Location: The Green Zone (Starter Plains)
Current Level Average: 1
"Ow."
Saitama looked at his arm. A small, blue, jelly-like creature was chewing on his elbow.
It broke the skin. A tiny bead of blood formed.
Saitama stared at the blood. His eyes watered. A grin—pure and unfiltered—spread across his face.
"It bit me!" Saitama shouted, holding the Level 1 Slime up like a trophy. "Did you see that, Genos?! It actually hurts! I feel the sting of life!"
Genos clanked over.
The Demon Cyborg was no longer a chrome god of destruction. He was now a Level 1 Automaton. His chassis was made of wood and copper gears. Steam puffed out of his ears.
"Sensei," Genos wheezed, his voice sounding like a dial-up modem. "My analysis indicates... we are pathetic. My incinerator is now a cigarette lighter."
Genos held up his palm. A tiny flame flickered. Fwoomph. It died.
"I love it!" Saitama wound up a punch. A normal punch.
Bap.
He hit the slime.
The slime didn't explode. It wobbled, took 2 Damage, and looked annoyed.
"I have to hit it twice!" Saitama cheered. "COMBO ATTACKS EXIST AGAIN!"
The Magic Crisis
A few yards away, a group of Mages were having a collective breakdown.
Ainz Ooal Gown sat on a rock. He checked his MP bar.
[MP: 10 / 10]
"Ten," Ainz whispered, his soul shivering. "I used to cast Fallen Down and Reality Slash. Now... I can cast Magic Arrow. Twice. Then I have to take a nap."
"It gets worse," Megumin was lying face down in the grass.
She had tried to cast Explosion.
It resulted in a piff of smoke that smelled like burnt popcorn.
"My path of explosions... reduced to a party trick... I cannot live like this."
Rudeus Greyrat (Mushoku Tensei) patted their shoulders. "First time? You get used to it. Just aim for the groin. It crits."
Vegeta walked past them, covered in dirt.
He was trying to fly. He jumped.
He hovered for a microsecond.
Gravity slammed him down.
"DAMN THIS REALITY!" Vegeta screamed, punching the grass. "My pride! My aerial superiority! Why is gravity so... heavy?!"
Goku sat nearby, doing crunches.
"Vegeta! Quit complaining! It's like gravity training, but free!" Goku panted. "Also, I'm starving. My metabolism kept its S-Rank, but my hunting skills are F-Rank. The rabbits are too fast!"
Kazuma's "Newb" Business
Back at the Starter Village (a generic collection of thatched huts), Kazuma Satou was in his element.
He sat on a crate in the town square. A cardboard sign read:
"GUILD REGISTRATION & STRATEGY GUIDE - 5 COPPER."
"Line up, trash!" Kazuma shouted. "If you want to survive Level 1 without getting eaten by a dire rat, you listen to me! I am the King of Low Level Survival!"
A line formed.
Ichigo Kurosaki. Luffy. Natsu.
"Ichigo," Kazuma pointed. "Your big sword is gone. You have a wooden stick. Do not try to Bankai the training dummy. You will get splinters."
"But Zangetsu..."
"Zangetsu is a twig now! Swing it properly!"
"Luffy!" Kazuma snapped. "You cannot stretch. If you try to Gomu-Gomu, you will dislocate your shoulder. Use your pipe!"
"Meat?" Luffy asked, stomach growling.
"Kill 10 Boars, turn in quest, get money, buy meat," Kazuma explained slowly. "Welcome to the Grind."
Subaru Natsuki walked up, looking strangely confident.
"I got this, Kazuma. I know this town. This is the starting village from Re:Zero season 1, right? I just need to find the Appa merchant."
"It's generic assets, Subaru," Kazuma sighed. "Don't meta-game too hard. You'll trigger a flag."
Suddenly, a scream echoed from the Weapon Shop.
"MY ARMOR!"
Darkness ran out.
Or rather, walked out blushing.
The "Starter Armor" for female knights in this world followed pure RPG logic.
Bikini mail.
Shoulder pads, shin guards... and nothing in between.
"The exposure!" Darkness panted, covering herself (poorly). "Defense rating: Zero! Shame rating: Max! Everyone is staring at my unprotected vital organs!"
"Nami-san likes it," Sanji swooned, currently a Level 1 Cook holding a frying pan. "Though Nami-san made hers look fashionable."
Nami walked out wearing the same gear, but looking fierce.
"It saves agility," Nami shrugged. "Also, if you stare, I charge 10 Copper."
(Sanji paid instantly).
Quest 001: The Rat Cellar
The Tavern Keeper (NPC) slammed a tankard on the bar.
"Help! Giant Rats in the basement!"
"A quest!" Goblin Slayer's helmet perk was active (he somehow kept the helmet). "Are they Goblins?"
"No, Rats."
"I see." Goblin Slayer hesitated. "Do they swarm?"
"Yes."
"Do they have a nest?"
"Yes."
"Fine. I shall kill the Goblins disguised as Rats."
A party formed:
Goblin Slayer (Tank/Lead).
Tanjiro (DPS).
Zoro (DPS).
Usopp (Ranged/Coward).
They descended into the dark cellar.
"I can't see!" Usopp whimpered. "My Haki is gone!"
"I smell them," Tanjiro whispered. "Mildew and... squeaking."
"Three Swords Style..." Zoro tried to draw his swords. He only had three wooden spoons. "Oni Giri!"
He charged into the darkness.
BONK.
"Ow! A wall!"
"He's lost already!" Usopp screamed. "It's a square room!"
"SKREEEE!"
Red eyes glowed.
A Level 3 Dire Rat (size of a dog) lunged.
Goblin Slayer stepped in. He used his wooden club.
Efficiency.
He didn't bash. He poked the rat's eye. Then throat.
The rat died.
"Professional," Tanjiro gasped.
Suddenly, the Boss appeared.
Level 5 Rat King. (Five rats tied together by their tails).
"It's a raid boss!" Usopp shouted. "Level 5! We're dead!"
"Water Breathing!" Tanjiro focused. He had no stats. He was weak.
But he remembered the movement.
Muscle memory transcended the reset.
He flowed like water. He couldn't cut the rat king with a dull blade, so he adapted.
Headbutt.
CRACK.
Tanjiro's forehead (S-Class Hardness retained) smashed the Rat King into the wall.
[QUEST CLEARED]
[LEVEL UP!]
[Level 2 reached!]
"I feel power!" Usopp cheered (he did nothing). "My Agility went up by 1 point!"
The Hot Spring Episode (Mandatory)
Evening fell.
The only way to restore HP without money for potions was the public bath.
The Men's Side:
Goku, Vegeta, Saitama, Naruto.
Crowded into a wooden tub meant for three people.
"Stop splashing, Kakarot!" Vegeta grunted. "This water is tepid."
"It feels good on my bruises," Saitama sighed, scrubbing his head (which had hair, so he used shampoo for the first time in years). "This shampoo... it smells like lavender. Is this luxury?"
"Hey," Naruto asked, looking at his stats reflected in the water. "Do you think Kurama is okay?"
"I'm Level 1 too, brat," Kurama's tiny voice echoed in his head. "I'm the size of a kitten in your seal. It's humiliating."
Suddenly, a massive splash.
Godzilla (Yes, he was a playable character now? No, wait. It was Gamera scaled down to human size) cannonballed in.
"Too crowded!" Vegeta yelled.
The Women's Side:
Nami, Robin, Erza, Nobara, and Shinobu.
Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail) was trying to Re-Equip her towel into armor.
"It's not working," Erza frowned. "I am defenseless."
"Enjoy the break, Erza," Robin smiled. "Level 1 means low responsibility."
Mineta and Denji were peering over the dividing fence. The universal constant of peeping toms.
"The holy land," Mineta whispered. "Just one peek..."
CHOMP.
A shadow lunged from the water.
Rimuru (in slime form, infiltrating the women's bath 'legally') bounced on Mineta's head.
"No peeping! Guild Rules!"
Rimuru dissolved Mineta's ladder with slime acid.
"My eyes!" Mineta fell.
The Cliffhanger
That night, Kazuma sat by the campfire, counting copper coins.
"25 Copper. That's enough for bread crusts."
Pux the Guide NPC fluttered down.
"Congrats on Level 2, Scum-zuma."
"Don't call me that," Kazuma flipped a coin. "So, what's the path out of here?"
"Simple," Pux grinned. "To leave the Green Zone, you must defeat the Gatekeeper."
"Who is it?"
"A Player Killer," Pux said. "Someone who retained his High Level Gear through a bug."
The forest brush rustled.
A figure walked into the firelight.
He wore black swordsman armor (fully upgraded).
He held dual blades. Elucidator and Dark Repulser.
But his eyes were red.
Dark Kirito. (A corrupted data clone from the SAO floor clear).
"Level 50," Pux whispered. "The Game Master left a glitch behind to test you."
Kirito (Real, Level 1) stood up, holding a stick.
He looked at his edgy clone.
"That coat," Real Kirito muttered. "I forgot how embarrassed I should be about wearing that much leather."
Clone-Kirito raised his sword.
"Star... burst... Stream."
Kazuma screamed. "HE HAS ULTS! RUN!"