A baby's cries makes me stiffen. I hate the noise. All they do is cry and cry.
I clench onto my pen and scrunch my face as I stare down at the packet in front of me. I quickly reach for my bag, pulling my headphones out. I quickly plug them into my phone and put them over my ears, blasting music into them. I pick my pen back up and carefully read the words on the packet. I frown at the question. I suck at math... At this rate, I'm going to fail my last year of middle school.
I lay my head down on my desk, staring at the wall. The song "Tell Me" by Girls' Generation plays through my headphones. For some reason, I really like listening to songs from girl groups. I haven't told my friends about it because I'm worried they will judge me for it. I frown at the howls and screams of the baby next door, still making their way to my ears. No matter how loud I blast the music, I can still hear that baby screaming from the other side of the wall.
I gently bang my head on my desk repeatedly.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! SHUT THAT DAMN BABY UP!" My mother shouts from the other room. I slowly lift my head up, staring at my bedroom door. My stomach growls, causing me to sigh and sink into my chair sluggishly.
I grab my notebook and place it on top of my packet, and push myself from my desk. I slowly walk out of my room and into the kitchen. My mother slowly looks in my direction. Her eyes are red, and her face is pale and almost glassy. She looks like she's been sweating a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if it's because of how drunk she is.
I open the fridge, hoping that something good will be inside. I stare at the contents inside. It's mostly empty. The only things inside are the beer my mother has holed up inside and random leftover condiments from takeout. I sigh and slowly look through the cabinets. Still... nothing. I take a deep breath and sigh. I haven't eaten since yesterday. I slowly look towards my mother, who is staring at the TV, drinking away at the soju in her hand.
I stop beside her, fidgeting with my fingers, nervous to ask her for some money so that I can go to the convenience store. She stares straight at the television, not even paying attention to the fact that I'm beside her. I stare at the TV from the corner of my eye. She was watching a reality show. The hosts are laughing about something that's being shown to them. My eyes drift back to her. I don't understand how she's enjoying the show when you can hardly hear it over the baby crying through the walls.
I take a small deep breath, preparing to speak, but as I do, my mother slams the soju down onto the table, causing me to flinch.
"I heard your cousin is one of the top students in his school..." My mother listlessly says, not looking at me. I frown and begin to fidget with my fingers again. I furrow my eyebrows as I stare down at my toe that's sticking out from my sock. "What do your grades look like?" She asks. I slowly look back at her, not knowing how to answer her question. "Well?" She slowly looks at me. I quickly look at her a few times before looking back down.
"I'm... having a hard time... understanding the current curriculum." I softly say.
"Mmm." She lifts the soju and drinks from it again. "What do you want?" She huffs.
"I- uh." I take a deep breath, trying hard not to tear up. My mother doesn't hit me or anything... but I don't know why I'm so afraid to ask her for money so that I could get food. "I was going to ask... If- If I can get some money so that I can get a few things from the convenience store..." I struggle to say. I stare away, waiting for an answer. She stares at me, a blank look on her face. She slowly looks back towards the television.
"Why should I give you money for food when you can't do the simplest things...?" She calmly asks. I close my eyes while digging my nail into the nail bed of one of my fingers. "All I asked for was a smart son... who can actually do well in school... and hopefully get a good job in the future, but all my sister proves to me every time I speak to her is that my son is just an embarrassment." My eyes widen, and my heart sinks.
"I'm... sorry." I quietly say. I just want some food... I didn't need to be reminded that I'm a useless son. "I'm really sorry..." My eyes tear up, and I frown a bit, trying not to cry.
"Yeah- whatever... get out of my face." She says, shooing me away. I stare at her a bit before walking away. I walk into my room, closing the door behind me. I slowly sit down at my desk, sinking into my chair. I lean forward and lay my head down against my notebook. Tear drops start falling down my face, onto the notebook, soaking into it. I sniffle, and my lips quiver.
BZZZT
My eyes slowly drift towards my phone beside me. I slowly reach for it, picking it up and flipping it around. I click on the notification. It's a text from my cousin, the one my mother just spoke about.
Hyunwoo: Come to the park, I want to show you something.
I stare at the text message, not knowing how to respond to it. I slowly sit up and stare at my bedroom door. I push myself from my desk and out of the room, placing the phone into my pocket. I stop by the door, putting my shoes on and then my jacket. I look towards my mother, who is still staring at the TV blankly.
"I'm going to go meet up with... Hyunwoo... I will be back..." I softly say. My mother doesn't respond. I slowly nod and turn towards the door, quickly walking out.
I quickly cross the street towards the park that Hyunwoo told me to meet him at. I slowly look around for him, wondering where he is. I frown as I pull my phone out of my pocket.
"DAN!" Someone shouts. I flinch and look towards the sound of their voice. Hyunwoo runs towards me and rubs my head aggressively. I move my head away, backing away from him.
"Hyunwoo..."
"Hi Babo..." Hyunwoo laughs. I smile a bit, then frown. He looks at me, confused, tilting his head a bit. "You okay?"
"Mm... yeah- Kinda..." I softly say, smiling a bit.
"Kinda?"
"My mom said you are one of the top students in your school..."
"Did she?" He calmly says, walking forward. I slowly nod, following behind him.
"How are you able to do so well in school?" I softly ask. Hyunwoo doesn't really respond. I frown a bit, looking down, feeling a bit embarrassed by being ignored. We walk away from the park, walking for a bit. I walk beside him. I shove my face down into my jacket, causing it to cover my mouth and nose. We stop at a crosspath. Hyunwoo takes a deep breath and slowly looks at me. I look up at him. His black eyes stare down at me.
"I don't really care about my grades that much..." He softly says. I furrow my eyebrows and pull my face up from my jacket.
"What?"
"I want to be an Idol..."
"An Idol? What do you mean?"
"When I finish this year, I'm planning on transferring to a school in Seoul." He softly says, smiling a bit. I stare at him, not knowing how to respond. Why does he want to be an Idol...?
"Why would you want to do that?" I slowly ask him. He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a small, deep breath.
"You think it's a bad idea too?" He calmly asks.
"Wha- no I never said that... It's just- why? You're so smart and-"
"I've always loved singing and dancing since I was little... It's always been my dream to perform on a stage in front of fans." He smiles. "I've always wanted to be an Idol... like in a group... like Big Bang."
"Big Bang?" I stare at him, then down at my beaten-up sneakers. I don't know much about that group.
"Have you seen G-Dragon....? He's so cool... I wanna be just like that. Have you heard him rap?" He gently nudges my shoulder. I stare at him, not knowing how to respond.
"I..."
"You don't listen to that kind of music... is that it? You like Western music?" He asks. I stare at him, nervous to answer him.
"Mm-yeah... kind of." I look away, my face feels hot for some reason. If he knew I was into girl groups, he would laugh at me. I shake my head and look back towards him.
"I'm guessing your mom doesn't like the idea of you being an Idol?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"She thinks it's kind of stupid. That I'm wasting my talent on something useless... or whatever." He says while crossing the street. I quickly follow behind him. "I don't think my talents are wasted... I mean- I can sing well... and I'm a pretty good dancer... and-" He turns towards me and smiles. "I'm charming." He bubbles. My eyes widen a bit.
"Oh..." I slowly nod and begin to fidget with my fingers again. Hyunwoo places his hand on my head, rubbing it and messing up my hair.
"You should come with me."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"You are handsome too... You will do very well. You have naturally blond hair... and blueish grey eyes."
"I don't know... I'm kinda scrawny..." I wrap my arms around my stomach and then slowly pull them up, crossing them together.
"So? You have the face of an Idol." He smiles. I slowly shake my head.
"But I can't dance or sing..." I frown.
"Then you will learn." He laughs. I stare at him, feeling anxious about his statements. I stare the opposite way from him. He smiles and nudges me again. "Come on... run away with me and... go to Seoul with me... we can be Idols together."
"...wouldn't leaving your mom make you sad?" I slowly look at him. He stares at me blankly.
"I mean... kind of- but... this is my life... not hers."
"..." I stare down at the ground. He stares at me and takes a deep breath.
"You're a crybaby, you know..." He laughs. I stare back at him. "Are you scared to leave your mommy?" He teases.
"..." I frown, looking away from him again. He smiles, almost laughing, but then stops when he hears my stomach roar. My eyes widen, and so does his.
"Was that your stomach or ass?"
"HUH!? THAT WAS MY STOMACH!" I panic.
"Mmmmm... I don't know... that sounded like it ripped out your ass..." He chuckles, walking backwards.
"NO! IT WAS MY STOMACH! I'M SERIOUS!"
"Riiiight riiiight." He laughs and runs away. I run after him.
I sit outside the convenience store waiting for Hyunwoo to come out. I shove my hands between my legs. Now, since I'm not moving, I feel colder than before.
"Here." Hyunwoo hands me a triangler rice ball covered in seaweed and a bag of other stuff. I stare at the bag and then back at him.
"What's that for?"
"It's for you... You need to eat more." He calmly says, handing it to me. He sits down across from me and begins to smash a bag of ramen. I open the bag he handed me, looking inside. There are snacks, ramen, and other small meals inside. I frown a bit and slowly look up towards him.
"I can't really pay you back for this..."
"Don't..." He opens the ramen pack and pours the pouch of seasoning inside, shaking the contents together. I stare at him and make a pouty look with my lips. He slowly looks up at me and slightly smiles. "You know what... if you come with me to this karaoke lounge tomorrow after school, then I'll forgive you."
"Huh? You're going to a karaoke lounge?"
"Mhm... I was going to go with some friends..."
"Oh." I take a small bite into the riceball. My eyes swell up with tears. It tastes so good. I slowly look towards Hyunwoo, who is smiling at me. I take a deep breath while still chewing the food in my mouth. "Mm." I nod. Hyunwoo smiles more and then nods.
"Alright!"
The next day comes, and I stand outside the lounge where I am supposed to meet Hyunwoo. I slowly look around me, watching people walking past. Some are walking in groups of three, while others look like couples. I'm not surprised that there are a lot more teens out tonight; it's a Friday after all.
"Kim Dan." Hyunwoo says from a distance. I look in the direction I heard him. He's waving and smiling at me. He has a few people with him. Two guys and three girls.
"This is your little cousin?" One of the girls says. Hyunwoo smiles and nods.
"Is he a foreigner?" One of the other girls asks.
"No... I'm just Korean." I answer. The two girls look at me in shock.
"Oh? Are you wearing contacts?" The first girl gawks, leaning in towards me. I back away a bit, feeling nervous about the closeness. Her long blond hair sways as the wind blows into her face, she pushes her hair behind her ear, and tilts her head a bit, still staring into my eyes.
"No. His eyes are naturally that color... same as his hair." Hyunwoo answers.
"Wow... so cool." The other girl softly says.
"Lucky! I wish my hair was naturally blond." The girl with the blond hair says. Hyunwoo smiles and looks towards me.
"These are my friends..."
"Yah! My name is Sungmin." One of the guys says. He has short black hair. His hair looks really messy for being so short, but I think he styled it that way.
"I'm Minjun... and those three are Jiwoo-" He points to a girl with short brown hair. She has soft brown eyes and a small frame. She smiles at me, and I awkwardly smile back at her. "Joo Eun..." He points towards another girl. She is the girl with the blond hair. "And this is Mi Mi." Minjun points to the girl who hasn't spoken yet. She has a soft and delicate look on her face. She shyly smiles at me, my eyes widen, and I feel butterflies in my stomach.
"Hi... I'm Kim... Dan." I bow a bit. I slowly look up at Mi Mi, and her eyes soften. My face goes flush, and I quickly look away. Hyunwoo chuckles and wraps his arm around me.
"Let's do some karaoke." He bubbles, pulling me along with him. I glance back at Mi Mi. Our eyes meet, and I quickly look away.