Draco's New Nicknames for Ron
Draco Malfoy took Ron's "genius discovery" and ran with it.
Ran like a Quidditch player with no brakes.
By lunch, Draco had created an entire catalog of nicknames and was distributing them like an entrepreneur.
The Nickname List (as announced loudly in the Great Hall):
Ron Pisspants the Enlightened The Red-Haired Prophet of Pee Sir Brags-a-Lot Merlin's Underwear Discoverer The Boy Who Leaked The Wizarding World's Dumbest Genius Chosen One (by the Bathroom Gods) The Upside-Down Scholar
He even enchanted parchment to fly around Ron like confetti, each page showing a different nickname with dramatic sparkles.
Students were wheezing.
Professors were hiding smiles.
Even the portraits were laughing.
Ron Bragging Like He Found Merlin's Underwear (Again)
Despite Draco roasting him alive, Ron strutted through the hall like he was walking a red carpet.
Ron:
"You all just don't understand! Only REAL geniuses like me can find the Stone's secrets!"
Random Gryffindor:
"Ron, you tripped and fell on the box!"
Ron:
"That's called intuitive discovery."
Ravenclaw:
"You screamed because you thought it was a cursed lunchbox."
Ron:
"Advanced magical instinct!"
Slytherin:
"You read the clue UPSIDE DOWN."
Ron:
"That's a special method. You wouldn't get it."
By dinner he had upgraded his brag:
Ron:
"I bet Merlin left me a prophecy…
Or his underwear.
Or BOTH."
The entire hall went silent.
Then exploded into laughter.
McGonagall dropped her spoon.
Flitwick nearly fell off his chair.
Even Dumbledore looked like he needed to retire immediately.
Keith's Reaction to This Stupidity
Keith watched Ron's victory parade with the deadest expression possible.
Rias smirked beside him.
Susan was trying not to laugh.
Helena looked genuinely worried about wizarding education.
Keith:
"I leave for France for a few days…
and come back to THIS."
He rubbed his temples.
Keith:
"Why is the IQ of Hogwarts decreasing every hour?"
Ron passed him, chest puffed out.
Ron:
"KEITH! You're looking at the FUTURE OF MAGIC!"
Keith blinked.
Twice.
Then turned to the girls:
Keith:
"…Is it contagious?"
Rias shrugged.
Helena whispered:
Helena:
"We should start wearing gloves just in case."
Even Tonks snorted behind them.
Keith sighed:
Keith:
"I met Nicolas Flamel, discovered ancient alchemy, visited a ministry, fought magical pressure…
And Ron Weasley is famous because he peed and fell on a box."
He stood up dramatically.
Keith:
"Ladies, if my brain starts melting, knock me unconscious."
The girls nodded solemnly.