The screen was full of surprises.
The video continued.
[Captain America is no longer a virgin—secret revealed from the distant future.]
[By the way, that night Dr. Banner and his cousin, She-Hulk, were drinking and chatting.]
[As they discussed Captain America…]
[Dr. Banner revealed a huge "watermelon."]
Apparently, after joining the Avengers, Steve accidentally let something slip.
[The heroes present learned that on his first joint patrol after receiving the Super Soldier Serum, Captain America lost his virginity!]
[And, according to some unreliable rumors…]
That night, Captain America supposedly slept with a blonde beauty in the audience.
[Once. The entire night!!!][And it's based on unreliable rumors.]
[That blonde beauty was Star-Lord's grandmother, a member of the third phase of the Avengers!]
[Which means… Captain America is Star-Lord's grandfather!!!]
Back at the camp.
Howard's eyes were full of mischief as he looked at Captain America.
Howard: "Oh~ so that's why you always say, 'I could do this all day'~~~"
Steve was mortified and wanted to crawl into a hole.
Steve (thinking): Hey!!! Howard!!!That catchphrase does NOT mean that!!! Stop joking!!!
Miss Carter touched her brown hair and whispered:
Carter: "Steve, this kid… his first time was with a blonde.Later, he ran to Howard's lab and was again captivated by another blonde.Does he have a thing for blondes?Should I dye my hair blonde…?Oh no, maybe green…"
Steve observed their reactions, feeling helpless.He silently vowed:
Steve (thinking): Seventy years!I will NEVER spill this secret again!Even if you beat me to death, I will NEVER tell anyone who my first time was with!!!
S.H.I.E.L.D.
Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Director Nick Fury raised their beers.They were ecstatic—they'd unexpectedly witnessed some explosive gossip.
Widow: "Ah, awesome!"She slammed an empty bottle on the table."This gossip is insane!No matter what comes next, today was worth it!"
Fury, the workaholic, had fried chicken, beer, fries, and a massive "watermelon" in front of him.His ambitious mind analyzed the video:
Fury: "Star-Lord, member of the third phase of the Avengers…Wow, my Avengers plan extends to a third phase?So many people?When the Thor video plays, it looks like Doctor Strange will lead the Avengers in battle…Population growth isn't weird…But Star-Lord's grandfather is Captain America!???"
Fury (thinking): Captain America's appearance hasn't changed much after the Super Soldier Serum.But Star-Lord seems young…So when they meet, they're both in their twenties—one called "grandfather," the other "grandson"?Just thinking about this is thrilling.Hey, don't overthink it—keep watching and enjoy the gossip!
He patted his bald head and looked at the screen.
On the screen:
[Tony hates Captain America, thinks he's old-fashioned.][But who would've guessed Cap would appear most often?][It's not about quantity, it's about quality.][After joining the Avengers, Captain America left a deep impression with two kisses.]
[The first one.][His first kiss.][With Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow, member of the Avengers!]
Upon hearing this, Black Widow froze, the piece of fried chicken in her hand suspended mid-air.
Who could've guessed?You could eat a whole "watermelon" alone.Family drama.Who could comprehend this?
Nearby, Hawkeye tensed up, then relaxed.After all, he'd known Black Widow for years.He always treated her like a sister.And now, someone had kissed his sister…Which brother wouldn't want to grab a hoe and whack the pig digging up the cabbage?
Hawkeye's reaction was initially tense—but then he thought:The one kissing my sister is Captain America—Steve Rogers, a hero from history.Suddenly, he felt Captain America was like a cabbage, Black Widow like the pig digging it up.
But… how did Black Widow kiss Captain America?Hawkeye stared curiously at the screen.
[The story of Captain America and Black Widow's kiss.][This happened after S.H.I.E.L.D. was invaded by Hydra.]
To evade their pursuers:[Captain America and Black Widow fled to a shopping mall elevator.][And that's when it happened.]
[Hydra agents were sent to capture them.][Two factions about to clash.][Black Widow sensed danger.][She cupped Cap's face and gave him a passionate French kiss.]
[Intimacy in public can be awkward.][Seeing this, the Hydra agents looked away.]
Stark Tower.
Tony saw it and realized:
Tony: "So this was just a desperate move to escape an emergency.I really think there's a spark between them."
Tony was a little annoyed—he thought it was going to be a huge "watermelon," but in the end, it was… subtle.
But… who was the second person Cap kissed?He was dying of curiosity.
S.H.I.E.L.D.
Black Widow felt a little disappointed.She had hoped to spark something with Cap, but it turned out to be an emergency escape.
Still… even kissing Cap once is worth it.She wondered what it felt like, anticipation growing.
Back at the camp.
Captain America felt he had regained control.Although he had kissed other women, it was always to avoid Hydra—desperate measures!
And, looking closely…He hadn't moved.Black Widow had taken the initiative.He was innocent.
Miss Carter nodded.Hmm… Steve Rogers isn't a bad man.Not the type to sleep around.
She had been watching the video for a while.Cap had been kissed twice—but both times, others initiated.He just stood there, unmoving.
It seemed… he had been wronged in the past.
Meanwhile, on the screen:
[As I said earlier, Captain America's first kiss was with Black Widow.][After understanding the context, some might think this gossip isn't "big enough," but that's okay.][I guarantee the next watermelon will be explosive—absolutely satisfying!]
Next, I will announce the second person Captain Steve Rogers kissed.Her name is Sharon Carter![She is S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent 13!]
Miss Carter's face turned uneasy upon hearing this.Why is the second person Cap kissed also named Carter?Could Sharon Carter be related to me?
She thought about it, then laughed.Haha, this can't be real.If it were true… absurd!
Perhaps her thoughts were heard, because the video continued:
[Hearing this, everyone might feel something's off.][Why does Sharon Carter also have the surname Carter? Could she be Agent Carter's relative?][Yes! That's right!][She is Agent Carter's relative!]
[So! Next, I will announce…][The second person Captain America kissed!][She is Agent Carter's niece!]
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