Location: The Apex Chamber
(A crystalline platform floating in a void of swirling code and nebula clouds)
The air hummed with ominous latin chanting.
Choirs of the damned sang "SEPHIROTH!" in perfect harmony, looped on surround sound speakers that floated mid-air.
"Can someone turn the volume down?" Kazuma shouted, covering his ears. "It's too dramatic!"
Sephiroth-Aizen (let's call him Sephizen) descended slowly. His long silver hair defied gravity, shimmering with Aizen's spiritual pressure. His sword, Kyōka Masamune, was roughly seven kilometers long.
"Welcome," Sephizen spoke. His voice was silky, layered with reverb. "To the edge of creation. Here, I shall ascend. I shall become... the Genre Itself."
He raised his hand.
A black box materialized. Not a Hōgyoku. Not Jenova cells.
It was the Server Admin Console.
"He has root access!" Kirito panicked, dual blades drawn. "If he executes 'Delete System32', we all vanish!"
"Admin Access?" Bulma tapped furiously on her wrist computer. "I'm trying to firewall him, but his encryption is written in 'Pretentious Villain Monologue'! It takes too long to parse!"
Sephizen smiled.
"Shatter, Kyōka Masamune."
The air cracked. Not an illusion. Reality itself fractured like a mirror.
In each shard, a different horror appeared:
A Meteor falling on Midgar.
The Soul King's palace burning.
Kazuma's browsing history being published.
"NO!" Kazuma shrieked. "Stop the third one! I'll do anything!"
"Attack!" Captain America yelled. "Avengers—I mean, Weird Anime Crossover Team—Assemble!"
Phase 1: The Long Sword Problem
Ichigo Kurosaki flash-stepped forward. Bankai.
"Getsuga Tensho!"
Black energy roared toward the villain.
Sephizen didn't block. He flicked his seven-kilometer sword.
Swish.
The tip of the blade moved at Mach 500 due to leverage physics.
It slapped Ichigo out of the sky like a flyswatter.
"Too slow," Sephizen taunted. "You still haven't mastered your plot progression."
Zoro stepped up. He bit down on Wado Ichimonji.
"Long swords are compensating for something."
Santoryu Ogi: Trichiliocosm!
Zoro spun, cutting the massive blade.
Cling.
Sparks flew. But the Masamune didn't break. It bent. It was fluid, like mercury.
"Liquid metal?" Genos analyzed. "No. Narrative flexibility. The sword cannot break because it looks too cool."
"Then we make it uncool!" Usopp aimed his slingshot.
"Special Attack: Paint Star! Hot Pink!"
Splat.
The legendary blade was covered in glittery pink paint.
Sephizen stared at his weapon.
His eye twitched.
"You... ruined the aesthetic."
The boss aura flared red.
"Supernova."
He pointed to the simulated sun above them.
The sun began to fall.
But it wasn't a normal Supernova. It was the infamous unskippable cutscene version.
"We have to wait two minutes for the animation to finish!" Cloud Strife groaned, clutching his head. "I've seen this move a thousand times! It takes forever!"
"Skip it!" Sora (No Game No Life) shouted. "Press X! Everyone mash buttons on the reality interface!"
The team mashed invisible buttons in the air.
Fast Forward >>
The sun plummeted instantly.
"Wait, skipping just makes it hit faster!" Darkness realized (too late, but happy about the pain).
"I got this!" Vegeta flew up. "FINAL FLAAAASH!"
He fired a massive beam at the incoming math-rock.
It exploded.
[SCENE SKIPPED]
Sephizen looked annoyed. "Rude audience. Very well. Let us skip to the despair."
He merged with the Admin Console.
He grew wings. Seven of them. Made of laser beams.
One-Winged Aizen-Roth: Safer Form.
[HP: INFINITE]
[MP: YES]
[STATUS: GOD MODE]
"Bow down," Sephizen commanded. "Spirit Pressure: Universe Weight."
Gravity x 1,000.
Everyone hit the floor.
Goku went Kaioken x20 instantly just to stay standing.
Saitama... sneezed again.
"Gesundheit," Sephizen said instinctively.
"Thanks," Saitama replied.
Wait.
Saitama wasn't kneeling.
"Why do you stand?" Sephizen demanded, descending. "Can you not feel the weight of my complexity?"
"Complexity?" Saitama picked his nose. "You're just floating there with a glow stick. Are we fighting or are you doing a concert?"
Sephizen scowled.
"Heartless Angel."
A spell that reduces HP to 1.
A red halo descended on Saitama.
Saitama's HP bar appeared: [∞ / ∞].
It reduced to 1.
Saitama looked at his HP.
"Oh. It went down. Am I hungry?"
"Impossible!" Sephizen gasped. "1 HP! Why aren't you collapsing?"
"Because I feel fine," Saitama punched the red halo, breaking it. "Maybe your calculator is broken."
Saitama wound up a punch.
"Serious Series: Serious Table Flip (Air Edition)."
He grabbed the empty space in front of him and flipped the entire coordinate grid.
Up became Down. Left became "Yesterday."
The Admin Console crashed, bluescreening.
"My ROOT ACCESS!" Sephizen panicked as he clipped through the floor geometry.
"Finish him!" Cloud shouted.
Cloud and Tanjiro leaped together.
Omnislash Version 6 mixed with Hinokami Kagura.
A dance of fire and fusion swords.
They slashed Sephizen while he was lagging.
Slice. Slice. Slice.
15 hits. 30 hits. 99 hit combo.
"Stay where you belong," Cloud whispered. "In my memories."
"Actually," Sephizen glitched. "I have... Hōgyoku Phase 3... and Jenova Life Insurance..."
He tried to regenerate.
"Steal!"
Kazuma's voice rang out.
Kazuma held something shimmering in his hand.
A blue glowing sphere.
The Hōgyoku.
"Got your marble!" Kazuma cheered. "Looks valuable!"
Without the Hōgyoku, Aizen's form collapsed. Without Jenova cells (which Kazuma... stole? How?), Sephiroth faded.
The Fusion Boss dissolved into binary data.
"I will... never... become... a memory..."
"Yeah, yeah," Saitama waved. "GG."
[FLOOR 6 CLEARED]
[ADMIN ACCESS UNLOCKED]
Kirito rushed to the console. He typed furiously.
"Log Out command found! I can execute the separation protocol!"
"Do it!" Nami shouted. "Get me out of this broke universe!"
Kirito pressed ENTER.
[SYSTEM ALERT]
[ERROR: CANNOT SEPARATE]
[REASON: PLAYER COUNT TOO HIGH]
[SOLUTION: MUST CULL POPULATION BY 50%]
Silence.
"The Thanos Solution?" Iron Man (Tony Stark) floated down. "Not cool. We did that arc already."
"We can't kill half the cast!" Deku cried. "That's not heroic!"
"Wait," Kirito read the fine print.
"It doesn't say 'kill'. It says 'Transfer to Sequel'."
[OPTION B: START "NEW GAME+"]
[TRANSFER ALL CHARACTERS TO: "THE FANTASY WORLD" (Generic Isekai Setting)]
[RETAINS MEMORIES: YES]
[RETAINS POWERS: NO (Reset to Level 1)]
"Level 1 Reset?" Vegeta snarled. "You expect me to punch slime monsters again?!"
"It's better than erasure," Gojo shrugged. "Plus, grinding levels is relaxing."
Kazuma looked at his party.
Aqua (Level 1 is same as Level Max for her intelligence).
Megumin (Explosion resets to Firecracker).
Darkness (Still can't hit anything).
"Fine," Kazuma sighed. "Let's do it. New Game Plus."
Kirito pressed the button.
White light swallowed them.
EPILOGUE: THE FRESH START
Location: The Grassy Plains of New Start
Level: 1
Kazuma woke up.
Blue sky. Green grass.
He checked his stats.
Strength: 5
Agility: 6
Luck: 999
"Luck stat kept!" Kazuma cheered. "Yes!"
"Kazuuuuuma!"
Aqua ran over. She was wearing beginner robes.
"I lost my divine raiment! I'm wearing sackcloth!"
"Look!"
Goku stood nearby. He was punching a Level 1 Slime.
"Take that!"
Squish.
"Wow! I gained 5 XP! This is gonna take forever! AWESOME!"
Saitama stood looking at his hands.
He had hair.
A full head of black hair.
"My hair..." Saitama touched it. Tears formed in his eyes.
"I'm... I'm weak again? I have hair again?"
A wolf (Level 2) growled at him.
Saitama punched it.
It didn't explode. It just yelped and ran away.
Saitama looked at his fist.
He smiled. A genuine, excited smile.
"I didn't one-shot it," Saitama whispered.
"I CAN FIGHT AGAIN!"