Fia's eyes widened at the subtle shift in Kaito's expression. Where before there had been only empty boredom, there was now a spark of calculating interest. It was almost more frightening.
"What... what are you thinking?" she asked, taking a step back, the bump on her head throbbing comically.
Kaito didn't get up. He just tilted his head, like a predator sizing up particularly stupid prey.
"You're the 'System,' right?" he asked, his voice monotone.
"I am the personification of the System! A Guide-Goddess!" she corrected, puffing out her chest with a dash of recovered pride.
"Whatever," he cut her off, dismissing her with a wave. "So, you have the data on this world. You know what's happening. You know who Sakuta Azusagawa is, correct?"
Fia blinked, caught off guard by the question. "Well, yes! Of course! He's the native 'Passive Agent' of this world! The secondary catalyst! The one who..."
"He's the protagonist," Kaito interrupted him again, his patience visibly thin. "He's the guy who should be doing this. He lives here. He knows the girl. He is literally the protagonist of the anime."
An awkward silence filled the room, broken only by the hum of the portal.
"Anime?" Fia asked, confused.
Kaito massaged his temple. "It doesn't matter. The point is: why do I have to go? This is a resource management problem. You have a perfectly capable employee, Sakuta, already on-site. Why are you wasting energy dragging an external contractor, who doesn't want to be here, to do his job? Just... notify him. Send him a blue screen. Problem solved. I go back to sleep."
It was impeccable logic. And, for a second, Kaito actually hoped the universe would make sense.
Fia's expression went from panic to confusion and then to an even deeper despair.
"I CAN'T!" she yelled, falling to her knees and grabbing her own hair. "You don't understand! THIS IS HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS!"
"It works poorly," Kaito observed.
"The Passive Agent, Sakuta, he can only solve the problems if they enter his sphere of influence naturally!" she explained, stammering. "He's not the Chosen One, you are! The System chose me to choose you to be the 'Active Agent'! If you, the Chosen One, ignore the mission, the paradox leaks from her world into your world! His world is fine! Yours is the one that will be filled with quantum bunnies and disappearing people!"
Kaito processed this. "So, the universe is punishing me for your poor hiring choice. How problematic."
"Exactly!" Fia shouted, before realizing what he said. "Hey!"
Kaito finally stood up from the beanbag. He let out a sigh so deep and pained it seemed to come from the soul of an accountant in the middle of tax season. His peace was dead. His logic had been defeated by divine bureaucracy.
"Fine," he said, his tone final. "I'll go."
Fia jumped to her feet, tears of relief in her eyes. "Really?! Oh, Kaito, I knew you had a heart of..."
"But," he continued, raising a finger, "we have conditions."
Fia froze. "Conditions?"
"First: stop yelling. Second," he said, walking slowly toward her, "you go in front."
Fia's smile vanished. "What? In front? But I'm the guide! I stay behind you, giving moral support and..."
"What if there's sharp dimensional debris?" Kaito asked, stopping in front of her. The purple portal swirled behind him, making his black hair seem even darker. "What if the atmosphere on the other side is toxic? What if there are tentacles? You're a Goddess. You're probably tentacle-proof, or at least you regenerate."
"I am not tentacle-proof!" she protested, blushing furiously. "And I'm a spiritual form! That would be... that would be... inappropriate!"
Kaito was not in the mood for debate. He reached out and, with surprising speed, grabbed her by the frilly collar of her divine outfit.
"Hey! What... wait! Let me go! This is disrespect to a deity! The System will punish you!"
[Affinity Penalty (Fia): -5 Points]
"I'll pay," Kaito muttered.
He didn't throw her. That would require effort. He simply pushed her forward, using her as a human (or divine) battering ram against the portal.
"WAIT! I NEED MY GUIDE STAFF! I... AAAAAH!"
Fia's scream was cut off as the vortex swallowed her. Kaito followed, one step behind, with the expression of someone entering a mandatory condo meeting.
The feeling of transition was horrible. It was like being sucked through a pipe, spun in a blender, and spat out the other side.
Kaito landed, not on his feet, but in a sort of controlled fall. The fall was cushioned by something soft, noisy, and vaguely smelling of strawberries and panic.
He had used Fia to break his fall.
"Ugh... my... my divine status..." she moaned from underneath him.
"How problematic," Kaito said, getting up and brushing non-existent dust from his sweatpants. He was in an aisle. A quiet aisle, with high shelves full of books.
A library.
Fia stood up, dizzy, her pink hair looking like a bird's nest. "You... you used me... as an impact shield!"
"You said you were a guide. You guided the impact away from me. Good job," he said, monotone.
Before she could summon any divine fury, Kaito placed his hand over her mouth and pointed. "Quiet. Library."
Fia was about to bite his finger when she noticed the surroundings. It was a large, multi-story library, bathed in sunlight streaming through huge windows. There were dozens of students, all in school uniforms, reading, studying, or walking quietly.
And right in the middle of the main atrium, there she was.
Kaito didn't even need the mission to know. The girl was tall, with a figure that defied gravity and long, silky black hair. She was beautiful in a way that made other people look blurry and unfinished.
She was also wearing a black latex bunny suit, complete with fluffy white bunny ears and fishnet stockings.
She was walking slowly, looking around with a mixture of defiance and curiosity. And no one, absolutely no one, was looking at her. Students passed by her, some just inches away, without even averting their gaze. As if she were a smudge in the air.
Kaito observed the scene, emotionless. No shock, no blush, no lewd interest. Just analysis.
"Well," he muttered to Fia, who was now staring, gobsmacked. "At least it's not subtle. That must be her. Let's get this over with."
A new blue screen flashed in his vision, this time smaller and more discreet.
[OBJECTIVE UPDATED: Make verbal contact with Mai Sakurajima!] [System Tip: Say something that makes her acknowledge your presence! She doubts her own existence!]
"Great, a 'hello' mission," Kaito sighed. This was irritating. He would have to walk over there, introduce himself, and probably be dragged into a long, emotional dialogue about quantum physics and social anxiety. A tremendous effort.
He looked at the bunny girl. She looked like she was about to give up.
He needed to solve this, in the fastest, lowest-effort way possible, so he could go home.
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