The Hogwarts Teacher Support Group
Snape, McGonagall, and Flitwick finally had enough.
They met secretly in an unused classroom.
A sign hung on the door:
**"HOGWARTS STAFF SURVIVAL SOCIETY
— Sponsored by Stress, Tears, and Firewhisky —"**
Snape sat with a bottle of calming draught.
McGonagall held a cat toy for emotional support (yes, herself).
Flitwick had tissues and a clipboard.
Flitwick:
"Welcome everyone… to our first meeting.
Today's topic is: The Weasley Problem."
McGonagall:
(voice shaking)
"He bragged in Gryffindor Tower that he's 'smarter than Merlin'."
Snape:
"I caught him trying to cast Lumos on a cup of tea for 'alchemy upgrades'."
McGonagall:
"...Albus needs to return."
Snape:
"I fear he won't."
🧪 Ron Attempts Alchemy (And Nearly Turns Himself Into a Chicken)
Ron, after reading ONE line from a book Keith gently recommended not to touch, declared:
Ron:
"I'm basically Nicolas Flamel's successor."
Naturally, chaos followed.
Ron tried to brew an "Eternal Youth Enhancing Super Elixir."
Ingredients he used:
Rotten pumpkin juice Chicken feather A bit of Seamus's hair (mistake #1) Spellbook upside down (mistake #2) Wand waving like a windmill (mistake #3)
The cauldron burped.
Then exploded.
Ron grew feathers.
Actual feathers.
Seamus shouted, "YOU TURNED INTO A BIRD, MATE!!"
Neville fainted.
Snape arrived, pinched the bridge of his nose, and said the iconic line:
Snape:
"…I knew this day would come."
Ron clucked.
🛫 Dumbledore Has Had Enough — Leaves Hogwarts for 3 Days
After hearing about the feather incident, the Headmaster stood up during dinner, walked out of the Great Hall, and announced to no one:
Dumbledore:
"I'm going on holiday.
I don't care where.
If anyone needs me… don't."
He Disapparated with a pop.
The staff silently toasted.
The students stared.
Keith calmly ate soup like nothing happened.
🔮 The Trio of Disaster Make a Big Brain Decision
Ron, Seamus, and Neville sat in the Gryffindor common room.
Ron was still plucking feathers off his arms.
Ron:
"Listen here. The Headmaster's gone."
Seamus:
"And Snape is obviously gonna steal the Philosopher's Stone for evil."
Neville:
"Are… are we sure?"
Ron:
"I'm a genius. Trust me."
Seamus and Neville looked at each other.
They shouldn't trust him.
But they did.
Ron slammed his fist on a table.
Ron:
"We're breaking into the forbidden room tonight.
We're gonna SAVE the Stone!"
Neville whispered:
Neville:
"Dumbledore's going to kill us…"
Ron:
"Then we'll be heroes!"
Keith, listening from behind his book:
"This is going to be entertaining."