Dumbledore, Day 1: "I Chose This Job…"
Dumbledore sat in his office with his head in his hands.
The portraits watched him like he was a wounded animal.
Dumbledore:
"Why… why did I ever apply for this job?"
Phineas Black:
"Because you're insane."
Dumbledore:
"…That checks out."
Meanwhile, below in the Great Hall, Ron was announcing:
Ron:
"Behold, everyone! I, Ron Pisspants the Enlightened, have discovered the true secret of MAGIC!"
Dumbledore heard it through the walls.
His eye twitched.
Day 3: Draco Starts a "Ron's Genius Museum" Exhibit
Draco set up an entire museum-like display in the Great Hall:
✨ Exhibit A: Ron's upside-down book
✨ Exhibit B: A pair of enchanted underpants labeled MERLIN'S
✨ Exhibit C: A Howler that shrieks "I'M A GENIUS!" every 30 seconds
✨ Exhibit D: A gold plaque:
"RON WEASLEY – The Boy Who Leaked"
Students lined up to visit.
Dumbledore walked in, saw the exhibit…
…turned around…
…and walked straight into a wall.
Dumbledore:
"I need a vacation."
Day 5: Keith Accidentally Makes Dumbledore Have Another Crisis
Keith entered the office politely.
Keith:
"Headmaster, Ron said he wants to join the 'Advanced Magical Strategy Class'."
Dumbledore physically froze.
Dumbledore:
"…Ron. Strategy."
Keith:
"He said he's now a 'master thinker'."
Dumbledore slowly sank into his chair.
Dumbledore:
"Mr. Runcandel…
I am 112 years old.
I have seen dragons, dark lords, and political disasters."
He looked at Keith.
"But NOTHING could have prepared me for your classmates."
Keith nodded sympathetically.
Keith:
"At least they're… enthusiastic?"
Dumbledore:
"…Enthusiastically stupid, yes."
Day 8: Dumbledore Writes a Letter of Resignation
He wrote it.
Sealed it.
Stared at it.
Opened it.
Burned it.
Wrote another one.
The portraits begged him to stay.
Cedric Runcandel's portrait:
"For the love of Hufflepuff, don't leave us with THESE children."
Dumbledore:
"My ancestor, I assure you—I fear for your descendant as well."
Cedric looked at Keith standing beside Dumbledore.
Cedric:
"No, that one is fine. But the rest—Merlin help us."
Dumbledore sighed again.
Day 12: Ron Declares Himself the "New Flamel"
Ron stood on a table in the Great Hall:
Ron:
"Everyone listen!
Since I discovered the Stone's secrets, I am now Ron Flamel Weasley!
The future alchemy genius!"
Half the school facepalmed.
Hermione screamed into a book.
Snape walked in, took one look, and turned around without saying anything.
Dumbledore, watching from his office with a telescope:
Dumbledore:
"…If Keith ever leaves Hogwarts, I'm retiring the next day."
Day 15: Dumbledore's Daily Routine Now Looks Like This
Wake up Drink tea Ask self why he still works here Prevent Ron from blowing up a hallway Break up Draco's "Ron Pisspants Parade" practice Check that Seamus hasn't detonated a classroom Ask Keith for a normal conversation Cry internally Sleep (badly)
Dumbledore, Final Stage: Acceptance
At this point, he just sighed whenever Ron bragged and Draco bullied him.
Dumbledore:
"I cannot stop the stupidity."
He looked at Keith.
"But perhaps… I can manage it."
Keith patted his shoulder like one comforts an elderly grandfather.
Keith:
"We'll get through it, sir."
Dumbledore:
"Please stay at this school forever."