How Dumbledore Implemented Keith's "Kindergarten Difficulty" Plan
The moment Keith left the office, Dumbledore sighed and rubbed his face.
Dumbledore:
"Very well… elementary IQ difficulty it is."
Cedric Runcandel's portrait coughed politely.
Cedric:
"For Ron Weasley, you might want preschool."
Dumbledore flinched.
But the truth hurt less than dealing with Ron.
Step 1: The Treasure Box
Dumbledore conjured a small golden chest covered in glowing runes.
Then he rewrote the runes:
Original difficulty: Advanced Arithmancy New difficulty: "Draw a circle to open."
Then he hesitated.
Dumbledore:
"…Ron might not manage a circle."
He simplified again:
Final difficulty: "Touch the box."
The box opened with the ease of a muggle microwave.
Inside, Dumbledore placed:
A picture of Nicolas Flamel A biography written in BIG, COLORFUL letters A note: "THIS IS THE MAN WITH THE STONE."
Cedric's portrait chuckled.
Step 2: Planting the Evidence
Dumbledore quietly crept down to the corridor near the Gryffindor boys' bathroom.
Dumbledore:
"Let's see… Ron visits this place roughly twenty times a day."
He placed the treasure box on a bench.
Perfectly in view.
Cedric's portrait inside the office muttered:
"He'll still miss it, Albus."
Dumbledore froze.
He sighed… then added a flashing neon sign:
→ RON, OPEN THIS ←
He stared at it miserably.
Dumbledore:
"…I have fallen so far…"
The Troll Trio Arrive
Later that night, Neville, Seamus, and Ron walked down the corridor.
Ron was bragging again.
Ron:
"I fought the troll myself! Neville fainted but I—"
Neville:
"YOU fainted first—!"
Seamus:
"Can ye two stop? I feel another explosion coming."
Suddenly Ron stopped.
He spotted the glowing neon sign.
Ron:
"Look! Something's calling my name!
See, I told you! I'm chosen by destiny!"
Neville squinted.
Neville:
"…It literally says your name on it…"
Seamus:
"This might be a trap."
Ron puffed out his chest.
Ron:
"That means it's MEANT for me!"
The Most Idiotic Discovery in Hogwarts History
Ron dramatically touched the treasure box.
It opened.
Neville gasped.
Seamus flinched.
Ron squinted at the giant picture of Nicolas Flamel.
Ron:
"Who's this?
He looks like Dumbledore's grandpa."
Neville picked up the book.
Neville (reading):
"Ni-co-las… Fla…mel… the creator of the Philosopher's Stone—"
Seamus:
"Oh. So that's who he is. So the Stone's real?"
Ron stood tall.
Ron:
"HAH!
I knew this would happen!
Destiny favors the brave!"
Seamus muttered:
"Destiny favors idiots more like…"
But the Troll Trio ran off to spread the news.
Flitwick Laughing Himself Sick
The next morning, the story reached Professor Flitwick.
He choked on his tea.
Flitwick:
"Ron… Weasley… solved… the mystery?!"
McGonagall groaned.
Snape facepalmed.
Flitwick wheezed harder.
Flitwick:
"He thought… the box was calling to him!
BWAHAHAHAHA!"
He fell backwards out of his chair.
Students rushed over.
Flitwick:
"No—don't help me—let me die—HAHAHAHA!"
Dumbledore entered to check on him.
Flitwick pointed at him while crying laughing.
Flitwick:
"YOU did this!
YOU put a neon sign!!"
Dumbledore looked 500 years older.
Dumbledore:
"…I regret everything."