Mira and I cleaned up the rest of my shop and home, sanitizing every inch. The sun had long set by the time we finished.
"Up ya get," I said, pointing to my back, wrapping the oversized coat more firmly around her.
"Can you pretend to be a unicorn this time?" she asked, big blue eyes shining with excitement.
I chuckled and put my thumb on my head, neighing at her playfully. She giggled ecstatically and climbed up on my back, feeling like she weighed nothing at all.
I grabbed one of the pelts, pacing it back to her, "We will use this to get us some dinner. I think we deserve it after all our hard work."
"We can? Really?" she squealed excitedly.
I chuckled, heart aching for the joy in her voice at something as simple as dinner, "Course we can, in fact, let's bring some home for your momma too."
She bounced with excitement as I pretended to trot down the filthy streets, her thumb on my forehead like a horn. I suppressed shivers. My thin dress only hit me at my knees, my bare feet splashed in the filthy puddles, and I was numb several blocks ago.
"Lils, how come you aren't a wolf yet?" Mira asked as we approached a food stall, selling meat roasted on an open fire. What kind of meat? We didn't dare ask.
"I don't know," I admitted, "I think I am just too busy to shift."
She gave me a serious look, knowing I was lying to her at least in part.
"Maybe you need a mate first? That is what Miss May says," she declared, making me wince.
I had no interest in mates or people outside of stitching them up, for that matter. I liked Mira, or rather grew to tolerate her. She was useful, and I didn't feel so lonely now that she was here.
My father lived with Miss May most of the time. Not able to care for himself, he needed time and attention I didn't have. My brother hated me and refused to be around me unless he needed something. Mother was…gone. I really was fine alone. It was better that way.
"Did you get full?" I asked, giving her the rest of my skewer.
"I'm stuffed, you? You didn't eat much."
"Just not hungry," I lied, wrapping up the other two for Brina, Mira's mother.
She had just given birth to Mira's little brother, Miko. The poor woman was trying to care for a newborn and Mira while her husband beat her and ran off drinking most of the time. Eddin was a typical man in the Outskits, worked little, fought a lot, and drank his money away. I paid Mira what I could, but even that he would take if he had the chance, so I tried to pay her in food and clothing instead.
Brina met us outside the huge multi-family building they lived in. That was how most people lived, all stacked in one-room apartments in the long abandoned houses the humans built. But it was out of the cold and as safe as it could be from the gangs and violence on the streets. Even more people had no place to lay their heads at all.
"Momma! Lils got meat for us!" Mira called from over my shoulder. Brina gave me a serious look as I sat her child down.
"That is too generous, you shouldn't have." The way she said it made it clear she meant: No, really, you shouldn't have.
I ignored her normal subtle hostility; I didn't blame her for not trusting me. Trust could get you killed or worse here. "It was payment for all of Mira's hard work."
"Then thank you," she said stiffly, accepting the food with a hungry look in her eye.
"I fed Mira already, so that is all for you," I said sternly, meeting her eyes.
She nodded, swallowing. No one here liked taking charity. Pride was often the only thing the wolves here still had, but she knew her son needed her to be strong.
"We should hurry inside, Miko isn't feeling well," she said, sounding tired.
"Is he sick?" I asked, trying to keep my tone casual as my hands shook and my heart raced. Had he caught the illness?
"Nothing major, just a cough. No need to fret," Brina grumbled in annoyance.
"If you want, I can…"
"We are fine, good night, Lilliah," she said sharply, dragging her daughter inside.
I frowned after them, but made my way back slowly. I was numb to the cold now. Far too used to it. I had had the same dress since I was thirteen, and now, at twenty, it still fit, if not a bit too short. My shoes had given out long ago, and honestly, I am not sure the last time, if ever, I had owned a coat.
The streets were still bustling with people trying to scrape enough together to live and still pay the insanely high taxes imposed on us. A large, thick wall towered over one side of the outskirts, curving in a huge circle that expanded far beyond what I could see. I stared up at it, wondering how people lived on the other side.
Did they have food, shelter, and medical care? Were they free to pursue jobs that paid them enough to live? I hoped so. Even if we didn't, I hoped it was better somewhere. It was too depressing to think all that remained of the wolves were treated like this, less than scum on the Alpha's boots.
No one had crossed the wall and returned to say for sure, other than the collectors and guards, and they would rather run you over than stop and answer questions.
Beyond the wall was a city, or at least somewhere was a city beyond the wall. We supplied everything from food to textiles to minerals to them, and they locked us out, took all they could, and left us starving and dying, exposed to the wilderness.
I could understand the hate the people of the Outskirts felt toward the inner city, and the Alpha in particular, but I couldn't afford to feel it. I had more pressing things to worry about. Keeping people and myself alive was the only thing I had left.
If only I could have been like my mother, I thought, pressing onward, ignoring the pain in my chest when I thought about her.
A commotion in an alley caught my attention. I tried to ignore it. That was the number one rule of survival here: Mind your own damned business. But the voices sounded familiar; one was my brother, Taren Salvi.
"...I don't care. We do this, and we are on the map. Kaelen will come to see what happened, and we kill him," Taren growled, pinning Quill against the wall.
"Look, I get it, we all do, but if we kill guards, we might wind up like…" Quil cut off as my brother's fist met his face, silencing him.
"Don't you dare say it. We won't be like them. I got a plan this time, we got the…" Taren cut off whirling to me, sneering as he caught sight of me. "Yes, Failure? What do you want?"
"Nothing, I was just…"
"Then go do it. Go let someone else down. Go let someone else die."
"Hey, man, that isn't cool. She tries her best…" Quill tried to interject. Taren laughed, cutting him off, shooting me another glare.
"She didn't try hard enough. She should have died trying to save Mother, so we had a real healer and not a failure of a wolf like her."
"You're drunk again, aren't you?" I said numbly, taking in the way he wobbled and his slurred speech. I was used to his insults; hell, I even agreed with them. I was a failure.
"Like you care," he laughed, dropping Quill and walking further down the alley. " I want those items by tomorrow night, or I will come take them."
Quil didn't answer, pinching his bleeding nose. I sighed, tugging him down to look at it. The blood had already started to slow; it wasn't broken. I gave him a scrap of cloth to hold to his nose; he grumbled a thanks, trying not to look at me, cheeks red enough to see in the dark.
"What was that about?" I asked as he fell in step behind me, like a lost puppy.
"Eh, he was just drunk," he lied, and I knew it, but I didn't push the matter. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
"I am sorry about earlier," he grumbled as I went to turn toward my shop.
"Just don't let them bait you. I don't care what interest you have, but use caution; there are reasons we don't trust the things humans made. Look what they did to themselves trying to wipe us out."
He nodded, looking at the ground shoulders sagging a bit. I sighed and pushed my way inside and lit a small fire, and tried to thaw. My feet and hands were a bright red. They stung, but I healed quickly; maybe there was hope of me shifting eventually after all.
I slumped into one of the wooden chairs, exhausted, but there was still so much to do. I still had potions to make, the burn ointment was low, and there was something else… I dozed off, exhaustion sucking me under.
⋆···✦···⋆
I woke as the sun rose, and a loud knocking came from the door. I jerked awake, falling from my chair, sprawling on the floor.
"Fuck," I grumbled, brushing soot from myself, still groggy.
I pulled the door open, sighing as Cinder looked down at me, smirking.
"What?" I snapped, stepping back for him to come in.
"Can't I just come see you?" he asked, setting down a warm canister of something and a few rolls that made my stomach cramp with hunger.
"Absolutely not," I muttered, still eyeing the food.
He handed me the roll, which I ate without question, not giving a damn about charity or pride. "Fine, I have something to discuss."
"Get on with it then," I muttered through a mouthful of food.
"Your brother is up to something that could get us all killed."
I swallowed the mouthful, frowning at him. "When is he not up to something that could get us all killed?"
"This time is different, I don't know how, but I can feel it. My instincts are rarely wrong," he said, eyes more serious than I had ever seen them.
I took another bite to give myself time to think. Taren was talking a bunch of nonsense last night. Was some of it true? I shrugged. Still feeling the need to protect my older brother, even if he hated me.
"Not that I know of, but you never know with him. I bet he was just blowing off steam since the collectors are coming tomorrow."
"Maybe," Cinder agreed, unscrewing the cap of the canister and pouring me a cup of steaming tea.
I made an involuntary sound of delight as the familiar smell of real tea hit me. He chuckled, staring at me as I took a sip, savoring it.
"How did you get this?" I asked in awe. We didn't get stuff like this down here, and even if we did, few could afford it.
"Stole it, how else?" he shrugged. I kept drinking. I had no qualms about stealing if you could get away with it.
"I still won't date you," I grumbled, raising an eyebrow at him.
He scooted closer, pressing another roll into my hand, and said as he made his way to the door, "Never say never."
"Never," I called, making him laugh harder. I didn't like him romantically, but I couldn't deny our back-and-forth was… entertaining, if a bit annoying at times.
Mira leaned around the doorframe as Cinder left, sticking her little tongue out at his retreating back.
Cinder whirled, putting his hands up by his ears, tongue out, and eyes crossed, startling a giggle from her.
I giggled too, which only made his grin widen as he waved cockily goodbye.
"Here, eat and drink. We've got a lot to do today," I told my little shadow, groaning at my lack of prep work last night.
She ate while I worked, her little eyes watching everything I did intently. It reminded me of myself, watching my mother grind herbs, her soft, sweet voice explaining everything she did, then having me repeat it back to her. It was how I taught Mira now, telling her all I knew as it came up.
There was no hope of Mira one day manifesting my mother's healing gifts. Hell, I was certain I hadn't gotten them either. It was passed down for generations in my family, but it had died with her.
I shook the bad memory away and started reciting every step I was taking to my little shadow.
She coughed suddenly, so hard they wracked her tiny body, freezing the blood in my veins. Taking a big gulp of tea, she patted her chest, squicking out, "Wrong pipe."
I breathed out the breath I had been holding, trying to get my heart under control.
"How is your brother? Any better?" I asked, keeping my hands moving, as I watched her warily. It was just an aching curiosity, I told myself. Just trying to protect people.
"No," she frowned, standing on her little stool, which had once been mine. "He has a fever and coughs and coughs. I told Momma to bring him, but…"
"You can tell her it is part of your payment for the day," I suggested, knowing where the hesitation came from. Brina couldn't pay.
"Papa said I am to demand coins, so he can buy more ale," Mira said, frowning down at her hands.
I hesitated, fury boiling through me, "I don't get paid in coins, so I can't give you any."
"I know, it is fine, he is just going to be mad," Mira said, trying to tug her sleeves down.
I snatched her arm, gently pulling up her sleeves. Bruises covered her skin, going far up her little arm.
"He did this?" I asked, voice hard. She whimpered, tears in her eyes, and nodded slowly.
I took a deep breath, trying to contain my rage. It felt wrong to think of using Cinder's help since I didn't return his affections, but I knew he liked Mira as well. He playfully teased her, but I could see the humor in his eyes.
"I will take care of this, alright. Why don't we work on a bruise ointment together, so you know how to make it?" I suggested ruffling her hair.
She nodded, brightening, and pulled her stool to my side of the workbench. I gave her verbal instructions, gently correcting as I needed, impressed at how fast she learned. But I would never wish my life on her, no matter how much she learned.
I couldn't let her be like me.