomorrow, things can be like they always were. Maybe we'll just move on, and nothing will change." Her trembling voice kept me from arguing. Her shaking fingertips would not let me move.
Unable to face her head-on, all I could do was stay silent and still.
"But… But…" For an instant, her fingers released their gentle hold on the hem of my blazer, but then she grabbed it again, with more force this time. "…You should…consider people's feelings more," she said, and I could faintly hear her breathing. "…You understand so many things, so why can't you get that?"
I do understand. I know that if things change, you can't go back.
No matter what it becomes, you can't take it back. I could say that for certain.
But my blazer felt really heavy now that Yuigahama was holding it. She wasn't that strong, but the weight was tremendous. Heavy enough to crush me, it felt.
"I hate that," she muttered feebly, and then like a little girl's, her grip slid off.
She took one, two steps away from me.
I couldn't follow her.
I…just looked at the sky.
The pale, shining bamboo forest tunnel was cold and clear enough to freeze me solid.
I couldn't see the moon anymore.
You can see out over the city from the roof of Kyoto Station.
There's a mix of modern buildings with temples and shrines, blended with the bustle of people.
A city can maintain what it's had for a thousand years, but it still changes from day to day.
It's extolled as the imperial city of a millennium, and yet, it changes. They glorify it because it doesn't change. People love it because its fundamental nature, its core, has been preserved faithfully for all this time.
In other words, doesn't that mean that no matter how something might be distorted, its true essence will never change?
So then human personalities won't change, either. They can't change. This is nothing other than evidence that they can't.
But I want to believe that, often, the right thing is to stay the same.
It was the final day of the school field trip. We just had a little bit of time to wait for the Shinkansen. I wasn't window-shopping for souvenirs but waiting here for someone.
I could see her going to the trouble of climbing the long outside stairs. She had whispered in my ear as she'd passed by me on the bus to Kyoto Station.
"Hello, hello~. Did I keep you waiting?" I replied with a shake of my head.
She had shoulder-length black hair and thin-framed red glasses with clear eyes behind them. She was petite in both face and body. She would make for a great picture sitting behind a library counter.
The person who had made this recent request of me, Hina Ebina, was standing there. "I figured I'd say my thanks," she said.
"You don't need to. The issue you came to us about hasn't been resolved," I replied briefly, then turned my gaze back to the city of Kyoto.
But I heard her voice from behind me. "Superficially. But he understood, didn't he?"
"…"
Silence was my only reply.
I saw Ebina as an irregular presence.
She acted bubbly, but she was actually quite canny, and that was exactly what made me want to read into the things she said.
A quiet-looking girl who has no qualms about approaching me sets off my alarm bells. My middle school–era experiences have taught me to habitually try to find the hidden meaning behind the words and actions of girls like this.
Which was why it seemed off to me that she flaunted her slash fangirl side, and when she came to consult with the Service Club, it made me want to speculate as to her true motives.
Her request that we make sure the guys were closer, in other words, meant she wanted the boys distanced from herself, and she wanted to prevent Tobe from confessing his feelings to her.
She'd probably asked not only the Service Club to do this but also Hayama. Which was why Hayama had been so conflicted and halfassed about helping us.
"Thanks for this. You've been a big help." Her cheerful tone made me turn around, and I saw her smiling with seeming relief.
But if she can smile like that, she has to be capable of more, too, I thought, and something I didn't need to say rolled out of my mouth anyway. "…Tobe's a useless piece of trash, but I think he's a good guy."
"It's not going to happen! You get that, right, Hikitani? If I dated anyone now, it wouldn't go well."
"That's not—"
"Sure it is," Ebina interrupted. "Because I'm rotten." Her smile was frozen, and her excuse sounded just like someone else's.
"…Guess that's that, then."
"Yes it is. Nobody can understand, and I don't want them to. That's why I can't have a decent relationship."
Was this ultimately about her hobbies, or about her? Well, it wasn't something for me to ask.
We exchanged little smiles, and then she poked her glasses up. The glare on her lenses hid her expression from me. "But," she added, lifting her face. Her cheeks were a little red, and she wore her usual bright smile. "Maybe things could work out, if I dated you."
"Don't even joke. If you throw around comments like that, I might inadvertently fall for you."
If someone else had been here and heard such a terrible attempt at humor, they would've burst out laughing. Ebina laughed, too, shoulders shaking as if it were the funniest thing. "I kinda like the way you can be honest with people you don't give a damn about." "What a coincidence. I kinda like that about myself, too." "I kinda like the way I can just spout off things I don't mean, too." We both puffed out our chests with gloomy smiles.
"You know, I'm happy with the way I am now and how things are going in my life. It's been a long time since things have been like this, so I don't really want to lose it. I enjoy where I am and who I'm with." Ebina's gaze was pointed far away, toward the bottom of the big stairs. I couldn't see anything there, but she must have been looking at someone.
Ebina descended the stairs one at a time, eyes carefully at her feet as she added, right before she left—
"That's why I hate myself."
In silence, I watched Ebina's small back grow distant.
I looked for the words to say to her, but I couldn't think of anything.
I couldn't praise or blame anyone for small lies they tell themselves.
You care about it, you don't want to lose it—so you hide and play pretend.
That's exactly why you're sure to lose it.
And then, once you have, you mourn it. If you'd only known you were going to lose it, then it'd be better not to have had it in the first place, you think. If letting go makes you feel so much regret, you should have given up on it.
In a changing world, some relationships probably have to change, too. And I'm sure some will end up broken so badly they can't be repaired.
That's why everyone lies.
—But I was the biggest liar of all.
BT Bonus track! The girls will rock you.
This bonus track is a novelization of the script from the limited special edition My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected, Vol. 7, plus drama CD. The script features an episode set immediately after the main story in Volume 6. Please understand that since this is a rewrite, some parts will differ slightly from the drama CD.
Uchiage: a party to celebrate the completion of an event. People say this word constantly, but it never sounds quite right to me. Why use a word that can also mean things firing in the air or waves crashing out of the ocean? The only places that should be happening so frequently are the beaches in Florida or Tanegashima.
As long as you're on this earth, anything that rises high will come back down again; it's the law of nature. Therefore, if you're going to an uchiage party, your feelings are bound to plunge downward, too.
Once upon a time, the Greek hero Icarus aimed high using bird wings made of hardened wax, with courage as his only companion. But as many are aware, he tragically fell and lost his life in the end.
So aiming for the heights brings only death, and trying to fly without knowing your own limits should be called not courage but foolhardiness. That doesn't make you a hero. It makes you an idiot.
A true hero reads the room, fears the room, and so does not participate in uchiage.
From this, let us derive a conclusion: The wise and the brave do not fear loneliness, and the feeling that one must join in on something is what ensures they will not go.
I'm not going. When I say I'm not going, it means I'm not… I swear I'm not gonna go, okay?!
The cultural festival, which had felt much longer than it was, finally ended. However, only regular students could really call it over. As a member of the miscellaneous section of the Cultural Festival Committee, I still had a duty to write a report.
But, like, I still don't really get why it's me who has to write this thing. Well, that's work. When your superiors tell you to do it, you just have to do it, no matter what. It's not about whether you can or can't. You're just gonna…
This task seemed to me to be unreasonable, unjustifiable, and unfair, but finally, I could see the end of it. Occasionally, my own excellence scares me. Pen racing along, I reached the conclusion, finished the whole thing off, and took a break.
"…Right, guess that's it," I muttered, and Yuigahama's head jerked up.
"Oh, Hikki, are you done writing the report for the cultural festival?"
"Yeah, basically. I'll do the rest at home."
Once Yuigahama had confirmed I was done, her gaze shifted over to Yukinoshita. "What about you, Yukinon? Are you done with your career path form?" she asked.
Yukinoshita's pen stopped. It seemed she was. "Yes, I just have to submit it now," she said.
Yuigahama leaped out of her chair and flung both her arms wide. "Okay then, let's go to the after-party!"
"Not happening."
"I'd rather not."
Yukinoshita and I mysteriously synchronized, and then there was a moment of silence as Yuigahama slumped back down into her chair dejectedly. She gave the both of us an anxious, entreating look. "Yyou're really not going?"
"I just said I'm not. If I did, I'd just ruin the mood," I said.
With a bright smile, Yukinoshita said, "That's always the case with you. Perhaps I should use some of the club budget to purchase a mood cleanser."
"Hey, don't say stuff like that, even as a joke. It reminds me of that time in middle school when the girls in my class sprayed me with 8x4." I.e., the deodorant spray. I could never forget that day near the end of spring. It was after gym class, and Suga, who had the seat next to me, slowly— Actually, never mind. This one makes me kinda depressed.
Yuigahama's sensitivity must have picked up on my signals, as she said with pity in her voice, "Ack, that's sad…b-but at least it wasn't Febreze! I often spritz a little when Daddy goes by!"
"That doesn't make me feel any better, and now I feel sorry for your father… Be a little nicer to the poor guy." I was supposed to be the object of sympathy here, but now I was feeling sorry for someone else instead. Good grief, the dads of teenage girls have it rough. They say kids don't understand how their parents feel—and this was a prime example.
Yuigahama stared into space, seemingly lost in thought as she muttered, "Oh yeah… Father…father, huh…? Th-that feels kind of weird…"
I didn't really get what all the mumbling was about, but I would reiterate what was my one clear conclusion: "And so I'm not going. I mean, it's a waste of time for me to go anywhere there's gonna be a crowd."
"A waste of time? No it's not," Yuigahama protested.
But it seemed Yukinoshita shared my opinion. "It's true. If Hikigaya and I were to go, there would be nothing for us to do. Our time would be spent simply being there."
"It'll be okaaay! Come on, I'll be with you!" Yuigahama pressed with a thumb jabbed at herself.
But things would never go that well. "That's half the problem." "Huh?" Yuigahama blinked.
"I'd go because I got invited by someone I get along with, right? But come on, if they're friendly with me, that means they're popular and have lots of friends. They'll be in high demand wherever they go. While they're talking with other people, I'm at loose ends. I'll never fit in with the crowd, so I have nothing to do but focus on eating. That's why I make sure not to go to these events in the first place," I explained.
Yukinoshita added, "Formal parties and ceremonies are social pleasantries and nothing else, which actually makes them less stressful."
"I get the sense you've experienced this personally. It's kinda scaring me…" Yuigahama winced a bit at Yukinoshita's smile.
Ooh, I feel like I just saw the dark side of a wealthy socialite.
Yukinoshita brought us back to the point. "Neither I nor Hikigaya are enthusiastic about this, Yuigahama, but if you can provide a good argument for the merits of going, I believe there is room to consider it."
"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Like not having to use conditioner, or how it's got moisturizer in it, or how foaming it up turns it into a duck."
"Why is that all about shampoo…? And wait, was that last one even shampoo?"
Oh, that last one was mousse, huh? "Anyway, whatever is fine. Just shoot," I said.
Yuigahama put a hand to her mouth, tilting her head. "Hmm… Oh! If we all go together, i-it'll be fun?"
"That's extremely subjective and unpersuasive," Yukinoshita said flatly.
"O-okay, okay, okay then…eating together will make the food better!"
"Dealing with all the people there means you can't even think about the food." This time, I was the one shooting her down.
But Yuigahama wouldn't be discouraged. "Having a great time with your friends…is…h-healthy…"
"I doubt it's healthy to get yourself wound up so late at night." Yukinoshita calmly fired a shot of rationality.
But still, Yuigahama did her best to wring some kind of benefit out of going. "U-um…it's an important opportunity to make memories?"
"Oh yeah. This is that thing where you write it as memories but it's actually pronounced trauma."
It seemed even Yuigahama was out of ideas at that point, as she held her head in her hands, halfway to tears. "Ngh…ahhhhh…h-hold on just a minute! I'm thinking!"
She's still not giving up…?
"All right. Then, Hikigaya, while we're waiting, why don't we have you point out the disadvantages?" Seeing Yuigahama's tenacity, Yukinoshita smiled sweetly and made a malicious suggestion. Well, I went along with it, so that made me a bad guy, too.
"Okay. Well, first of all…it costs money."
"Penny-pincher…," Yuigahama muttered sadly in a low tone.
Meanwhile, Yukinoshita was wearing a cheerful, beaming smile. Aha. I know where this leads.
"Going straight for the financial argument. I'd expect nothing less from you, Hikigaya."
"Yeah. Money management is a vital skill for a househusband after all!" I replied with pride.
Looking exasperated, Yukinoshita said, "I meant that sarcastically…"
"Hikki's already used to that. But it's true; it does cost quite a lot. Even if you're not going to a restaurant, a pot-pa or a tako-pa or curry-pa costs quite a bit." Yuigahama was intoning some kind of spell.
What? What'd she say? I wondered, and I was not the only one.
Yukinoshita was equally baffled. "What? Pa? …Huh? I'm sorry. I don't understand in the slightest what you just said… What language was that?"
"Oh, that was short for hot-pot party, takoyaki party, and curry party."
"How do you have a party with hot pot or curry? Do you put candles on top of curry rice?" I asked. Or do you do toasts with the pot?
Yuigahama answered cheerfully, "We all get together at someone's house, make the food, and eat it!" Is that all…? I wondered.
But Yukinoshita's concern focused on a different point. "Would you be included in the cooking…? Please never invite me to one of those events."
"Don't worry! I'm in charge of drinks!"
"At least you're aware you're a terrible cook," I muttered. Aaand we were quite off topic. "…Anyway, paying money to go to some party or get-together so you can go and be miserable is a crazy idea. I'm serious."
"O-oh…okay… I guess…" Yuigahama started trying to think of something else to say, and Yukinoshita glanced over at me.
"You have more, don't you, Hikigaya?"
"Yep. —Like when you tell yourself, Okay, let's do this, and you try talking to people and end up saying too much."
"Urk." Yuigahama cringed. "Yikes…I get that. If you're thinking I've got to talk, I've got to talk when you're with someone you don't really know, you can end up saying stuff you shouldn't…" "We're slowly convincing her," said Yukinoshita.
And, well, it was a foregone conclusion at this point. "So can I take it that it's unanimous that we're not going?"
"No objections."
"What?!"
Yukinoshita agreed with my statement, and majority rule meant it was determined we would not go.
But Yuigahama still wouldn't give up. She was desperately racking her brain. "Hnnnng, there's got to be something, there's got to be something... Oh! …Being with you…makes me happy." After struggling to come up with something, that was the idea she had finally found.
"…"
"…"
Yukinoshita and I went silent. We were taken aback, even.
Yuigahama must have taken that silence as a rejection, as she sighed
in resignation. "Agh, guess it's no use after all…"
"…Heh. Well, I suppose we'll call that a merit." Yukinoshita smiled softly.
Joy clear on her face, Yuigahama turned back to Yukinoshita. "Huh? Then you'll come with me, Yukinon?"
"Yes, I'll come with you, just for a short while."
Well, if Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were together, there wouldn't be anything to complain about. I'd feel bad if they thought they had to babysit me the whole time just because I was there, so it was best for me to not go. "I'll pass. The way all the others'll see it, I'm basically not invited anyway. Don't worry about me. Go and have fun," I said.
Yuigahama's hands fidgeted on her lap, and she eyed me with some reserve. "I—I am worried, though…"
"…Agh…don't worry about it."
"O-okay…"
At this rate, I was gonna end up stressing over it, so I decided to take my leave quickly and efficiently. "I'm heading out, then. Komachi's probably already made dinner."
"Say hello to her for me," said Yukinoshita.
"Uh-huh. I will."
"Huh? Hey! You're really going?!"
"Yeah. See you." I slid open the door and stepped out into the hallway. It was already pretty late. The school building was sinking into the setting sun.
And this was how the curtain closed at last on my cultural festival. The madness of the event was distant now, and even the lingering heat of excitement had cooled from the school's halls. Only a few words remained in my ears, like the roar of the ocean, lighting a faint glow in my heart. I found myself thinking it wasn't a bad ending to a cultural festival to go home feeling this way.
…My youth romantic comedy really was all wrong, as I expected.
As I was leaving…
"Y-you think I'll let it end here?!"
"You don't know when to give up…"
…I got the feeling I heard something like that.
I got home and opened the front door, then climbed up the stairs to the living room, on the second floor. "I'm baaaack."
"Ohhh? Bro, welcome home!" Noticing me, Komachi poked her face out.
"Komachi, is dinner ready?"
"Huh? Oh yeah… I thought for sure you'd have an after-party or something, so I didn't make anything…"
"Hey, that's not like you. I always come straight back home from everything, choir recitals, graduation ceremonies, whatever. This is no different." I think it'll probably be the same for my coming-of-age ceremony, too.
"Hmm… But you worked so hard on this one, Bro." She sounded unconvinced, somehow.
But I was certain. "And that's exactly why I don't want to go to the after-party. I don't want to be any more tired."
"Hmm, hmm! I guess you could look at it that way. That's very you. Yeah. Oh well. All right, then I wonder what we should do for dinner…" Komachi folded her arms to think, when her phone gave a little tee-da-lee.
"Komachi, your phone is ringing."
"Yeaaah." She grabbed her phone and accepted the call. "Hello, hello, it's Komachi."
"Oh, Komachi? It's me, it's me," I heard faintly through the mouthpiece, but it wasn't clear from what Komachi said after that who it was.
"Oh, hello. Thank you, I'm always grateful for your assistance."
"Are you an office worker?" I was starting to wonder if Komachi would end up being the one to get a job and support me.
But she reacted to me coldly. "Bro, shut up. Komachi's still talking on the phone here. I'm sorry… Oh-ho, oh-ho. Ohhh. Yes, that's right. I understand. Just leave the rest to Komachi~. " There was a beep as she hung up, and then she drifted into thought for a moment. "Hmm, so then first…" She started texting furiously.
"Immediately texting right after a call? You're sure busy."
"It's important to do things before you forget. Okeydoke, and send!"
"Huh… I would appreciate it if you didn't forget your big brother's dinner," I said, and Komachi spun around to face me.
"Oh, about that. Since I didn't make anything, let's go out to eat."
"Huh? We can eat at home. If you want, I can just cook." I was feeling too lazy to go out now, and I wanted to take it easy at home.
But Komachi was stubbornly refusing to give in. "No, no, you worked hard on the committee, Bro. We should go out and have fun. Think of it as a reward or something."
"If that's the deal, then your home cooking would be the better reward for me, Komachi." A remark that was worth a lot of Hachiman points slipped out of my mouth. The sincerity was what gave it such a high score. In Hachiman points.
Komachi staggered dramatically, as if she'd been shot with an arrow through the heart, but then she immediately countered. "B-Bro! Yyou big jerk! Where'd you learn such a high-level technique?! You're already garbage to begin with, so if you learn how to toy with girls' hearts, too, then you really are destined to be one of those guys who leeches off a woman's finances for sexual favors." "What a horrible thing to say…," I muttered.
"Anyway, the decision's been made. We're going out. Let's go!" Komachi took advantage of my moment of weakness after suffering such an enormous blow. As instructed, I ended up going out.
I strolled around the town with Komachi in search of dinner.
"Okeydoke, maybe this area'll be good," she said.
"We ended up just coming back near the school… So, what are we gonna eat? Ramen? Curry?"
"Since it's a special day, let's have something nicer."
As we were tossing easy, meaningless banter back and forth, a figure dramatically stepped toward us. "Oh-ho, I can't ignore that remark."
"Gah! Miss Hiratsuka!"
The beautiful teacher made a particularly cool entrance, but her next remark sort of ruined it. "Ramen is a wonderful food. One might even call it the soul food of the Japanese! You know the old wisdom. Article the first: Softness of menma is to be valued. Article the second: Sincerely revere the three treasures—noodles, broth, and toppings."
"What is this? The Ramen Seventeen Article Constitution?"
And what is this waste of a beautiful woman? Talking to her was so cringey I didn't even want to engage with her, but my little sister dove in headfirst.
"Oh, Miss Hiratsuka, you're late."
"Sorry. I was a little busy dealing with some cultural festival cleanup."
"Komachi invited you here…?" I asked.
"Komaaaachiii!" Someone was running to us from the distance, calling Komachi's name, as a second figure walked toward us slowly.
"Yui! Yukino! Yahallo!" Komachi called out.
"Yahallo!" Yuigahama greeted her cheerfully in turn, while Yukinoshita did so more sedately.
"Good evening."
"Yuigahama and Yukinoshita? You guys didn't go to the after-party?" I asked.
Perfectly nonchalant, Yuigahama replied, "Yeah, we went. We all had a toast and hung out for a while, and then we left early."
"Was it okay you did that?"
"Aw, it's fine! There were tons of people there, and when it comes to these things, you only remember the people who were near you at the very beginning and the very end."
"She frightens me with the things she says sometimes…," Yukinoshita muttered.
Yep. I was thinking it, too, just now. Ooh, she's kind of scary.
"Anyway, more importantly, why are you all here…?" I asked no one in particular in an attempt to figure out the reason behind this gathering, and that was when I heard someone else running up to us. "Hachiman!"
"Totsuka… Why are you here?" Could it be…fate? I was struck with this certainty but turned out to be wrong.
Yuigahama replied easily, "Oh, I ran into Sai-chan, too, so I went and invited him."
"Invited him? To what…? Wait, you were at the after-party, too?" I asked Totsuka.
"Yeah, I figured I would just stay a little while and then leave, so I'm glad she invited me."
"What…did you say…? If I'd known you were there, I'd have gone, too…" Damn it, I wanted to be cheek to cheek with Totsuka on the dance floor, lit by the soft light seeping into the room amid the sounds of the festivities…
Totsuka must have sympathized with my regrets, as his head dipped a bit. "Oh, you meant to go to the after-party, too, Hachiman? Then maybe I should have stayed…"
"No, it's okay. My reason to go isn't there anymore anyway! So what the heck is this get-together…?"
The very moment I wondered this, yet another one burst in.
"Hyah! Master Swordsman General Yoshiteru sallies forth at the appointed time!"
"Give me a sec; I'm trying to ask for an explanation… Hey, why is Zaimokuza here, too? C'mon, who's doing all this inviting?"
And what's more, he was clearly the only one there whom no one had anticipated showing up. There was no way any of the others could have invited him. However, completely ignoring all that is what makes Zaimokuza, Zaimokuza.
"Just who the hell do you think I am?! Wherever you go, I'll be there, Hachiman!"
"Listen, that's creepy. You like me too much. And hey, Komachi, why'd you get all these people together?" I decisively looked away from Zaimokuza to turn the conversation toward Komachi instead.
My sister's reply was as cheery as it could get. "The real after-party starts now, Bro! Let's have some fun to blow all that fatigue away!"
"Uh, I'm the type who wants to take it easy at home when I'm tired, though…" Fun would only make me more tired…, I thought, but I just couldn't get Komachi to understand, and Yuigahama put pressure on me, too.
"C'mon, it'll be nice! We'll call it our own private after-party!" "Eugh…" I made my reluctance clear.
But Yukinoshita, who I'd thought had maintained a similar attitude toward this the whole time, coolly said, "Why don't you give up? I meant to just go along with this briefly and then go home early, but I've already acquiesced…"
"Agh…" I expelled a deep, deep sigh. Whatever the case, once a decision was made, there was nothing I could do about it. So I would meekly play along.
We wandered aimlessly through the bustling crowds, searching for a place to go.
This was when Yuigahama said awkwardly, "Um, what should we do?"
"You didn't think about this…?" I groaned. Why so reckless? Are you Botchan?
It seemed leaving it up to Botchan would get us nowhere, so instead,
Sai-chan suggested, "Maybe we should just go into a restaurant?" Komachi responded to Totsuka's suggestion with a question of her own. "Yeah, but then what would we eat?"
Instantly, Zaimokuza reacted. "Herm. What sort of meat, Hachiman?"
"You've already decided it's gonna be meat?"
"I'll have anything! Beef, pork, chicken, barbecue, horse, white meat, wild boar, venison, mutton, or lamb!"
"You meat maniac. And wait—chicken and white meat are the same thing…"
Actually, the way he casually inserted barbecue into that lineup turned it into a kind of mini-game. Which one of these is not like the others?! The correct one is…me!
I'd assumed Zaimokuza's opinion wouldn't be held in any regard, but surprisingly, the girls were responsive. "Ohhh! Komachi agrees with meat!"
"I'm feeling the meat, too. Meeeat!"
"Yaaay! Meat!" Komachi and Yuigahama were loudly going into total meat mode.
In contrast with the two of them, Yukinoshita was calm.
"I'm…perhaps in the mood for seafood… Like spiny lobster."
"What, you a fan?" Adding it at the end makes you sound particularly passionate about it.
Totsuka followed up with "I'd like to have something with more veggies."
Miss Hiratsuka agreed. "Same here… For the antiaging properties."
"One of you is taking this too seriously… Anyway, we've got zero consensus here." Nobody was making an effort to compromise on anything. It doesn't look like anything's gonna get decided after all. I was thinking like a spectator, when Yukinoshita suddenly looked at me.
"How about you, then? …Isn't there anything you'd like to eat?"
"Oh yeah. I guess I didn't say what I wanted. Nobody ever asks my opinion when I'm in a group, so I forgot to say."
"What a sad tendency… I believe today, at least, you can state your preference." For once, Yukinoshita gave me the freedom to say what I wanted. Oh, I normally do, but it was unusual for her to go to the trouble of asking me for my opinion.
Guess I'll have my say, then. "Okay. Then, some kind of carbs," I requested.
Miss Hiratsuka nodded. "Mm-hmm. Meat, seafood, vegetables, and carbs… If that's the situation, let me think over this a moment." Leave it to an adult to handle all the requests so calmly.
The similarly calm Yukinoshita said, "But if we stay around here, I think we might bump into some of the other classes. It would be nice to find somewhere not too crowded."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I don't want to be stuck in some awkward situation where we're glancing at one another but nobody's making a move."
"Do you have to put it like that…?" Yuigahama replied wearily, but she quickly got over it and folded her arms, trying to think up a place we could go. "Maybe there's some nice restaurant that isn't so wellknown around here somewhere?"
Yuigahama's description must have stuck with Miss Hiratsuka, as she seemed to hit on something. "Now that I think of it, I know someone who's fairly in the know about these things… Wait just a moment. I'm going to make a quick call." She stepped away for a bit to dial someone. "Oh, sorry this is out of the blue. It's me."
Watching her from afar, Totsuka tilted his head. "Someone in the know… I wonder who she means."
"I dunno. But someone familiar with a lot of obscure but good restaurants would have to be someone who parties a lot, so it's probably no one good," I said.
Yuigahama's expression turned sour. "That's pretty narrow-minded of you…"
"Indeed it is. Some people are no good even if they don't party a lot. I won't name names, though." Yukinoshita smiled at me.
Hey, you're making it pretty explicit here. "Come on, don't give me that nice little smile."
Finished her phone call, Miss Hiratsuka returned. "Sorry for the wait. There's a nice place just past the train station—somewhere we can have meat, fish, and veggies. I reserved a table, so let's go," she said.
So we followed after her and came to a shop with the traditional split curtains hanging in front of the entrance.
"Oh, this is it. I'll check our seats," Miss Hiratsuka said, and she pulled open the sliding door with a rattle and went inside.
While we waited for her, we examined the storefront.
Looking at the curtains, Zaimokuza muttered, "Hmm, Yoshie's Okonomiyaki and Monjayaki…"
"From the curtains, I figure someone named Yoshie runs the place." I had nothing else to do, so I did Zaimokuza the favor of conversing with him.
Yuigahama, who seemed equally at loose ends, joined in. "It'd be surprising if someone else ran it, huh?"
During our incredibly trivial conversation, we could hear voices within the restaurant.
"Sorry for taking so long."
"Uh-uh, it's totally fine."
Miss Hiratsuka was discussing something with someone inside—it seemed she was with the person who had found her this restaurant.
Noticing their presence, Totsuka took a little peek into the shop. "Oh, it looks like someone else got here ahead of us." "Then we might as well go in, too," said Yukinoshita.
"Yeah!" Komachi followed her inside.
The rest of us passed through the curtains, and I closed the door behind us. But then, when the person in front stopped, I suddenly pitched forward to keep from slamming into her.
Yukinoshita, in the lead, had screeched to a halt.
Why'd she stop? I wondered, looking ahead, and I discovered an unexpected presence.
Sitting in a seat at the back was Yukinoshita's older sister, Haruno Yukinoshita. She waved a hand, a smile on her face. "Heeey, Yukinochan!"
In contrast with Haruno's cheer, the younger Yukinoshita was icecold. "…Why are you here?"
"Shizuka-chan invited me. Tee-hee." Haruno giggled innocently, but Yukinoshita's glacial stare didn't waver at all.
"…"
"D-don't give me that nasty look. That hurts, geez. It's a special day, so can't we be good sisters just for today, at least?"
"Just for today, hmm?" Yukinoshita glared straight at Haruno.
"Yes, for one day." Haruno was smiling, but her eyes were locked on her sister's. The tension between them did not abate.
"Well, fine…" Yukinoshita blew out a breath, and then finally, things relaxed enough that we could have a normal conversation.
Do that at home, guys, okay?
It seemed Yukinoshita was on board now, as she walked to the back of the restaurant, and we followed after her.
Haruno waved casually at the rest of us coming up behind her. Yuigahama noticed her and called out. "Oh, Haruno!"
"Gahama-chan! Yahallo!"
When Haruno beat her to her own greeting, Yuigahama replied with some confusion and a little distate. "Y-yahallo, Miss Haruno." "Are you trying to be polite…?" I muttered.
When I followed in after Yuigahama, Haruno raised a hand to greet me, too. "And yahallo to you, too, Hikigaya!"
"Hey," I replied with a casual bow, and then Komachi pushed me aside to come forward. She's weirdly into this…
"I think this is the first I've spoken with you properly! Thank you so much for always dealing with my brother. I'm his sister, Komachi. And this is Totsuka and Snowflake."
"Oh, my, my, thank you for always being a good friend to Yukinochan. I'm her sister, Haruno." She bowed politely after Komachi briefly introduced Totsuka and Zaimokuza. Well, I'm not sure if that counted as an introduction for Zaimokuza.
"H-hello…" Totsuka greeted her a little nervously.
Haruno replied kindly, "Oh, hello. Be good to Yukino-chan, okay?"
And then, having waited until the time was ripe, Zaimokuza took the stage. "Burrraaah! I believe this is the first I've laid eyes upon thee! I am Yoshiteru Zaimokuza, master swordsman general! Prostrate thyself before me!"
Agh, there he goes…, I thought.
But Haruno just laughed. "Ah-ha! What a unique character! You're funny! I think I'll have a good time talking to you."
…For real? The way she handled him left me speechless.
And Zaimokuza was ecstatic. "H-herm-herm! 'T-tis an honor and a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"
Watching Zaimokuza's meaningless salute to Haruno, I said to Yukinoshita, beside me, "Your sister's social mask really is perfect… I couldn't never manage Zaimokuza like that."
"Oh, indeed. She is impressive, if I may say so of my own sister."
I couldn't figure out if she was being ironic when she said that or not.
A very wound-up Zaimokuza zoomed loudly toward us, rambling at warp speed. "H-H-H-H-H-Hachiman! Ye gods! Finally, an angel has descended upon such a hopeless man as me! Right?! That meant this is it, right?!"
"Hold on and calm down, Zaimokuza. Listen, if you translate what she said into modern Japanese, it means…You're weird and gross. Talking to you is the most I can handle, and any more than that is a whole lotta nope. So gross." I gave him my calm analysis.
This seemed to cool his head, and he started to accept reality. "What? What a most perfect translation! 'Tis as if you had the very seal of Solomon! Is that your Solomon Style?"
"Naw, it's not a special power or anything. It's just one of those things people like you and me used to misunderstand in middle school. Figure it out already."
While I was admonishing Zaimokuza, Komachi stepped forward. "But anyway, Haruno, you're really pretty! No surprises there, since you're Yukino's sister… Oh! A new bride candidate! Not bad, Bro!" "Not bad what?" I asked.
Komachi gave me a cheek-splitting grin. "Komachi just keeps getting more and more big-sister candidates! Aside from the ones here, there's, like, um…Taishi's sister Kawa…Kawaa…Kawa-something, too."
"You should remember her name…"
Remember, um, Kawa…Kawabata, at least.
Komachi swiftly forgot about Kawa-something and hopped over to Haruno. "Anyway, for Komachi, having more big-sister candidates is a great thing! I'd love to call you my big sister, Haruno!"
"This girl is so funny, huh, Hikigaya? A second little sister, huh? Awww~. You're sooo cuuute, Komachi-chan! I'll take you home with me~. " When Komachi approached, Haruno petted her head and wrapped her in a tight hug.
In her arms, Komachi was on her way up to the heavens. "Oof, so soft and happy…"
"All right, could you please get your hands off my sister?" As her big brother, I had to firmly and resolutely take my sister back now.
When I went to pull them apart, Haruno smiled mischievously, looking into my eyes. "Whoops… So am I allowed to put my hands on you, Hikigaya?"
I was startled—but I wasn't about to let something like that rattle me now. I made an effort to keep calm. "Depends on how you do it. If you mean like punching or kicking, I'll have to say no—Miss Hiratsuka is the only one allowed to hit me."
"So he's resigned himself to it…," Yukinoshita said with exasperation, and Haruno gave a lamenting sigh.
"Oh, that's the sort of contrarian remark I expected. I'm impressed."
I wouldn't say speak of the devil, but right then, Miss Hiratsuka came walking up from the back of the restaurant.
"Oh, have you all said hello to Haruno? I've spoken to the management, and they're letting us take the table in the back, so go have a blast. And we start with a toast. Take your seats."
It seemed she'd gone to find us some group seating. There's someone you can count on. Still wish she didn't punch me.
When we were all in our seats, Miss Hiratsuka picked up a glass. At that signal, the rest of us raised our glasses, too. Turning around to sweep her eyes over everyone, Miss Hiratsuka led the toast. "All right. To a successful festival!"
"Cheers!"
We all drained our glasses.
The main dish here was monjayaki. Well, there was no main anything, really; it started with the climax.
Monjayaki.
Given it's fairly inexpensive, you can eat it for a good while, and you can also enjoy adding a variety of different toppings to suit your own taste, so high school kids tend to go for it…I think. I don't really know what high school kids like.
It's extremely simple to make. First, you fry up the toppings and then use them to make a donut shape. In the biz, we call 'em "nuts." So you pour the batter right in the middle, and then once it starts bubbling, you mix it all up and wait awhile. I can't say it looks pretty, but it tastes a lot better than it looks.
There are many things to be learned from monjayaki.
For example, how you shouldn't judge people based on appearances,
and how you can't judge light novels based on their titles, and…nothing else in particular, nope.
As I was lost in thought, a savory scent wafted toward me. Glancing at the flat grill, I saw the monjayaki was about done.
Haruno noticed, too, and said, "It's looking pretty good now."
"Oh yeah. Well then, let's dig in," said Miss Hiratsuka, and on that cue, we all took up our spatulas and started eating.
Shocked, Yuigahama yelped, "What the heck?! This is good! Oh my god! It's way better than it looks!"
"Hey, don't talk about how it looks. If I look too hard at it, I won't want to eat it anymore," I said, a little irked.
Haruno's sharp ears picked this up, and she leaned over toward me.
"Oh my, Hikigaya. It doesn't look like you've eaten much. Oh well. Big Sister will help you. All right, say ah." Beside me, she gently held out her spatula. Her body pressed up close to me.
I twisted around in the small space in an attempt to avoid it. "Uh, um, I'm fine eating at my own pace."
"Come on now, go ahead! You worked so hard, Hikigaya, so I think I can do this much for you. Here, Hikigaya. Say ahhh."
Even though I refused and refused her, this woman just kept pushing. She feels soft and smells nice, and I can't— Ah, hey! Don't touch my thigh…hngh.
As I started to doubt whether I could take much more of this, a voice cold like ice water poured over us. "Haruno. Nothing good will come of spoiling him, so stop it."
"Y-yeah. U-um, that kinda stuff is, uh, um…," Yuigahama added, somewhat flustered.
With the two girls both telling her off, Haruno lowered her hand, blinked, and gave a mean smile. "Oh my, so you're joining in, too,
Gahama-chan? Oh-ho…this is getting kinda fun."
One other person at the table wore a similar smile. "Oh-ho indeed!
I'd agree this is a pretty interesting development, in Komachi terms."
"I don't get that feeling at all, though," I said. "Things are just getting awkward."
Haruno and Komachi might be a dangerous combination. Put the two together, and they're Twenty Million Powers. But mixing black and black only gets you more black… It's just like Gin said, really…
"But does this count as a party? We're simply eating monja." I asked the question that had struck me as I ate my food.
Yuigahama's expression turned uncertain. "Huh? I—I dunno…" You don't know, either…?
Yukinoshita put her hand to her jaw and tilted her head. "What should we do, specifically?"
At times like these, the thing to do is bring up other specific examples. And then based on those, you come up with an approximation to help you grasp the overall picture. With this thought in mind, I decided to ask about the most recent party-like event, the one to celebrate the cultural festival.
"What did you do for the after-party?" I asked.
Yuigahama stared into thin air with a cute little noise and thought back. "Huh? Well, like, we had it at a live music venue…and we all just kinda partied and had fun?"
"That explanation functionally tells us nothing." With absolutely no concrete details, I was still in the dark. So I was forced to ask someone else who'd gone.
When I glanced at Yukinoshita, she said, "Some people who performed during the cultural festival were onstage." "There was also a DJ, and people were dancing," Totsuka added as well.
Oh, dancing. "Hmph, good thing I didn't go…"
Haruno nodded with big-sister-like composure as she listened to the others describe the party. "Yes, yes, that's nice and healthy. Once you're an adult, after-parties are all about drinking."
"Is that right?" I couldn't really imagine that, so I looked at Miss Hiratsuka, our resident adult.
"Yeah. You go around saying hello to everyone, pouring drinks as you go, and if someone's glass is empty, you quietly order an extra drink."
"Whoa, that sounds exhausting." Yuigahama put in a lot of effort in the realm of social consideration, so she was a little boggled. For me, that would be totally impossible. I'd probably just end up causing trouble for my coworkers, so it'd be best if I didn't get a job. I'm sure unemployment can be its own form of kindness.
Yuigahama's remark made Miss Hiratsuka smile. "Hey, it's not all bad. There are bingo tournaments and Secret Santas, too."
"Bingo!" For some reason, Zaimokuza reacted to that word. Not in any meaningful way.
"Just mentioning that part makes it seem pretty fun~," commented Haruno.
"I think I wouldn't mind joining in if there were prizes!" Komachi reacted, too.
Hey, that's, like, material greed, isn't it?
But Miss Hiratsuka ignored their excitement with a soft little sigh.
"But when you're the one who has to run it, it's hell…"
"Huh?" I replied instinctively. Her phrasing had unsettled me.
But Miss Hiratsuka didn't continue immediately. She raised a hand to call the server. "Oh, a whiskey and soda, please." Then she downed it all in one go and started talking. "First of all, underlings have to handle the reception and cloakroom. You deal with guest after guest while they're all pouring in. If you're bad at it, the flow bottlenecks in front of the counter, and that puts a hell of a lot of pressure on you. And then, right as you start to think you've survived and maybe you can relax, you have to spend the party time watching people's stuff so it doesn't get stolen. Some people will leave partway. And then by the time you're freed from cloakroom duty, the party is already in full swing, jazz, and blues. Oh, another whiskey and soda, please." "Y-you're drinking really fast…" Totsuka was scared (how cute).
Unbothered by his fear, Miss Hiratsuka gulped down her new drink and set down the glass. "And what's more…"
"There's more…?" We've already heard some pretty awful stuff…
Maybe it was the booze, but Miss Hiratsuka had no intention of stopping. "Of course, you have to deal with the guests' bags and coats when they leave, too. And that's when all kinds of issues crop up—like their bags go missing, or they never checked them in, and then you think it's over, and then you're running over to reserve a spot for the after-party, and on top of that, you have to catch a taxi for the bosses to take home, and just when you think everyone's finally gone, you're left holding on to some lost item whose owner never shows up… Oh, sorry, another whiskey and soda." Miss Hiratsuka was downing her drinks at an impressive pace.
Haruno chided her. "Shizuka-chan, you're drinking too much, okay?"
"That was all just complaints…" Yukinoshita looked rather tired and exasperated after being subjected to all that.
But her hard-heartedness stirred some sympathy in me for Miss Hiratsuka. "Hey, let her complain, at least. I'm sure she can never say this stuff normally."
"Oh, you're surprisingly understanding about this," our teacher said.
Hey, I was a slave to the system on the Cultural Festival Committee. I understand a thing or two.
I'm sure she was dying to do some grumbling at times like these. Generally, if you complain, people always tell you you're not the only one having a hard time. Why do I have to have a hard time just because everyone else is? What's the causal relationship here?
Miss Hiratsuka smoked a cigarette as she continued listlessly.
"Agh…you kids have tomorrow off, but I have work, you know…"
"Aren't you sulking a little too much…?" I gave her a mildly exasperated look, but when her eyes met with mine, she suddenly became energetic.
"All right then, let's do it."
"Do what?"
"The top three remarks I can't stand hearing from bosses and superiors!" She was winding herself up and up even though the rest of us were not, and I was not going to encourage her.
"We're not doing that. We are not doing that." I don't wanna do such a sad segment… It'll make me even more averse to getting a job…
I doubted anyone wanted to do it, but she was really excited about it.
"Well then, in third place…"
"So you're going to do it whether we want you to or not…" Yukinoshita shivered, and Miss Hiratsuka poised to make her announcement.
"In third place! If you're not taking notes, that means you got everything, right?"
Her delivery, obviously an imitation of someone, landed a critical hit in Yuigahama's memory. "Oh… They said that to me at a part-time job…"
"Now that I think of it, they told me that at my part-time job, too. And when I did it perfectly, it just made them even grumpier…," I muttered.
As the mood at the table got darker and darker, Miss Hiratsuka blew away our gloom with her excited presentation of number two. "In second place! I've got something to talk to you about tomorrow, so please make time for that."
As we listened, the scene grew even grimmer.
"The polite way of putting it actually makes it scarier…," said Totsuka.
"That would bother me so much, I wouldn't be able to work all day…," said Yuigahama.
Even Yukinoshita agreed. "And they indicate a specific time, but they don't tell you what it's about…" All three of them stared down at a corner of the flat grill.
Perhaps concerned for the futures of these young people, Miss Hiratsuka gave a classroom-style explanation. "That one is pretty rough, so watch out. You'll spend all night wondering if you should skip work the next day. Agh, seriously, what am I gonna do tomorrow…?"
"They just told you that today, huh…?" Komachi gave the thirtyish teacher a look of pity.
Unable to take it anymore, Yuigahama cried out, "Not allowed! No real stuff allowed! It'll make me too sad!"
"Ha-ha-ha! That sort of thing is no big deal. Now, what you've all been waiting for: number one!" Miss Hiratsuka laughed it off bravely, but this was too much for me.
"There's something even worse…? Enough… This hurts…"
"Nobody's waiting for it…" Just as Yukinoshita said, nobody wanted to hear this—or rather, I think hearing it might ensure that all of us would never want to enter the workforce, ever.
But there was no sign Miss Hiratsuka was stopping.
"In first place: 'I told you if there's anything you don't understand, then ask, right?'
"'Come on, I wanted you to think over this much on your own, at least…'
"'Hey, why did you just do it without consulting me?' in an endless loop."
Instantly, those three lines spun around in my head like an ouroboros. "No matter what you do, you're screwed… Is this a bug in the world or what?"
"The ultimate triple threat, from which there is no escape! So this is the Tenchi-matou! Defense, Attack, and Magic all in one stance!" Zaimokuza gulped, wiping sweat off his brow. That three-stage attack was bound to take down half of all fresh employees.
As the revelation crushed our spirits, the one person who looked unaffected, Haruno, grinned. "Well, the world is an unreasonable place, so there's no helping it."
"I don't wanna get a job…," I moaned.
We'd been forced to witness the ugly side of society. A murky cloud hung over us.
In attempt to cheer things up, Haruno suddenly suggested an idea. "Now it's all gloomy. We should play a game!" "Yeah!" Komachi quickly got on board.
But somehow, I didn't have a very good feeling about this… "Not these two together…," I muttered, but it seemed nobody else realized the danger they posed.
Totsuka tilted his head in a pure expression of curiosity. "What sort of game would we play?"
"Oh, that's a good question." Haruno pointed at him.
Then Miss Hiratsuka, now finally calm, joined in on the conversation. "Well, the standard is the king's game, I figure."
"That's something a middle-aged man would pick." Yuigahama offered her artless impression.
This silenced Miss Hiratsuka once again. "Hngh…"
In the corner of my eye, I could see Zaimokuza trembling. "Th-the king's game, with girls… The dream situation... D-d-d-d-do you want me to bring you support from a sponsor? Bandai, the company that brings good times!"
"Calm down. Bandai isn't a sponsor."
In fact, we're actually recruiting sponsors. There's still time!
Someone else at the table reacted to the term king's game. She quietly straightened her posture, turning a piercing gaze toward us.
"The king's game… If we're competing for a throne, I must win. Might I ask the rules?"
"Hey, it's not like that at all!" Yuigahama cried out in shock.
Miss Hiratsuka, now revived, folded her arms with an mm-hmm. "I should explain. In the king's game, we draw straws to decide on a king, and that person can give any order. We call out, Who's the king? , and we all draw at once. You got that? It's Who's the king? Okay?"
"She's way too into this…"
"It's cute how she's so excited about the Who's the king? bit…," I said.
After learning the rules, Komachi's eyes sparkled. "You can order anything… That sounds amazing!"
Seriously, my little sister is such a scheming— Wait. "Ah! If we can order anything, then Totsuka…"
"Chance!" Zaimokuza was on the same wavelength as me. I didn't even finish my sentence, but he understood, which means Totsuka's cuteness is universally appreciated, right?
Totsuka, now a being on par with an international super-idol, seemed scared of this game. This only increased his cuteness factor by 40 percent. "It's a little bit scary, if it's anything."
"True… I'm sure certain people among us would give nasty orders." Yukinoshita glowered in my direction.
"Hey, you," I said. "Could you quit it with the glaring?"
Since some opposing opinions had been presented, Haruno suggested something else. "Okay, so instead of the king's game, then, let's do the Yamanote Line game."
"Oh. I'm fine with that," Yuigahama agreed.
But as a resident of Chiba, I didn't really know the Yamanote Line game. "I don't ride the Yamanote Line much, so I wouldn't know it." "So then the Sobu Line game. It doesn't matter what you call it. You all know the rules?"
It doesn't matter what you call it…?
Haruno scanned the crowd to confirm, and Yukinoshita belligerently replied, "No problems here."
Making sure everyone else was okay with it, too, Miss Hiratsuka
leaned forward. "All right then, let's get started. The call for this is Sobu Line game, yaaay! "
"She's got it bad for this. It's kinda cute…," I muttered. I could almost get into her super-excited, nearly giddy mood, which was freaking me out.
Still as cheery as could be, Miss Hiratsuka called out, "Sobu Line game! "
"Yaaay!" Everyone called out in response.
She followed up with "Who's the Sobu Line?!"
"Is this how this game goes?!" Surprised, Yuigahama did a double take.
"Oh. Me."
"Herm, and I am a user of the Sobu Line."
"And you guys are gonna keep going, too?!"
Wait, this isn't how the game goes…? Am I wrong? Yuigahama?
"This is different from the king's game from earlier, isn't it?" Yukinoshita muttered, folding her arms with a hmm.
Yes, this is different from the game we were just discussing, isn't it?
Looking over the crowd of people who, including me, didn't know the rules at all, Haruno gave a wry smile. "Looks like I have to actually explain the rules… Well then, my lovely assistant: Please tell them."
Assistant? Who? I thought, and Komachi's hand shot up.
"Heya, I'm your lovely assistant Komachi! All righty, I will now explain the rules of the Sobu Line game. Basically, you request something, and then everyone answers in rhythm!"
"That's way too basic… You could turn that into a programming language."
But Komachi didn't care and continued her sloppy explanation. "It's like the everywhere anytime game, but, like, you know. So anyway, let's get started~!"
"First, we have to decide on a subject," Haruno said.
Totsuka considered with a hmm. "It's hard to think up something out of the blue…"
Seeing his hesitation, Miss Hiratsuka said, "When you're playing this game at parties or group dates, it's typical to pick a theme that can provide a foundation for conversation after the game. You should remember that."
Komachi nodded, impressed. "Ohhh, is that right? The more you know!"
"Though I get the feeling Miss Hiratsuka's not capitalizing on that at all. That's sad…" Why does she understand so much and yet still can't get married…? I could almost shed a tear for her.
Ignoring me, Yukinoshita tilted her head. "But what sort of topic would stimulate conversation?"
"If you go with your hobby or favorite foods as a theme, you'll have more things to talk about afterward. Like, Oh, so your hobby is fishing; I'd like to go, too. Something like that."
Miss Hiratsuka's example answer made Yuigahama's eyes sparkle. "You're right! Wow! You're a super-natural!"
"It's sad you're so shrewd about it, and you still can't get results…" Why can't she get married if she can do all that…?
"All right then, let's make the subject hobbies."
"Let's give it a shot!"
Haruno picked a subject from the examples Miss Hiratsuka had given, and Komachi gave the start signal.
And of course, the one to lead the game was Miss Hiratsuka herself. "Sobu Line game! "
"Yaaay!" everyone replied.
Then Miss Hiratsuka announced the topic, and I could almost hear the whee in her voice. "Everywhere, anytime, a hobby you're really into right now~."
First came Komachi. "Karaoke!"
We clapped to the beat, and Yuigahama followed. "You beat me to it! Um, cooking!"
Huh? Really? I thought as we moved on to Yukinoshita.
"Horseback riding."
Singing, horseback riding… She's got a wide range of interests.
After that was Totsuka's turn. "Tennis!"
And my racket and ball, too… was something I did not have the time to say, as there was another clap on the beat, and then it was Zaimokuza.
"Herm, writing my draft."
I see; so that's his hobby… Well, never mind him.
Next was Miss Hiratsuka's turn. "Going for drives." Ohhh, I can see her with a cool hobby like that.
And next was Haruno. Following the clap, she went along with the rhythm to announce her interest. "Travel."
Huh, sounds like university students have some spare time on their hands, I thought, and then there was a clap, and all eyes gathered on me.
"Huh? My hobby…? P-people-watching…?"
"…"
The Huh? What's that supposed to mean? silence was rather painful.
"You're out, Hikigaya," Miss Hiratsuka declared.
"Huh? Hey, wait. People-watching is a legit hobby!" I attempted to argue, but the reaction from the others wasn't favorable.
"That basically means you don't do anything, doesn't it…?" Yuigahama said.
Yukinoshita added, "In your case, that's less a hobby and more of a behavioral pattern, isn't it? It's the kind of creature you are, isn't it?"
"Don't talk about a person like they're a wild animal. I mean, if I'm out, then Yuigahama's out, too! Cooking is not your hobby!" I said.
Yuigahama was quite indignant. "Rude! I love watching people cook!"
"Watching people cook? That's novel…," commented Yukinoshita.
Ignoring Yuigahama's groundbreaking choice of hobbies, Haruno gave a somewhat mocking smile. "I really don't know about calling people-watching a hobby… At the very least, I've never heard it in my sphere."
"Of course not. Anyone who says people-watching is their hobby generally doesn't have friends. It's on a higher level, so to speak, permitted only to the chosen ones," I announced with pride.
Yukinoshita put her hand to her temple and said with exasperation,
"That's just a bad habit."
Huh? I-is people-watching…bad?
As I was busy being rather shocked, Komachi chided me. "Bro, if you're gonna overcome lonerdom, you should get a proper hobby."
"It's fine. I have no plans to overcome my lonerdom anyway, and I don't even want to. I mean, there's something wrong with the idea that it's unpleasant to be alone."
"Here he goes again…," groaned Yuigahama, sounding suddenly tired.
"What you're saying is not at all incorrect, but you're the wrong person to say it," said Yukinoshita in a similar tone. They both seemed ready to resign themselves to their fate.
Don't give up, guys!
Haruno clapped her hands. "Oh, but speaking as an older sister, I think it's good to have a hobby, you know?"
Miss Hiratsuka gave an appreciative hmm. "Haruno, you always say things that sound so reasonable on the surface."
"Shizuka-chan, that's a horrible way to put it!"
"It's the truth." Yukinoshita added another blow, and Haruno puffed up her cheeks in a pout.
"And you're being mean, too, Yukino-chan! But I really am concerned about Hikigaya!"
"You? Concerned? Please make your jokes at least somewhat believable."
"I'm serious! I mean, he's going to be living a lonely life all by himself, right? So I think he should at least have a hobby to throw himself into."
"Hey, that was super-nasty," I said. "That was about three times worse than you, Yukinoshita. Is no one gonna do anything about this?" Why do these sisters wound me so much?
As I searched for comfort, I found the angel for my ears, oh, Totsuka. His voice had reached me. "But it's fun to hang out together with someone who shares your hobbies, huh?"
"Okay, everyone, hurry up and think up a hobby for me. Chop-chop, what if you don't make it in time?"
"Why are you suddenly acting all bossy…?" Yuigahama huffed at me.
But of course I would get bossy about it. I mean, if I could acquire a hobby to have in common with Totsuka, I'd have half the world, you know?
Everyone seemed to be trying to think up a hobby for me, folding their arms and tilting their heads and going hmm. They're all such good people…
The first one to arrive at an answer was Yukinoshita. "The safe answer would be reading, wouldn't it?"
But Yuigahama's reply was merciless. "Huh? That's kinda dull."
"…Is it dull? …I… I find it fun, though." Yukinoshita sounded a little hurt, a heavy air hanging around her.
Picking up on this, Yuigahama swiftly backpedaled. "Ack! I-I'm sorry! With you, Yukinon, it works, so it's totally okay!"
"Oh-ho…Yukino-chan got upset. Wow, Gahama-chan," Haruno marveled.
"Wait, so it's unacceptably boring if I read…?" If you think about it, that just hurts me indirectly…
"But it's true more active hobbies have a healthier image," said Komachi.
Zaimokuza crossed his arms and put on an arrogant attitude. "Herm, so then what about sabage?"
"Saba…ge? …Saba?" Yukinoshita tilted her head at the unfamiliar term.
"It means survival games, Yukinoshita. Basically, intense play fights with airsoft guns," Miss Hiratsuka explained.
Yukinoshita smiled at me with understanding. "I see… I think that might be perfect for you, Hikigaya. You would have an aptitude for sniping from blind spots and things of that nature." "Hey, don't act so happy about mocking my invisibility."
"Yukino-chan, you can't say things like that," said Haruno.