POV: ME — A MAN FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE
My stomach was making noises usually heard in dinosaur documentaries.
I didn't need the washroom.I needed an exorcist.
I speed-walked like a man who had eaten three plates of regret and washed it down with poor decisions.
The bathroom door was RIGHT there.I could smell the disinfectant.I could hear the angels singing.
And then
"Oh hey! Long time!"
I stopped.Not because I wanted to.Because my intestines filed a complaint with HR.
My crush stood there, glowing like sunlight and disappointment.
"Hi—" I squeaked, sounding like a deflating balloon.
"How have you been?" she asked.
How have I been?Ma'am… my stomach is about to reinvent physics.
"I'm… FANTASTIC!" I said, sweating enough to water a garden.
She smiled.My stomach growled.It wasn't a growl.It was a threat.
"I've missed talking to you," she said sweetly.
Missed talking?Girl, if I don't leave right now, you're about to miss the floor being clean.
Her eyes sparkled.Mine watered.
Finally, she smiled and said, "We should hang out sometime!"
My body: romantic moment, yes!My stomach: touch me and we both perish.
So I said the smoothest, most romantic sentence ever:
"YES OKAY BYE EMERGENCY BIOHAZARD SITUATION RUNNING NOW"
And then I sprinted.I sprinted like a roach after the lights turn on.Like my life, dignity, and future children depended on it.
I flew into the bathroom like Superman doing a crash landing.
Holy relief.An emotional moment.Possibly spiritual.
POV: HER — THE CRUSH WITH QUESTIONS
He walked past me earlier looking normal.
Then suddenly he was walking like he had a laptop hidden between his knees.Weird… but okay.
So I said hi.
And then he turned around with the exact expression of a man who just saw a tax audit, a ghost, and his ex all at once.
He tried to say "hello,"but it sounded more like "hell—oooh-noooo."
He was sweating.Like… waterfalls.Like someone had turned him into a human fountain.
I thought maybe he was nervous around me.
Cute, right?
Until his stomach made a noise so loud I thought a lion was behind him.Or inside him.It sounded… carnivorous.
I tried to keep the conversation going because, well… I like him.
But he kept blinking aggressively like he was doing Morse code for "HELP."
Then out of nowhere, he screamed:
"YES OKAY BYE EMERGENCY BIOHAZARD SITUATION RUNNING NOW—"
And sprinted.Not walked.Not jogged.SPRINTED like an Olympic athlete with emotional damage.
Straight into the bathroom.
I stood there…Concerned.Confused.Slightly impressed.
From inside, I heard him exhale like a dragon dying peacefully.
I giggled.
"That idiot… still cute," I said.
And honestly?He is.
Even if he almost exploded in front of me.