To The Boy I Loved

If the first kiss was a performance, then my high school relationship was a stunt in avoidance. I was finally with a boy I genuinely cared for, but my past fears, would turn my love into a cage. Every time he went to hug me or hold my hand, I felt the terrifying vulnerability of true connection. I regret that I only offered him safe gestures—hand kisses and timid hugs—while my true affection remained locked behind my tall walls. I had already given away something to the wrong person, and yet withheld the soul from the right one. This is a realization that my childishness and fear caused me to push away the one boy I truly loved, simply because I didn't know how to trust him with my pain.