The drinks were spat out. The drinks were spat out.
Pffft!Pffft!Pffft!
Black Widow, Hawkeye, and the "hard-boiled egg"—all three of them sprayed their drinks in unison.
"Captain America… with Agent Carter's niece!???""What the—what the—what the hell!!!""This is… absolutely insane!!!"
Stark Tower.
Tony and Pepper's popcorn fell to the floor.
Tony: "Oh my god!!!"Pepper: "Oh my god!!!"Tony: "Did you see that, Pepper?!"Pepper: "I saw it! I saw it!!!"
Tony was ecstatic. Good heavens.He had just asked J.A.R.V.I.S. to record some gossip about Captain America.Learning that Cap was no longer a virgin was already shocking enough…And now, there's an even bigger bombshell!
Let's just say it.Captain America is practically the Carter family's "heirloom boyfriend" now!???
Tony chuckled to himself.Who would've guessed?He had only wanted to catch a tiny bit of gossip about Cap…And now, the screen's "big brother" seems to be waving at him.
He wasn't sure if this screen was only visible to him…Or if it could project into the timeline where Captain America actually was.If Cap and Agent Carter could see this too…Tony's face lit up. That would be hilarious!
Back at the camp.
Howard was on his knees, trembling, giving Captain America a thumbs-up.
Howard: "Incredible!Bro, I have to say, you're amazing!I thought it was impressive enough that you could woo Miss Carter…But I never expected that seventy years later, you'd be dating her niece!I really admire you!!!"
Steve immediately jumped up.
Steve: "Howard, stop!How could I possibly be that kind of guy?It must be this damn screen making stuff up, right?"
He winked at Howard as he spoke.
Steve (thinking): Bro! Save me!Quick! Say something! Someone's going to die here!!!
Howard didn't seem to notice Steve's expression and kept rambling.
Howard: "Hey Steve, you're too modest.With your charm, combined with the deep bond you share with Miss Carter…I can guarantee that in the future, you'll completely fall for the Carter daughter, niece, even granddaughter!Haha, Steve, don't even think about being the Carter family's heirloom boyfriend!"
Steve was furious. He stomped his foot.
Steve (thinking): Big brother! Didn't you see my look at you?!I was counting on you to help me, not make it worse!The unspoken bond between men… what happened?!If you keep talking like this, someone's going to die today!!!
Behind him, Miss Carter was about to remove his mask—but grabbed him by the neck instead, sarcastically saying:
Carter: "Oh my…Steve Rogers? No, I should say Captain America now.You're so charming. Looks like everyone in the Carter family is going to fall for you, right?Tell me, Steve… do you want to be the Carter family's heirloom boyfriend?"
Steve felt like he was about to die. Mainly because…She had just pulled out a small pistol!And was now aiming it at his… posterior!Pretending to fire a few shots!
At that moment, Steve's mind raced.
Steve (thinking): My brain!Quick! I have to come up with a reason for this!!!
Suddenly, a thought struck him.He let go of Miss Carter's small hand that had been pressed against his head.Then, he stepped back.His gaze was sincere, steady.
He looked at Carter.
Steve: "Miss Carter… is this really what you think of me?""You're really disappointed in me?"
He looked up at the sky.A single tear of disappointment and misunderstanding slid down his cheek.
The others were stunned.Howard was amazed.
Howard (thinking): "Turning the tables!Attack and defense first!This move is too cool!Steve… aren't you supposed to be clueless about love?!?!"
Steve's action shocked Miss Carter—but soon, she calmed down.She kept her hand on the gun, unwavering, aiming at Cap's rear.She even stepped a little closer.
Carter: "Really?Steve, did I misunderstand you?Didn't this broken screen say you'd end up with my niece?The facts are right in front of you… why are you hesitating?!Steve, if you don't give me a reasonable explanation today, I, Peggy Carter, will resolve all troubles in the Carter family myself!!!"
She expected Steve to panic.Who knew?
Steve sighed. Then…He lifted the gun, pointing it at his own chest.
Steve: "Miss Carter… so, is this really what you think of me?Do you want a reasonable explanation?Fine! I'll give you one!
You all just saw me kiss Black Widow.It was because I had no choice—to avoid Hydra agents.And that wasn't my idea.
Similarly… the reason I kissed your niece must have been the same.I was being chased by Hydra, and Sharon Carter, Agent 13 of S.H.I.E.L.D., had no choice but to kiss me while helping me.I swear, it wasn't my idea!
Miss Carter, you must believe me. I had a reason. I was forced into it!"
Miss Carter hesitated.…Indeed.What Steve said made sense.If things really happened as Steve described—He was being pursued, so his niece kissed him, just as Black Widow did to help him evade enemies.
It sounded reasonable.
Slowly, she lowered the gun.
Carter: "Hmm… what you said makes sense.Let's first see what the screen shows."
Steve nodded.His face still looked aggrieved, desperately hoping the "judge" would prove his innocence.In fact, he felt a wave of relief.
Finally, he'd handled it.He earned this!
But… why did I kiss Miss Carter's niece?I'm really curious…
Meanwhile, on the screen:
[Captain America kissing Agent Carter's niece had a reason.][When Cap first entered the future world, Sharon Carter, disguised as his neighbor, secretly monitored and protected him.][Cap, new to a future seventy years ahead, felt isolated and lonely.][Then, he noticed his neighbor looked strikingly similar to his girlfriend from seventy years ago.][A surge of inexplicable familiarity rose in Cap's heart.]He began to have a good impression of this neighbor.
[Coincidentally, ever since Cap disappeared, Sharon Carter's aunt had been thinking of him.]They often talked about time spent with Cap at home.
[Sharon Carter had a mysterious fondness for Steve since childhood.]Thus, she became his superfan.
[During the Sokovia Accords dispute, Cap was pursued for saving Bucky.][Even in S.H.I.E.L.D., Sharon secretly delivered Cap's equipment.][Under these circumstances, Cap warmly kissed Agent Carter's niece.]
[Note this carefully!]
[In 1943, Cap kissed that blonde beauty.][Seventy years later, Cap kissed Black Widow.][Both kisses, he was passive.]
[But this time—he actively sought out Carter's niece!]
[Surprised? Shocked?][Is this "melon" about to explode?]
At that moment, Captain America felt utterly crushed.
Hahahahahahaha!
The screen shattered.
Forget me kissing Carter's niece.You even emphasized that it was me who took the initiative—what does that mean!?
Big brother screen…Do you know what you're doing?Your words can kill!!!Are you trying to kill me?!
Captain America sank to one knee, looking up at the sky, howling:
Steve: "That's it. I'll explain everything right here today."