Weddings come and go like a one-time happiness between newlyweds, but in my case, it was different.
It has been two nights since a wedding took place, and rogues suddenly trashed the reception, causing me to collapse. I should be enjoying quality time to get to know my wife. Still, Mirxalyn was different, making our marriage feel different, too. The marriage I've known so far was supposed to be tender, warm, loving, and filled with the presence of not being left behind, despite how busy one of us could be. And yet, here I am starting to feel that.
"Allison, where is she?" Out of the blue, I asked, stopping myself from reading a mythological book, glancing at the fireplace in the living space.
"The queen?" Allison guessed as she poured a camomile mint tea when I nodded. She sighed, handing the cup to me before answering, "She's checking the borders and townhouses for security. She always does that to ensure the townfolks living in her land."
I nodded, not saying anything, and went back to reading, understanding my wife's duty to her land as their queen. However, my silence was deafening, thick, and troubled. I started to feel that our marriage was like a contract that only existed on paper.
"Hi. I haven't seen you around lately..." I tried to have a conversation when we bumped in the hall and even invited her to dine with me. "...have you eaten? Let's eat together, if you want."
"Sorry, not today." Mirxalyn replied coldly, masking the softness in her tone before adding, "Eat with Allison and don't wait up. I might take a while."
I wanted to speak more, but she was already gone. Allison faked a cough, making me smile faintly before eating with her. I continued my routine to get myself into a healthy condition while I try to be there and reach out because we're married. I tried to play my part as her wife by learning to cook her favorites, preparing what she could wear for work, and even waiting for her to come home so we could talk for a while, but we haven't seen each other lately. I didn't even realize that it also begun leaving a mark on my chest as days and nights turned into a week.
This is not good. Something has been crawling under my skin without permission, making my morning grumpy.
"Yours, you say…hmp!" I muttered annoyingly when I woke up alone again in our shared bedroom. "…but here you are missing." Mirxalyn's side was filled with her scent: the sweetest taste of honey, bitterness from coffee, and a field of bloody roses, but the owner was missing. "This time, I won't care – I'll try not to care…argh!"
Whenever I woke up or headed to sleep, Mirxalyn's presence was nowhere to be found; like she was hiding or running away from me. I could feel she slept here. I felt cold-warmness on the other side of the bed she was occupying, but didn't stay beside me till I woke up. I even tried to wait for her as a good wife would, even if it meant waiting late. But I'm not a night owl, which made me feel like I married a ghost.
"First, I'm torn with her mood swings and gestures, and now this…" I sighed, noticing my feelings had shifted. I could feel the slightest longing tugging at my chest, but I didn't dare to voice it or admit that I miss her. I sighed heavily, determined to ignore it before stating firmly, "I won't let her missing presence fuel annoyance more."
I shook my grumpiness aside. I started my day with my usual routine of yoga and meditation before heading to the bathroom. I don't care how spacious our bedroom was or how luxurious the bathroom was; I was focused on myself, my reflection in the mirror as I finished my bath. I studied my body carefully, and it was still thin, but not like bone and skin like before. I'm earning fat and muscle, which I'm glad to achieved since I came here. However, my hand subconsciously touches my stomach, a little lower to my abdomen, where an unhealed horizontal scar reminded me of the night I was ruined.
"I...I'm sorry...it still haunts me..." I whispered, quivering a little as my mind played a flashing image from that night. The night I don't want to remember, yet it came rushing like a fast-forwarded movie. "It was supposed to be lovely despite being markless, but in two weeks…it fell drastically…worst, I'm cornered and ruined."
I fell down on the floor, pulling my knees closer to my chest, crying. I know I shouldn't let it get to me again, but I have to try and face my monsters, but I failed miserably. I feel it. I felt those unfamiliar hands, those taunting laughter, the scent of alcohol and drugs mixing with lust, and those pair of eyes I used to admire became a betrayal to me. I cursed that night. I cursed them. I hated myself, and because of them, I came to loathe the word mate.
"She's my second chance, my mate, but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve her." I muttered softly, weakening even more before adding, "Mirxa doesn't deserve a wolfless like me, the weakest one…she deserves more…better than this - me."
Overthinking negatively, wounding myself again. I quivered extensively; my hands, my legs – just my entire body trembled badly. It was like I was having a seizure. My lungs even tightened, squeezing my heart, preventing me from breathing, making me groan in suffocation. I extended my arms to reach my medical kit, but I can't; I'm losing it.
I gasped for air, trying to say a word, but nothing. I couldn't form any word when I heard flapping wings from Reaper. I looked above me. I watched Reaper got my medicine kit and laid it beside me. I'm grateful, but I'm extensively trembling.
"Dammit. This-is-bad…" In my mind, I cursed, trying to control my shaking body, but it was no use. Like a service dog, Reaper sensed PTSD kicking in and morphed into his guardian form, a mythical dark tiger with bloody stripes, towering over me.
Reaper watched my trembling body before roaring imperiously as if he was calling for somebody to help me. Calling someone in particular before settling its body next to me, wrapping protectively. He squeezed fairly, not too tight but enough to give security, and faintly, it was also enough to help me control my trembling body.
I smiled weakly to his care, and like a melting jelly, "T-thanks, R-reaper-r…" I thanked my guardian, stuttering a little, making Reaper purr, squeezing me more. "T-thanks...a lot..."
I'm still trembling, and my breathing is still shallow, but bearable. With Reaper's presence, I could focus on calming myself with numbers when I flinched at the sudden breaking of the door, making Reaper growl defensively. The sudden noise shook me again when the couple, Xerxec and Allison, showed up, gasping at the massive dark tiger, protectively growling at them, securing me. I snuggled more in Reaper's protective body since I had no strength to speak with them.
"Easy, we're not here to harm her."
I heard Xerxec's firm but worried voice, calmly speaking to my Reaper, but Reaper was tensed, growling defensively. I could even feel its rage, readying itself to attack. I could only listen and watch since I could not control my body, not yet, at least. It would take me a while to settle down, and right now, I let them act like anyone's movie.
"Stop and listen, guardian."
I heard a firm commanding voice from my in-law, Mama Alysia, but Reaper wasn't listening. He roared protectively. I felt its rage increasing, trying to protect me, and later, a few small bats around ten came out from Reaper's body like smoke, increasing its number. It was ready to attack if one of them dared to come near me. They stepped back, frightened a little but worried about me.
"It's just a guardian..."
"This guardian is different…it's not listening to me while the others do."
"How can we help her if it's in the way, Lady Alysia?"
"Call her."
"But Lady Alysia, she's…"
"NOW, XERXEC! She's the only one who could reach -"
They kept talking, thinking about how to help me without triggering my Reaper further, but Reaper's rage has been fueled, and with one wrong move, he'll attack them until I jolt. She's already here. I smelled her, my wife.
"Mirxa…" I whispered softly, making them look at each other, and Reaper growled as if he was complaining.
Mirxalyn, who appeared behind them, was the same - a captivating goddess with a sword and in suit, but my annoying wife. She still held herself with authority, and her usual stoic expression. But with a single step inside the bathroom, she appeared in front of Reaper, who held himself protectively around me.
"Stand down," Mirxalyn commanded sharply. He released a throaty growl, but she didn't care and was about to come to my side when Reaper's small bats blocked her. But she was not shaken, and there I saw it, Mirxalyn's infinity thorn mark showed up, faint but frightening the little ones, and retreated back to Reaper's body. Again, she appeared an inch in front of Reaper, whispering a reminder of who I am to her. "She's mine. Mine alone."
Having Mirxalyn's presence this close quickly made my trembling body subside. I'm calm but still weak. However, the tension between Reaper's upset mood and Mirxalyn's commanding aura was palpable. None of them was backing down and stared at each other, making my head spin a little.
I sighed weakly, easing the pain in my head because of them before tapping my Reaper's body. "R-reaper…e-enough…" I called hoarsely, which he immediately focused on me before commanding, "G-get m-my m-med…"
A part of Reaper, a small bat, grabbed it for me. With trembling hand, I picked and swallowed my medication before resting against my Reaper's body. Protectively, Reaper growled his last warning at them before squeezing for comfort, and then, he rested beside me. As I rested against his fur, weakly, I looked at them apologetically.
"Sorry about this…I got triggered." I apologized weakly. However, when my eyes landed on my wife, Mirxalyn was still, not moving from her stance aside from her whitening knuckles and a tightened jaw. I weakly reached out my hand to hers, pulling it closer, before smiling weakly, reassuring, "Reaper helped. I'll be fine now. I just need for the med to kick in."
She did her signature jaw clenching before commanding coldly, "Leave us."
Without saying anything, they left us to handle the situation as a married couple. Hopefully, we do. But as soon as they were out, Mirxalyn surprisingly rested her forehead against mine. I'm speechless. I'm surprised, but somehow this gesture warmed me up; my entire body did. I smiled as if my longing for her presence immediately vanished. I hate to admit it, but I do miss her around me, but I'm not going to tell her that, and I gently pushed her to see her.
"I'll be fine…" I reassured her since the medication was already taking effect and calming me now.
There was a few seconds of silence, which was unbearable. I was about to say something when her lips crashed against mine. It was deep and desperate, like I'm going to fade before her eyes. I want to say something, but she won't let me and keeps kissing me, drowning and melting me to the point I can't think straight anymore. I had no idea when I started to get addicted to her kisses until a soft sound escaped from my lips, clarifying I'm so doomed with this. I'm not just melting to her kisses but also the way she held me delicately in her arms, making me want more. I wanted it all to myself, but again, she left me breathless.
"Mirxa…" Breathless, I whispered her name, trying to stop our heated kiss, but my wife was not listening. She was showering me with her unspeakable feelings, which I found myself falling for, and since then, I have to know her truth. "Mirxa, please..." I whispered hoarsely between kisses, gently pushing her a little, resting my temple against hers, tracing her lips before meeting her eyes, bore in mine. Then I asked softly, "What's the meaning of that kiss, Mirxa?"