Chapter 2844 - Ch: 34-39

Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity by ElHope333 »

Chapter 34: Ministry Mayhem

They entered through the muggle world. Harry delighted in telling the automated voice in the telephone box they were all Malfoy's Minions, and they were there to squash flies.

The ministry was deserted, and the clerk at the desk was half asleep, barely registering the badges before waving them through to the atrium.

Harry vowed to himself to keep his badge forever. Malfoy's Minion, Fly Squasher, Pro

He giggled when he caught Ginny glaring at him.

"Fly squasher, less than satisfactory?" She hissed in outrage. "I'm amazing at fly squashing, you know this!"

"Not the time, Ginny," Neville murmured as they piled into an elevator, tumbling out at the very last stop.

The Department of Mysteries looked no different than before. Harry led the others through to the room of many doors, and didn't bat an eyelid when they span in rapid succession. No one questioned him when he knew instantly which door to walk through. In fact, not one spoke until Harry stopped at Row 94, and read the label on the shelf nearest his head.

SPT to APWBD

HJP AND TMR

Harry smirked, and lifted the small glass ball from the shelf. As soon as he did so, he heard a scuffle and they were surrounded by death eaters.

"Give me the prophecy, Potter!" Lucius Malfoy snarled, lifting his wand closer to Harry's face.

"Oh, Hi barbie. How're the peacocks?" Harry asked cheerfully.

"Enough! Give it to me!"

"What, this?" Harry felt his friends get into position and smirked, tossing the ball into the air and catching it with ease. He watched Malfoy flinch and smiled widely. "I don't think so. It's rather fun to play with, you see."

"Itty bitty baby Potter!" Harry watched with a raised brow as a skinny woman with hair crazier than Hermione's approached him, sadistic smirk on her face.

"Bellatrix Lestrange!" Harry greeted, throwing the prophecy high into the air, clapping madly, then catching it deftly. "You look so much like your cousin Sirius!"

Bellatrix hissed at him and Harry laughed, still casually tossing the prophecy up and down with one hand.

"Give it here, Potter, and we'll let your little friends go with their lives!" She spat, holding out a hand for the prophecy.

"I don't think I will, thanks. It would be rather boring if I just gave it to you without a fight, no?" He recognized the crazed glint in her eye. It's one he sometimes saw in the mirror. He knew he had her hooked.

"Well, it would be a crime if I passed on the opportunity to torture you for longer than necessary." She said softly.

"Well, if you want to play, I'm game. If you let these guys go, of course." He said, as if he was doing her a favour. She fell for it.

"Fine." She said, and Harry shrugged nonchalantly.

"Dobby!"

Dobby appeared with a crack. Harry smirked at the sheer rage on Malfoy's face. "Take this lot home, yeah?" He knew Hermione would kill him later for straying from the plan he'd told them, but it was necessary. If he was going to play with a crazy witch, he wanted his friends safe out of the way.

Dobby nodded and they vanished with a pop.

Hermione would also kill him for offering a game of chase to Bellatrix as an option, but in order to be believed fully he needed Bellatrix and Lucius fooled. Both by the prophecy in his hand, and his insanity. And fooled they were.

"Run little Potter!" Bellatrix cackled. Harry shot her deranged grin, and sprinted from the hall of prophecies. He could hear at least six death eaters behind him, but he didn't relent, or turn to duel them. He ran back into the room of doors and through a random door, where a tank of odd creatures that looked like brains sat, immobile, in large tanks.

Harry levitated an entire tank and dropped the spell with the first Death Eater entered the room. It took him out instantly and Harry laughed, especially when the next Death Eater tripped over the first. Harry stood and watched as the third leapt over the other two, and then promptly tripped over Harry's outstretched leg.

"Whoopsie!" Harry ran from the room, finally reaching the one he and Susan had planned on that summer. It was a simple room, made of stone, with an odd looking black veil on a raised dais. Harry had been oddly drawn to it the first time but now he was distracted, quickly grabbing a piece of plastic from his pocket.

"Potter!"

"Chaaaaaaaarrrrrge!" Harry, wand in one hand, prophecy in his magically enlarged pocket (Prophecies can't be summoned, you'd be a fool to try) and fly swatter in his other hand, launched himself at Malfoy Sr, whacking him over and over again with fly swatter. He heard Bellatrix enter the room through another, cackling madly as she watched Harry's attack.

Clearly believing Harry to be distracted, she slashed the air with her wand. Harry cast a shield charm at his back with his wand in his right hand, and continued beating Malfoy with the fly swatter in his left.

Then, he stopped. He backed away, and watched as Bellatrix and Lucius advanced on him, wands raised.

He dropped the fly swatter. Then he, very slowly, reached into his pocket. They smiled triumphantly, and Lucius held out his hand for the prophecy.

Harry pressed the trigger of the water pistol, aiming right in Malfoy's face. Bellatrix shrieked with laughter as Malfoy spluttered. She didn't notice the Order members piling into the room straight away. Harry did.

"Hi guys!" He called, waving his wand hand madly. "We were just having a water fight! Want to join us?"

Tonks obliged, and shot water straight at one of the death eaters from the brain room. The jet was so strong he was flung into the wall and once again crumpled to the floor, unconscious.

"Nice shot!" Harry complimented, dropping the water pistol and ducking under Malfoy's arm, darting over to the Order. "Can you guys take it from here, or are you just going to watch?"

"Cheeky." Moody grumbled, picking up the fly swatter and whacking Harry on the head with it before deftly blocking another attack from Bellatrix.

"Harry, go, more death eaters are coming!" Remus said urgently.

"Okay!" Harry nodded as the Order began to duel. He quickly darted out of the fray and watched as Andromeda and Tonks worked together to duel Bellatrix.

He sidled up behind her, and ignored the looks he got from the two Tonkses.

"TAG!" He shrieked, poking Bellatrix in the back. "You're it!"

And off he ran.

He led her up to the atrium - He knew that's where Voldy would go, since he'd seen Lucius slip off five minutes before. And where Voldy was, was where Dumbles would go. And Harry had something to say.

He dodged and deflected Bellatrix's attack without turning around, and halted so suddenly in the atrium she bumped into him.

"Sorry." She said automatically, clearly not thinking.

"Forgiven?" Harry said, looking puzzled for the first time that day. Then she realised and tried to grab him, but he'd already stepped out of the way.

"Hey, Voldy, looking for this?" Harry exclaimed, brandishing the prophecy with a grin. Harry watched Dumbledore go pale as he and Voldemort stopped mid-duel. Lucius was stood to the side watching, expressionless.

"Harry Potter." Voldemort greeted. Harry waved. He watched Bellatrix back away and return to her master, pouting. She must must really enjoy playing chase, Harry mused as he began tossing the prophecy in the air again.

"Voldypants." Harry returned the greeting, with a small, mocking bow. Voldemort glared at him and hissed. Harry raised a brow. It wasn't parseltongue, so maybe he had just forgotten how to speak.

Harry heard the rest of the Order pile into the atrium. The other death eaters had been dealt with quickly, then. Voldemort had a ward around the two of them before any of the Order, Dumbledore included, could interfere. However, everyone could hear and see them.

"Here's what is going to happen." Voldemort said, stepping closer to the teenage boy in front of him. "You are going to give me that prophecy, and then you will be punished."

"Punished?" Harry enquired innocently. "Whatever for?"

"Don't pretend you don't know!" Voldemort snapped. "All, year, I've been bombarded with patronuses, howlers, letters, mind-messages, and gnomes, and I have been unable to retaliate. But now, it is time for my revenge. GIVE ME THE PROPHECY!"

"But I don't have the prophecy." Harry said, winking at Tonks. Remus noticed, of course, and gave the witch a suspicious frown. Tonks, however, was just as confused as he was. Harry resisted a giggle at the possible drama he'd just caused for fun.

"I am not blind, Harry Potter. It's in your hand. Give it to me!""

"Oh this?" Harry threw it in the air again. Voldemort winced, and Harry watched Moody apprehend Bellatrix from the corner of his eye. "This is just a glass ball. The actual prophecy was destroyed by me and a friend last year."

To prove his point, Harry dropped the glass ball. It smashed on the floor, and no wisp or voice came out of it. Voldemort screeched in rage and the Order all looked at Harry, jaws dropped open in surprise. Even Dumbledore looked a bit ill.

Harry ignored them all. "Sorry to those of you who have wasted a year guarding nothing, but it had to be done."

"Crucio!" Harry found himself once again under the cruciatus curse. He bit down on his lip, hard, and knelt on the floor. Voldemort released him and he stood back up, staggering slightly.

"Second time today! Yours are way worse than Umbridge's though. Like sheesh!" Harry brushed invisible dust of his trousers, and wordlessly summoned his fly swatter. "Are we duelling again, like we did in the graveyard?"

Voldemort raised his wand. Harry raised his fly swatter. Then he paused.

"Hello Minister!" Voldemort vanished quicker than you could say "Rubber duck", so Harry sent him a mental image of one instead. It had a bowler hat and a tie, of course. "Do you believe me now?" Harry asked the Minister, who was too stunned to speak.

Things moved very quickly after that. All the captured death eaters were arrested and taken back to Azkaban. Bellatrix, however, made it to a fireplace and escaped.

Malfoy had been forgotten about until the very end. Stood silently in the corner, he suddenly made a break for it. But before he could, there was a flash of green fire in one of the fireplaces and an enraged blonde in a hospital gown charged right at him.

"YOU STOLE MY PEACOCKS, BARBIE! I WANT THEM BACK, NOW!" Harry laughed in delight as Lockhart tackled Malfoy to the floor. The Aurors had to promise they were arresting him for his thievery in order to get Lockhart to let him go.

"Ah, Harry!" Lockhart said cheerfully, once Malfoy had been dragged away. "How are you?"

"Good, just been trying to get Barbie to release your peacocks. Unfortunately, he's given them to noseless."

"Noseless? Who is noseless?"

"A muggle." Harry said. Lockhart grimaced. "Ah, muggles. Foul things."

"Gilderoy, that is most unkind!" Andromeda reprimanded, the first of the Order to actually speak.

"Oh that's not my name, dear, It's Gellert. Gellert Grindlewald." Harry watched Dumbledore's fists clench and his face drain of colour for the third time that day.

"Gellert, you might want to tell them what a muggle is." Harry said helpfully.

"Oh, they're horrible things, all green and gooey with too many eyes and awful purple tongues." Gellert shuddered. "Aliens, from what I've heard."

"Let's get you back to St Mungos, dear." Andromeda left, Lockhart in tow, and Harry only felt slightly guilty for messing with the obliviated man so much. Then he remembered his plan and felt way better.

Harry felt someone grab his arm roughly, then after feeling like he was being pulled through a tube, he found himself in the kitchen of Grimmauld place.

Remus let him go. Harry had never seen him so angry.

"WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING!"

Harry winced. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter 35: The Best Day Of Snape's Life

After being shouted at by Remus for an hour, Snape stepped through the fireplace with Sirius in tow. Harry was then yelled at by Sirius for another hour whilst Snape, the smug loser, watched from the corner of the kitchen.

Help me! He mouthed to Snape, who just smirked at him and mimed taking a picture with a camera. Harry pouted.

Then Poppy came through and fussed over Harry, giving him potions and casting diagnostic spells.

"Cruciatus, again? Whatever did you get yourself into this time?"

"Oh trust me Madame Pomfrey, he asked for them." Sirius growled. "He's lucky I'm not adding a third one to the mix!"

"Fire away, bet yours would feel like being a tickled by a feather compared to Voldy's." Harry retorted, sticking his tongue out at his godfather. He would have made a rude gesture, but his hands were still shaking from the cruciatus. Snape snorted at the insult.

Once Poppy had been given the entire story she berated Harry and then hugged him tight before leaving, ordering him to come back to Hogwarts for further treatment once Molly was done with him. Harry gulped.

Molly. Was. Furious. She ignored him at first, storming in to the kitchen and coming back with fly swatter. Harry stood up and backed away. It was no use.

10 whacks on the arm later and an even worse verbal lashing, Molly pulled him into a hug and sobbed.

"Thank goodness you're alive!" She repeated over and over, then thanked him for sending Ron and Ginny home. From the smug look on Snape's face, Harry assumed he'd quite literally told the Order everything.

Moody clapped him on the shoulder and said "Well done, kid." To the annoyance of literally everyone else in the room. Tonks ruffled his hair and said he owed her for many nights of lost sleep for nothing. Amelia Bones showed up, wanting to hear the whole story, and to thank Harry for keeping Susan out of it.

The twins had apparently missed the entire fight due to Molly locking them in the attic and warding it, so when they finally emerged, disgruntled, they laughed as Harry continued to be told off by Remus and Sirius, who were apparently trying to make up for Moody and Tonks's praise.

Charlie didn't say a word, just stood next to Moody, grinning, whilst Bill ran a few more scans over Harry that most healers didn't know.

"Curse-breakers work with dark magic, we have to know more spells to combat threats others wouldn't think of." He explained, then gave Harry a high five and pretended he knew absolutely nothing about anything except what he'd heard at the ministry.

Harry thought he did quite a good job. Only Snape seemed suspicious but that was pretty standard for the dour man, who was looking at Bill with his lip curled slightly.

Dumbledore stepped through the fireplace, and the room fell silent.

He sat down opposite Harry, and looked him dead in the eye. Harry smiled.

"Explain." Was all Dumbledore said. So Harry did.

"After my ministry hearing, me and Susan went to the hall of prophecies." He said, unashamed. "Sorry for lying to you though, Mr Weasley."

"Why?" Dumbledore urged, frowning slightly. Harry shrugged.

"Because in one out of our many, many successful attempts to gate-crash your Order meetings, we got hold of a map of the ministry with the department of mysteries circled. Then we got hold of the rota. I took them out, duplicated them, then came back in the room for the second "attempt" to join you and returned them unnoticed. You were all so distracted with telling me to get out that you weren't paying attention to what I was doing. Rookie mistake, really. Not very constant vigilance of you." Harry looked briefly at Moody, who huffed but nodded in agreement.

"You understand how foolish and dangerous this was to do, especially with the connection you have to Voldemort? " Dumbledore asked, interlocking his fingers. "He could have seen critical information through you and gained a lead in the oncoming war."

"No more foolish and dangerous than letting myself be kept in the dark." Harry pointed out.

Dumbledore sighed. "Continue."

"So anyway, after my hearing I went and found Susan, we broke into the hall of prophecies - well, sort of, we kind of befriended an unspeakable who let us in, since she'd been fired the same day and was salty about being forced to finish her shift unpaid- and we found the one Voldy was looking for."

"Harry, you had no idea about the connection you had with Voldemort back then. He could have seen you, he could have attacked you-"

"No, I knew." Harry interrupted, shoving his irritation down. "I've known since summer before fourth year, when the dreams started. I just didn't realise I could manipulate the connection until later."

Dumbledore looked at Harry with disappointment and a flicker of sadness. "Why didn't you tell me?" The Headmaster asked softly.

"... do you really want me to answer that?" Harry asked, brow raised.

"Yes." Dumbledore said calmly.

Harry sighed. "Because you didn't ask."

Snape smirked and Remus pinched the bridge of his nose with exasperation.

"Anyway, once my name came out of the goblet and Draco decided he was no longer a bratty ferret, he taught me occlumency. Actually I take that back, he's definitely still a bratty ferret, just a less unnecessarily nasty one"

"Did he really teach you occlumency?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Sort of. I'd learnt to shut off thoughts and emotions already due to, you know, abuse, but he gave me some further reading material and we practiced occlumency as a group. Draco and Neville were taught it as children, due to being members of the Sacred 28, so they were skilled enough to use basic level Legilimency to help us practice." Harry explained, smirking when Dumbledore flinched at his sly mention of the Dursleys.

"How did you become so advanced?" Snape was the one to ask, which got him lots of surprised looks. "I am a master of the art, best in country, and even I could not enter your mind." Snape looked pained to admit it. Harry beamed.

"Oh, I just let Voldy in a few times and then practiced kicking him out. Sometimes I would drag him in and push him out again, like a yo-yo! He didn't like it much, and I never let him see anything he shouldn't, so he liked it even less." Harry grinned proudly, then winced at the furious look on Sirius' face. Whoops.

"You idiotic, reckless little-"

Dumbledore held up a hand, and Sirius fell silent.

"Wow, you really are cranky today." Harry commented. Sirius snarled at him. "Just so you know, I still don't regret keeping you from joining the fight, even if it made you grumpy."

"I'm angry because you could've been killed, Harry! You've been throwing yourself into danger at every given opportunity and letting Voldemort into your head! It's insane!" Sirius regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, snapping his jaw shut and clenching his fists tightly.

Harry stood up. "You lot sitting around and protecting some stupid prophecy when you could've just smashed it is what's insane! It's like you wanted to Voldemort to get it!" He glared fiercely at his godfather, who met his gaze and then dropped his head slightly. Harry was right, and everyone knew it. Except, apparently, for Dumbledore.

"Harry, your godfather is correct. That was incredibly foolish of you. Voldemort could have broken through your barriers, he could have given you visions, even possessed you-"

"Yes, but he didn't. And whilst you all had concerns about this, no one told me, or spoke to me, or offered to help, so I just took matters into my own hands." Harry said, arms crossed and a very Snape-like look on his face. Snape was almost, almost slightly proud.

"Did you listen to the prophecy?" Harry knew he was still in deep trouble, but he could also see the exhaustion on everyone's faces. Except for Snape, who was a blank slate.

Harry weighed up his options. Lying right now would be futile, but telling part of the truth? Yes, that could work.

"Yes." He said. "And before you ask, yes, the whole thing. Then we smashed it."

"Susan heard it too?" Dumbledore clarified.

"Yes."

"Does she-"

"Of course she knows occlumency, Albus, do not take me for a fool!" Hissed Amelia. Harry really hoped he hadn't gotten Susan in too much trouble.

"So, you know what will come to pass, then?" Dumbledore sounded old. Really old. Harry nodded.

"Neither can live while the other survives." He quipped, letting the cold, resignated anger settle at he glared at the headmaster. Nothing needed to be said. It was clear Harry was in the upper hand once again.

"You can be as angry as you like for what happened today." He said, to everyone in the room. "But I don't regret anything. Baiting Bellatrix allowed me to get the others back to Hogwarts. Keeping Sirius away from his cousin probably saved his life. Tricking Voldemort into appearing at the Ministry will force Fudge to admit the truth. I know the risk the Ministry could go dark if Fudge resigns, but it's worth it if people know the threat is real, before it is too late. Now Umbridge will stop terrorising students, Dumbledore can return to the school, and Hogwarts will be a safe place for children again." He sat back down again and let out a sigh.

"Harry." Harry looked up at Dumbledore. "You need to be more careful going forwards. Voldemort will be after you more now than ever before. You have made yourself a target." Harry rolled his eyes.

"I was already a target, Professor. I've been a target since I was a baby." Harry pointed at his scar.

"You do not know the full extent of what you up against, my boy-"

"I am not your BOY!" Harry yelled. "I know, okay? I've faced him five times now, I know exactly who I'm fighting. I know that either me or him will die, and that the whole fate of the world rests on that. I'm not an idiot, Headmaster!"

Dumbledore hesitated, as if he wanted to correct Harry, to tell him just how dangerous Voldemort truly was. Harry raised a brow. Dumbledore seemed to make up his mind and whatever he was planning on telling Harry remained unsaid. Harry masked his triumph. It appeared some secrets would be kept a little longer.

"Potter needs to go to the hospital wing." Snape said curtly, stepping forwards. He looked a bit disappointed that the second verbal dance war he had witnessed between Harry and the Headmaster was drawing to a close, but unfortunately the boy's health was important. To everyone except Potter himself and Dumbledore, apparently.

"Yes, we should probably head back to castle." Dumbledore said, although his mind was clearly elsewhere. "I've dealt with the Ministry for now. There will be a newspaper article announcing Voldemort's return by morning and there will be an Order meeting tomorrow at 11. Severus, if you could escort Harry back to Hogwarts I would be most grateful. I must go to St Mungos first and check on Minerva."

"Is Professor McGonagall going to be okay?" Harry asked worriedly. For the first time that day, Dumbledore looked sympathetic.

"Yes, Harry. It was unlikely for a while, but they have managed to get her stable."

Dumbledore turned to leave, but Harry called his name. He paused, waiting.

"It's the reason I did it tonight." Harry admitted. "What they did to her."

For the first time in two years, Harry and Dumbledore looked at each other without any sort of hatred or anger or disappointment, from either party.

"I know." Dumbledore said softly, and disapparated with a crack.

Snape took Harry back through the floo, and pulled him out of the fireplace in the Hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey shooed him into bed instantly, and Snape cast a few more diagnostics whilst the mediwitch handed Harry vials of potions.

"Dreamless sleep?" Harry stopped on the midnight blue potion. Snape smirked at him.

"The one you yourself brewed, Potter." There was no bite to his tone, and Harry grinned at him.

Fifth year had changed many things. Susan and Astoria had joined the group, Snape was much less snappy and surly, only in classes, public places or when Harry deserved it (which, to be fair, was most of the time). Harry knew Snape's role, his responsibility.

The truth was harsh, and unforgiving. He had gone from loving Dumbledore until fourth year, to hating his guts, to knowing far too much about Dumbledore's very dodgy past and his trauma.

He didn't trust the Headmaster. He never would. That's why some things were better kept to himself.

The next day, Harry got absolutely torn apart by his friends. The five that had accompanied him were furious he sent them away and offered himself as bait. The ones that stayed behind heard about him sending the others away and offering himself up as bait, and were furious. So they were all mad at him for sending them away and offering himself up as bait, basically.

Then they forgave him like always and he promised not to do it again, even though all of them knew he would.

The twins and Lee returned to school now that Umbridge was gone.

"We're going to sit our NEWTS and then return to the shop." Lee explained when they burst into the Great Hall, smiling sheepishly at the Headmaster.

And then they were gone.

NEWTS were sat, and the Gryffindors played their final match with the twins and Angelina. They didn't win the cup that year, but they cheered and cried and hugged anyway.

Harry had taken a liking to his Fly Squasher badge, and wore it everywhere.

"Everyone thinks we are in some weird relationship." Draco grumbled one morning. Harry grinned.

"Sorry Draco, but I like girls."

"So do- Don't look at me like that, Potter!" Harry laughed harder, and whacked Draco with his new favourite weapon: the fly swatter.

On the train ride back to King's cross, the poor fly swatter was chucked out of the window by a seething Daphne. Other than that, the group had fun playing card games, laughing, and taking hilarious photos on Colin's camera.

"We've barely seen you this year, mate, where've you been?" Ron asked the fourth year boy, ruffling his hair.

"Oh, you know, I've had places to be." Colin blushed, and they teased him for a solid ten minutes before Harry hit them all with a tickling charm. Colin fled.

When the train stopped, there were only a few goodbyes to be made. Neville, Susan and Luna were returning home for the first few weeks, and then they would come to Grimmauld place again for the rest of the summer. Ginny was going with Luna, as was Astoria, and Daphne and Draco were staying in Grimmauld place with the others.

Daphne's parents had left the country to avoid the war, so Daphne and Astoria had asked to remain at Hogwarts and stay with the Order in the holidays. Their parents had reluctantly agreed, but reserved the right to change their minds at any given moment.

Draco's mother had finally fled Malfoy Manner, and was in hiding at Grimmauld also. Harry couldn't wait to meet her. Draco definitely could wait for Harry to meet her. Like, really, really could.

Molly, Arthur, Remus and Sirius met them on the platform. They left swiftly, saying their hellos somewhere safer. Harry and the twins were delighted to see McGonagall waiting for them in the kitchen, still very pale but looking far less frail.

And, for the first time in a while, all was well.

Chapter 36: Happy Birthday Harry!

"I'm bored."

"Harry, it's been summer for ten minutes, you can't possibly be bored already." Hermione said, turning the page of her book.

"Well, I am, so go figure." Harry swung his legs. Grimmauld place was absolutely packed with so many people living there and many more in and out all the time, that all the rooms had been magically expanded. The dining room was now huge, and everyone was sat in there quite comfortably.

"Do homework then." Draco said, his own potions essay in front of him.

"No, that's so boring!"

"Boredom is good for soul." Sirius said, joining them at the table. "Inspires imagination and creativity. How about a prank war?"

"NO!" Hermione and Draco screeched at the same time.

Sirius huffed. "You two are no fun."

At that moment, the youngest Black sister entered the dining room, giving her son a kiss on the cheek. Harry laughed when Draco went bright red.

"You didn't even come and greet me, Draco, before starting on your homework." Narcissa said smoothly, raising a brow at her son.

"We got back at three, Mother, I assumed you would be taking your afternoon nap." Draco retorted, not looking up from his essay.

"Now that your father isn't around to give me incessant headaches, there's no need for naps anymore dearest." Harry snorted, drawing Narcissa's attention to him.

"Mr Potter, it's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. My dearest Draco has told me all about you." Harry's eyes lit up. Draco let his head fall onto the table with thump.

"Hello, Mrs Malfoy, please call me Harry. The pleasure is all mine! Stunning dress by the way, Twilfit and Tattings summer collection 1982?" Daphne's eyebrows rose so high they disappeared into her hairline.

Narcissa raised a brow. "Call me Narcissa, child. And yes, how did you know?"

Harry smiled innocently. "I like to keep up with the latest fashion trends." Daphne snorted and Harry kicked her under the table.

"Really, now? Fascinating." Draco apprehensively lifted his head off the table when he realised no catastrophe had happened. Yet.

"So, what made Lucy dearest steal the peacocks?" Draco whacked his head back down again. Hard.

Narcissa laughed. "Greed, most likely. Give Gellert my dearest apologies won't you?"

"Gilderoy." Hermione corrected automatically, before blushing. "Sorry Ma'am, that was rude of me."

"Not to worry, dear. Miss Granger, is it? And I assure you, it's Gellert."

Fred and George looked up from where they had been tying Ron's shoelaces together. "Really Ma'am? Since when?" They asked in unison.

"Sorry Gred, Forge. I forgot to tell you that bit." Harry admitted.

"Since Harry got to him." Andromeda said disapprovingly from the doorway. "The poor man was so sure he was Gellert Gindlewald that when he read about the awful excuse of a wizard in a book he thought he was an evil murderer and had a mental breakdown. Hello, Cissy, you're looking much better."

"Thank you, Andy dear."

"Couldn't you just tell him Harry was lying? Or that he was a different Gellert?" Daphne asked, swiping Ron's toast before the boy could wake up.

"No, He only believes what I tell him. It's okay, I told him he lost his memory reforming himself into a better person." Harry told her.

Hermione smacked Harry hard with her textbook. "You're so cruel, letting the poor man believe he was some evil mastermind turned good."

"Oh come on Mione, it's better than a fraud turned even more fraudulent." Harry argued back. Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look, if it bothers you that much, I'll tell him it was my mistake and I got him and Barbie mixed up because of how similar they look, and he is just a kind-hearted zookeeper after all."

"Barbie?" Daphne asked, confused.

"Lucius Malfoy." Hermione responded shortly. "Harry told Lockhart his name was Barbie and that's what he's been referred to ever since."

"Hmm." Narcissa's lips twitched. "Lucius is rather... plastic."

Harry cackled.

Harry did tell Lockhart the truth. Lockhart decided he preferred the name Gellert but wanted to keep his real surname.

"Harry, how did you know what Narcissa was wearing?" Ginny asked later.

Harry smirked. "She forgot to remove the label, it was sticking out of her collar."

Harry begged. Harry pleaded. Harry grovelled. Harry bribed. But no matter what Harry said or what Harry did, he was still banned from all Order meetings.

"It's not fair!" Harry had said petulantly, crossing his arms and refusing to leave the dining room. "I thwarted him literally a month ago, and you're still refusing to let me in. You might actually be forced to admit you need me, you know."

"Harry, if you have information that may help us, you are more than welcome to share it with me so I can proceed accordingly." Dumbledore twinkled at him.

"Nah." Harry ambled from the room. The twins waved mockingly after him, seated comfortably between Bill and Charlie.

Harry just giggled as he left. If the order thought Fred and George wouldn't tell them everything after each meeting, then they were truly off their rockers.

It didn't mean Harry still wasn't going to have his fun.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Remus scowled. "What are they up to now?"

Thud. Thud. Thud. SMASH!

Molly stood up and yanked the door open. Harry and Ginny grinned sheepishly at the order, rackets in hand. Ginny and Astoria had returned that same day, Luna and Neville due to join them in a week.

"Want to play squash with us?" Harry asked. Ginny took one look at the fire in her mother's eyes and ran, Astoria at her heels.

"You've only been back for ten minutes and you're already causing trouble, Ginevra!" Molly shouted after them.

Harry had refused to let anyone celebrate his birthday last year. He had his reasons (trauma, mostly), but this year, he let Hermione talk him into it.

They kept it simple and sweet, with three cakes for the sheer number of people present and party food. Harry almost cried when he saw the pile of presents on the dining table.

Luna and Neville came to stay for his birthday, and Harry's friends had worked together to make him a large hamper, stuffed to the brim with gifts.

Colin had apparently been taking very domestic and candid photos of the group all year and had sent them to Daphne and Hermione, who dated and organised them. Ginny, Luna and Astoria had arranged them and stuck them down, whilst Draco wrote captions in cursive as he had the best handwriting. Ron and Susan had made the front and back cover - a college of everyone's favourite memories of Harry. Harry definitely didn't cry when he opened that one. Definitely not. Okay, maybe just a little.

The rest of the hamper was mostly joke presents. A jar of jam (Daphne and Astoria, from the look on Draco's face) a rubber duck with black hair, glasses, a lightning scar and a Gryffindor tie (Ron and Ginny), a new fly swatter (Draco, to Daphne's dismay), a cuddly niffler and a cuddly bowtruckle (Luna), a little pink glass frog inside a snow globe (Neville), a book titled '100 Legal Psychological ways to mess with the mind' (Hermione), and Ravenclaw Pyjamas (Susan)

The twins and Sirius had given him pranking stuff, obviously. The other three champions from the triwizard tournament had clubbed together to get Harry a broom servicing kit, along with a practice snitch, and Remus had given him a muggle garden gnome and lots of chocolate. Like, lots of chocolate. Enough to last at least three years. Molly and Arthur had given him some new clothes - jeans, jumpers and t-shirts, all of which actually fit.

He got a few other gifts, mostly sweets and books, and Harry loved them all.

"This might just be the second best day of my life." Harry said happily.

"Second best? Second best to what?" Sirius asked, looking insulted, as if it were him and not Molly who organised the entire day.

"The day Mrs Weasley sent Professor Dumbledore a Howler." Molly smiled, pleased she was the reason for two best days of Harry's life. Sirius pouted like a toddler.

Harry ran from the room and came back wearing his Ravenclaw pyjamas. Susan grinned, looking very pleased with herself.

"Why Ravenclaw?" Bill asked curiously.

"Oh yeah! I'd almost forgotten! In fourth year we had a pyjama party one astronomy lesson, made a bet, and Ravenclaw won so they were giving the title of having the best common room ever." Ron explained as Harry and Daphne grew very sad all of a sudden.

McGonagall sighed. "It was the longest month of our teaching lives." Snape, who for some reason came to visit (Harry was almost 99 percent sure Snape did actually like him now), shook his head.

"It was the best month of my entire career." He said, moving his knight. Ron was sat opposite him, and Remus was watching the two play chess with slight terror. McGonagall looked incredibly entertained, watching the game with a glint in her eye.

"Check." Ron said lazily, moving his queen to take Snape's knight. The man snarled.

"Wotcher, Harry." Tonks greeting, stepping out of the floor. "Mum's on her way, she told me to give this to you." She tossed Harry a small package and he caught it deftly.

Happy birthday Harry, thank you again for saving my life.

Your friend,

Gellert 

"Aw, this is wicked!" Harry cheered, ripping the package open. "Fawkes!"

In a flash of fire, Fawkes appeared in the middle of the table, looking at Harry expectantly.

"Harry, how did you summon my Phoenix? The phoenix only responds to the summons of it's owner, you know." Dumbledore queried, watching Harry curiously.

"I told you, we have a bond. Here you go Fawkes!"

Harry tossed him the burger and packet of fries that had been in the package. Fawkes caught them with a squawk and disappeared again.

"There." Harry said, looking very satisfied. "The Order of the Phoenix has been fulfilled by a MacDonald's happy meal!"

Hermione clicked her tongue disapprovingly, but said nothing.

Harry caught Narcissa staring at him out of the corner of his eye. "What is it?" He asked her, smiling innocently.

"Malfoy's Minion, Fly Squasher, Pro?" She asked, raising a brow. Harry smirked as he fiddled with the badge pinned proudly to his new pyjamas.

"NO, Mother, not like that." Draco groaned, putting his head in his hands. Harry fell off of his chair from laughing so hard and left Neville to explain, hiding his own grin.

"I was actually referring to Barbie, by the way." Harry added when he'd sat back down. Everyone stared at him. "What? I thought that was obvious. Since we knew he'd be at the ministry and all."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione shook her head fondly. Harry scowled.

"Checkmate." Ron said with a grin. Snape flipped the board.

Chapter 37: Minerva And The Philosophical Approach

"Ah, Harry, just the person I wanted to see." Harry looked up from the very intense game of exploding snap he was playing with his friends. He waved at the Headmaster before slamming down a card on top of Ginny's, cackling when the they instantly blew up in her face.

"What do you need with Harry, Headmaster?" Sirius asked protectively, leaning on the doorframe. Dumbledore turned to give him a grandfatherly smile.

"Ah, I appear to be down a staff member once again. However, I'll need Harry's help to persuade the man I'm hoping to teach in September to come out of retirement. If possible, I'd like to bring Miss Lovegood and Mr Longbottom along as well."

"Well, that's random." Harry said. "But I'm game. What is he teaching, DADA?"

"Potions." Dumbledore said, smiling. Ron dropped his cards in shock and Ginny yelled in outrage when they exploded in her face for the second time.

"Snape's leaving?" He exclaimed, staring at Dumbledore.

"No, Weasley, as if you'd be so lucky. I will be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts." Snape smirked. The Order meeting must have finished, as Harry could see several other Order members traipsing out of the house through the open living room door.

Ron and Neville shared a terrified glance. Daphne and Draco looked unbothered and Hermione just rolled her eyes at the two Gryffindor boys' cowardice. Harry, however, smiled brightly.

"Just don't die, yeah?" He said to Snape, who ignored him and left.

"Well then Miss Lovegood, Mr Longbottom, Harry. Shall we be off?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry and Neville shared a look, but Luna skipped after Dumbledore. Harry shrugged and followed her, so Neville trailed after them.

Dumbledore apparated them all to a small muggle house in London. As soon as they passed through the wards the sky went dark and the house looked completely destroyed.

"Oh dear." Dumbledore let himself in, and the three students followed him.

"Death Eaters, do you think?" Harry asked Neville, not sounding particularly phased. Neville nodded uncertainly.

The living room looked like a bomb had gone off. Harry (with no social etiquette whatsoever) looked around, picking up picture frames and books off of the broken shelves.

"Horace?" Dumbledore called.

"Headmaster, there's blood on the ceiling." Luna said, pointing at the large red spot. Dumbledore reached out with his finger, just as Harry spotted a really cosy-looking armchair in the corner.

"Cannonball!" He ran, jumped, and landed hard on the chair.

"Ow!" The chair squeaked, and Neville screamed.

"Oh, hello there!" Luna said as the chair turned into a man in stripy pyjamas, rubbing his head and getting to his feet. Harry rolled away, giggling, and stood up.

"Albus, to what do I owe the pleasure?" The man said awkwardly. "Did you not receive my letter declining your offer?"

"I did, but I implore you to reconsider. Now, if you don't mind, could I use the bathroom?" Dumbledore left without waiting for an answer.

"He thought bringing students would persuade me to return, ha! Fool." Horace said, rather bitterly in Harry's opinion.

"Well, I am pretty famous you know." Harry said matter-of-factly. "I used to hate it, but now that everyone thinks I'm demented it's a lot more fun!"

"Oh my word, you're Harry Potter! A pleasure to meet you, young chap! I used to teach your parents, you know."

"Is that why you have their picture on the fireplace? Because I was beginning to think you were a bit of a weird stalker." Harry put his hands on his hips, looking an awful lot like Molly Weasley.

Horace laughed. "Not at all, dear boy! Your mother was a potions and charms prodigy, she was going to study her potions mastery with me after the war."

Harry picked up the photograph. "HA! Sirius is picking his nose! Neville, look!"

Horace perked up again. "Neville, as in Neville Longbottom? I used to teach your parents as well. Such a shame what happened to them, a terrible shame." The man shook his head sadly.

"Er." Neville said awkwardly.

"Luna, is this your mum?" Harry pointed at a picture of a very pretty blonde woman, who was smiling and waving at her young lookalike.

"Luna Lovegood, of course! Pandora was my prized pupil. I suppose I should introduce myself. Horace Slughorn." Horace held out his hand, and Harry shook it.

"Hi." Harry said. "Why'd you put dragon's blood on the ceiling?"

Horace paused. "How do you know it was-"

"Dragons love me." Harry said seriously. Neville snorted.

"It's eroding through the ceiling, that's why." He explained, and Slughorn looked much less confused.

"Yes, well, Dumbledore has been after me for weeks, as have You-Know-Who and his followers. I thought if I made the house look like it had been ambushed they would leave me alone."

"Er, Revelio?" Harry said, and Slughorn smacked himself in the forehead.

"I hadn't even thought of that."

"There's also no Dark Mark in the sky." Neville added.

"Why does Voldypants want you so badly anyway?" Harry asked, looking the man in the eye.

"Er, yes, well, I taught him too, back in the day. Was his head of house, actually." Slughorn rubbed the back of his neck. Harry narrowed his eyes.

"So he wants to recruit you." Harry concluded.

"No! No, but I was privy to some of his more... private musings. Information he probably doesn't want me to share."

"Ohhh, do tell!" Harry's eyes shone. Slughorn gulped.

"A conversation for another time, perhaps." He said evasively. Harry jumped on the opportunity.

"Another time? So you'll come to Hogwarts?"

"No no, I didn't say that, I simply meant-"

"PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE! SLUGHORN SAID HE'D COME TO-" He turned around, and Dumbledore was close enough that Harry almost bumped into him. "...Hogwarts." He finished at a normal sound level, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh, jolly good!" Dumbledore clapped, looking delighted.

"But I didn't-"

"Here." Luna handed Slughorn a pair of ruby-red slippers.

"Whatever for?" He asked.

"Put them on, tap them together three times, and each time say "There's no place like home"." Harry explained. "They won't take you to Hogwarts, but they'll take you to Hogsmeade station!"

"But I still haven't agreed to-"

"You will of course, receive a raise, and an extra week of paid holiday leave." Dumbledore added. Slughorn sighed, defeated.

"Fine, fine."

"Well, children, we should leave Horace in peace. Would you like some help fixing this place up before we take our leave?" Dumbledore offered.

Slughorn nodded. "Please. This isn't my house, I'm just staying in it whilst the muggles are away."

Dumbledore and Slughorn worked together to fix the house whilst Harry, Neville and Luna played the floor is lava. Harry now had an awesome idea for Hogwarts.

"Well, Horace, I shall see you in September." Dumbledore said whilst ushering Harry, Neville and Luna towards the door.

"I suppose you will." Slughorn sighed.

"Then you can tell me all your gossip on Riddle!" Harry said excitedly. Dumbledore smiled. Harry ignored him, as usual.

On their way out of the wards, Harry turned to Dumbledore and held out his hand expectantly.

"What do you need, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, raising a brow.

"I just got you a staff member. That'll cost you ten Galleons for my service. Ten each for Nev and Lue too." Harry said sternly. Dumbledore looked flabbergasted, but reached into his pocket nonetheless.

They were ambushed by McGonagall, who had been lying in wait for them in the dining room, as soon as they walked through the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Well?" She asked crisply, leaning on her walking stick.

"He's agreed to it." Dumbledore said cheerfully.

"He didn't really." Neville corrected the Headmaster. "Harry just said he had and Slughorn couldn't get a word in edgeways to deny it."

"Ah." McGonagall smiled knowingly. "Mr Potter! Come and have a biscuit!" Harry came running back through the house, pausing briefly to poke a grumpy-looking picture of a young Sirius on the nose.

"Okay." He said agreeably, following his Head of House into the kitchen.

It had been the strangest summer of Minerva's life. After being almost murdered by 12 stunners and a very strange encounter with Death (not for the first time, mind), she had been carted off to St Mungo's for a month and then left in the care of Andromeda, Remus, Sirius and Narcissa. Then all of her students had arrived and she had resigned herself to a very noisy summer.

However, Minerva had a secret. As a child with a muggle father, she had learnt about some of the more famous muggle strategies for behaviour control.

So, using a mixture of classical and operational conditioning, she had begun to train members of Grimmauld place.

Namely Harry, the twins, and Sirius. But everyone was a target.

It was very simple, really. Minerva was amazing at baking shortbread. Everyone loved her shortbread and so it was the perfect reinforcer. All she had to do was reward the behaviour she wanted to see. When the behaviour was not up to her standard? She simply offered one to someone else in the household instead, preferably someone displaying the desired behaviour.

She'd been using this tactic on Albus for years. It even worked on Severus. No one had ever realised what she was doing, and Minerva would take that secret to her grave.

Within two weeks of the children returning to Grimmauld all homework had been completed, the children did the dishes after every meal without being asked or arguing with each other, and Severus and Sirius hadn't yelled at each other once.

"How?" Remus had hissed at her one morning. She just raised a brow. "It was a nightmare last summer. Harry almost burnt the entire building down! What spell have you cast on them?"

"I don't appreciate your tone, Mr Lupin." She said curtly.

"Sorry Ma'am."

"Not a problem, lad. Biscuit?"

Remus was never rude to her again.

Harry brought her a cup of tea every morning. Fred and George would help her walk from to room when she was still too weak to do so (although they had always had a soft spot for their Head of House, so that wasn't really surprising). Sirius would give up his seat every time she entered the room, even if there were some available. Hermione had asked him why he did that once and Sirius had asked her what she was talking about, taking a bite of the delicious shortbread Minerva had just handed him.

Severus always paid whenever the two would get a drink in the three broomsticks. Dumbledore was yet to say no to any additional facilities and necessities she required for her private rooms at Hogwarts - a larger space, a nicer bathroom, a warmer fireplace. He didn't question it when she asked him for an solid gold tabby cat door knocker that meowed when it was someone she hated, and purred when it was someone she liked. He simply agreed and happily munched on a piece of shortbread whilst installing it.

Until, one morning, she was confronted.

"We know what you're doing." Minerva turned to look at the two girls in the doorway to her study. Sirius had given her one of the master bedrooms, with it's own private bathroom and study.

"I do not know what you mean Miss Granger, Miss Greengrass." She said curtly.

"Oh please!" Hermione scoffed. "I grew up a muggle, Professor, I read all about Pavlov and Skinner in the library."

"And my parents are mind healers, Professor. They specialise in theory." Daphne added.

Minerva smiled.

"We'll keep your secret, if you teach us." Hermione crossed her arms.

"Very well. Come in, and close the door behind you. Would you like a biscuit?"

Harry now made three cups of tea in the morning. He had no idea why, but he didn't mind.

During one memorable Order meeting, Minerva had been rather late. She entered the room, twins on either side, and Sirius instantly stood to let her have his seat.

"Thank you, dear." She sat down and Sirius automatically held a hand out. Minerva gave him a confused look.

"Sorry, I don't why I did that." Sirius scratched his head, frowning.

"It's quite alright, Mr Black. Biscuit?"

Hermione paced up and down, biting her nails as she stared frantically out of the window.

"Do sit down, Miss Granger." Minerva said sternly. The girl did so automatically, and took the proffered shortbread without question. It seemed that even though she knew Minerva's little scheme, she still fell prey to it. So did Daphne.

"You will have done amazingly, Mione, there's no need to panic." Ron said, looking slightly nervous himself.

"They're here!" Neville said suddenly, as Remus opened the window to let the owl in. Sirius handed each envelope to each student. Ginny, Luna and Astoria had no grades in theirs.

Neville had done reasonably well. He had received all As except for an O in Herbology, a T in Potions, a D in History of Magic and an E in Care of Magical Creatures.

Hermione and Draco had almost all O's. Both received an E in Astronomy, due to the interruption midway through the exam, and Draco got an E in Ancient Runes. Hermione got an E in History of Magic, to her obvious chagrin.

Daphne got mostly E's, with an A in Astronomy and an O in Potions, Charms, and Ancient Runes.

Ron got mostly A's, an E in Charms, Transfiguration, and Defence against the Dark Arts, and a P in Potions and History of Magic

Susan got E's in all subjects except for Arithmancy and Charms, in which she got an O, and an A in History of Magic

Harry frowned at his own results.

"What's an O+?" He asked. Everyone gaped at him.

"They haven't given anyone an O+ since-" Remus trailed off.

"Lily." Sirius finished. "She got an O+ in Charms and Potions, the swot."

"Oh." Harry said, studying his results.

Herbology - A

Charms - E

Potions - O

Defence Against the Dark Arts - O+

Transfiguration - E

Care of Magical Creatures - E

Divination - P

Astronomy - A

History of Magic - D

"You've done marvellously well, Pup." Sirius said, snatching the results and ruffling Harry's hair.

"An O+? Excellent achievement, Mr Potter, you've made me very proud." McGonagall handed each student a biscuit. Harry grinned. He was more pleased with his Potions grade.

"An O in Potions, Potter?" Snape raised his brow, looking at the results Remus had proudly handed him to him. "I must admit, I am surprised." Harry shot him a lopsided grin.

"I knew you secretly liked me." He said cheekily. Snape rolled his eyes, and turned to congratulate his Godson.

Chapter 38: School Is Back In Session!

"Psssst, Harry!" Harry opened his eyes and sat up, wincing when Sirius shone a torch right in his face.

"What?" Harry hissed.

"Summer ends in a week!"

Harry blinked. "So?"

"So... we only have one week to make our dreams come true!"

Harry shot out of bed. "You mean it? We're going to Las Vegas?" Sirius chucked him a passport, and he caught it, grinning at the name in the front cover.

Daniel Radcliffe.

"We need to go quickly, before Molly or Minnie catches us." Sirius warned as Harry started throwing things into his school trunk, which Sirius then charmed to look like a muggle suitcase.

"What about Remus?"

"Don't worry, I've dealt with him."

Harry raised a brow. "You put a note on the fridge, didn't you?"

"... maybe?"

"You are such a coward."

They snuck down the stairs and had almost made it to the front door, when-

"Where do you think you're going, oh cousin of mine?" Tonks asked, wand pointed directly at them. Harry turned around and waved with a grin.

"Dearest cousin, why are you here?" Sirius hissed, hand still on the door handle.

"Mother had the night off and wanted to spend it rekindling her relationship with Aunt Narcissa." Tonks stepped closer. Harry stepped behind Sirius. "I came along, since Charlie's here." Sirius waggled his eyebrows and Tonks went red.

"He's my best friend, you idiot!" She whispered harshly. "Now, tell me where you're going or I'll go and wake up mum."

Sirius gulped. The Black sisters were terrifying alone, let alone together.

"We're going to America!" Harry said helpfully. Sirius facepalmed.

"Smooth, Potter, real smooth."

"Well it's not like she's going to tell anyone!" Harry retorted. "She's more likely to come with us. We're going by plane rather than by house elf, because you can't apparate to other countries and I've always wanted to go on a plane! Do you want to come?"

"Well, I do technically have a muggle passport." Tonks said brightly. "How about a deal? Take me with you, and I won't snitch. And that way you've got protection if Voldy finds out too."

"Oh, he won't." Harry said confidently. No one questioned him on it.

"If she's coming, we're going!" Harry's smile grew wider when he saw his favourite twins standing in the kitchen doorway, arms folded.

Sirius groaned and turned to face the two newcomers.

"Fred, George, absolutely not!" He growled. "Your mother will kill me!"

"She'll live. And she'll kill you for taking Harry anyway, he's her favourite. Besides, Lee and Angelina are running the shop for the next week anyway."

Fred and George had revealed their purchase of Weasleys Wizard's Wheezes on the third day of the summer break. They used their temporary expulsion to find a building, buy it and get all set up ready to open in the summer. They'd been extremely successful so far, and their siblings and parents were very proud.

"Fine!" Sirius sighed. "But you can work out your own passports."

They had a lovely time. After discovering that you have to be over 21 to drink in the USA, Sirius shrugged and took them all to Disney Land Florida instead. Harry was delighted to get on a plane again.

For Harry's first ever real holiday, it was a blast. He was surprised when instead of getting in trouble, Dobby appeared in their hotel room one evening with a letter from Dumbledore, telling them to have fun and to send a patronus if they found themselves in danger.

Then Remus, Kingsley, and Bill showed up, apparently to make sure they didn't all accidentally kill themselves. Susan coming with them was the icing on the cake.

"Auntie wanted me out of the country for a while, Voldy's got it out for her at the moment." She explained. "Oh, I've never been on a roller coaster before! Come on!"

When they returned no one told them off, but after two days of nonstop singing Snape laced their food with an apparently specially created potion of his own design, which silenced them whenever they tried to sing. At all.

He had smirked evilly and promised it would wear off by Christmas.

Harry and the twins brought several pairs of Mickey Mouse ears for all the others. No one wore them except for Luna, who chose the pink glittery ones.

And then they were back off to school. Harry had returned to all of his shopping done, as Dumbledore had apparently decided Diagon Alley was less safe than being in an entirely different country. He might have been right for once as apparently Moody, Molly and Charlie got ambushed when they went to get everyone's school supplies. They all survived, but Charlie almost lost his arm.

"I can't believe we've only got two more years at Hogwarts left." Hermione said sadly as she rested her head against the carriage window.

"If we even make it to seventh year." Draco chimed in, sounding bitter. Harry nodded in agreement with the blonde. Things were starting to look worse for their side of the war, and Susan's aunt had warned them that the ministry may not be on the right side much longer.

Harry didn't really think about sides much. He didn't agree with some of the things the light said and did, but he didn't like the dark side either. In fact, the only side he liked was Luna's.

Everyone looked up when Luna herself spoke. "I think." She said, tilting her head. "I think it's too early to think negatively."

It wasn't confirmation or denial of Draco's statement, but Luna's comment seemed to reassure Hermione, who gave the blonde a fierce hug,

"Luna's right." Susan said, sitting down next to Harry. "But it doesn't hurt to be prepared. You all know the plan for this year, yeah?"

They all shared grim looks, and nodded. They knew what they were up against, who they could and couldn't trust. Harry had told them about Dumbledore's request for private lessons, which Harry had agreed to as long as Ron and Hermione could attend with him. As the two friends he'd had since first year, he felt he owed them that much.

This year, they all sat together for the welcome feast at the Gryffindor table. Harry had been delighted to discover Katie had been made captain of the quidditch team, and she gave him his seeker position back immediately. Dumbledore had returned his broom during the summer.

"I'm surprised at how easily you just handed Umbridge your broom last year." Ginny told Harry, who shrugged.

"It didn't really bother me, since I had Kreacher go and buy me another firebolt as soon as we got back to Gryffindor tower." Everyone stared at him. "What, did I forget to tell you?"

"To be fair, none of us asked." Ron said, and Harry laughed loudly.

The group made a point to cheer for every single student that was sorted. Blaise joined them from the Slytherin table and Harry looked over at the Hufflepuff table, where Cedric had once done the same thing.

"It's weird without the twins, Lee, Angelina and Cedric, isn't it?" Ron whispered to Harry, who smiled sadly and nodded.

Dumbledore gave his usual speech, and Harry grinned proudly as he noticed there were several new rules put in place, mostly due to him.

"You can't ban jam!" One of the Ravenclaw fifth years had cried out in outrage.

"Oh yes he can!" Harry shouted.

"Oh no he can't!"

"Oh yes he-"

"Mr Potter!"

"Sorry Sir, thought I was at a pantomime. Carry on." Harry sat back down, along with all the muggleborns who had happily been shouting with him.

"Yes, well-"

The next morning, they received their new timetables, and Harry was pleased to see he had the exact same classes as last year. Except for History of Magic, which he was finally allowed to drop.

"Potions first!" He said, comparing with Neville.

"Not for me!" Ron said cheerfully. "Free period. "In fact, now that I have this timetable, I'm going back to-"

"You aren't going anywhere, Weasley." McGonagall said, rapping him on the head with her parchment. "I think the fewer free periods you lot have, the better. I've spoken to Professor Slughorn and he is very happy to have you in his potions class."

"No!" Ron groaned. "Also, what is it with you teachers and hitting me with parchment?" McGonagall smirked.

"And as for you, Mr Potter-"

Harry looked up. "Yes?"

"I see that you are free every Tuesday at ten, Wednesday at three, and Friday at 11." McGonagall informed him, eyes glinting in a way Harry knew fairly well by now.

"Yep!" Harry said. "Any particular reason why?"

"Because, Mr Potter, you received an O+ in your Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL. Which means that you now have the opportunity to gain an extra qualification."

"In what?"

McGonagall smiled. "Assistant teaching."

"Assistant Tea- is that really an actual thing?" Harry asked. McGonagall nodded.

"Your mother chose to take this extra qualification using her O+ in Charms. She decided not to pursue one in Potions."

Harry's eyes lit up, just as Snape walked past.

"And so because my O+ is in DADA..." He said slowly. Snape froze. McGonagall smiled wider.

"Yes, should you choose to, you can assist Professor Snape in teaching the first to third years Defence."

"No." Snape whispered, and the same time Harry exclaimed, "Yes!"

"Excellent!" McGonagall said briskly. "Your free periods will be spent with Professor Snape. You'll have the first years on Tuesdays, Third years on Wednesdays, and Second years on Fridays. Starting from next week, we'll let everyone get settled in for a week first."

Snape gave McGonagall a look of absolute horror, and Harry grinned wider than ever before.

"This is going to be awesome!" Harry squealed.

If looks could kill, McGonagall would have been very, very dead.

"Well now that's sorted, do have a biscuit Mr Potter. And you, Mr Weasley." Hermione covered her laugh with a cough.

Harry decided to partner with Hermione in Potions. Now that Slughorn was teaching and they were in their NEWT years, Harry had decided to restrict himself to only cooking in Potions lessons once a week.

"Oh yes, Harry, I've been meaning to ask." Hermione had said before their lesson. "Surely all the food you baked and cooked in these lessons wasn't safe to eat because of the potions fumes?"

"Dobby put up special wards for me." Harry explained. Daphne opened her mouth to ask a question, being the warding nerd she was, but before she could Slughorn asked them to sit down and take out their textbooks.

It was only once they'd all sat down that Harry realised he'd forgotten to pack his potions textbook.

"You are such an idiot, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed. "How did you forget it?"

"I was reading it the day before we left for Hogwarts!" Harry hissed back. "I needed to find something out."

Hermione rolled her eyes, and Harry asked Slughorn for a spare copy of the potions book. He sent Harry to the cupboard, and he returned with a far-too-pleased smile, flipping the book open and finding the right page.

"Well, this looks fun to brew." He said. "Oh look, my book is covered in writing. I'm completely surprised by this, how on earth could it have happened?" Daphne gave him a look, but he ignored it. The girl was always so suspicious of him, she was worse than Hermione.

Hermione snatched the book and skim read it, frowning. "Whoever owned this has changed the instructions, look." She said, pointing at crossed out parts of the instructions and the messy script in the margins.

"Look, Hermione, you're probably going to tell me it's a reckless and dangerous idea, but-"

"We should definitely use your book Harry." Hermione said firmly. Harry blinked.

"You sure?" Hermione nodded.

"None of these changes would cause the potion to blow up or anything, only maybe go a bit wrong." She explained. "So we might as well test them."

"I forgot how much you love experiments." Harry said, shaking his head fondly. "Okay, so the book says to crush those with the flat of the blade instead of slice..."

By the end of the session, Harry and Hermione's potion was perfect.

"Excellent work, you two!" Slughorn praised, handing them both a small phial of Felix Felicis. "I only have one, so I am afraid you'll have to share. But marvellous effort, both of you!"

Harry and Hermione high fived under the table.

Chapter 39: Harry Teaching Assistant Extraordinaire

"You two have GOT to stop obsessing over that book." Draco snapped, snatching it from them. The group were all in the room of requirement, studying. Harry and Hermione had been poring over the annotated text for a week, talking in hushed tones. Hermione had been diligently copying some of the notes into her own textbook, something she had never done before in her life.

"Leave them alone, Draco, it's basically their love-child." Ginny snarked as Hermione grabbed the book back and smacked Draco on the arm for his trouble. Astoria snorted.

"Who wrote it, anyway?" Luna asked, despite obviously already knowing. Because Luna knew everything, everyone knew that.

"The half-blood prince." Harry and Hermione chorused. Daphne froze.

"Give me that book. Now." She demanded, holding out a hand.

"What? Why?" Harry asked, quickly closing the book and pulling it close to his chest. Hermione glared at him, her hand and quill still poised over her notes.

"Have you two lost your minds? Who do we know that's a half blood who thrives on power and likes possessing people through books?" Daphne asked, her eyes glittering dangerously.

"Er-"

"VOLDEMORT!" She yelled at them. "THE LITERAL DARK LORD!"

Harry laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.

"Daphne, dear, sweet Daphne, Voldy didn't write this." He assured her, handing the book to Hermione, who opened it and continued to copy. Daphne snatched it up this time and Hermione almost growled at her.

"How would you know?"

"We've been over this." Harry reminded her. "I have the eighth sense."

Ron groaned. "Please stop calling your crazy ability to know when something is related to Voldemort somehow an eighth sense!"

"No, because it is an eighth sense. Anyway, this definitely wasn't Voldy's. I think it might've been Snape's."

"Snape's? You're mad." Ginny said, taking the book from Daphne and flipping through it. "He'd kill you if he knew you had his book. He also wouldn't just leave it lying around."

Harry scratched the back of his head. "It wasn't really lying around..." He admitted.

Hermione frowned. "You said you got it from the spare equipment cabinet!"

"I did, sort of! It's not my fault I cast revelio to see if there was anything cool hiding in there and found a little hidden muggle safe!"

Hermione snatched the book back from Ginny and resumed note taking.

"You know what? Just this once I don't care that you broke at least ten school rules, I should be used to it by now anyway. This book is the work of a genius and I am going to make the most of it." She said, quill scratching loudly as she wrote.

"It's my book!" Harry protested, but he was grinning.

"He's even invented spells!" Hermione exclaimed, running her finger down the glossary. "Muffliato, Sectumsempra-"

"That's definitely my Uncle Severus'." Draco said. "He's used muffliato before to stop me listening to his conversations with my father and he taught it to me last summer. He's never mentioned the other one, though."

"The word had Latin origins, I think it's some sort of cutting curse." Hermione frowned. "It's probably best we don't use that one."

"I forgot you were a Latin geek." Ginny said, ducking when Hermione threw Luna's charms textbook at her.

"So, do we tell Snape?" Daphne asked, sitting back down.

Harry shook his head. "We won't keep it forever, but we might as well make the most of it for now."

Daphne shook her head when Hermione nodded vehemently. "Unbelievable. I expect from Harry, but you, Hermione?"

Neville snorted. "Wait until you hear what she did in second year when they thought Draco was-"

"Anyway!" Harry said hastily, cutting Neville off when Draco's eyes narrowed. "Now Umbridge is gone, want to see if Dumbledore will let us restart the HA?"

"Now that is a good idea." Susan met Harry's grin with one of her own. "Hey Hermione, d'you still have any of those Galleons left?"

The first week flew by. Sixth year was just as full on as fifth year, minus the pressure of OWLS, but the workload for NEWTS was far higher. Harry, now back on the quidditch team, was delighted when Ginny replaced one of the twins as a beater and a fourth year, Demelza Robbins, replaced Angelina.

They were a strong team. Not as strong as when Oliver, Angelina and the twins were there, but still strong.

Severus Snape was dreading the second week back. Whilst mollified he had finally received the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Dumbledore had once again found a way to ruin his life.

How? Potter.

"Morning Professor Snape!"

Severus ignored him and finished setting up his classroom.

"So, firsties. What do we teach firsties again?"

"First Years, Potter. And WE teach them nothing. Today you will teach alone, and I will assess whether you are good enough to continue with your extra qualification."

Potter looked mildly indignant.

"Considering I basically taught all the fourth and fifth years last year and everyone in my classes got above an E in their OWLS, haven't I technically proved myself already?" He asked, offended. Severus sighed.

"Teaching requires flexibility, Potter, you adapt for the age. And Diggory was helping you last year."

Potter opened his mouth to argue, but snapped it shut when the first year Slytherins and Gryffindors filed in and took their seats, looking between Severus and Potter curiously.

"Potter will be teaching you today." Severus said simply. He moved to stand to the side of the room, watching Potter expectantly.

To the boy's credit, he didn't look phased. He moved over the the desk and hoisted himself onto it, sitting cross legged and smiling at the students. Severus raised a brow, but didn't comment on the lack of professionalism. Yet.

"So!" Potter said brightly. "Since you've only been here a week, I doubt you've actually used magic in this particular class yet, am I right?"

The Gryffindors nodded, looking hopeful. Potter narrowed his eyes slightly at the apprehensive looks the Slytherins were giving him. Had he forgotten house unity was still incredibly poor outside of his own year group?

"Okay, let's do this differently today. Still no magic, obviously. I'm going to give you some real-life scenarios from my own first year at Hogwarts. You're going to tell me what you think you would do, and we'll go from there."

A Slytherin girl raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"Rosalind Nott. Wasn't your first year in the Daily Prophet a few years ago?"

Potter nodded.

"So surely we can just cheat, and tell you what you did."

Potter grinned. "Well, first of all, not everything that happened was in the paper." Severus' eyebrows shot up. What other trouble did the child get himself into? "Secondly, what if what I did was a poor decision in which I got lucky?"

Potter had noticed a few other students nodding along, and smiled.

"Okay so!" Harry said, clapping his hands. "It's the Halloween feast and your friend is in the toilets, crying. A professor comes in, screaming about a troll, and everyone panics. You're sent back to your common rooms, and you remember your friend in the toilets. What do you do?"

One of the Gryffindors raised his hand. "Jaden Farmer, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, Farmer, fire away."

"I'd go find my friend, of course." Severus sighed. It was a poor idea, and exactly what Potter had done. Despite knowing how close Potter was to students in other houses, he did wonder whether there was still some favouritism in the boy.

Potter grinned, and Severus was slightly disappointed in him. Potter had grown on him somewhat, even if Severus liked to spend as much time as possible away from him. Potter's incessant chatter and blatant disregard for rules was still incredibly irritating.

"The troll was in the bathroom, you're dead." Potter said simply. Severus smirked, and pretended he wasn't relieved or pleased that Potter was being reasonable. "That's what I did when it happened to me, and by a stroke of luck and having a really smart friend, we survived." Severus stifled a snort.

"So it is possible." Jaden argued.

"But that doesn't mean it was the right decision. What would have been better? Nott?" Rosalind Nott was one of Severus' smartest Slytherin first years and she was already clearly one of the top of her class, even if it was only the second week.

"You could have found a teacher. Or a prefect." She said, and Severus was pleased at least one person in the class had common sense.

Potter nodded. "Better. Any other ideas?" No one spoked. "Okay. What would we do if there were no teachers or prefects around? You?"

"Er, Liam Fawley. Find another older student?" Another Slytherin answered.

"Good, Fawley. Okay, when me and my friend Ron went to find Hermione, the troll found us. How do you fight a troll?"

"Well trolls have really thick skin, so hitting them directly with magic will be difficult." One of the Gryffindor girls said slowly.

"So what's an alternative, Foxglove?" Potter asked her. Lily Foxglove frowned and Potter smiled at her encouragingly.

"Well, you could create a distraction and run?"

"Are you asking me or telling me? In situations like this, there's no time for second guessing yourself." Severus tried his hardest not to look impressed. As loathe as he was to admit it, Potter was an... adequate teacher.

"Telling you. Make a distraction and run."

"Better. The trolls is chasing you, now what? Yes?" Potter pointed at a Slytherin boy.

"Run in zigzags, trolls aren't very good at changing directions. If you know the right spells, you can try and stop the troll."

"How?"

"Well, you can use the levitation charm to put objects in its path, but that's hard to do whilst running."

Potter smiled. "And that is where both you and Foxglove went wrong. Whilst you are correct and running in zigzags is as effective on trolls as it is crocodiles, turning your back on danger is one of the easiest ways to get yourself killed if you don't know how to cast a shield charm at your back. The best thing to do is to hide if you can. In hindsight, me, Ron and Hermione should have just left the bathroom, shut the door and hidden somewhere."

Nott raised her hand again. "Yes?"

"What if there is nowhere to hide?" She asked.

"Professor, am I allowed to give and take house points?" Potter looked at Severus, who nodded slowly.

"Yes, Potter, but only inside these classes." He answered reluctantly. "If you abuse this power, it will be taken from you."

"Don't worry, I know." Potter said smugly. Severus suddenly realised something, and scowled.

"Anyway, Five points to Slytherin." The Gryffindors all looked offended, and the Slytherins shocked a Gryffindor was awarding them points. "Nott has an excellent point. If you can give me a reasonable alternative to hiding, I'll give you another five."

"Well that depends, surely? Where are we, what is around us, how much magic do we know?"

"And that, Nott, is precisely my point! Take another five points." Potter grinned, hopping of the desk and begining to pace slowly. "Look, you can't always predict danger. Unexpected things happen, and you have to be prepared to adapt."

Severus made a split-second decision, and cast serpensortia. The first years watched the snake in horror, hissing angrily at Potter, who quickly cast an immobulus spell.

"So, there are three main factors in defending yourself. But before all these, a phrase I learnt from a very good Auror has always served me well. Constant Vigilance. Always be prepared, especially if you know what you'll be facing in advance. Now, onto the three main factors. First, assess. What is it I am defending myself from? Where am I? What can I use to hide, protect myself, or fight back? Who is around me that can help me, or who might I need to help? Iris Sparrow, assess for me."

The Slytherin girl looked surprised Potter knew her name, but answered anyway. "Erm, we are in a classroom with a potentially dangerous snake. Assuming we-"

"Make no assumptions." Harry interrupted her gently. "Imagine it is you in the situation, and go with what you know."

"Okay. I don't know what type of snake the snake is, and because it could be really dangerous I don't have time to find out what type it is and what I might need to defend myself."

"Good." Harry said. "Knowledge is definitely power, but we don't have time to inform ourselves sometimes. Continue."

"There are lots of desks and chairs I can use to make a barrier between me and the snake, or hide behind. I'm sat near the door, so I could also just leave and shut the door."

"That's a good plan, but what are you not accounting for?" Farmer raised his hand.

"The other people in the room." He said when Harry nodded at him. "You and Professor Snape are probably better equipped to deal with the snake, so we should all hide whilst you deal with it."

"Five points to Gryffindor. Now we've assessed, we move on to the next step. Action." Severus watched as Harry unfroze the snake, and resolutely ignored that his inner monologue had started referring to the boy at Harry instead of Potter. The students all held their breath. The snake lunged for Harry, and he froze it again. "Sometimes, you don't have time to assess. If you can hide, hide first and then assess. The more experienced you become, the more you will assess automatically as soon as you arrive anywhere. The next factor - Action. Carry out whatever plan you had, and if you don't have one, trust your instincts."

Severus tried his hardest not to be impressed again. He failed.

"Now." Harry grinned. "The third and most important thing you must always do when in any situation. Play to your strengths."

He unfroze the snake, and the first years all got to their feet and backed away when it slithered towards them.

Harry hissed. The snake stopped, and turned to face him, tilting its head. The students watched in shock and slight fear as Harry and the snake had a conversation. After a few seconds of intense hissing the snake seemed to relax. It curled up on the floor, looking at Severus, who stared back.

"He'd like to return home please, Professor." Harry said. Severus vanished the snake, and the students all looked at Harry with shock and admiration.

"Homework." Severus said, looking at Harry. "Set them something, Potter."

"Really? Alright then." Harry looked at the students thoughtfully.

"In my first year." He said slowly. "There was a very powerful object hidden within the school. Me and two of my friends discovered someone was going to try and steal it. I explain in more detail what happens in the Daily Prophet. If you need a copy, Hermione and Draco in my year both have one. They are prefects, so you should know them. They can duplicate a copy for you to use. I would like you to write What Would I Do? at the top of a piece of parchment, and tell me if you were in this situation with the knowledge you have now, what would you do? Other than reading the article, do no more research. For extra marks, you can give multiple examples. I'd also like you to explain why as best you can."

Once all the first years had left, Harry looked at Severus. "Well?" He asked, looking slightly nervous.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Potter. Read through the first to third year curriculum by the end of the week." Severus handed him three books.

Harry was grinning the whole way back to his common room. From Snape, that had been high praise.

Later that evening, Severus let himself into Minerva's office.

"Yes?" She asked him, not looking up from her marking.

"Do you remember two years ago, when we were almost positive none of the house points we were awarding or taking away were registering?" He asked her. She nodded, writing a large P at the top of the essay she was marking and pulled another one from her unmarked pile towards her.

"Yes, and Albus thought we'd both gone mad. Why, what do you know?" She asked suspiciously.

"Potter made an interesting comment today." Severus said slowly. He smirked when she put down her quill, now giving him her full attention.

"You don't think he-"

"I'm almost positive. The next question is, how to make him admit it?"

Minerva smirked. "Maybe we should just take the child's advice, and ask him."

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