Hi, Charly here. I wasn't planning on uploading anything else, but I've been getting a lot of comments—seriously, quite a few—giving their critiques about the first chapters.
Most of them mention two things: in the first chapters, the same idea is repeated a lot—"I'm not Leonard." I don't know if it's the exact same words being used or if it just feels annoying that the same idea is repeated over and over and over again.
As has been mentioned, this is a translation. My fanfiction—the one that's more polished—is in Spanish, because that's my native language and everything is designed to be understood in that format.
What happens is that in the translation, the variety of possible synonyms or context gets lost in the difference between languages, or the mental state isn't as clearly understood. Because honestly, I haven't received the same critiques about those same chapters.
Speaking about the character's psychology, my intention is to show an internal conflict. It's a struggle where he's trying to convince not just us, but himself, that he is Leonard and isn't Leonard at the same time.
He might seem relaxed, but the internal struggle is there. I didn't think I'd have to spell it out like, "he has an internal struggle because suddenly his life is gone and now he's a fictional character."
Also, it's true that a lot of the dialogue might come off as robotic because AI is used for the translation, and that cuts out a lot of the voice the character should have—voice that becomes more humorous and, in my opinion, more natural in Spanish.
But since my English isn't great, I can't really spot those details. I know many people are trying to help improve the story, but in that aspect, there's not much I can do—unless I take more English classes, which, since this is a hobby, isn't really my main focus.
Honestly, my intention is just to share something I enjoy writing for myself, in case someone else happens to like it too. But if there are so many complaints, I can stop translating and just stick with the Spanish version.
Just like these first episodes—they're the hardest to adjust because they're scenes I have to plan where there's nothing but talking to yourself over and over again.
I know it's annoying to repeat the same idea again and again, but the way I see it, for coherence, a normal person with issues is going to repeat the same internal thought 20,000 times without getting tired. It was written to be understood that way, but most people read it with a "I get it already, stop repeating it" mindset, instead of looking for coherence in the thought or why he says it so much.
It's not like they ask me either. I mean, they leave five comments on the same chapter like, "Again?"
Tell me, is the translation or the novel really that bad? Should I stop translating it and just leave it in Spanish?
Thanks for reading and for the positive comments. I'm glad you're enjoying it and trying to help me improve, but I was really surprised by the number of comments.