Thump. Thump.
The sound of my heart beating pounds violently in my head.
I placed a hand on the tattoo over my heart.
The Contaminations I had shoved in there and organized.
The products of the ghost stories, separated from me.
"What do you mean Roe Deer is an empty shell, that the real one is inside? Are you talking about the Contamination…."[1]
Voices that sounded like protests could be heard from the Juror Seats. And soon, the lights in several Juror Seats went out.
If you continue to cause a disturbance, you will be removed from the court.
"..."
I thought I heard a short, teeth-grinding sound, then the Juror Seats fell silent.
But Juror 1 is still looking at me.
The agent whose face is not visible.
Selection Candidate No. 202■Management 370614.
Kim Soleum.
I gasped for breath and lifted my head.
At the request of Juror 1, we will proceed with additional questioning.
Come out and answer.
Come out?
"Ugh."
The sensation of something bursting out from my chest, crushing my features, was a sharp, agonizing pain.
I staggered, trying to step back, but soon….
"Did you call for me, sir?"
[This way]
I h a v e t o a n s w e r ?
-What is going on here? Goodness, could you call the cameras first? Being questioned is definitely stimulating, so I'm sure the viewers will love it!
[This is not a school, but I see some familiar-looking clothes….]
Hahahahahahahaha
The Contaminations.
My Contaminations burst out and began to answer. I can't block them. What was pulled from the tattoo covers my stomach like vomit and flows back up. It covers me uncontrollably. At will…!
'Get back in!'
I tried to shove them back into the tattoo, but the revealed truth cannot be hidden before the court. No…!
I will question you based on the 'Unmotivated Murder' weight on the scales.
Has the Selection Candidate ever taken the life of an innocent third party of his own volition?
[This way]
-Absolutely not! Though I have had the honor of participating in the production of a talk show that makes the hearts of innocent viewers flutter!
Welcome to Lookie Mart! Can I help you check out?
N o
"That difficult vocabulary is hard for the children to understand! Use this sentence: 'Have you ever killed someone for no reason?'"
Answers devoid of reason or emotion, inhuman responses, and obsessive, nonsensical monologues pour out. That's not me, but even among them, there is no answer saying I have harmed anyone. That's a relief. Instead of relief, I feel like I'm going to throw up.
The Juror Seats are quiet. Only the sound of the Contaminations chattering away on this platform, out of order and at their own whim, echoes through the vast space…
Testimony received.
It's done.
It's done, it's over now!
Continuing the questioning.
Shut up!
It's…
Can the Selection Candidate swear that he will not harm an innocent third party for his own benefit?
Of course!
Of course I swear….
[That is impossible.]
My heart seems to drop.
[Games, by nature, begin with harming someone for one's own benefit. At school, we sometimes survive by inducing the sacrifice of other students.]
That's.
-Audience… no, members of the jury, what do you really think of the phrase 'innocent third party'? Of course, it's a phrase that might appear in some criminal law textbook.
-But what about in reality?
Shut up.
-An action I take today to survive might unexpectedly endanger someone else's life!
-But isn't that what life is?
No!
I've never thought that. It's a distorted thought originating from the Contamination, from the ghost story.
-Even if you feel sorry for another's hardship, you don't need to take responsibility! It's only natural that no one can predict all the consequences of their actions. Just because something bad happens doesn't necessarily mean it's that person's fault.
-So, 'I will not harm an innocent third party for my own benefit'? Who could make such a comprehensive and meaningless oath?
That's, that's….
If you're scared[2]
you might not
"..."
be able to
promise
The voice echoes, sounding dejected.
The comfortable emotional expression of an amusement park mascot for children.
A sound of uncertainty, a tone of resignation, a frank expression….
A feeling that sounds somehow familiar.
-In extreme situations, life is a tightrope walk. It's a repetition of breathing a sigh of relief each time you safely pull off a wonderful performance. It's hard to look too far ahead or try to take on too much responsibility.
-For the program to survive, it has to be more thrilling, more fun, more stimulating.
To survive....
-Can't we be a little selfish? To be a charming show, sometimes you need to be self-centered.
"..."
I listened to the voices of the Contaminations, speaking through my mouth.
No.
The voices coming from within me.
Since when?
I had stopped expressing the irritation or anger that boiled up when I saw someone who was no longer helpful in a ghost story.
My self-centered judgments, like letting people who were trolling die because I had to live, while saving only those I could, had also become rare.
Even when I met people who were easy to incite or use, I no longer cheered, repeating my thanks amidst a slight sense of guilt.
I also stopped deceiving or scaring others to control the atmosphere in a ghost story, unless I was certain they were villains.
All the things I did while screaming internally, just asking for a little cooperation since we were all trying to get out alive.
They were gone.
"..."
I looked down at my hands.
I saw human hands.
This was my original form, the one I had so desperately wanted when I was 130666, a pulpy mess.
But am I really the Kim Soleum from before?
I tried to live like a person.
I tried to make only the most seamless, human-like decisions.
But is that really me?
From the Juror Seats, Deputy Manager Eun Haje and Agent Bronze had made completely different arguments.
Judgments based on personal experience, personal selfishness, personal protruding parts.
I definitely had them too.
But at some point, they disappeared.
And now I know why.
'…I thought it was Contamination.'
I had dismissed all my peculiar traits that 'overlapped with the ghost stories' as Contamination.
Because I was scared.
Because if it was the influence of the Contamination, I felt like I would return to that state where not just my body, which had collapsed into something not human, but my mind had collapsed as well.
So I had included them in the Contamination I shoved into the tattoo and sealed them away.
Because I was afraid.
....
I remember the conversation I had with Braun on the first day I received treatment at the Fox Counseling Room.
-I'm more comfortable and happy with who I am now.
-And I don't like it when my judgment criteria suddenly flip like a piece of paper.
I was afraid that Contamination meant losing myself.
So I was desperate to cut off the Contamination itself, but if that, in turn, ended up cutting me off.
"..."
I raised my hand.
"...I would like to address Juror 1."
Permission granted.
I lifted my head and looked at the agent whose face was not visible.
"The juror is right."
-He has passed on his own twisted desires, twisted thoughts, extreme emotions, and all abnormal judgments to other personalities that he has separated and isolated within himself.
"The desires, thoughts, extreme emotions, and abnormal judgments inside me that are not pleasant to see…."
I said.
"They are all mine."
The Contamination was just as it had burst out.
"Some of the statements I made just now may have been impulsive and inappropriate…."
I take a deep breath.
"…But they are also things I have thought about at least once."
I remember what happened at Hanbit Library.
That all the pages that make up a book are myself.
I remember the advice I heard at the Cosmic shopping mall.
The warning not to destroy the Contamination within me.
'That's why I chose a tattoo.'
I placed a hand on the design on my chest and recalled the description of this Moonlight Tattoo….
To rule over oneself!
It is the most primal and important task. But when the mind has countless identities and afflictions, it is difficult to gather and rule them as one.
Let's attach an index tab to each and give them a joint.
So that you can organize and piece them together whenever you wish.
A joint.
Organizing and piecing them together.
Not shoving them in and locking them up, but indexing and organizing them.
"..."
I placed my hand on the tattoo.
And I realized that the tattoo, composed of a circular band, was rotating and moving along a central axis….
'Ah.'
…I think I know why they advised against a cover-up tattoo at the Moonlight Tattoo Shop.
I hadn't been properly 'enjoying' the function of this tattoo.
"I will admit it."
The organized Contamination rotates.
The engraved phrases, the shoved-in Contaminations, are re-established.
The strange identities that are truly not mine, at the level of infection, are pushed to the outer edge, while the rest move closer to my heart.
The changes that manifested differently when my original emotions and judgments met the Contamination move more toward the center.
An uncomfortable feeling collides within me. Anxiety, selfishness, impulse, aggression, a desire for destruction, deceit, acting, a sense of superiority, cowardice, a thirst for inquiry, excitement…
Extreme and sharp emotions clash inside and vividly enter my body.
But they soon become familiar.
They have to. Because they were originally mine.
"..."
I took my hand away.
The impulsiveness, weakness, and protruding peculiarities of the Contaminations that had burst out are still in my head.
But it was okay.
Because they were there to begin with.
"All of that is me."
....
Juror 1, you may speak.
Juror 1 had raised his hand again and was looking at me.
"The validity of the Selection Candidate's testimony has been confirmed."
"I recognize the subject as a whole, singular state that can be weighed on the Scales of Evil."
He smiles.
I could recognize him now.
I saw the outline of the juror's face, revealed in the light. It was….
"I recommend that his heart be extracted again and weighed on the scales."
My own face.
Agent Grapes, wearing glasses.
Selection Candidate No. 202■Management 370614.
Place your heart on the Scales of Evil again.
"..."
Selection Candidate Kim Soleum.
"Yes,"
I inhaled.
Then, after barely tearing my eyes away from Juror 1, I quickly retrieved my silver heart from the scales.
I put it back into my chest, then….
I made another incision, split it open, and took it out.
Over the tattoo.
"..."
The heart that was imprinted this time was not as light in color as before.
It was silver, but it seemed to have a heavy texture.
'It looks heavier than before.'
But I placed it on the scales.
The other side of the scales, with the 'Unmotivated Murder' weight, sways with the weight.
'!'
I managed to stop myself from screaming.
The giant gray balance scale sways, moving from side to side, then….
Soon, it tilts to one side.
"..."
The weight of sin fell heavily downward.
Pass.
My heart, placed on the scale, was floating soundly in the air.
Lower than before, but clearly and definitely.
Selection Candidate No. 202■Management 370614 has been determined to be a citizen not subject to conscription under the regulations of the Supernatural Disaster Management Bureau.
The gazes looking down at me from the Juror Seats grow faint.
Furthermore, acknowledging the validity of the candidate's testimony that the Segwang Metropolitan City branch does not officially exist at present, we declare the official suspension of rescue and selection duties.
Bang, bang.
I heard the sound of a gavel, and all the pin spotlights in the courtroom disappeared.
And the Darkness throughout the space also disappears.
A white, empty space.
"Agent Grapes!"
I saw my companions jumping down from the Juror Seats.
[Oh, it seems the show in this courtroom is over as well. Everyone is leaving their assigned seats.]
Right.
I looked at the gradually fading courtroom.
The agents in the Juror Seats were disappearing from their seats one by one.
…They might be the small lingering wills of dead agents or something mimicking them, but I hope they can escape this ghost story and find peace.
'If possible, I should check again….'
"Grapes-ie, retrieve it!"
Ah.
I took my heart from the scales and pushed it back into my chest. And at that moment, I saw a small movement under the Scales of Evil.
"...?"
A thread dyed in five cardinal colors.
It slithered back, coiling into the arms of Agent Choi, who had come down from the end of the Juror Seats.
Wait a minute.
'Was that man trying to rig the scale's reading if things went south?'
What on earth was he doing, as if he were some unscrupulous fishmonger cheating a customer buying sashimi.
I was dumbfounded, but at the same time, I let out a small laugh.
…I was grateful.
But at the same time, I noticed that Agent Choi, like me, had been looking at Juror 1.
"Agent Choi."
I approached and whispered softly.
"Did you keep looking that way because you figured out Juror 1's identity?"
"...Identity?"
"…Agent Grapes, I mean."
I figured my own agent persona was also recognized as a juror and seated there.
Questioning oneself is a bit of a cliché in this kind of ghost story, after all.
But Agent Choi's face hardened when he heard my words.
"Agent Choi?"
"…To you, Grapes, did he look like Grapes?"
And he smiles, his face covered in a cold sweat.
"Because to me, he looked like me."
"...!"
I immediately turned my head.
Juror Seat 1.
The one sitting there was watching me from up close.
With the face of Agent Grapes.
"…Who are you?"
A mouth opens.
"I am a projection left in this place."
The next moment.
The courtroom completely vanished.
In my consciousness, which was burning away into white, I saw the face and clothes of Agent Grapes, who had been sitting in Juror Seat 1, suddenly change into something else….
As if something that had been disguised revealed its true form after being discovered.
…In Juror Seat 1,
Ho Yuwon's face was smiling.
* * *
I opened my eyes.
The cozy scenery of the Fox Counseling Room came into view.
"…!!"
'I'm out?'
It was the first time I had come out of Segwang Metropolitan City without dying.
I sat up in bed.
Countless questions floated in my mind, and the person corresponding to the biggest question was right in front of me.
"Roe Deer?"
"Ho Yuwon."
I immediately got out of bed.
"What I just saw at the Morning Station in the special city was...."
....
Wait a minute.
'Huh?'
I raised a hand to my neck.
The feel of leather, the feel of a zipper.
130666's security suit.
But….
"Ah."
…I can speak.
"...!!"
I urgently looked down at my hands.
The leather-gloved hands of 130666.
I raised my other hand and, trembling, pulled down the zipper and took off the black glove….
I saw a human hand.
"..."
I grabbed my head and took off the gas mask.
And I turned my gaze.
In the mirror, I saw Kim Soleum.
[1] didn’t originally have “” but it might be a mistake from the raws
[2] these are the Mascots, I can change them later so please bear with it