Chapter 2845 - Ch: 40-45

Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity by ElHope333 »

Chapter 40: Woolly Baa 3

Before long, it was Halloween. Harry, bored after weeks of classes and helping Snape teach, decided things were far too routine at Hogwarts this year.

"School is no fun anymore." He pouted, poking his toast with his finger. "Nothing entertaining ever happens."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's a good thing." She told him. "For once, no one is trying to kill you. "

"It's almost always the Defence Professors. By the way, I think a pug joined the emo pals is trying to kill a bumblebee." Harry said brightly, putting the sausage on his plate onto Ron's. He hated Lincolnshire sausages.

Draco groaned. "Not this again, Potter. Parkinson is not a deatheater and she isn't trying to kill the headmaster. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"How would you know?" Harry retorted. "You spend, like, no time in Slytherin common room anymore."

Daphne joined them, stealing a slice of Draco's toast.

"I think Pansy is up to something, she's been really weird recently." She said. Harry smirked at Draco, who glared right back.

"Anyway, I need to cure my boredom." Harry looked at Luna. "Any ideas?"

Ron gave Harry an incredulous look. "We've been back for two months, Harry, and already you have celebrated Spouts birthday for the fifth year in a row, you and Susan had Kreacher and Dobby lace everyone's pumpkin juice with anti-gravity potion - everyone was floating around all day, you've had Rita skeeter publish an article claiming Voldemort has the cooties, and you've somehow befriended the suits of armour."

"Hey! Leave Reginald and Belinda out of this!" Harry argued. "They're better friends than you."

"I miss Professor Slughorn's house." Luna said sadly.

Neville groaned when Harry's eyes lit up. "Why, Luna? Why would you remind him of that?"

Hermione looked between them. "Remind him of what? Neville, what is Luna making him do?"

Harry smiled. "We've got divination now, bye!" He skipped off, Neville and Ron following reluctantly behind him.

Trelawney was ecstatic to see them and immediately asked Harry about his dreams.

"Well, I dreamt a bumblebee got hold of some jewellery that gave the wearer the most beautiful hair you ever did see! He put it on but a really clever duck had found it first and the bumblebee only had a fake."

In Charms, Harry asked to leave to use the bathroom and came back looking far too happy in Hermione's opinion.

"What did you do?" She hissed at him. Neville snorted and Harry kicked him under the table in warning. Neville yelped and glared at him, still smirking.

"FIRE FLOOOOOOD!" Peeves screeched, floating down the corridor. "FIRE FLOOD IN THE HALLS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVESSSSSS!"

Harry didn't move as everyone rushed to open the classroom door. Big mistake. Lava spilled into the classroom, quickly expanding to take up the whole floor. Everyone shrieked and climbed on to the desks.

"Oh relax." Harry said. "It's just lukewarm orange slime, it can't hurt you. You'll get quite dirty legs though. Have fun!"

He hopped across desks and chairs and leapt onto a floating stepping stone in the hallway, Hermione furiously sprinting after him.

The lava lasted for a week. When a brave third year questioned Harry about it in Snape's Defence lesson, Harry grinned.

"See it as training." Harry said. "Expect the unexpected. I'm teaching you to dodge, strategize and to be more agile." Snape's lip curled in anger and Harry grinned at him before going to help one of the Ravenclaws with a spell.

One morning in November, Hedwig swooped down and landed on Draco's head, stretching out her foot to Harry. Draco sighed, resigned to his fate as a perch for Harry's owl for however long the blasted bird lived. Susan giggled and fed the owl a bit of bacon.

"Dumbles." Harry said, reading it quickly. "He wants me to teach him to dance!"

Harry and his friends all knew Dumbledore wanted Harry to take private lessons with him for sixth year. What they were to entail Dumbledore had kept very quiet, but the group figured out it was too do with the war and the prophecy pretty quickly.

"Ron and Mione, come with me please?" Harry asked them, doing his best puppy dog expression he'd learnt from Sirius.

"Duh." Hermione responded, whilst Hedwig hopped off of Draco in order to sit comfortably in Susan's lap. Which, considering Hedwig hated most people, was high praise.

"What about the rest of us, huh?" Ginny said grumpily, stabbing her toast with her fork.

Harry sighed. "I can't take you all everywhere I go, you know."

"Besides." Ron said smugly, "We've been with Harry from the start."

"My Ride-or-Dies." Harry said fondly.

That evening, the Golden Trio made their way to Dumbledore's office.

"Ah, hello Harry, Mr Weasley, Miss Granger. Harry, I know I agreed to let your friends join us in the summer, but after taking some to reflect, I-"

Harry sat down without invitation. "If they go, I go." He interrupted sternly. Dumbledore sighed but conceded. He waved for the two of them to sit down.

"I thought we should start with a memory." Dumbledore said, looking between the three sixth years. "A rather old one of mine."

They followed the Headmaster to a pensieve, where the older man poured in a vial of silvery memory.

"Ready?" The trio nodded. They all placed their fingers into the basin and the silver began to swirl. Harry felt a familiar tug at his navel and fell forwards, landing heavily outside an imposing building.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" Dumbledore said, amused at the awed expression on Hermione's face as she looked up at the building.

"Oh please, we use the pensieve at Grimmauld all the time, this is routine." Hermione scoffed, before realising who she was speaking to. "Sorry professor!" She squeaked. "I didn't-"

"It's alright Miss Granger." He chuckled. "I wasn't aware Sirius owned a pensieve."

"He doesn't." Harry said with a shrug, but he didn't elaborate. Neither did Ron or Hermione. "Is that you? You look very young."

They watched a younger Dumbledore with dark hair stride meaningfully towards the building, the gates swinging open as he did so.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes, that's me. I was not Headmaster at this time, so I was delivering a letter to a student here."

"Wool's orphanage?" Ron asked, looking up at the iron gates. "Funny name for a orphanage. What do they do, knit all day?"

"No Ron, obviously it is owned by a sheep." Harry said seriously. "Or Mary. But she would've called it Mary's little lambs, so I think it's owned by Herbert."

Ron frowned. "I've never met a sheep called Herbert before."

"Herbert is dead now, sorry." Harry sighed sadly. "I've never met him in person either. I read about in him Wolly Baa 3."

"Well, let us follow me then, in we go." Dumbledore said hastily, trying to get them back on track.

"I love pensieves." Harry giggled, poking the matron on the nose. "Boop!"

They followed young Dumbledore into an office, where the matron was speaking to him in low, anxious tones.

"He's a peculiar child, Tom. The others are terrified of him, but they never tell us why. He steals their things, we think, and threatens them sometimes."

"Sounds like our Tommy." Harry said brightly. "He steals things too!"

"Like what?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Potatoes." Harry said, giving the Headmaster a look that clearly said 'why did you even need to ask that was so obvious'. Ron nodded sagely and Hermione rolled her eyes, exasperated.

"This is Voldemort, then." Hermione commented as they followed the matron up a set of stairs and into a room, where a young boy was seated. "He's quite cute, you know."

"He was a very handsome 17 year old." Harry added, watching as Tom glared harshly at the younger Dumbledore and the matron made a hasty exit.

They listened as Dumbledore explained who he was and Tom was almost too honest with the Headmaster, who now looked a bit apprehensive and slightly concerned.

"Bit of an idiot, admitting all this stuff to a stranger." Ron pointed out.

"Yeah, especially as said stranger set his wardrobe on fire." Harry added. "Oh look! Tommy boy has a box!"

"Items which he had stolen." Dumbledore said solemnly. "I requested he return them."

I wonder if he would've become Voldypants if he'd grown up loved, or been removed from the orphanage early." Harry said aloud. Dumbledore looked vaguely uncomfortable.

"I'm surprised you aren't a bloodthirsty evil genius with the way your relatives were." Hermione responded.

"There's still time." Harry said innocently. Dumbledore didn't seem to know how to react to that. They left the memory and Dumbledore dismissed them.

"That felt like a huge waste of time. Oh, hello Professor Snape, Minnie!" The trio stopped as their path was blocked by the heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin, who had their arms crossed and wands in their hands.

"Potter. We have some questions." Snape said. Harry nodded eagerly.

"Sure! Lead the way! I love questions!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione followed the two professors to McGonagall's office. Harry leaned back in his chair, smiling innocently.

"Harry, did you or did you not find a way to prevent the two of us from awarding and taking points in your fourth year?" McGonagall asked.

Harry grinned. "You lot are finally learning to ask! I am so proud of you, take 100 people points each!"

"Answer the question, Potter." Snape snarled.

"Sorry. Yeah, I did. Sirius helped me. You were both showing far too much favouritism!" He waggled a finger at the two teachers, who looked both furious and bemused.

Once they'd made it back to Gryffindor common room, Hermione had a few questions of her own.

"Harry, how come you haven't given any people points for almost an entire year, if not longer?" She asked him, tilting her head curiously. "I know you gave some today, but I haven't heard you give any in ages!"

"She has a point mate." Ron added.

Harry looked between the two.

"Well, just because you haven't heard me giving any, doesn't mean I've not been giving any." He said cryptically, before ruining it and just explaining. "I got Dobby to help me change the spell so I could give them non-verbally. They reset at the end of every year too!"

"Wait, so there's been winners?" Ginny cried. "How are we only just hearing about this!"

"Because-"

"She didn't ask, yes, we know." Hermione said hurriedly. "Just tell us who's won so far and what they've got, please."

"Well, Cedric, Colin and Amelia bones tied in fourth year. I gave Cedric a mermaid plushie and a Nimbus 2001, Colin a new camera, and Amelia a badger plushie and a box of Honeydukes finest chocolates."

"And last year?"

Harry giggled. "Last year loads of people tied."

"Who?"

"Susan, Kreacher, Dobby, Minnie and the Twins. Susan got loads from our ministry break-in, Kreacher and Dobby were just really helpful consistently, Minnie got loads every time she faced off Umbridge and I gave the twins points every time I saw the swamp."

"So what you're saying is your very best friends, your ride-or-dies, aren't good enough to win." Ron said, looking affronted.

"Oh no, you totally are! But I took points off every time you woke me up with your snoring during the holidays. Hermione kept losing points for hitting me with textbooks."

"So what did last years winners get?" Ginny asked curiously.

"The twins got my Triwizard Winnings, Susan got shared custody with me of Dobby and Kreacher and a cute badger plushie to match her aunt's, Dobby got a whole new wardrobe, Kreacher got a room makeover and I got Minnie a few cat toys as a joke, as well as a few memories she requested as she was disappointed to miss out on some of our escapades. Oh, then I sent Oliver Wood my spare firebolt, but that was just a congratulations gift for getting onto the England Quidditch team."

"Who is winning so far this year?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"It would be Luna, but since she is the only other person allowed to give and take points she can't participate. Currently Madame Pomphrey and Daphne are winning."

"Dang it!" Ginny punched the sofa as if it had personally offended her.

"If you were nicer to me, Ginny dear, you'd have way more points!"

"Sod off, Potter!"

"And that's another ten gone. Already in the minuses Ginny, oh dear!"

"That's it!"

"Okay okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Get off me! Hermione stop laughing and help me!"

Chapter 41: Cursed Objects, at Hogwarts?

They won the first quidditch match of the year, of course. Luckily for the Gryffindors, the day after the match was the first Hogsmeade weekend, so they got to celebrate in the Three Broomsticks.

Despite being his prized pupils (and Dumbledore suggesting it would be beneficial to them and to the war) Harry and Hermione had declined Slughorn's offer to be members of the Slug club, so they weren't surprised when Slughorn appeared with another invitation.

"I'm going mining that day with Susan and Luna." Harry said in mock-disappointment. Slughorn patted him on the shoulder and left them to it.

"Mining?" Daphne asked him as they watched everyone else in the pub. "Where to? And how?"

"I don't know, we'll figure it out. Oh look, Why is Lavender walking like that?"

They watched as Lavender left the bathroom, eyes glazed. She walked out of the pub, ignoring Parvati's pleas for her to stop and stay longer.

"Er, that looks like trouble." Neville said cautiously. "Maybe we should- and he's already gone." They watched Harry chase after the two Gryffindor girls and then followed him once they heard shouting.

"Harry, slow down!" Hermione panted as she caught up to Harry, who stopped when Parvati had tackled Lavender to the ground.

"There's something wrong with her!" Parvati said anxiously. "She came out of the bathroom looking all funny and just insisted she had to give something to Dumbledore. I don't know what."

"Well, don't touch it!" Harry said, relatively sane-ly for once. Parvati withdrew her hand quickly. "She's possibly been imperiused into delivering something cursed."

"How do we find out what? And why would-"

"Accio cursed object." A silver necklace flew out of Lavender's pocket and Harry caught it in his gloved hand, studying it carefully.

"Give it back!" Lavender shrieked from under Parvati. "I need to take it, give it to me!" Daphne and Hermione helped Parvati wrestle Lavender to her feet and held her firmly so she couldn't get to Harry, who gently lifted the necklace to reflect the sunlight and examined the large amethyst in the middle.

"I'm going to take this to Professor Snape and McGonagall. Give me a few minutes before following so there's no chance of her getting it back. She's lucky she's not been cursed already. Someone should go back to village to see if anyone there can help." Harry spoke quickly, pocketing the item carefully and ignoring Lavenders furious screeches.

Ron and Neville headed back into Hogsmeade in search of a teacher, whilst Harry and Draco sprinted towards the castle.

"Professor!" Harry yelled, banging on the door to Snape's office as hard as he could.

"Potter, how many times do I have to-"

"It's cursed." Harry interrupted, holding up the necklace. "Don't touch it. It was meant for Dumbledore, someone imperiused Lavender."

"What-" Snape quickly pulled a small piece of black cloth from his pocket and took the necklace carefully from Harry. He put it on his desk and cast several spells. McGonagall suddenly appeared in his fireplace.

"Miss Brown is in the hospital wing. Is this the object?" Snape hummed and McGonagall studied it.

"They should've gone with sapphire to complement Dumbledore's eyes, purple really isn't his colour." Harry commented and was ignored by everyone, although Draco did nod in agreement.

"Definitely cursed. How it got through the castle wards is beyond me." McGonagall said, looking concerned.

"The castle's held far worse." Harry said helpfully. "The wards are terrible, Dumbles should probably fix them." He shook his head and tutted loudly.

"Yes, he really should." McGonagall agreed, absently studying the necklace in front of her. "I'll need a written statement about what happened today from both you boys, but you are free to go. Oh and boys? The biscuit tin is on my desk, feel free to grab one."

"Thanks Professor." Harry and Draco left the office and bumped into Hermione, Ron, Neville and Daphne on the way to the hospital wing.

"The imperius wore off quickly, it wasn't very strong." Daphne told them, leading them all to the library. "They're going to check everyone's wands when they return, to make sure it wasn't another student that cast it."

"You can only go back a certain number of spells." Hermione added. "So they still might not be able to catch them. Oh, hi Hagrid, are you okay? You look upset."

Hagrid sniffed and gave Hermione a watery smile before bursting into tears.

"It's Aragog! He's dyin'!" He wailed. Draco frowned whilst Luna patted Hagrid on the arm. When she'd suddenly appeared no one knew, But Ginny and Astoria weren't with her.

"Who is Aragog?" Draco asked. Harry and Ron shared a look.

"Acromantula. There's a group of them in the forest. Group? Herd? What do you call a group of Acromantulas?" Harry asked Ron, who shuddered and shrugged.

"A group of spiders is a cluster." Hermione said absently, joining Luna in patting Hagrid gently on the arm as he cried.

"But these are giant spiders, Hermione." Harry said seriously. "Maybe a mega-cluster? Or a many-legathon?"

"Many-legathon." Ron said firmly. "It's perfect."

"You two aren't being very sensitive right now." Daphne said sternly. They both apologised and gave Hagrid a hug before promising to visit later on.

One week later, the sixth years found themselves in the Great Hall for their first apparition lesson of the year.

"This is so wicked!" Ron exclaimed as they entered the hall. "I've been desperate to learn since the twins started apparating everywhere last year."

"I know! We'll finally be able to teleport!" Harry said. " Oh! I'm so stupid - I should have had the twins apparate me into the Order meetings!"

"I swear you did at least once." Draco reminded him. Harry frowned.

"Maybe, I remember asking Kreacher to. This is so exciting, I have so many people to visit and teleporting will make it so much easier! I hate floo travel." Harry wrinkled his nose.

"No visiting Voldemort." Hermione said sternly, using his full name for once to emphasise her point.

"I was thinking Lockhart, actually. But now you mention it Hermione, that could be fun!" Harry said brightly, taking his place between Hermione and Draco behind a small metal hoop.

"I swear, Harry, if you so much as think about going to find Voldemort, I will-"

"Morning, Folks!" Harry stuck his tongue out at Hermione, who glared at him before turning to listen to the Apparition teacher.

Apparition was much harder than everyone was expecting. And there was, of course, a huge risk of splinching. After a brief explanation they were allowed to attempt apparating into a hoop a metre in front of them.

"But that's so boring!" Harry complained to Draco quietly. "What if I want to go for a swim in the black lake?"

"Dumbledore will have anti-apparition wards up, to protect against intruders." Draco whispers back. "So you probably just wouldn't go anywhere. The only room you can apparate in right now is this one."

"Oh, that's not very fun! Why's Daphne all the way over there? We're over here! She's such a traitor. Payback time!" Harry grinned, spun on his heel, and vanished with a crack. Everyone turned to stare at his now empty spot in silence.

"Boo!" Daphne screeched and span around to slap Harry across the face, who had poked her in the back.

Harry clutched at his now very red cheek and gave Daphne his best sorrowful look. She smirked, satisfied justice had been served.

"Oh my, that was positively marvellous! In all my years teaching this skill, this has never happened before! How did you manage it so quickly?" The instructor clapped, delighted.

"I didn't just go to America for a holiday, you know." Harry said, as if it were obvious. "In America, you get to learn Apparition a year earlier!"

"Surely apparating in Disney would've broken the statue of secrecy?" Hermione asked sceptically. Harry shrugged.

"Depends where you practice." He said mysteriously. "Can I go now?"

Ten minutes later after some thorough questioning and testing, Harry was allowed to leave with a full apparition license.

"So unfair." Draco muttered, kicking the hoop in front of him. Susan smirked at him and then promptly vanished, appearing in the kicked hoop. The Apparition instructor was so excited he fainted.

That evening, Harry skipped to Astronomy class. It had been ages since he last skipped, he really aught to do it more, it was so much more efficient. If he ever became king or something, he would make it law that everyone should skip if able enough to. It would definitely do Dudley some good.

Speaking of Dudley, Harry really should write to him. It had been a while since his last letter.

After Harry's quick little visit to the Dursleys on his way to St Mungo's, he had sent Dudley a little letter. Mostly just rambling, but to his surprise Dudley had replied! Harry was delighted to have another pen-friend - Sirius' letters got a bit boring sometimes, and Remus was always so serious. At least Tonks and the twins were always interesting.

Apparently, Dudley had done more than just a little self-work. He'd been going to the gym and eating healthier! Harry usually sent his letters with Dobby, because Petunia hated owls. Apparently she hated house elves too, which made sense because Harry was basically her house elf for years and she despised him.

Dobby had returned that day claiming he was hit with a frying pan. In retaliation, Harry sent Petunia a patronus with an extremely long message, which was really just the Fat Lady portrait testing how long she could hold a high singing note. Apparently it was forever, because portraits don't need to breathe! So Harry ended up cutting her off after half an hour, with loud raspberry. And then when he remembered the statue of secrecy existed, he had Dobby make it so that only Petunia would be able to see and hear the patronus.

Anyway, after the first disastrous letter Dudley had written back and told Harry to "make sure the weird elf thing hid next time", so Dobby would show up invisible instead.

It was Dobby who came up with Dudley's diet and exercise plan, actually. In fact, Dobby even taught Dudley to cook! Dobby and Dudley seemed to have a very strong bond, especially when Dudley took Dobby's dating advice and managed to get a girlfriend. Harry didn't know how Dobby managed to get Dudley to stick to it considering the environment he grew up in, but he thought perhaps the fly swatter he carried around with him might have something to do with it.

Harry had wondered where his fly swatter had gone. But then again, Dobby did seem to enjoy stealing things. Actually, so did Kreacher. Maybe Harry was just a magnet for kleptomaniac house-elves.

Dudley was even looking at universities, jobs, and flats, since he was a year older than Harry and therefore in his last year of compulsory education. Harry had made him a very glittery congratulations card, and made Dudley promise to shake it vigorously when putting it up on the mantelpiece in the living room. Dobby had been gifted Colin's old camera and used it to take photographic evidence. When Harry asked why Colin had given Dobby his old camera, Dobby had kept very quiet, but Harry had in inkling it had something to do with Colin's sudden rather busy life the past year and a bit. It appeared Dudley wasn't only one getting dating advice from a house elf.

"Hello Princess of Darkness!" Harry greeted his astronomy professor cheerfully as he skipped into the room at the top of the tower. New year meant new nicknames, after all. Oh, maybe he should do Snape this year! Also, Voldypants was getting a bit old, maybe it was time to find something new.

"Evening, Chaos Bringer!" Sinistra replied cheerfully, adjusting a telescope and turning to face them with a friendly smile.

Hermione and Neville nodded approvingly. "Accurate, and much more professional than last year's Child of Nightmares." Hermione said decisively.

Harry pouted. "Hey, I loved that nickname! Anyway, any ideas for new names for Voldy? Voldypants is so last academic year, I need something knew."

"Moldyshorts?" Sinistra suggested immediately.

"Perfect." Harry grinned. "I'm doing Snapey this year too, I just decided. For him I'm thinking something the opposite of the norm. For example instead of dingy dungeon bad, Pretty Princess Glitter Sparkles."

"Professor Pink has a nice ring to it." Daphne suggested. Harry giggled.

"Yes! Although so does Professor Glitter Sparkles, so I might use that too. Okay one more- I stopped using the bumblebee as much at the start of fifth year and have sort of just been using Dumbles or Dumbledore, but those two are both so boring. Especially since we have to talk about him and to him so much more now."

"Gossiping about the Headmaster are you?" Sinistra asked. "I have to say, the article in the Quabbler claiming he was part house-elf was highly entertaining."

"Well why else would he be so obsessed with socks? He must be related to Dobby. Honestly, Ginny was a genius for figuring that one out." Harry said. "Anyway, back to nicknames. Any ideas?"

Draco hummed thoughtfully.

"Gandalf." Susan said, as if it were obvious. Harry gave her a high-five.

"Yes! Gandalf it is!"

Daphne looked up hopefully. "If we're back to nicknames, does that mean I can have one now?"

"Nope."

"I hate you, Potter."

Albus Dumbledore headed back to his office after a very pleasant breakfast. He was very much looking forward to drinking tea and eating sherbet lemons whilst he pretended to fill out important paperwork but really just getting all the latest gossip from the portraits.

"I'm so sorry, sir." The griffin said apologetically after Albus gave him the password. "That is incorrect."

"I- excuse me?" Dumbledore blinked in surprise.

The Griffin sighed. "I really don't want to have to do this."

"Do what?"

The Griffin looked to the right of the corridor. No one was there, but Albus could here some loud giggling. At least two people were hiding in the corridor somewhere.

"They're making me do this, I promise you. I'm sorry, Headmaster."

"For what?" Albus was extremely confused now.

"You shall not pass." The Griffin looked pained. Albus frowned.

"I don't understand."

"You don't want to."

Chapter 42: Draco Malfoy Has A Death Wish

"What do you think he'll show us today?" Hermione asked as they made their way to the Headmaster's office for their second meeting. It was nearing the Christmas holidays, and Dumbledore wanted to see them once more before they all went back to Grimmauld.

Ron shrugged "Who knows? One of his memories of Moldy at school, maybe?"

They reached the Griffin and Harry opened his mouth to speak, but before he could the Griffin had already opened the entrance.

"Please, just go up." He begged. Harry looked mildly disappointed. Ron and Hermione shared a confused look but didn't ask - there were some things they were happy to be kept in the dark about.

"Evening Headmaster!" Harry said cheerfully, knocking on the door at the top of the staircase and entering without waiting for permission, Ron and Hermione behind him.

"Evening Harry, Mr Weasley, Miss Granger. I thought perhaps we should take a look at another memory today, one belonging to an old friend of mine." Dumbledore selected a vial from his cabinet, the name 'Bob Odgen' scrawled on the label.

"You stole his memory?" Harry gasped. "You criminal! You're just as bad as my house elves!" Ron bit back a laugh and Hermione sighed loudly.

Dumbledore chuckled. "No, Harry, it was given to me willingly, I assure you. However, we will need to discuss whatever you meant by that house elf comment in due course. Now, this is the memory of a man named Bob Odgen."

The memory itself was quite boring. He went into a not a very nice nice house with some nasty looking people called the Gaunts, who treated the daughter like a squib even though Harry saw her cleaning with magic when no one was watching. Harry could relate to that - no one asked her if she had magic, so why should she tell them? It made total sense!

"Oooh, parseltongue!" Harry announced eagerly when the Gaunt men started hissing to one another.

"Care to translate?" Dumbledore asked hopefully.

Harry waved a dismissive hand. "Not really, they're only talking about taxes. It's so dreary it might send you off to sleep if I translate. Also, is that Slytherin's locket?"

Dumbledore blinked. "I believe so, yes. How did you know?" Harry froze, but luckily Ron was there to save the day with one of Harry's favourite tactics- diversion.

"So these guys are descendants of Slytherin? Are you sure? They don't live very lavishly." Ron said, scrunching up his nose at the dirty house. He was right, of course - the house in a very sorry state indeed. Even Hermione, usually unflappable, looked mildly disgusted as they watched the two male Gaunts argue with Bob Odgen.

"Guys, look!" Harry exclaimed, running to the window. "That's the house I saw in my dream before fourth year! And that's the graveyard Moldyshorts resurrected himself in!"

"See, that's a nice house! Surely the descendants of a literal founder should be living there." Ron added, hands on hips and looking very severe.

Dumbledore smiled. "Alas, that manor actually belongs to a muggle family, known as the Riddles."

"Is Tom Riddle the guy the girl has been watching out of the window this entire time?" Harry asked innocently. Dumbledore looked surprised.

"Er, yes, he is."

"Thing One and Thing Two don't look impressed."

"Marvolo and Morfin Gaunt, Harry." Dumbledore corrected.

"Nah, I prefer Thing One and Two. Oh, that's not very nice!" They watched as Marvolo tore into his daughter, Merope, and Bob Odgen gave Morfin a warning. Or arrested him, Harry wasn't really paying attention.

They left the memory, and Dumbledore invited them to sit. The three sixth years sat opposite Dumbledore at his desk, none of them looking particularly surprised or confused or any of the other emotions Dumbledore had been expecting,

"So?" He prompted. "What did you think?"

"Moldyshorts' parents." Harry said, leaning his chair back. Minnie wasn't there to tell him off, so it was fine. "A secret not-squib and muggle. Love potions definitely involved." Hermione nodded solemnly in agreement.

Dumbledore frowned. "This was supposed to be something you didn't know, Harry. Are you telling me you already had this information?" Harry rolled his eyes.

"Dobby and Kreacher run an underground house-elf gossip ring, I found out all about Moldy's problematic family history ages ago. Also, the name Tom Riddle was sort of a huge giveaway. You could've figured out this whole thing purely from context clues." Harry blinked innocently up at Dumbledore, avoiding direct eye contact.

"And you didn't think to inform me?" Dumbledore questioned.

"You didn't ask. Besides, you clearly already knew, you taught the guy!" Harry pointed out.

Dumbledore looked at Hermione and Ron. "You two?"

"Harry tells us everything." Ron said with an offhanded shrug. "Well, usually. But in fairness, we do ask him."

"It's the only rule." Hermione added. "You don't ask, you don't get."

"Also, isn't this all public knowledge?" Harry asked. Dumbledore shook his head.

"I do not believe so, no."

Harry frowned. "Interesting." Then he yawned.

"Well, that was all for tonight, I'll see the three of you again in a couple of weeks."

"Bye Gandalf!" Harry skipped from the office. Dumbledore looked at Hermione, who sighed.

"Read Lord of the Rings." She said, before following Harry, Ron behind her.

Dumbledore unwrapped a sherbet lemon, lost in thought.

"Harry, are you crazy!" Hermione shrieked, hitting him with the newspaper in her hand. "It's like you want to get killed! Moldyshorts is going to go ballistic!"

"Ha, you used his nickname!" Harry giggled. Hermione hit him again. "Ouch! Look, I'm not the one that tells Rita what to write anymore, I've left that all up to Ginny and Kreacher. If they chose to give her Moldy's backstory that's none of my business."

"She writes for the quibbler now anyway. And no-one really trusts the quibbler fully." Daphne added, making sure Luna wasn't in earshot. "Not Death Eaters at least. And Moldy will have to be careful of his reaction because if he flips out, he makes it look like the truth."

"It is the truth!" Harry exclaimed.

"Yeah, but only us and Dumbledore and maybe Snape know that." Neville reminded him.

"And Sirius and Remus. Oh, and Dudley." Harry added. He loved his two-way mirror, although he's pretty sure Sirius and Remus were sorely regretting giving it to him.

"Dudley? Your awful muggle cousin?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Yeah, he's nice now. Don't worry, I think he's Dobby's new best friend so he's very protected. Also I give him fake names, so he doesn't really have a clue what I'm talking about anyway. And I put a fidelius on Privet Drive with Sirius during the summer, so Moldy will never find them!"

"What about when he's at muggle school?" Neville asked.

"College? Dobby's handling it. I don't ask questions, the less I know about Dobby's activities the better. I think he might be a criminal." Harry didn't seem bothered by that at all. His two house elves were awesome, even if they were crazy kleptomaniac life-coaches with a tendency to gossip like old women.

Draco snorted. "Dobby always was a bit mental." Harry gave Draco a reproachful look.

"Parkinson is looking really ill, still." Daphne said softly, looking over at the Slytherin table. Pansy was sat alone, picking at her food.

"Probably cracking under the pressure of killing Dumbledore." Harry said. "Think we should adopt her, Daphne? Or is she too far gone?"

Daphne shrugged. "I'm not sure. Depends what Moldy has threatened her with."

Astoria and Ginny shared a look. Hermione frowned at them. "What do you two know?"

"She's been going to the Room of Requirement a lot." Ginny said quietly. "Me, Tori, and Lue go up there more than you guys, to practice duelling, and there's been several times we couldn't get in."

"Oh, really? I guess the room can only do one thing at once." Hermione theorised.

"Yeah. Once time we just sort of waited and Pansy came out, she looked like she'd been crying. I don't even think she registered our presence." Astoria added, giving the Slytherin girl a funny look.

"She's got lots of nargles." Luna said dreamily, joining them at the Gryffindor table.

"There isn't much we can do, really." Draco pointed out. "Even if she is, none of us are particularly close with her, so she won't tell any of us anything. I have a target on my back, Daphne's parents have fled, and you guys are Gryffindor golden children."

"I'll ask Kreacher to keep an eye on the map for us." Harry decided. "He is one busy elf you know. Somehow between stealing stuff, helping write Quibblers and Quabblers and mentoring Winky, he managed to find time to help Susan plan a fool-proof method to take over the ministry once the war is over. They're still working on it, I believe. I think she's planning on fighting you for minister for magic, Mione."

"Ew, I don't want to be minister." Hermione wrinkled her nose. "Not unless there's someone co-ministering with me. I think the pressure would kill me or burn me out." She shuddered at the thought. For all Hermione's smarts, she was very afraid of failure, and had people pleasing tendencies that would make it difficult for her to make big decisions that effects the entire country. Susan, however, did not give a damn what anyone else thought of her. They would complement each other well, as Susan hated all the admin tasks and written things Hermione adored.

"Perfect! I'll tell Susan you want in on her plan. It's very detailed, right up your street."

Hermione frowned. "We don't see much of Susan at the moment. Has she been plotting every day?"

Harry shrugged. "No, but she's still got her Hufflepuff friends she needs to spend time with. I think Neville hangs out with them a lot too, don't you Nev?"

"I reckon he's got a crush on Hannah." Ron said, waggling his eyebrows. Neville blushed.

"I- Bye!" He ran off, leaving the rest of his friends in fits of laughter.

"Good morning Professor Pink!" Harry said cheerfully as the sixth years entered the defence classroom. Snape scowled, the nickname still as abhorrent as the first three hundred times Harry had used it.

"Non-verbal casting." Snape said, as soon as they were all seated. He gave a brief summary and split them off into pairs, taking in turns to cast a hex non-verbally and erect a shield non-verbally.

Harry grinned when all his HA members were able to successfully perform non-verbal magic with ease. They had practicing since the beginning of the year, helped along by their time spent in silence during the fourth year common room competition. Harry and Hermione were discussing moving onto wandless magic after Christmas. Snape's look of shock and slight terror, mixed with what was definitely something along the lines of impressed, was highly entertaining.

"They're going to take over the world." He whispered to the tabby cat on his desk, who meowed and pushed a tin of biscuits closer to him with her head.

In the end, Snape dismissed them early.

"Thank you Professor Glitter Sparkles!" Harry cackled loudly and Hermione and Daphne stared at a smirking Draco in shock. Ron and Neville leant on each other for support as they laughed.

Snape span on his heel, giving his Godson a nasty glare he usually reserved for Harry.

"What did you just call me?" He asked, voice soft and dangerous. Draco gulped, but repeated the name without a single shake in his voice. Harry was very, very impressed. Snape clearly was not, and the look he gave Draco was thunderous.

"RUN!" Harry yelled, grabbing the blonde by the arm and pulling him from the Defence classroom.

No one seemed to question why Snape refused to call Draco 'Mr Malfoy' for the rest of the year. Instead, he addressed him only as 'Ferret'.

Chapter 43: Walburga Returns

"SIRIUS!"

"HARRY!"

Harry hugged his dogfather tightly and waved at a scowling Remus.

"Harry James Potter, you'd better have a good explanation for the gnomes that I was assured would never come near me again." He said sternly. Harry grinned - Remus did look a bit worse for wear.

"It wasn't me." He answered truthfully. "Have you done something to annoy Kreacher? The gnomes are quite taken with him."

"Has anyone told you that you have the strangest two house-elves ever?" Bill asked as he came out of the dining room to greet them all.

Harry shrugged. "They might be a bit odd by typical standards, but they're very effective. It also won't be two for much longer either."

"What does that mean?" Remus demanded. "I thought Dobby and Kreacher were both male?"

"What? Ew! No Remus, that's disgusting. Neither of my house elves are female or pregnant, we're just adopting another one." Bill grinned and ruffled his hair.

Sirius paled. "No, not another demented elf, please!" Harry's smug grin only got wider.

"Oh don't worry, Winky still isn't in a good frame of mind, so she won't start learning the ropes from Dobby and Kreacher until Kreacher has sorted her drinking problem." Sirius put his head in his hands and let out a pitiful whine.

"Kreacher is helping someone? That's new." Narcissa commented.

Harry tilted his head. "He's an excellent therapist, you know." He said seriously. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Please tell me the Weasleys are still staying with us."

Fred and George nodded emphatically. "Of course we are." They chorused.

"And don't worry-"

"Mum is cooking."

"Thank goodness!" Harry sighed with relief. "Sirius can't cook for anything."

Sirius gasped in offence. "Oi! That's mean."

"You burnt water." Remus pointed out. "Which is scientifically impossible."

"Yeah but to be fair, a snake winked at me in the zoo once and snakes don't have eyelids." Harry pointed out. "Looking back, I swear that snake was actually Nagini."

Ginny frowned. "Nagini? Whose that?"

"Moldy's snake." Harry told her. "Although I feel like I read about a Nagini in fantastic beasts and in one of the Grindelwald books back in my 'maybe being a dark lord would be kind of cool' era."

Before anyone could question Harry on that particular titbit of information, Molly appeared. "Right then you lot, go and take your things upstairs and come back down for dinner." She ordered, hugging each child warmly and then swatting them away with a tea towel. They all did as they were told, racing up the stairs and giggling.

Daphne and Astoria flooed from Grimmauld place to Italy that evening, where their parents were staying with Blaise Zabini and his mother. Susan and Neville were with their own families for the holidays, as was Luna, so Christmas felt much quieter than the summer.

Susan did promise to come over in the evening on Christmas day for the rest of the holidays.

"You know, Hermione, at least we missed the Slug club party." Harry grimaced. "Why Gandalf was so insistent we go makes no sense whatsoever."

"Except it does." Hermione said with a small frown. "He was a teacher when Moldy was a student, you know. And didn't you say he knew some of his secrets?"

Harry frowned. "I can't remember, I'll have to read back a few chapters and refresh my memory."

"Read back a few- mate, what are you talking about?" Ron asked.

Draco sighed loudly. "He's writing a Potter memoir." He explained in a bored tone of voice. "Because he wants to practice before he actually gets to write in the official Potter memoir. Really, it's just a diary."

"Hey! I do not write a diary." Harry pouted.

"He does it because Kreacher told him to for his mental wellbeing." Ginny added with a giggle. Harry blushed.

"Ginevra Weasley, my sessions with Kreacher are confidential, how do you know that?"

"I read it on the first page of your diary."

"You READ my DIARY?!" Harry shrieked.

"So, it is a diary then." Draco quipped, and Hermione coughed to hide her laugh.

"I- ugh, I hate you all." Harry stormed from the room, and they heard him kick open another door and enter a random room, muttering loudly to himself.

"AND MINUS THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE POINTS, FROM ALL OF YOU!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"FILTHY MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS, STAINING MY HOME WITH YOUR AWFUL STENCH!"

"I think it's safe to say that Harry has found Walburga and any hope of some peace and quiet for the next two weeks is gone." Hermione said, turning the page of her book.

"I thought Sirius had burned the painting." Ron said, eyeing the door suspiciously, as if Harry was about burst in with the Black Matriarch. Which in fairness, he probably was.

"He lied." Draco explained. "Portraits like that can't be destroyed, which is why particularly annoying portraits tend to end up in family vaults."

"So why didn't Sirius or your mum put her in one?" Hermione asked.

"Because the Goblins despise Walburga so much she is one of the only people who was banned from ever entering the bank, including in painting form."

"That's hilarious." Ginny grinned as Harry was dragged back into the room by his ear. Sirius deposited him on a chair and stood over him, scowling furiously.

Harry blew a raspberry at him. Sirius, being very mature, blew one right back.

Walburga was apprehended and relocated that same day. Harry and the twins spent most of their time leading up to Christmas trying to find her again. Not even Minerva's biscuits deterred them. Snape, who still took great pleasure in messing with Sirius and Remus, would make snide comments that the twins knew how to interpret as suggestions and tips on where to find hidden rooms and passages that the portrait might be.

They took great joy in finding out from Snape that Grimmauld also had secret passages to discover. How Snape knew was a mystery, but Narcissa told them he was best friends with Sirius' younger brother, Regulus, so that could have been it.

Then, as promised, Snape's anti singing potion wore off on Christmas eve, right in the middle of an order meeting. Naturally, Harry, the twins, Sirius, Bill, Tonks, Kingsley and Charlie started singing uproariously from their various rooms of the house, not caring about whatever goose chase Dumbledore was trying to discuss next. That same evening, Snape dosed them all with a much stronger version of the potion by spiking their food.

They couldn't speak for hours afterwards, let along sing. The group took great pleasure in communicating with wild gestures and enjoyed calling everyone rude names silently. Draco, who was an excellent lip-reader, had to excuse himself to keep from laughing.

Christmas was fun, as it always was. Once Susan arrived and they had their voices back, she managed to persuade Harry to end the Walburga hunt. How? No one knew. Hermione was extremely jealous of how easily Susan managed to get Harry to do whatever she wanted. She didn't even use biscuits!

"Hermione, stop giving me the evils." Susan said, not looking up from her parchment. The two girls were alone in the library, studying. "If you want to know what I did, you need only ask."

"It's just not fair!" Hermione exclaimed, snapping her book shut. "He just does what he's told as soon as you get here, and it makes no sense!"

"Hermione." Susan said, looking up at the irate Gryffindor. "Why do you think I asked Harry for joint custody of his house elves last year when I won the points thing?"

"Because you're secretly just as crazy as he is."

"Oh, Hermione." Susan said softly. "You're right, but also so, so wrong. I asked for joint custody because Dobby and Kreacher already love me far more than him. By having the ability to let them do what I wanted, even against Harry's wishes, I gave myself a huge advantage."

"But what's that got to do with Harry ending the Walburga hunt?" Hermione asked, intrigued. Susan laughed.

"Kreacher has been tailing Harry and the twins, invisible, since I arrived. Every time they so much as mention Walburga, he slaps them with the fly swatter. I had to buy him his own one, since Dobby doesn't share. It's basically McGonagall's biscuit method, but reversed."

Hermione stared at Susan, admiration shining in her eyes. "Marry me." She said. Susan grinned.

"No, sorry. But I can teach you."

A few days later, Susan received a letter from her aunt.

"Guys, someone got poisoned at Slughorn's Christmas party. Apparently Slughorn had been given a bottle of butterbeer with poison in it that he was planning on giving to Dumbledore." Susan frowned and handed the letter to Harry.

"What? That's insane. What is up with Hogwarts wards?" Harry asked, scanning the letter himself and passing it to Hermione, who snatched it from him and read quickly.

"Someone really wants to assassinate Gandalf." Ron said, looking slightly faint.

Draco snorted. "Their attempts are rubbish. Dumbledore isn't stupid enough to fall for any of these."

Susan shook her head, writing a response to her aunt and giving it to Hedwig, who nipped her ear gently and flew off.

"First you steal my house elves, and now my owl." Harry pouted. "Is everyone in my life destined to love you more than me?"

"Yes." Susan said playfully, winking at him. "Even Sirius."

"Never!" Harry exclaimed. "Sirius?"

Sirius waved a hand at him, mid-conversation with Remus. "Sirius? Sirius, don't ignore me!"

"Hey, Sirius?" Sirius looked away from Remus and smiled at Susan. Remus did too.

"Yes?" Susan grinned triumphantly and Harry pouted again.

Three days before the end of the holidays, Harry bounced on the balls of his feet, unable to keep still. He was brimming with excitement, staring at the front door intently.

As soon as the doorbell rang, he pulled it open and grinned excitedly at the man on the doorstep.

Dudley Dursley had a very strange life. As a baby, he was used to receiving all the love his parents could give. Then, his younger cousin came along and Dudley had to share. Luckily for him, his parents also hated the new addition, and Dudley discovered that his parents seemed to love Dudley so much more when he joined in with making fun of his tiny scrap of a cousin.

Once they started school, it became obvious that Harry was much cleverer than him, and made friends far more easily than he did. Not knowing how to handle the jealously, he beat his cousin up and scared his friends off. He cried to his parents who forced his cousin to pretend to be dumb. Dudley, the spoiled brat he was, loved every second.

As they got older, Dudley began to feel guilty. Especially when the scary giant man came and told his cousin he was a wizard, and how his parents really died. Dudley couldn't help but feel bad, knowing how he'd feel if his parents died.

After his cousin left for school, Dudley began to think for himself for the first time in his life. He watched other families, and heard how other children spoke to each other. Siblings, cousins, friends. When his cousin came back in the summer, Dudley mostly avoided him, not sure how to deal with the foreign feelings. He couldn't resist poking at him sometimes, but the ugly feeling he got afterwards left him feeling worse.

After his cousin's second year away, Dudley avoided him completely. He was secretly quite amused when Harry blew up Aunt Marge and scarpered.

The next summer, Harry came back. However, the following one he didn't. The only time Dudley felt he even came close to seeing his cousin was when those scary dementoids attacked him out of nowhere and a silvery stag scared them away. A man in a funny robe had visited them and explained that the creatures were prison guards sent to try and suck out Harry's soul or frame him for something or other.

The Christmas after his summer absence, the fireplace flashed green and Harry appeared. Dudley threw his controller across the room and screamed in shock, not expecting his younger cousin to appear so randomly in the fireplace. Once he'd recovered, he tried to talk nicely to his cousin and then willingly helped the barrage of redheads and brunettes that came through the fire next.

A few weeks later, Dudley received a letter from Harry, delivered by a strange looking creature. His mother had shrieked and thrown a frying pan at him. Dudley quickly yanked the creature upstairs and scribbled a reply.

Thus began a tentative friendship with his cousin. Harry's letters were often a bit strange, and Dudley sometimes wondered if he was a little bit crazy, but then again the creature Harry had sent with the letter was very strange too, so maybe it was just a magic thing.

Over time, the creature (who Harry called Dobby the house-elf) helped Dudley truly see the error of his ways, helped him process all the ugly feelings he'd been battling with, and helped him completely reform his life. Apparently Dobby was a licenced life coach, and knew the basics of being a therapist from his best friend, Harry's other house-elf. He was also very good at hitting things with a fly swatter. Dudley wasn't a fan, but it did help him cut down on snacking when his hand was smacked each time he automatically reached for food he wasn't even hungry for.

Since the age of two, Dudley Dursley ate, slept, played videogames, and beat up anyone he didn't like with his friends. Over a decade later, Dudley Dursley slept a normal amount and woke up early. He started his day with a run or a workout at the gym, then ate a normal sized breakfast, lunch and dinner. Between meals, he studied and attended college, working much harder than he did for his GCSEs. Dobby taught him to cook. In the evenings, he got himself a job working in a restaurant as a waiter, and met the most amazing girl who also worked there. She went to the same college as him, which was awesome! He also made new, far better friends, and enjoyed how uplifting and positive friendships could be. Who new normal activities like skating or going to theme parks could be just as fun when you waited your turn and didn't try and fight with anyone?

His parents didn't seem very happy with how in control of his life he was. Dudley didn't care - his girlfriend was helping him find an apartment, and the restaurant had offered him a full time job for when he finished college, having discovered how good of a cook he was.

The year between the Christmas Harry visited and the following Christmas had changed his life. He found out his girlfriend was the sister of a muggleborn boy at Harry's school, so he could talk to her about Harry and his letters. They wrote at least once a week, and Harry invited Dudley and his girlfriend to come and stay with them after Christmas for a few days. Dudley agreed, as long as he was given the opportunity to apologise sincerely to everyone for his actions, and the redheaded twins promised not to make his tongue grow again.

And so here they were, on the doorstep to an odd looking house. The address had been written down for them in unfamiliar handwriting, and they had to read it in order to see the place. Hesitantly, Dudley reached out and knocked twice on the large door.

Chapter 44: Muggles At Grimmauld!

"Hey, big D!" Harry shook Dudley's hand, looking a mixture of nervous and excited. "Welcome home! Well, not my home, Sirius' home. Remember I told you and Vernon and Petunia about that escaped criminal that was actually my godfather?" He babbled on and Dudley just nodded with a small smile, looking nervously at the other people watching them. His girlfriend, Shannon, squeezed his hand.

Dudley recognised a few of the people staring (more like glaring) at him. Many of them had invaded their house last Christmas, but some he had never seen before. The twins were eyeing him up; Dudley gulped and trusted that Harry wouldn't let them do anything too painful to him. He was almost sure they would at least leave Shannon alone, since she hadn't been the one bullying Harry for over a decade.

"And you must be Shannon!" Harry shook Shannon's hand enthusiastically.

"Hi, Harry. It's a pleasure to meet you at last. Wait, Susan?"

"Shannon!" Dudley and Harry watched with identical looks of confusion as the two girls hugged, before Susan dragged her off for a catch up.

"Er, that was odd." One of the redheads scratched the back of his head, and Dudley recognised him to be the one that helped himself to their breakfast last Christmas.

"Shannon did say she knew a few huffa-whatsits." Dudley said nervously. "Her brother, Justin, is in that house."

"Justin Finch-Fletchley?" Harry asked in surprise. "He's in our year. What an odd coincidence! Aren't they filthy rich?"

Dudley nodded. "Yeah. Justin was meant to go to Eton and Shannon went to a fancy girls' school. Her parents paid for her to go to the same college Dad paid for me to go to."

"I see." Harry shook his head. "I always forget Uncle Vernon is rich, probably because of the abuse and the fact none of it was ever spent on me. Anyway, these are my friends Ron, Hermione, and Draco." Harry pointed at the redhead, the brunette girl and the blonde in turn. The redhead glared at him, the brunette nodded curtly but her eyes were sharp, and the blonde just raised a brow and inclined his head slightly.

Harry continued, oblivious to the tension. He pointed at the twins. "Those two are Fred and George. They like to confuse people with who is who though, so you can just call them Gred and Forge if you like. Only their parents, me, and Snape get it right 100% of the time, but Bill and Charlie are pretty good at it. The one on the right is Fred, left is George."

Dudley nodded at them with a gulp and they smirked at him. Dudley tilted his head and discovered it was actually pretty easy to tell them apart. He didn't say anything though, as they were still mildly terrifying.

He followed Harry into the kitchen and sighed gratefully to see Dobby waving at him from his position on another redhead's shoulder.

"That's Bill, he'd the oldest Weasley. You know Dobby already, he likes sitting there because he can see over everybody's heads. Kreacher is with Susan probably, the traitor. That's Remus, he was friends with my parents, and Sirius is my godfather. He's that one over there, as you know."

Dudley frowned. "The criminal who wasn't really a criminal?"

"Yes. So you did pay attention to my letters! Those two are Mr and Mrs Weasley, but they'll tell you off for calling them that, so it's Molly and Arthur. The lady over there is Draco's mum, Narcissa Malfoy. She's a bit scary, but don't worry, it's only her husband who hates muggles."

"Right."

"Oh, and there's an order meeting later! So we'll be trying to disrupt that again, obviously. Any ideas?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Er, no?"

"That's fine, Susan and Ginny have a million. Oh, you're going to LOVE Ginny. Especially in the mornings. She loves mornings!" Yet another redhead snorted.

The brunette girl, Hermione, whispered. "Charlie." to Dudley as Harry babbled on, before dragging him up the stairs.

Harry was quite impressed with Dudley. Now a more or less average size and looking far healthier, with actual muscle, he seemed far happier than he did as a kid. He settled in to Grimmauld place surprisingly fast.

His girlfriend Shannon was lovely, and fitted in easily amongst the odd group of Wizards. Harry was delighted when Dumbledore introduced himself to Dudley with a grandfatherly smile and got a raised eyebrow and a "You're the man that keeps sort of trying to kill my cousin by putting him in dangerous situations, right?". To everyone's surprise, Snape had laughed, actually laughed, and told Dudley that he was far more easy to stomach than his mother.

Dudley made his public apology, which melted a lot of the ice. He'd written a whole speech, bless him.

Once Harry's friends all got over their grudges against Dudley for bullying Harry for so long, it was like he'd been one of them since the beginning. Molly loved having him help her cook in the kitchen, and he taught her some muggle hacks that changed her life. The twins, surprisingly, took him under their wing, and Harry was slightly terrified at the three identical grins they sometimes shot each other. Ron complained at how quickly Dudley figured out how to tell the twins apart - especially kept tight-lipped on the matter.

Harry was a bit miffed if he was now Sirius' fourth favourite after Luna, Susan and Shannon, but he didn't mind too much because he got closer with Remus as a result. The two could often be found complaining about being left out. And anyway, he was still Sirius' only and therefore favourite godson, so that was a bonus.

Draco and Narcissa were very polite, but it still took them a few days to get used to interacting with Muggles. Harry knew Dudley was already fairly used to magic from Dobby, and was pleased he was no longer all hateful and scared of it.

Luna and Neville showed up with Daphne and Astoria a week before they had to go back to school, and Dudley got on weirdly well with Luna. It sort of made sense, though - Dudley had spent a lot of time with just Dobby and Harry's letters for company until Shannon came along, and everyone knew how eccentric and downright insane Dobby and Harry were.

All in all, it was a pleasant end to the Christmas Holidays. Dudley and Shannon left the day before the others had to go to Hogwarts, with promises to write and to meet up again at some point. Harry and Susan were already plotting how to sneak them in to Hogwarts. The twins had a shared apartment with Lee and Angelina and there was a spare two rooms, so they had offered them to both Dudley and Shannon. They accepted readily with the promise they would help in the shop and cook for them all at weekends. The restaurant chain they worked for offered to transfer them to one of their restaurants nearer to the twins' residence once Dudley and Shannon finished college. Harry was very pleased for them both.

Dudley reflected on the past week as he and Shannon began to pack to leave Grimmauld place.

Harry's life was very... strange. Where he'd once had a scrawny cousin who was scared of his own shadow and had no friends or family, he now had a thriving cousin who looked well-fed and healthy, surrounded by chosen family and more friends than Dudley could count. He also seemed happy. Really happy.

So what if Harry was a bit strange? He and Dudley had broken free from the abuse Petunia had Vernon had put them under. Harry's was worse, of course, but Dudley was also neglected, in a different sense.

When Dudley thought Harry was a bit strange, he meant really strange. He talked a lot about toads, and mould, and made a point of bringing up jam whenever the blonde, Draco, would enter a room. He seemed to have a friend in a mental hospital, Gilbert or something, and the scary Professor from Harry's school would often mention Harry intentionally antagonising a very scary evil murderer. Surprisingly, Dudley wasn't surprised.

The Headmaster of Harry's school was also very odd, and Harry didn't seem to like him much. Harry did, however, love his phoenix, which followed Harry around whenever the Headmaster visited. The only other two professors Dudley met were also very nice - one never went anywhere without a biscuit tin and was both severe and really funny, and clearly loved Harry like a grandson. She also could turn into a cat, which was cool. The other was younger and very cool, and called Harry "Chaos Bringer". Dudley wondered if it was normal in the magical world for teachers to see their students so much outside of school. He asked the twins, who he found himself actually quite liking once he got over the fear of them messing with his tongue again. The twins said it wasn't, but nothing had really been normal since Harry had joined the school.

Susan was nice, and he found out that despite being a redhead, she wasn't a Weasley. Harry seemed to spend most of his time with her. Harry's other friends didn't really seem to notice, which Dudley thought was quite funny. Hermione and Ron were still a bit off with him, but he didn't really blame them. When some of Harry's other friends had arrived, they had interrogated and threatened him whilst Harry was on a "secret mission" with one of the redheads. After that, they were much friendlier.

Dudley thought about all of Harry's friends, each with their own strange quirks and all equally as terrifying when they wanted to be.

Hermione had grown up muggle and he and Shannon could talk to her about topics they were familiar with, once she warmed up to them. However, she had a knife that she seemed to enjoy threatening to cut people's hair and beards off with (Harry later told him she'd charmed it so the hair couldn't be regrown magically). She was also obsessed with some book written by a prince, that Harry seemed equally taken by.

Ron was a bit socially awkward, but he also came up with comebacks really quickly. He repeatedly beat the scary teacher at chess, making the teacher angrier every time. Apparently the teacher, who Harry called Professor Glitter Sparkles, hated losing, and would not stop playing Ron until he beat him. Ron had a blue cloak he sometimes wore randomly, which seemed to be an inside joke and everyone always sniggered when he did so. They had lots of inside jokes, and even the ones Harry tried to explain still made little sense.

Neville, when he arrived, was very pleasant and probably the quietest in the group. He was obsessed with plants and spent lots of time out in the garden of Grimmauld Place, where he had his own greenhouse. Dudley sometimes wondered if he was using it for something else, because he sometimes came back looking all dazed and oddly sprightly. Harry told him that some magical plants could make you feel all funny if you spent too long in their presence.

Draco was quite posh, and was teased mercilessly for it. He hated jam with a passion and he was almost as studious as Hermione. For some reason, he would go bright red and splutter whenever he saw Harry wearing a weird badge that said something about fly-squashers. The scary teacher addressed Draco only as "ferret", which was almost definitely another inside joke.

Daphne was short-tempered and sarcastic, and liked to threaten people. She and Harry would bicker for hours then suddenly unite to verbally destroy someone else. They would also both cry together over a shared bowl of ice cream whenever someone got cross with them. She often seemed bemused by Harry's antics and just sort of let him drag her around to do whatever it was that Harry wanted to do, whereas if anyone else tried that she hexed them. Dudley thought it was illegal to use magic outside of school, but apparently they could in the house without detection.

Astoria was very similar to her sister, but when Dudley pointed it out he got donkey ears and green skin for it, so he never said it again.

Ginny Weasley was the youngest and possibly the scariest Weasley, especially in the mornings. She didn't lie in for as long as Ron, but she woke up extremely grumpy and no one spoke to her until she'd had her coffee. If they did, they found their room full of walking and talking gnomes. She had a stash of them hidden somewhere, and Susan told him Kreacher definitely had something to do with it. Apparently Kreacher liked Ginny almost as much as Susan and Harry. Harry seemed to delight in removing something called "people points" from Ginny at every given opportunity.

Luna was airy and eccentric, and Harry treated her like she was his little sister. The two would talk what appeared to be nonsense for hours, and if anyone ever mentioned the future they would look at her as if she had all the answers. It was funny, because sometimes Ron would have said the exact same thing as Luna, but no-one would believe him until Luna confirmed whatever it was they were discussing. Dudley enjoyed her company, as she reminded him a bit of Dobby. Once he learned her language, he found it quite easy to communicate with her.

Susan was witty and very outgoing, but also very stubborn. She was apparently plotting to take over the nation, which no-one seemed to doubt she would achieve with ease. Shannon spent most her time with Susan, when Susan wasn't with Harry who knows where. Susan was also extremely close with the house-elves, and they clearly adored her. Dudley knew Harry was jealous, especially as Dobby had told Harry outright that Dudley and Susan were his favourites. Kreacher never said anything of the sort, but he was much nicer to Susan than to anyone else. The third elf Dudley didn't see much, but when he did she always seemed to be crying. That elf spent a lot of time with Mrs Weasley and Kreacher.

Mrs Weasley was both very motherly and very scary, and Mr Weasley would ask lots of odd questions about Dudley's very normal life and world. In return, Dudley got to ask odd questions about the magical world. Mr Weasley and Harry seemed to have a weird obsession with rubber ducks, which even the scary teacher didn't comment on, even when they were mentioned at least six times a day. Harry's ex-convict godfather was clearly off his rocker, just like Harry. He, Harry and the twins would prank each other mercilessly. Well, they pranked everyone to be fair, except for the the scary teacher and the strict teacher who was also apparently a cat. Dudley thought the biscuit tin might have something to do with it, as she often patted it fondly. Susan seemed to enjoy initiating prank wars by using the house elves to target one of the four pranksters, and then watching as they blamed each other and got revenge.

Remus was quiet and friendly and Narcissa Malfoy was polite but intimidating. Tonks was funny, could change her appearance at will, and her mother was also intimidating and definitely related to Narcissa. The older two Weasleys were welcoming enough, and Dudley got on extremely well with the twins.

All in all, Harry's family and friends were the weirdest people Dudley had ever met, but also some of the nicest.

He was a bit disappointed when Harry had to leave, but then the twins had offered for him and Shannon to move into their two spare rooms once they had finished college, which made things much easier. They lived near another restaurant in the chain Shannon and Dudley worked for, and with Diagon Alley being in London, they would be very close to some of the top Universities.

It did mean they were slightly exposed to the war, but apparently Harry and his group of friends had a top-secret master plan, so he wasn't super worried.

Dudley didn't tell his parents where he was moving to. In fact, he didn't really tell them anything at all.

Chapter 45: The One With The Adrenaline Junkie

"Home sweet home." Harry sighed happily as they entered the castle. "It's weird - I know home should be the place you go to when school isn't on, but this place is where home is for me."

"Don't leave then." Draco said, smirking. "Get a job here when you graduate - Uncle Severus will love you for it." Harry laughed and prodded him in the back as they made their way to the great hall.

"I hope Kreacher has made sure there's potatoes." Harry smiled in delight when he saw there was, in fact, roast potatoes being served along with the spaghetti bolognaise.

"Why potatoes?" Susan asked skeptically, helping herself to garlic bread.

"Oh be quiet, Sue, as if they didn't put out the garlic bread just for you." Harry shot back, and squealed when a slice of the named food hit him square on the nose. Susan smirked with satisfaction, taking a roast potato and munching it thoughtfully.

"You know, this sort of works!" She said in surprise. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Liar." She said, sitting next to Draco and poking Susan on the arm. Daphne grinned. "You're just trying to win the bet with Harry."

"I solemnly swear there is no bet." Harry said, sipping his water (Pumpkin juice tasted funny) and raising a brow at Hermione. "You're just paranoid."

"Oh yeah? I wonder why that is?" She gave Harry a pointed look which he proceeded to ignore in favour of helping himself to six potatoes. "I still don't understand where your sudden love of potatoes has come from."

"Charlie." Ron said with his mouth full. Hermione grimaced and hit him on the arm across the table.

Harry nodded in agreement before turning to look at the teacher's table with narrowed eyes. "Dumbledore is missing." He muttered. Daphne shrugged.

"Where now, do you think?" The group shared a look. "At least its not Hagrid this year." Daphne pointed out. Harry nodded emphatically in agreement.

"Poor Hagrid." Neville said, watching sympathetically as Hagrid slumped dejectedly at the staff table. "He really loves that spider."

"It's okay, Neville." Ron said comfortingly. "There's still a many-legathon of them in the forest."

"Er, about that." Harry said awkwardly.

Hermione sighed. "What have you done now?"

Susan was the one to answer her. "Look, after all these assassination attempts on Gandalf-"

Daphne scoffed. "I can't believe we're still calling him that. Once he finds out who Gandalf actually is, his ego will grow even more."

Susan continued as if no one had spoken.

"-and the continued endangerment of students, despite all of Harry's escapades being made public in fourth year -"

"Not all of them." Ron said through a mouthful of food.

"Will you lot quit talking over me!"

"Sorry, sorry! You really will make a good country leader with that attitude, Merlin!"

"Shut up Ron! Anyway, me and Harry may or may not have written to my aunt." Susan sighed, pleased to finally be able to finish her very long winded explanation. "Sure, the forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason, but teenagers love taking risks. They could easily wander too far in to the forest and die." She looked at Ron and Harry pointedly, who shifted in their seats and refused to meet her eye. "I believe they came and moved the colony to a reserve in Canada."

"They left the centaurs, right?" Harry asked. Susan nodded. "Good, I owe them a HUGE thank you for dealing with the Toad. I was thinking of getting them personalised horseshoes. Or would that be disrespectful?" He turned to Daphne, who shook her head.

"I don't think it would be disrespectful, but I don't think it would be particularly useful to them." She said thoughtfully.

"Alrighty, weapons it is!" Harry nodded firmly.

"Harry, no- and he's gone." Hermione sighed exasperatedly and went back to eating her food, stroking Harry's potions textbook protectively in her bag with her free hand. Daphne snorted.

Lessons started back up without much fanfare. In Divination, Trelawney greeted them with the eagerness she only had for Harry and Ron.

"Well?" She said immediately, as they all sat down. "Anything to report to the class, boys?" Parvati and Lavender leaned forwards in anticipation.

"Oh yes, lots of things!" Harry nodded emphatically, glasses bouncing on his nose. "I had a dream that a pug tried to catch a bumblebee and got stung on the node."

"Do you mean nose?" Dean asked, eyebrows raised.

"No, her node. When you hurt your node you can't really say node properly." Harry explained.

"So node is nose in hurt nose language?" Ron asked, as if it were a completely normal question.

"Yed. Ooo, I fink we should talk in node language from dow on." Harry grinned and wrinkled his nose as if to prove a point, smirking at Ron.

"No." Neville said firmly. "Doo far, no node language pwease." Ron and Harry's grins grew wider.

"No node wanguage? Bud dat woud be Woldy's wanguage." Harry explained. Neville sighed and shook his head mournfully.

"I dow, id is so sad." He said, whilst Ron stifled his laughter.

Dean and Seamus shared an uneasy glance.

"The craziness is contagious." Dean whispered to the remaining sane Gryffindors. "Now we've lost poor Neville."

"We all saw it coming." Parvati said, shaking her head. "How many of us will be infected by seventh year, do you think?"

Lavender and Seamus shrugged.

"Okay, so the pug got stung. Anything else?" Trelawney prompted, bringing their focus back to the matter at hand.

"No." Harry sat bolt upright. "Oh! Except a really strange dream when me and a bird that was really scared of dying fell in a lake and started drowning."

"Oh!" Trelawney brightened. "You think you saw your death?" Harry frowned thoughtfully.

"Maybe, but I don't think I'll die until my super cool danger mark does. Do you want to see it?" Harry offered eagerly.

Seamus pinched his nose, as if Harry was a toddler that was being deliberately irritating. Which, in fairness, he probably was. "Please tell me your super cool danger mark has nothing to do with your scar." He said, raising a brow.

"Of course not!" Harry gasped and put a hand on his chest with a wounded expression. "My super cool danger mark is a temporary tattoo that will disappear when I die." He lifted his sleeve to reveal a small black tattoo. The tattoo read 'Super cool danger mark.' Harry purposefully didn't show them the arrow next to the writing, pointing up towards his forehead.

"I see." Trelawney said thoughtfully. "You know, child, I was looking at the cards earlier, and they showed me something about a lake. Ronald, dear, why don't you take a look in the crystal ball and tell us what you see."

Intrigued, Parvati and Lavender turned their sharp gaze to Ron, who gulped nervously and peered into the crystal ball.

"I see... huh, that's weird."

"What?" Harry asked.

"I see Dudley, he's holding a gun and pointing it at a hyena. Oh, he shot it! It's laughing, which is weird as it's bleeding out. Oh, it's definitely dead now. Dudley seems very proud of himself."

"How very strange." Harry said. "Well, I think that's all for today. Class dismissed!" The other sixth years, so used to Harry being in charge during HA meetings, all stood and walked out of the room. Trelawney blinked in surprise but let them go.

Harry's favourite time of the week was still assisting Snape with the first to third year classes. It was surprisingly fun, coming up with lesson plans and teaching students. It helped that they were all enthusiastic learners.

They were even all brave enough to ask Snape questions after seeing how casually Snape and Harry debated topics with each other in order to help them extend their knowledge. As loathe as Snape would be to admit it, Harry was delighted to tell anyone who asked that they made quite a good team.

The HA was still a huge hit. Just for the thrill, Harry always scheduled it after curfew, as he found it harder and harder to get a dopamine rush these days. He'd even considered just jumping off the astronomy tower to see if he could copy Neville's accidental magic stunt and bounce.

Oh, maybe he should make his firebolt hover under the astronomy tower and try and land on it instead! That would make him look super cool. Unfortunately, there were probably spells on the tower to prevent students from doing just that. Except, knowing Dumbledore...

He was tempted to sneak out of Hogwarts to try and find Bellatrix so he could play a bit of life-or-death tag again, just for the adrenaline. He may have a slight addiction to danger, but he would never admit it. Especially to Daphne, who would give him the 'I told you so' look he'd grown to despise. Hers was way more smug than Hermione's and Draco's. And usually involved violence.

Anyhow, he still sent Moldy the customary weekly patronus, monologuing about whatever took his fancy. This week, it was turtles.

Dumbledore was as mysterious as ever, which was irritating but also hilarious. He thought he was a main character and Harry couldn't help but giggle about it. Dumbledore was just as insignificant as most of the other irrelevant side characters. Who were slowly becoming more relevant, but Harry lived in denial.

Gryffindor won the quidditch match, of course, and were one step closer to the final. Harry thought it would be an easy win - Cho and Cedric were gone, Malfoy was still only an average seeker, and Cedric and Cho's replacements were still newbies. Harry had it in the bag for sure! Unless he died. Unexpectedly.

Bored out of his mind, Harry decided becoming an animagus may give him enough of a rush to deter him from hunting down Death Eaters for funsies. So he mirrored Sirius and got practicing.

It took two months. But, naturally, Harry's attempts finally worked and he was pleased to see he was a fox. Cute, playful and sneaky. According to Susan, it suited him well. Being the honest student he was, he got himself on the registry. Ron might have said it was only to rub it in the Minister's face that he was a better wizard than him, but Ron was a big fat liar. If the look on Fudge's face was captured in a photograph by Colin, that was Harry and Colin's business alone.

Shortly after and completely unrelated to Harry, Fudge finally resigned and a man named Rufus Scrimgour took over.

"Cornelius, Rufus, why do ministers always have dog names?" Daphne asked, reading the paper in distaste. Harry nodded vehemently in agreement.

"You'll have to change you name when you become minister, Sue. What about Muffin, or Cupcake?" Susan smacked him on the arm. "Ouch! Sorry, sorry! Strawberry Shortcake would be perf-" Harry took full advantage of his new fox form to run away from Susan's outstretched hand. She smacked the air with vengeance. Harry barked teasingly at her and scarpered.

His fox form was his pride and joy. He used it mostly to bug Snape, following him around and playing with the end of his cloak, getting tangled up and barking with delight. Snape despised it and took to carrying out a water spray bottle to use on Harry whenever he could. Harry found out the hard way that foxes are not fans of getting water on their faces. They love swimming though, weirdly.

He would let the younger students pet him and carry him around, even though Daphne would call him a lazy prat afterwards. Harry told her she was just jealous she couldn't be carried everywhere like royalty, and she persuaded Susan to make Dobby and Kreacher refuse Harry access to ice cream for a week.

It was lucky that she conveniently forgot about Winky, Harry thought smugly as the now far-happier-and-slightly-less-addicted-to-alcohol elf handed him a bowl of chocolate ice cream with a fond smile and a pat on the arm.

He and Hermione were still Slughorn's favourites. They were yet to get a grade below an O, and Slughorn had suggested they were on their way to getting O+s in their NEWTS. Harry had pretended to be enthusiastic about the prospect, chattering to Slughorn excitedly about the possibilities it might give him.

He received a letter from Fleur, who was now engaged to Bill.

(Harry was a bit upset he hadn't seen her at all since the tournament, but was pleased when Fleur had asked him to be one of her brides-men along with Viktor and and Cedric. Viktor had also written to Harry, worried he would be forced to wear a dress. Harry had sent him the letter he received from Cedric, who had apparently been shopping with Fleur recently and sent a photograph of a very nice suit, and told him to send it to Viktor when he got the chance.)

The highlight of the new term was going through Dobby and Kreacher's stash of stolen items. To no-one's surprise it was mostly weapons, muggle and wizard. Daggers, knives, guns, spears, swords - you name it, they had it. Harry had laughed uproariously when Dobby had handed him a drawing pin. Deciding to make the most of the opportunity, HA meetings moved on from magic and duelling to muggle weaponry practice. Surprisingly, their numbers stayed the same, even the aloof members quite enjoying learning to wield different weapons effectively.

Hermione and Draco naturally stole some weapons to practice more spells on. They got more and more inventive with the enchantments they used the more time went on. For example, they charmed a lovely set of twin throwing daggers to turn into boxing gloves when released and punch the target on both sides of the face. At Harry's request, they made it so a fly swatter would grow legs and chase their target non-stop until they were able to land a nice firm swat on the target's node. Sorry, nose.

It was an army of weapons with no real need for wielders. At this rate, if Moldy did start a war, he wouldn't even be fighting actual people.

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