Location: Anvil-Deep, The Iron Bastion
Mission Objective: Evacuate the City Before 19:00 Hours.
Kaelen sat on an overturned crate in a narrow alley behind the Mercenary Guild, staring blankly at a brick wall.
Water dripped from the edges of his armor. Ignis had hosed him down again, and a shallow puddle had already formed around his steel boots.
He looked nothing like the Hero of the Kingdom.
He looked like a man who had just realized he was standing on a landmine and had no idea how to disarm it.
Elara paced in front of him, chewing thoughtfully on the end of her quill. A few steps away, Brother Oat stood beneath the drizzle, holding an umbrella over Kaelen. The monk said nothing. He simply offered the sort of silent, muscular solidarity that only a man built like a siege tower could provide.
"Okay. Let's review the tactical situation."
Elara stopped pacing and tapped her notebook with the quill.
"You aggressively propositioned Guildmaster Vance."
Kaelen's helmet tilted slightly.
"A woman who once beat a Troll to death with its own arm," Elara continued. "And instead of executing you, she blushed."
"It was a system error."
His voice was flat and hollow.
"The HUD locked on. I was a passenger in my own body, Bard. I attempted to request a medical discharge, and my mouth asked her to punish me."
From a nearby windowsill, Pud squeaked in approval and performed a tiny backflip.
Elara stared at the creature.
"Not helping."
Pud squeaked again.
"Well, whatever happened, the system error worked." She winced and flipped a page in her notebook. "Because I have your new orders."
Kaelen slowly looked up.
"You are to report to the Brass Boar Tavern at nineteen-hundred hours."
A pause.
"In your dress uniform."
Another pause.
"With flowers."
Kaelen's head snapped upright.
His eyes, visible through the narrow slits of his helmet, widened in horror.
"A... date?"
"Yes."
"With the Guildmaster?"
"A mandatory date."
Kaelen stared at her.
Elara sighed.
"Kaelen, if you stand her up, she will probably declare us rogue agents. Then she'll send the entire Iron Fleet after us. You have to go. Buy some petunias, sit across from her, and talk about your feelings."
"Negative."
He shot to his feet so quickly that his armor clanked against itself.
"I do not have feelings. I have tactical assessments and a resting heart rate of forty."
He pointed toward the alley entrance as though delivering a battlefield report.
"I cannot go on a date with Valka Vance. The curse criteria is [SCARRED AUTHORITY FIGURES]. If I sit across a candlelit table from her, the system will force me to propose marriage before the appetizers arrive."
"I agree."
Ignis's deep voice came from behind them. Blue runes pulsed across his stone body, casting faint light through the dim alley.
"Predictive models suggest a 99.8% probability that Commander Kaelen will attempt to feed the Guildmaster a strawberry."
Kaelen slowly turned toward him.
Ignis continued.
"This violates core military protocol."
"So what's the plan?" Elara threw both hands into the air. "We can't fight her. She's the boss!"
Kaelen reached over his shoulder and drew his greatsword, Diplomacy.
The blade scraped against its sheath before he slammed it back into place.
"We initiate a Tactical Retreat."
Elara's eyes narrowed.
"We desert."
Her expression went blank.
"We leave Anvil-Deep immediately and make for the Whispering Weald. We will live off the land as fugitives until the Demon Queen is dead and this glitch is purged from my retinas."
Brother Oat slowly nodded.
He reached beneath his robe and produced a freshly painted wooden sign.
I HAVE PACKED THE SNACKS.
Kaelen pointed at him.
"Excellent."
He turned toward the others.
"Ignis, prep the transport. Oat, secure the perimeter. Elara, stop writing this down."
Elara quickly shoved her notebook behind her back.
"I'm not writing!"
She hesitated.
"I'm just... documenting the tragic fall of a great man."
Kaelen stared at her.
"Burn it."
"Absolutely not."
The Checkpoint
Twenty minutes later, the Crisis Management Team reached the southern gate of Anvil-Deep.
Freedom was close.
Beyond the enormous portcullis stretched the road leading toward the Whispering Weald. The rain had turned the road into a muddy ribbon, and mist clung to the distant hills.
They were almost out.
Almost.
Standing directly in front of the gate was Captain Rilla of the City Guard.
She was tall, broad-shouldered, and built like someone who considered armor a second skin. Heavy chainmail covered her torso, and a halberd rested comfortably in one hand as she barked orders at the guards around her.
A leather eyepatch covered her left eye.
A battle scar from the Orc Wars.
Kaelen froze.
He had been halfway behind a fruit stand.
Now he was completely motionless.
His gauntleted hand slowly tightened around one of the wooden supports.
Crack.
The pillar splintered beneath his grip.
DING!
The cheerful bell rang inside his skull.
The neon-pink HUD flickered into existence across his vision.
[ SYSTEM ALERT: MULTIPLE TARGETS ACQUIRED ]
[ CRITERIA CHECK: SCARRED AUTHORITY FIGURE ]
[ TARGET 1: CAPTAIN RILLA ]
[ MATCH: 94% ]
Kaelen's breathing stopped.
"Code Red."
Elara looked at him.
"What?"
"Abort."
He slowly backed away.
"Abort the gate."
"Kaelen..."
"The Captain has an eyepatch."
His voice dropped to a horrified whisper.
"She's commanding the guards. It's a direct match."
"Oh, come on!"
Elara peeked over the fruit stand.
"You cannot be attracted to every scary woman in a uniform!"
Kaelen's head turned toward her.
"Apparently, I can."
"Just look at the ground!"
Elara turned toward Ignis.
"Ignis, blindfold him."
"Negative."
Ignis stepped forward.
"Commander Kaelen requires visual input to march."
The golem paused.
"Deploying alternative countermeasure."
He raised both massive stone hands.
"The Blinders."
Before Kaelen could react, Ignis grabbed the sides of his helmet and physically turned his head downward.
Kaelen was now staring directly at the mud.
"Walk, Commander."
"This is humiliating."
"Walk."
Kaelen obeyed.
They moved toward the gate in a strange, hunched formation. Ignis kept Kaelen's head pointed toward the ground while Elara pushed him from behind. Brother Oat held his umbrella low enough to conceal most of Kaelen's face.
For several seconds, everything went perfectly.
Then Kaelen heard her voice.
"Halt!"
His shoulders stiffened.
"You there! The walking mountain!"
Ignis's grip tightened.
Captain Rilla stepped directly into their path, her halberd blocking the road.
"I know that armor."
Her single visible eye narrowed.
"Ironclad. What are you doing skulking out of the city like a thief? Guildmaster Vance said you were on mandatory leave."
Ignis's hands slipped.
Kaelen's head snapped upward.
Their eyes met.
The world seemed to slow.
The rain.
The guards.
The merchants.
Everything disappeared beneath the soft electronic hum of the HUD.
The pink targeting reticle locked onto the leather eyepatch.
[ INITIATE SEDUCTION PROTOCOL ]
«Option A: Compliment her vigilance.
Option B: Surrender to her authority.»
Kaelen's heart hammered against his chest.
'No. Don't do this to me.'
He stepped forward.
Rilla's grip tightened around her halberd.
Kaelen did not reach for his sword.
Instead, he slowly raised one gauntleted hand and ran a finger along the polished haft of her weapon.
"Captain Rilla."
His voice came out as a deep, strangely magnetic rumble.
"Your perimeter defense is flawless."
Rilla blinked.
Kaelen leaned slightly closer.
"But tell me..."
He paused.
"...who guards your heart?"
Silence.
The guards stopped checking carts.
A merchant dropped an entire sack of potatoes.
Several potatoes rolled across the muddy road.
Rilla's mouth fell open.
"Are... are you drunk, Commander?"
"I am intoxicated by your strict adherence to protocol."
Kaelen leaned closer.
"Arrest me, Captain."
His voice dropped to a whisper.
"I have contraband."
Rilla swallowed.
"What contraband?"
"My affection."
He held out his hands.
"Confiscate it."
[ SEDUCTION SUCCESSFUL ]
[ TARGET IS FLUSTERED ]
Rilla's face turned bright red.
"I... I mean..."
She glanced around nervously.
"If you have contraband, I have to strip-search you..."
"NO SHE DOESN'T!"
Elara came sprinting forward.
"Protocol Omega."
Ignis moved.
He did not use the hose.
He did not deploy the blinders.
He simply stepped behind Kaelen, wrapped both massive stone arms around the knight's waist, and lifted him clean off the ground.
Kaelen's legs kicked uselessly in the air.
Then Ignis ran.
Straight through the gate.
Like a stone golem carrying a fully armored battering ram.
"I CONSENT TO THE SEARCH!"
Kaelen's voice echoed across the checkpoint.
"My armor is easily removed!"
He twisted in Ignis's grip.
"RILLA!"
The golem disappeared down the road.
Elara and Brother Oat immediately ran after them.
"Sorry!"
Elara waved frantically at the guards.
"So sorry!"
Brother Oat bowed while running.
The guards could only stare.
Behind them, Captain Rilla remained frozen in place, still bright red.
One of the merchants slowly bent down and picked up a potato.
"Was that..."
He glanced toward the road.
"...the Hero of the Kingdom?"
Rilla stared after the fleeing group.
"I hope not."
Into the Wilderness
The gray walls of the Iron Bastion gradually disappeared behind them.
The road stretched toward the dark line of the Whispering Weald, where ancient trees rose from the mist like enormous shadows.
Ignis finally set Kaelen down.
The knight stumbled forward several steps before catching himself.
Elara came running up behind them, gasping for breath.
Brother Oat followed at a much steadier pace.
For a moment, none of them spoke.
Then Elara clutched her side and looked back toward the distant city.
"Well..."
She sucked in a breath.
"We're officially fugitives."
Kaelen said nothing.
"You're wanted by the Guildmaster."
She took another breath.
"And you're apparently deeply desired by the City Watch."
Kaelen slowly lowered his helmet.
'This cannot possibly get worse.'
Brother Oat jogged up beside them and raised another wooden sign.
IT COULD BE WORSE.
Elara stared at him.
"Don't jinx it, Oat."
She looked toward the dark forest ahead.
"Because knowing our luck, the next curse criteria will be Elves."
The wind rustled through the trees.
A distant, unfamiliar sound echoed from somewhere within the forest.
Elara's face fell.
"And we're heading straight into a forest full of them."
Kaelen stared into the mist.
For once, he had nothing to say.
Then the HUD quietly flickered.
[ NEW AREA DISCOVERED: WHISPERING WEALD ]
[ WARNING: HIGH DENSITY OF POTENTIAL TARGETS ]
Kaelen closed his eyes.
'Of course.'
The four of them continued down the road.