The bell rang, announcing lunch break.
When we did endurance runs in gym class, once you were done, you were allowed to go straight to break. That meant that even after the time spent getting changed, I easily made it in first at the school store.
I picked out some random snack breads, and while I was at it, I headed to my usual spot for eating lunch. At this time of year, the cold made eating outside a bit of a trial, but the heated classroom was full of people, and there was no place for me there. Actually, when I'd looked just the other day, during lunch break, there'd been convenience store plastic bags on my seat. If I sat in the communal garbage dump, I would be a nuisance for everyone!
And so out of such thoughtfulness, I chose my standard location, the first floor of the special-use building. I took a seat on the stairs beside the health room, diagonally behind the school store. From there, I could look out over the tennis court.
A regular, rhythmic plunking sounded out in the clear winter air. It seemed the tennis club was using lunch break to practice. There must have been an upcoming tournament—I'd thought Totsuka had been the only one practicing at lunch up until now, but there were others with him today.
Watching their session, I brought my snack to my mouth to munch, and Totsuka noticed my presence. He gave a word to the other club members practicing with him, then came over to me with something in his hands.
"Hey," I called to him.
Totsuka raised his hand back bashfully. "Yeah, hey."
"You don't need to practice?"
"Oh, it's okay. I just decided to eat," he said, lifting up a little lunch box in his hands to show me.
But now it's like I've interrupted his practice, and I feel bad… I never thought he'd come all the way to eat with me… Yikes, I feel like we'll move right on up to the next stage here. At this rate, it's only a matter of time before we arrive at the Love Stage!!
I raised slightly off my seat to shift to the side, and Totsuka said a reserved "Thanks" and sat down beside me.
…Fwa-ha-ha! By using the high-level technique of taking the initiative and opening a space for him like this, I'm directing where he sits!
Watching out of the corner of my eye as Totsuka started laying out his little lunch box, I looked over to the tennis court to see the other club members had also begun their lunch break. "The other guys have started practicing at lunch, too, huh?"
"Yeah, there's a newcomers' match coming up, so I invited everyone… Oh, if you like, you can join in, too, Hachiman! If you start now, you'll make it in time for the summer tournament!" he said jokingly to me as he balled his hands into fists, pumping them up and down.
Pardon me; please give me this Totsuka right here. Actually, I feel like I'd be the one getting taken.
"Yeah," I said, "that depends on what day of the week practice is…"
"Are you being serious?" Totsuka asked, leaning forward to look me in the eye. His hair fell into his face. His eyes, slightly hidden behind his bangs, sparkled mischievously, and his smile was strangely captivating.
"No, I'm joking."
"Thought so." Totsuka's shoulders dropped in a deliberate show of disappointment. And then we both broke into smiles. It was because we both understood that it would never happen that we could make these kinds of jokes… W-well, the first time he invited me, I was seriously considering joining the club, though!
"…Anyway, you're doing well as captain, huh?" I said.
"…The team isn't really organized enough to call me the captain, though." Totsuka gave an awkward ah-ha-ha. I guess you could call that half modesty and half truth. But for a long time, the captain had been taking the initiative to do independent practice. His actions had most certainly spoken to the club members more than any words had.
This is fundamentally the way a club captain should be. I thought a certain other club captain would also do well to learn from his example… Well, she can strike the right balance the way she is. It's fine.
Then the words club captain struck me with an idea.
I had considered talking to Totsuka as a part of probing into Hayama's plans. But since my motive there had been impure—I'd just wanted to talk to Totsuka—and also Zaimokuza had gotten in the way, I'd completely forgotten about it…
Well, and besides, I'm interested in Totsuka—whoops, I mean I'm interested in what he's choosing for his course stream.
"Totsuka. Are you going for arts or sciences?" I asked.
He gave me a blank look, like Bambi just jumped out from behind a tree. "It's unusual for you to ask a question like that."
He seemed really surprised. "Is it?"
And without hesitation or confusion, Totsuka evenly replied, "Yeah. I kind of get the feeling that you're always interested in specific things."
Yeah, well, now that he points it out, that's true.
Having not proactively engaged in communication with others for many years, I've often made sure to set up a reason or opportunity before conversing with someone. I mean, like, if I don't come up with a goal to talk, then what I want to say won't come out smoothly. In other words, paradoxically, you can say that loners are useful personnel with heightened goal awareness. Yep, that's how it works.
While I was busy nodding to myself about this, Totsuka said something that was not an answer to my question. "What about you, Hachiman?"
"I'm going for arts."
Normally, if someone responds to my question with another question, I sentence them to a lecture, but when he cutely tilted his head and gazed at me with those big eyes of his, I was forced to answer immediately. If this had been Komachi or Isshiki, I'd have already lectured them and would now be just giving them the answer. Oh no! I do just answer to answer! I'm such a softy!
There was a soft click as Totsuka set down his chopsticks and looked up at the sky. During his pensive pause, the cold winter wind whooshed by, toying with his bangs. "Hmm… Then maybe I'll go for arts, too…"
"Ohhh, you will?! …I mean, isn't it a bad idea to decide like that?"
For an instant, the line Samesies! played in my head in the Totsuka voice (with bashful gestures), and a heart-dancing encore began bubbling up within me, but I just barely held it back.
"You should think it over more carefully." I cleared my throat, then added, "…Well, if the result's the same either way, then that's not great, either, though."
Totsuka poked his pointer finger to his cheek and flicked a look at my face. Ummm, if you give me a look like that—it makes me want to be like, Screw the arts course; let's go into the same grave together! You know…
"I am thinking over it carefully, though… You can get into my school of choice with arts, too."
"Ohhh. Well, there are a lot of places where you can choose your subjects, huh?" If he had a proper basis for the decision, then maybe he'd be fine going with either arts or sciences. You can technically also make the decision for arts or sciences based not off the faculty grouping of your school of choice but off the subjects on the entrance exams for your faculty of choice.
For humanities universities, arts get you English and Japanese, plus social studies subjects. For sciences, the most standard composition for entrance exam subjects is English, math, and then science subjects.
But in recent years, depending on the university and faculty, some places will be more flexible, like you can select your entrance exams in A form or B form or whatever, and there are a lot of places where even in the arts faculty, you can take the entrance exams for math and science subjects if you select them on your form. Furthermore, with national public universities, many will go by the National Center Test and assign five subjects and seven courses or more. So you have to study for everything.
It's easy to make the decision based on the style of your target school. But if you're doing the opposite, there are all sorts of combinations. It would be difficult to predict what Hayama was picking based on this line of reasoning.
"Which school are you going for, Totsuka?"
"Um…I'm thinking about social sciences or sports science at Tokorozawa."
"Ahhh, Tokorozawa, huh?" I knew the school Totsuka was talking about. It's a real-deal famous school, but if you go there, then you'll be isolated in Tokorozawa in Saitama prefecture for four years, where they say you're forced to only eat juumangoku manjuu and have the wind speak to you… Saitama is scary…
But anyway, it was great that there was something he wanted so badly that he'd go to the boondocks for it. I would like to not leave Chiba if possible. In fact, I've even decided that the train I'll ride will be the Sobu Line local train.
"It being sports stuff, is that because of your club?" I asked. If his entrance exam subjects were something he had to do, then his motivation for wanting to go to that school would be connected to what he wanted to do. So I should consider from that angle, instead.
Totsuka scratched his cheek a little shyly. "Hmm, it's not really that. It's just that I've spent so long playing tennis, I thought it'd be nice to do something related…"
"I see… So then, did you get a recommendation or something?" He'd been playing tennis for many years, so it seemed to me he deserved some kind of reward. It's hard to keep up rigorous practice at your club while also making sure to study for entrance exams. Besides, since Totsuka was aiming for a school that was popular to begin with, those who were studying from the start to get in would inevitably have an advantage over those who only got seriously to studying after retiring from their clubs. For someone like me, if the goal was the same, I'd think the less tiring option would be the better one.
But it seemed these cost-benefit analyses were not a part of Totsuka's consideration in the matter, and he laughed cheerfully at my remarks. "Ah-ha-ha, only a handful of people get those. I think it would be impossible, at our school. Even if someone did get a recommendation, I doubt it'd be for a famous university."
"Is that how it works…?" It's true; I'd never heard of our school having strong sports teams. The only thing I could think of would just be that graduate from the judo club I'd met before summer vacation, I guess. I recall he'd gotten into university through a recommendation, but I don't remember hearing which school he went to. In fact, I don't recall hearing that guy's name, either. Still, he struggled at the university he got into, so a recommendation wouldn't necessarily make things easier.
When it comes to entrance exams, it seems an all-or-nothing bet on the general exams is the most efficient way after all.
While I was coming to my conclusions, Totsuka munched on a shrimp dumpling, then suddenly slapped his knee. "Oh, but if you're really good, then you might get in via selection from a famous school. There are also places that will do sports self-recommendations." "Selection… I've heard that before." I think if you win at that card game, then your wishes come true, and you become an unlimited girl… Wait, no, wrong English word, that's selector. Basically, I think a selection is where you take a screening exam as an individual.
Totsuka nodded, but his expression gradually grew more glum. "Yeah, yeah. But the people who take those are aiming for a professional career or the Olympics and stuff. At our school, I think if anyone were to get accepted, it would just be Hayama."
"…Is he that great?"
"I'm just saying if anyone did. It's probably harder than that, though." Totsuka stuck out his tongue to cover his awkwardness, then looked out over to the sports field. Once school was over, the soccer club would be practicing there. "Does Hayama need a sports recommendation? Wouldn't he get in through normal selfrecommendation? I mean, he does coordinate the captains' meeting, too."
Self-recommendation. The so-called AO entrance, huh…? I think the official name for that was Ability Optional, right? Or am I wrong? Well, not like it matters, but since that's also a thing, adding that in as well weakened the relationship between entrance exam subjects and the arts/science selection even further.
"Hayama's pretty wild, huh…?" What a trivial, obvious opinion to have come out of my mouth.
"Yeah. He can do anything, and he's nice, too."
I'd thought I had a decent grasp of what Hayato Hayama's level was, but I hadn't filtered him through his club activities. Totsuka probably saw him a certain way because he was also in the position of being an athletic team captain.
Totsuka's chopsticks paused right there as he smiled awkwardly. "Speaking of wild…those rumors are wild, too."
"Ah yeah, that…"
Unsurprisingly, Totsuka had picked up on the rumors, too. "When I heard it, I was a little surprised. I thought the one Hayama liked was Miura. We did talk about that stuff during summer vacation…"
As Totsuka said, during that summer trip in Chiba Village, Totsuka had been there listening when Hayama had said the initial. And it was true that Miura's first name also had the initial Y.
But during gym class, Tobe hadn't touched on that possibility at all. Tobe was a part of their clique, and he'd seen both of them a lot, so he had to have a real sense that there was no way that was it.
So then who did that refer to?
"Hachiman? What's wrong?"
When I heard my name, I realized that there was tension between my eyes. I forced my eyebrows up and down and relaxed my cheeks, too. "Oh, I was just wondering who it is, too. There are a lot of people whose names start with Y…" I mean, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza, for one. Or if we're betting on a long shot, how about Yamato? You could even put a Y on Isshiki's name and call her Wairoha Isshiki. Wait, no, wairo is bribery. And that's the initial W!
And with those inane thoughts, I chased away the ones I didn't want.
As we were talking, the bell signaling the end of lunchtime rang. We had to get back to the classroom by the next bell. Damn, I totally haven't finished my lunch. I hurriedly shoved down my bread and washed it down with MAX Coffee, and then I saw Totsuka, who'd already finished his smaller meal, slowly get to his feet.
Then he called out loud toward the tennis court. "That's it, guys! See you again after school!"
The tennis club members swung their rackets at him in response, and
Totsuka waved back at them. I watched, sort of stunned. I dunno, I just hadn't ever seen Totsuka being so proactive and energetic before.
"…Doesn't seem very me, huh?" Seemingly remembering I was there, Totsuka blushed shyly and watched my reaction.
"Oh, no, it's not that…" Surprise wasn't the only reason my words had gotten stuck in my throat. I'd simply been entranced. This had stirred my heart more than any other gesture I'd seen from Totsuka before. "Uh, I just didn't know you could be…captain-y like that. I'm a little surprised." I was struggling to put the feeling into words, so I stumbled a bit
Totsuka seemed to find that funny and laughed out loud. "There's tons you don't know, huh, Hachiman?"
"Yeah, tons." Thanks to his smile, I found my own lips widening as well.
Totsuka looked up at the sky, bending his fingers as he started counting. "You didn't know about the tennis club or about sports recommendations."
"Yeah, thanks for telling me," I said.
Totsuka responded with a little nod and bent another finger.
"Or…about Hayama's course selection, or that rumor," he said.
I had no response for that. I still had no clue about Hayama's course stream selection, and even asking Tobe and Zaimokuza about it obliquely hadn't gotten me much. The end result was that I was just pretending that rumor didn't exist.
When I didn't say anything, a silence fell between us. The only things that could be heard were the cold wind blowing through and the noises coming from inside the school building.
Totsuka sucked in a deep breath of winter air, then gently lowered his last finger, his pinkie, and squeezed his fist tight. "Or…about me."
His words made a mysterious sort of sense to me.
Totsuka ran a hand through his wind-tossed hair to smooth it down, then puffed his chest up boldly. This was a Totsuka I didn't know, one I was seeing for the first time. "I'm doing a good job, aren't I? …Even if I'm not that reliable," he added with a bit of a shy smile. That was a gesture from the Saika Totsuka I'd thought I knew.
Maybe this was the first proper look I'd ever taken at the boy named Saika Totsuka, without affectation, excess, or deficiency. Though I'm sure I'm still not at all capable of understanding him.
But that was exactly why I wanted to know him better.
"…No, that's not true. I rely on you, too. I still don't really know, but yeah… I think I do," I said, getting up to take a step toward him.
Totsuka nodded bashfully but also with strength.
I think Totsuka has always been waiting for me to approach him like this.
Slowly peeling off the masks and shaving off the excess, for the first time, you face each other.
Sometimes you have someone who you've never really bothered with. You're so indifferent that you don't care, and you can say whatever the hell you want. Then, like gently and slowly shaving off cuticles, like play biting, that indifference slowly crumbles away.
Totsuka is no angel… A little devil? Or perhaps an archangel… No, or a fallen angel?
Whatever. Totsuka is Totsuka.
6
Gallantly, Haruno Yukinoshita departs into the darkness.
In the end, I didn't really hear any good information about Hayama's course stream choice over the course of the next few days, and all I heard was a jumble of remarks from my classmates.
Seen from the outside, Hayama's clique seemed no different from normal, too. Miura and maybe also Tobe were cautious of what seemed to be at the core of things, but they never touched it. Yet they still avoided ever blatantly acting distant, either.
There wasn't much time left to resolve the request we'd gotten from Miura.
The submission deadline for the career path questionnaire was at the end of this month. The marathon was immediately before that. I had to find some kind of answer on Hayama's choice by then.
All I knew right now was that Hayama hadn't told anyone what he'd picked. That was it. So for now, I was forced to spend some time gathering evidence to help me deduce it.
I'd spent a few days doing that, and then the marathon was looming at the beginning of the following week. It was after school.
I observed how things were going in the classroom, then went out into the hallway. The situation hadn't changed, and things were dragging on. Yuigahama seemed to be doing her own investigation, as she was proactively chatting with Hayama in the brief window before he and Tobe went to their club.
So then it should be fine for me to head to the clubroom without her that day. I left the classroom, walking along the hallway to the special-use building alone.
Ahead, there was Miss Hiratsuka, beckoning. "Going to your club?"
"Yeah, basically."
"I see. Perfect. I was just thinking I'd go over there," she said, and she pointed toward the special-use building before walking on ahead of me, prompting me to come. Apparently, she meant to walk and talk.
If she meant to come to the clubroom, could this be about work…? Though I felt my spirit draining away, there would be no point in struggling now. I would obediently follow.
"Do you have free time after school tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yeah, basically." I had nothing resembling a plan. At most there was just that request from Miura, but it wasn't like I had any concrete plans of action.
To be blunt, I was at a dead end.
Even if I inclined my ears toward the conversations around me (stalking) or closely watched what Hayama did (stalking) or tried waiting for the right moment to get Hayama alone (stalking), everything was a swing and a miss (strikeout). Considering when the submission deadline for the career path questionnaire was, it wasn't just three outs—game set was only a matter of time.
I don't know if Miss Hiratsuka was satisfied by my answer, or she'd assumed all along that I had no plans, but she dispassionately continued, "There's a career path consultation event tomorrow, but we don't have quite enough people…though the student council is also working hard on it for us."
Hey, she only seems to be playing around! But she's actually doing her job, huh!
"…And so Isshiki picked you out. She wants you to help with the work."
Is the order a Hachibun? But hearing the word work does not make my heart hop-hop…
"But why would you come all this way for me…?" Isshiki spent so much damn time in the clubroom, she could have said then.
"Because it's an official order from the student council. Well, if she's coming to get permission from the teacher-advisor, then that's progress. I don't know what she means by it, but your club is perfect for personnel they can use freely without causing problems. It makes sense," Miss Hiratsuka said with a nod. As a teacher, she felt she was personally seeing real growth from Isshiki.
…No, this is actually like a scheme from Isshiki. She's going through the teacher so we can't refuse. But if Isshiki is doing her best, then we could help her a little.
"Well, if that's what's going on, sure… But what are you doing for this event?"
"Basically, it's for asking how to handle entrance exams. Think of it as an opportunity to ask some older students more specific details."
"Entrance exams? Isn't this kinda early? Why do it at this time of year…?"
"I did talk about this in homeroom." The teacher got a bit of a sulky look.
…Oh yeah, I get the feeling she did talk about that. Maybe I kind of ignored it… Ah-ha-ha…
I pasted on a polite smile to mollify her, and Miss Hiratsuka breathed a short sigh as if to say, Oh well. "It's because our school also has the International Curriculum. There are kids here looking to study abroad. They need to start preparing early, even if it is earlier than regular schools."
"Study abroad…" Right, you don't have to stay in Japan to pursue your studies. It wasn't something I'm really familiar with, so it hadn't occurred to me, but some people will go to universities overseas. One of the unique features of our school is its International Curriculum. That could make students more likely to be aware of the option of studying abroad.
Studying abroad, huh…? Wow… I actually had been out of the country before, at least, but I'd never thought about living elsewhere.
You wouldn't decide that on a whim. So people who were seeking to study abroad may have already made the decision a while back. "So are there actually a lot of people who have already decided on that? I heard some people already submitted the questionnaire…"
"No, not really. Just a few. We've set the deadline at the end of the month. Most people will submit these things at the last minute… Ah, but Hayama did come to submit his."
"Huh…" I got lucky for his name to come up. I didn't even have to construct a whole conversation for the sake of asking.
But right as I was thinking that, Miss Hiratsuka gave me a sharp look out of the corner of her eye. "I won't tell you. That's private information."
"…I…i-i-i-i-it's not like I wanted to know anyway!"
"I know how you feel. It's natural to be curious what schools your peers are going for. And it's something fun to talk about up until entrance exams get serious." She smiled nostalgically, then continued. "And with students like Hayama and Yukinoshita, even some of the teachers are curious. Their performance is related to the school's achievement."
"Huh, so there's expectations, huh…?"
"You're just as good when it comes to your arts grades, but… You just don't get as much attention," she said, puffing up her cheeks slightly with some indignance. But there's nothing you can do about that. I've never once built a good relationship with a teacher. That means that even though I get good grades on exams, my grades on report cards are somewhat lacking. I seriously can't understand why middle school teachers love the loud and mischievous (lol) types…
As I was recalling unpleasant memories, Miss Hiratsuka suddenly stopped. Swishing back her long hair, she looked me straight in the eye. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm doing arts," I answered immediately.
Miss Hiratsuka gave a tiny shake of her head. "No, no, I mean further in the future."
"Househusband."
The moment I answered that, I got a smack on the head for it. Miss Hiratsuka put a hand on her hip as if to say Good grief and gave me a look. This was not her normal overbearing attitude—she was somehow big sister–like. Awkward.
Then she sighed. "Look at reality."
I-I'm not running away from reality, I'm just facing my ideals, okay…? But her gaze was a little too sincere for me to say that.
Scratching my chin, I turned away to answer, "I haven't made up my mind yet. Besides, it's not like I want some kind of specialist or research job. Art won't be a problem."
"Nothing you're interested in?"
"If there's something I'm interested in, I'll make it a hobby. If you make it your job, won't that just make your life harder?"
Life is hard!! Or I think that's what they said in an ad for the anime Jinsei. It was like, Life is so hard, goddammit, man.
"…That's very like you. Well, I can see the logic. If you're asking if your choice of faculty will have a major influence on your future, that's not true for the majority of people." Folding her arms, she looked out the window. "Some people go from science universities into publishing houses, and other people study social science and go straight into entertainment. Some people even choose language universities and travel all over the world. Students at law school don't necessarily all wind up as lawyers and prosecutors. Even I didn't go to school for education. Although none of this applies to doctors, lawyers, or research careers, though…"
"Yeah, and pharmacists and stuff…," I said, and Miss Hiratsuka nodded.
It's not like there's a direct connection between your faculty and your future profession. I don't know where my dad graduated from or what his job is now. Wait, that is a direct connection…
The division between arts and sciences is so approximate anyway these days, you hear about the "interdisciplinary viewpoint" and whatnot, where companies will deliberately seek out talent from other backgrounds. Ultimately, a lot will depend on the qualifications and skills of the individual. For example, I believe communication skills, communication skills, and also communication skills as well as communication skills are necessary in society. Awww man, I don't want to think about getting a job.
"But still, as your teacher, I should tell you…," Miss Hiratsuka said, clapping me on the shoulder, "there's no need to decide your whole future right now. Transferring schools or departments, or going to one college while studying to get into another are all options, if you want. Changing professions is also possible. This is nothing more than one opportunity of many to choose."
"I see."
I'm sure there are countless opportunities to choose your path, whether it be in higher education or in your career. Meaning marriage is one of those opportunities to choose! I don't really know if there will be an opportunity! For either of us! But work with me here!
Ultimately, this just means there will be a chance to choose again. There's no guarantee you can take back your failures. It's pretty common to fail again and open the wound further.
"…But isn't it dangerous to blow your first choice?" I asked.
"Mm-hmm. So what a teacher can do for you is increase your number of options… And also reduce them."
"Should you be reducing them…?"
Miss Hiratsuka leveled me with a rather serious look. "Of course, the student is the one who decides. All we can do is offer advice. And my advice right now is…give up on your dream of being a househusband."
Ahhh, there goes my option…
Eventually, the long hallway came to an end, and we approached the stairs. I was going on up, but Miss Hiratsuka went to turn the corner.
She wasn't going to follow me to the clubroom. Having informed me of Isshiki's request, it seemed her business was now done.
With a casually raised hand, she left me and started walking off. I answered that with a bit of a bow.
Then she stopped, turning just her head back toward me. "…What if you could get a teaching position at university? That might actually be a good fit for you."
"I'd never wanna be a teacher. I'd have to deal with students like me, after all," I answered with a shrug.
Miss Hiratsuka smiled wryly. "True. I can sympathize with that." …What a thing to say after all our time together.
Bowing one more time, I watched her go.
When I opened the door to the clubroom, my eyes immediately met Yukinoshita's.
She had a blanket over her knees and held a paperback with a catpatterned book cover on it that seemed to be a favorite, but her eyes were on the door.
Yuigahama wasn't there yet, and Yukinoshita was alone. She offered a little smile. "Hello."
"'Sup," I replied, and Yukinoshita snapped her book shut and stood. Then, as usual, she began making tea.
Setting out the Western- and Japanese-style teacups as the water boiled, she turned to me. "You're a little late today."
"Miss Hiratsuka asked me to handle some stuff…"
As she was putting the tea leaves into the pot, Yukinoshita cocked her head. "What was the request?"
"She said there was this career path consultation tomorrow, and the student council wants some help."
"Ah. The student council… I'll open up my schedule, then."
"Yeah… Uhhh, it's fine with just me, though."
She said that so offhandedly, I just replied normally before I realized it. Seeing as how I was the only one Isshiki had asked for, it would probably be mostly simple labor, like setting up chairs and stuff. It didn't seem necessary to bother Yukinoshita and Yuigahama about it.
Despite what I said, though, without any particular deliberation at all, Yukinoshita immediately answered, "I don't really mind… It's not like there's anything else for me to do."
"Well, that's true…" I was stuck, and it wasn't like Yukinoshita had any ideas, either. I was pretty embarrassed after my declaration to Miura, but this was the reality. Not to mention, maybe doing something would make Yukinoshita feel better.
After that, both of us stared wordlessly at the hot-water kettle, and as we waited for the water to boil, the door was smacked open.
"Yahallo!"
"Hello, hellooo."
That characteristic greeting was familiar to me.
First, Yuigahama. And then the next one to step into the clubroom was Ebina.
"Hello, Ebina," said Yukinoshita.
"Hey, there. Haven't seen you since New Year's."
"Take a seat." Yukinoshita offered a chair, and Ebina thanked her and sat down.
As Yukinoshita was preparing tea for the guest as well, I gave Yuigahama a look asking for an explanation. Why is she here…?
Yuigahama nodded back at me. "Okay, so we were talking about, like, asking people who might know about Hayama's course stream, right?"
"Yeah."
"So I asked Hina about it, too; I figured we might as well all think about it together. Right, Hina?" Yuigahama turned the discussion to her.
"I hope I can be useful, though." Ebina nodded without any confidence.
Well, it wasn't a bad idea. In terms of her relationship to Hayama and to Miura, her position was pretty close. She would be hard to talk to if it were me or Yukinoshita alone, but going through Yuigahama made it a possibility.
And besides, behind her fujoshi mask, she held something unknown to me. Even if she wasn't quite correct, she might direct us to some kind of hint.
But Ebina's expression was clouded. Even her glasses were clouded thanks to the tea from Yukinoshita.
"Hayato's course stream, huh…? But, well, I haven't really heard anything about it, either. And plus, Hayato is good at both fields, so I don't know if I can say anything."
"Ahhh, I thought so. Of course…," Yuigahama agreed, shoulders slumping. Well, as long as you don't have lopsided grades like me, narrowing down your future course based on your academics is difficult.
Maybe the idea of avoiding what you're bad at is a negative one, but it works for me. Maybe not for everyone, though.
Leaning my cheek on my hand, I sighed quietly.
Ebina was still considering the matter—then she seemed to hit on something, opening her mouth. "Oh, but he has said something about the type of occupation."
"Wait, what? He did?" Yuigahama asked.
Ebina nodded. "This was a while back, but during the workplace tour, I think he said, like, media or a foreign-owned company?"
"Ohhh, you're right; I think he did." Yuigahama clapped her hands.
Now that she mentioned it, I do kind of get the feeling he said something along those lines, back then. But both "media" and "foreign-owned" were too broad. I doubt media is really easier to go for if you do arts, and "foreign-owned" applied to a whole range of businesses. It would be impossible to calculate backward from that.
"But that could have just been out of curiosity. It's a little weak to use as a basis," Yukinoshita said, putting her hand to her chin. She was right. I mean, for that workplace tour, we'd gone for observation at a totally unrelated IT tech type of place.
But Ebina was aware of that, too. "Yeah, I think so, too. Plus…" She trailed off a moment. Her gaze was pointed toward a corner of the clubroom, not looking at any of us.
"Plus?" Yuigahama prompted her to continue.
Ebina gave her head a little shake. "Plus, we all ended up going to the same place anyway, so I doubt it'd be useful information!" she said, ending the sentence with unwarranted energy.
"Ah, yeahhh." Yuigahama nodded along, but I wasn't nodding.
What was Ebina actually trying to say there?
Yukinoshita folded her legs the other way and asked Ebina another question. "He hasn't said anything else?"
"I don't really remember anything that seems relevant…" Ebina tilted her head, searching her memory, but her eyes jumped right over to me. "But, like, wouldn't Hikitani know better when it comes to details like that?"
"Huh? Me?" I pointed at myself without thinking.
"It's true; Hikki does watch him a l—"
Ebina bounded out of her seat, cutting Yuigahama off. "Look! See! It's that special gay eye conversation! It's Hayahachi!"
"No, it's not."
What the heck is "special gay eye conversation"? Is she a wannabe Newtype or something? That woman! Step on her ships with a Gelgoog!
"Enough with that humor."
"Ah, ah-ha-ha…"
"Agh…"
Yuigahama put on a strained smile, while Yukinoshita put a hand to her temple as if she had a headache and sighed.
Ebina was still doing her frightening fujoshi chuckle, but then she suddenly pushed up the frames of her glasses with a finger. The lenses flashed in the light, and I couldn't tell where she was looking anymore.
"…Well, I'm not entirely joking, though," she added. The words were so small, I just about missed them.
Before I could ask what she really meant by that, I heard the scrape of Ebina's chair sliding on the floor as she leaned forward with enthusiasm. "Come on, I wanna have a passionate discussion about the possibilities of Hayahachi!" "No way, no way in hell…"
"Aw, too bad. Right, then I should get going. I'll see you later, okay? Yui, Yukinoshita." And with that, Ebina stood up, heading for the clubroom door.
"Ah, yeah. Thanks," said Yuigahama.
"If there's anything else, I'd appreciate if you could tell us," said Yukinoshita.
"Sure. See you, then." Waving in reply to the two other girls, Ebina left the clubroom.
I looked at the door for a bit, then sighed. "Guess we need a little longer to get an estimate."
"Yes, it seems so." Yukinoshita nodded, then reached out for her now-cold tea. Yuigahama had her mug in one hand and her phone in the other.
"…I'm going to the washroom." With that one remark, I left the clubroom.
Not much time had passed since Ebina had left the Service Club room. She wouldn't have gone that far. I wanted to ask her some more details—well, actually, I wanted to ask her what she meant by what she'd said.
Most of all, I surmised the reason she had not said good-bye to me was because she still had something to talk about herself. Or she'd just forgotten me. If it was the latter, that's actually kinda like bullying, y'know? Invisible beings and stuff—if this were Another, someone'd be dead.
Still pondering the matter, I turned a corner to see Ebina was indeed ahead and walking very, very slowly.
Hearing my hurried footsteps in the hallway, Ebina turned around.
"Listen, this is pointless." That was the first thing out of her mouth.
She spoke just as if she'd anticipated that I would come following her.
"What is?"
"Investigating him like this. Hayato doesn't slip up that easily."
I came to a stop, and her look hit me through her lenses. It was cold, not like Ebina's usual expressions. Or maybe this hardness was who she really was. I'd felt it from her before, during the incident on the school field trip.
With a casual shrug, I broke eye contact. "…I figured. But we kinda talked big to Miura—we can't not do it."
"Hmm…"
After that, all words evaporated.
There was nobody in the hallway but me and Ebina. When the both of us said nothing, it went completely silent. The only sound was the wind rattling the windows.
Standing there in the middle of an awkward silence, scratching my head, I figured out what I wanted to ask Ebina. I cleared my throat, then opened my mouth. "But let me ask you—are you okay with that?"
"With what?"
"I mean, no matter how this plays out, things can't be the same as they've always been."
"No, I don't think that's true," Ebina answered instantly, cutting me off. "I'm sure Hayama will manage to avoid that. I think Yumiko understands that, too. I don't think a class change will collapse everything." Every word out of her mouth was vague, but there was a ring to her voice that sounded like certainty.
"I see. You really trust him, huh?"
"That's not it… I just think Hayato will probably choose a way that won't hurt anyone. It's not that I trust him exactly. It's just a selfish wish." Ebina stuck out her tongue and smiled.
I think before I never would have doubted what Ebina said. I think I would've assumed Hayato Hayama was that sort of guy.
But now, it was different. It wasn't something clear or defined, but that hazy unease was lurking in the depths.
That's what made me want to ask.
"C'mon, why do you think that?"
"…Because that's who Hayato is. He meets everyone's expectations." Looking away from me, Ebina smiled one more time. There was nothing charming in that smile; it was ice-cold. The corners of her mouth were pulled up just slightly.
Seeing it so close, I thought better of replying. In the slight moment of silence that it gave rise to, Ebina hopped a step away from me and raised her hand up just slightly. "I'm going to head home, then."
"Y-yeah…," I somehow managed to say, then watched Ebina's back grow distant.
I still hadn't arrived at anything that really seemed like the right answer.
Something about it just felt wrong. Pondering the true nature of this feeling, I turned back to the clubroom.
When I happened to look up at the sky through the hallway window, I saw crimson and indigo mixed together in the dimming winter sky.
This sky would eventually turn to complete darkness.
It would betray no one's expectations—the matter that didn't even need to be considered. It was something to be taken for granted.
After Ebina's visit, nobody else came, the club time came to an end, and I headed home.
Even if I announced my arrival at home at the door, there would be no reply. A couple of corporate slaves would not be coming back at this hour, and Komachi would have gone to cram school or be in her room.
Going up the stairs, I entered the pitch-dark living room and flipped the light switch. Click.
The lights flared on.
And then, in the apparently empty room, a figure hazily appeared.
"Ngk! You scared me…"
It was Komachi, leaning her face on her hand and zoning out.
Noticing the pathetic sound I made, Komachi snapped out of it, turned to me, and smiled sweetly. "…Oh, Bro. Welcome home."
"Y-yeah, hi…"
I tossed my coat and bag on the sofa and turned on the heater. Komachi must have been zoning out like that for a long time. The living room was freezing.
"What's wrong, Komachi?" I asked, taking a seat on the sofa.
Komachi got a sweet, shy smile on her face, then dramatically slumped facedown on the table. "K-Komachi really can't anymore…," she said tearfully, taking her head in her hands. "Sob… Komachi's gonna fail these exams and ruin her life… Both the children of the Hikigaya family will become shut-ins, and all the neighbors will giggle when they talk about her… I just know my life is about to be over!!" "Uh, I'm not a shut-in, though…," I pointed out, but Komachi wasn't listening at all. She mussed her hair into a wild mess, then once again flopped down onto the table.
Ahhh, she's at it again… Exactly like the end of last year…
Well, there's marriage blues, there's maternity blues, and Tail Blue. I guess Komachi's sort of Blue is entrance exams. That sentai team would also include a Red (the state of your grades) and a Black (the reputation of your employer). Yikes, what a terrible crime-fighting team…
But anyway, managing Komachi was something I did have a basic grasp on. "Why not take a break? And think about fun stuff." I was going by the big bro manual, but Komachi didn't react. She'd immediately leaped on that before…
Finding this strange, I leaned on the sofa and turned back to Komachi. She was hunched over, lips pouting slightly, and her hands were clenched in weak fists on the table. "…I can't have fun right now."
There was no humor in her tone like before, but her sulkiness reminded me of when she was little.
"Did something happen?"
"No," she replied shortly. But that taciturnity actually communicated to me that there was something she wanted to say.
I just stayed silent and waited for her to continue. About a full minute went by. Aside from the second hand on the wall clock, the only thing making sound was the cars going by outside.
Eventually, Komachi sighed and capitulated. "…It's, like, even when I take a break, like before I go to bed or when I'm eating, all I can think about is, like, I haven't done this or I haven't finished that," Komachi put the words together, one by one. The whole time, she never looked at me, eyes down on her lightly clenched hands. "And, like…What if I don't make it… or What if I fail?" Her fists squeezed tight.
In an attempt to be relaxing, I spoke as slowly as I could. "You don't have to stress over it that much. You already got into a private school."
"I don't wanna go there." Komachi jerked her face away from me, so I couldn't see her expression. But I heard her speak, hesitating all the while. "Paying a lot of money for a place I don't wanna go would be dumb…and I don't wanna do that to Dad."
Our parents both work, so we weren't terribly strapped for cash. Frankly, I think they anticipated paying tuition for private school. But I don't think Komachi was talking about money.
She felt bad for Dad, huh? Normally, she treats him like a pain in her butt, but she finally showed some concern for him now.
I don't think even Komachi sincerely dislikes our dad.
Thanks to the pressure from entrance exams right now, something very close to her hidden true feelings was slipping out.
"And I don't wanna hear people saying, like, I failed…" Her voice was trembling.
Komachi was cheerful, full of smiles, and a good girl. She was considerate not only for the household but also for her big brother. I'm sure she acts cheerful like that at school, too.
But she had indeed distanced herself from her friends during winter vacation. I'm sure there was conflict and pressure in her social relationships that I can't possibly know about.
The more cheerful you are, the bigger the difference when that brightness is lost. Private high schools had already started announcing acceptances, so the passing or failing of her classmates would be coming up a lot in her classroom. And an offhand comment with a sharp edge could stab her right in the heart, even if she'd normally shake it off.
That would make you want to distance yourself from people, from reality.
Komachi's faltering words trailed off, and then instead of words, I heard something like a sniff.
I got up from the sofa and sat down opposite her. "Well, high school entrance exams are important. If you blow it here, you'll be pretty behind, and it gets kind of hard to face your middle school friends."
"Yeah…," Komachi replied, but she didn't sound like she really got what I was saying. Maybe she was hearing this stuff at school and cram school—maybe our parents were even saying it.
But I chose to continue. "But university entrance exams are more important, and getting a job is probably even more important. And each time, you'll probably lose friends no matter what. If you blow it, yikes."
"Y-yeah…," she said, sounding kind of confused.
But I replied to her with a fair amount of certainty, "But it'll be okay."
That made Komachi look up. Her eyes were a little wet and somewhat surprised. That look reminded me of when she was small, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Let me put it another way: As long as you balance the accounts at the end, it's okay. It's just like baseball playoffs. Going to a good high school and university is like the advantage you get from ranking first place in a season. It puts you ahead, but it's not like that decides everything."
Once, there was a team that was in third for the season, but then postseason, they started winning fast, and in the end, they even won the honor of being number one in Japan. You never know what's going to happen. Maybe it'll be just like that one playoff game, when they were losing and a pinch hitter knocked a dribbler to third for a base hit that led to a rally. Life and baseball are both a drama without a script.
I was going to make a passionate speech about this, but Komachi didn't really care about baseball, and I don't know if she even listened through the whole thing. She was facing me but not answering.
Hmm, my big bro radar is telling me this isn't the lecture Komachi wants.
Not really knowing what else I should say, I scratched my head and just said what came to mind. "Well, anyway… If the time comes, I'll manage taking care of you somehow."
"Bro…"
"Supporting one person isn't much different from supporting two. I'll appeal to Mom and Dad with everything I have."
"I wanted you to say you'd get a job…," Komachi said as she gently wiped her eyes and smiled.
"That's a last resort for me… Ah, maybe I shouldn't say this myself, but your big bro is pretty capable. I can manage most things… So don't worry." I reached out to Komachi's head and gave it a pat, then mussed her hair around.
"Listen, Bro, when Komachi sees you…" Putting her hand over mine, eyes still a little wet, she met my gaze. She paused a moment, then sighed like she'd lost her energy. "All this worrying is starting to feel ridiculous…" Then she gave my hand a little slap to make it go away. "…Glad to hear it."
You show my little sister just a little bit of kindness, and this is what you get… Oh, that side of her is cute, too, though? Hmm, but it's a little different from the cuteness Big Bro was hoping for, you know…
"Agh, enough of this. Okay, back to studying." Totally back to normal, Komachi stood with a scrape of her chair and began striding out of the living room.
But when her hand touched the doorknob, she stopped flat. "Thanks," she murmured, then swept out of the living room, thumping the door shut.
Through the door, all I could hear was the sound of her slippers pattering across the floor a bit faster than usual.
After school the next day, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I went to the meeting room.
This was for what Miss Hiratsuka had asked me about the day before, to help the student council and set up the career path consultation. Though I'd said already that I would be enough, they'd come to the conclusion that there was nothing else to do anyway. The three of us should just get it done fast together! they'd said, and now here we were.
I hadn't come to this meeting room since the cultural festival—well, planning the cultural festival, technically.
I touched the door to find the meeting room was already unlocked. Isshiki and the student council were probably already there. When I knocked, someone drawled, "Come iiiin." When I opened the door, Isshiki was standing by the window. She turned around.
"Ah, there you are!" As if to say, You're late! she pattered over to me and grabbed my sleeve to tug at it. But when she discovered the two behind me, she gracefully bowed. "And thank you to you two as well!"
"Yahallo, Iroha-chan!"
"What should we do?"
Yuigahama offered a friendly reply to her bow, while Yukinoshita looked around the room.
I also took a look around and found it still in its default state. The tables were laid out in a long, thin square, with the chairs lined up in an orderly fashion.
"We're setting up for the career path consultation, so we have to rearrange things a bit. Also, us student councilors are sort of, like, observers for that or offering help where it's needed."
"Agh, it looks like it'll be pretty time-consuming," I said.
Isshiki's shoulders dropped. "Yeah, really. Apparently, this is also the student council's job… This is, like, nothing but chores…"
"Uh, that's what student council is…"
"Nobody told me… Agh, if a certain someone hadn't told me to be the president…" Isshiki shot me a rapid sequence of very deliberatelooking glares.
"Don't be obnoxious… At least you're doing your job. Even with all the complaining."
"…W-well, I mean. It is my job." Isshiki twisted around like she was uncomfortable, jerking her face away. Then she cleared her throat and flapped the printouts in her hands. "A-anyway! Please move the chairs and tables and make six individual booths using the partitions. You and the vice president handle the heavy lifting, please."
I nodded, mentally doing a sideways peace sign and going Capisce!
Isshiki nodded back at me, next looking over to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. "And the girls, please handle the chairs. We're putting one on the tutor side and two on the student side. And if you're done with that, then please make some tea for the tutors." Still examining the printouts, Isshiki gave further instructions. She was surprisingly brisk about it, and you might have even thought she knew what she was doing. When she gave orders, the clerk with the braided pigtails and glasses nodded.
Meanwhile, one of us seemed confused. Of course, it was Yuigahama.
"Chuuta?" Yuigahama repeated the English word Isshiki had used. "…Like a mouse?"
"It's not the name of a pet…" It's not like Nyanta or Hamuzou or Ebizou or Kikuzou.
While I was wondering how I should explain this, Yukinoshita readily stepped forward. "A tutor is someone who offers advice and academic support. In this case, I suppose they're here to answer your questions."
"That's right," said Isshiki. "Aside from the teachers, we've invited some graduates, as well as some third-years who have already been accepted through recommendation."
"Graduates…" Yukinoshita scowled at the words.
What a coincidence, I think I'm imagining exactly the same thing. Often, the worse your bad feeling about something is, the more accurate that feeling is.
"All right, I have to go get the people who will be in the tutor role, so please handle the rest, Vice President," Isshiki said, and she left the meeting room. Under the instructions of the second-in-command, we continued setting things up.
While I was carrying in the partitions with the vice president, he turned to me. "Sorry, thanks for the help. We just needed people for setting up the venue."
"Ah, it's totally fine. At least we know what the task is here." Before, for the Christmas event, we hadn't even decided on what we would do, and it had turned into a disaster. It seemed to me things had improved quite a bit, compared with then—both in terms of Isshiki's motivation and the awkwardness among the student council. And also, in our relationship.
It didn't matter what the catalyst was—if we could carry the heavy things together, bit by bit, then we could change the way things were among all of us.
We moved the tables and lined up the partitions, and then all that was left was a couple of tasks on the girls' end. We'd handled our work pretty efficiently, and there was still time left before the event was scheduled to start.
Then I discovered someone who must have come a little earlier— loitering at the meeting room entrance and checking inside. Each time she went back and forth in front of the entrance, her familiar ponytail swayed.
I think her name was Honda, no, Suzuki…or was it Yamaha? I swear it was something motorcycle-like. She looks like a delinquent; it totally gives you that bike vibe. Bike, bike…bike, Kawasaki, bike? Yeah, Kawasaki is probably right.
Kawasaki seemed to be unsure whether she should come in or not, so I decided to call out to her. "Hey, it's gonna be a bit."
"…Huh."
When I addressed her, she twitched and froze up. Her reply to me was very brief and curt. She never changes, huh…?
But I'd feel bad if she came all this way just to stand there and wait the whole time. So I decided to help her kill time until we were all set up. "So you're here for the career thing, huh?"
"B-basically…," she replied, acting kind of flustered. When she reacts like this, she reminds you of a normal girl, though. Someone scary like her, you'd never expect her to diligently attend an event like this—older guys would get a good impression from that, uh-huh.
Well, since we're here, maybe I'll try asking Kawasaki about her future, too. Dunno if it'll be useful as reference, though. "So then what are you doing after high school?"
"Huh? Me? I…I'm thinking a national public humanities school."
"Detailed but also vague…," I said. For someone so apparently close to deciding the school she wanted, she was trailing off and sounding very worried.
Kawasaki gave me a look with half-lidded eyes. "You got a problem with that?" I could almost hear the unspoken ya punk?
"Nope. No problems here!" I reflexively straightened my posture. You can't dial back that sharpness just a bit, huh…? No problems here, no punks here, no monks here. Please dial back that real-life Monkclass aura. Bet she could fire off Multifists…
"But if you've already decided, why'd you have to come?" I asked her.
"…My grades aren't the best, so I just wanted to ask about that." She was curt, but I could tell she wasn't confident. It seemed she was unwavering in her choice of national public.
Ah, right. I remember she had a lot of siblings. Every household has their own stuff going on.
Every family will have their circumstances. That's probably true for Hayama and Yukinoshita, too. In Kawasaki's case, it would be her multiplicity of siblings. That's why she was thinking ahead, trying to go to a public school. Her little sister was still in preschool, after all. It'd be best for Kawasaki to go for public school. She's a good big sister, really. Night and day compared with a certain other big sister…
"Oh yeah, so is your sister doing good?" I asked. "Um, Mii-chan?" "Huh? Who's that supposed to be?" Kawasaki glared at me.
H-hey, I just got her name wrong here… Geez, sister complex… But what was her name again? …Haa-chan? I think that's what she called me. I'm Hachiman, so it's Haa-chan. So then Kaa-chan? …No, that's just "Mommy" in Japanese.
In the process of reasoning by inference, I arrived at a familiarsounding name and clapped my hands with a start. "Oh, it was Saachan."
Instantly, silence fell. When Kawasaki snapped out of it, she scooted a step back. Face bright red, she snapped back, "Huh?! Why are you calling me Saa-chan?! That's not a name you can use."
"Ohhh, I get it. It's Saki, huh?" That's why her sister called her Saachan. That makes sense.
But this wasn't making sense to Kawasaki, and she took another step backward. "H-huh?!"
Quit with the noises. Are you T, born in a temple? Or is it K, because she's Kawasaki? Wait, it was Kei-chan. "Oh, Kei-chan, Kei-chan. I remember now," I said.
Kawasaki gave me a sharp glare. "Next time you forget, I'll smack you."
"O-okay…" I can't say it… I'm pretty vague on Kawa-something's name, never mind her sister's, but I can't say that…
It seemed talking about her sister softened her up somewhat, though, and her tone did a 180 to something kind and gentle. "Also, um, this is only if you run into her for some reason, but…be nice to Kei-cha…to Keika."
"Yeah, sure. I doubt I will see her, but if I do."
"Uh-huh…," she replied, somewhat reserved, and I nodded back at her.
The door to the meeting room opened with a clack, and Yuigahama poked her face in. "Hikki, we're done setting up." Then she noticed Kawasaki's presence and called out to her with a wave. "Heyyy!" Kawasaki did a kind of semi-bow, bobbing her head.
"The career seminar? Come in, come in!" Yuigahama said, beckoning Kawasaki in.
Watching her go, I opened the door to the meeting room all the way. This would make it easier for the other kids coming later to get in.
While I was squatting down to stick in a door stopper, I heard someone talk to me from above.
"Hey, that reminds me, I never asked… About where you're going." When I looked back, Kawasaki had turned just her head toward me.
"I'm going for private humanities."
"Huhhh, humanities, huh?" Kawasaki said like she was disinterested, and then she walked off toward where Yuigahama was beckoning her.
…Well, we were both going for arts. If we were in the same class the following year, maybe I'd run into her sister again. If that happened, then I'd be nice to her.