November 13, 2111 - November 14, 2111
James Stone
Night and day had become distant memories. With the red mist blocking the sun, there was no way to tell the difference anymore. Time was now only detectable by the flashing number on my cyberwatch; it was the only way to tell night was upon us. Every passing hour without the sun led to the temperature steadily declining. The falling of the Trinity Towers had done a number on this city, leaving the streets filled with debris and air thick with dust.
Skyscrapers felt like road markers on the battle-ravaged streets. Each skyscraper Brad and I passed signified a step closer to Wild-Heart's commandos and the remaining rangers. In the distance, light was flickering and reflecting off the skyscrapers' windows - a campfire. After Uslar's death, my mind had grown preoccupied with guilt and sadness. I hardly remembered the journey from where he'd died to wherever the hell in the city we were now. All that clouded my head was Uslar's death, playing like a broken record, over and over.
When we reached our camp, hidden between fallen buildings and a thin alley of darkness, I hadn't even noticed where we were until a ranger offered to help Brad with Uslar's body. What was I going to say to my squad? First Landis, now Uslar, all in the span of under a month. I didn't have the chance the come up with something.
"NOOO!" wailed Shadow-Walker as he came running toward me and Brad.
"Uslar?" Valiic's rocky, stunned voice mumbled just before tears streamed from his eyes. My squad was devastated, drained of all happiness.
"He--" The words got caught in my throat.
"He didn't make it," Brad finished the sentence for me.
My squad gathered around, gently lifting Uslar off Brad's shoulders. I followed my squad as they carried Uslar's body to the center of camp, passing the rangers as they gazed at us, feeling our pain. They laid the body down, and I sat with my squad. They were all around Uslar in tears, but the image looked distorted. I felt like I was in a nightmare but knew it was reality. Guilt must've been clouding my vision.
It started with a single palm raised over the body. Eventually, a flower blossomed, with the petals being the palms of many soldiers, all gathered in ritual, honoring Uslar's memory.
"I'm sorry, James, for your loss," I heard Wild-Heart whisper from behind me.
Next, I caught the click of a cork and saw dust pour out of it until it covered Uslar. It was the beginning of a tradition that runs deep in qwayk society. Light then set off as the dust dissolved away the body, passing Uslar on to what comes after and leaving us with a few rainbows of color and ash. The Illumination Ceremony was now over.
Brad told my squad what had happened and who had killed him, repeating the same shortened story I gave him on our journey there.
Hours later, deep into the night, I was ready to let today end. I needed rest, begged for it. And after another hour, I got my wish and fell into slumber.
⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕
I woke up to a sudden jerk of my body. Was someone there? I sat up and peered around the camp. Nobody was close enough to me to have bumped into me. If it wasn't any of the soldiers, who had jolted me? A chilly shiver ran down my spine, and I shifted position, looking around the camp of sleeping souls.
The only light came from the dim street lamps on each sidewalk corner, the glow of the decorations, and the crackling, popping campfire. The air was even colder than when I went under. Movement suddenly caught my eye, but I settled down, noticing it was only Brad watching over our camp from the top of a house-sized piece of rubble.
Unable to hit back into the hay, I decided I'd join him. I crept around the sleeping bodies, came up to the rubble, and leapt up to the seven-meter tall ledge.
Brad kept his eyes scanning the surrounding area. His hands were working on scraping off the device Ghost had latched onto his armor, which was still preventing his shields from recharging.
"Are you the only night watchman?" I whispered.
"Nah. Two more coverin' otha areaz. I jus' took upa shift. Yah here tah relieve me?"
"Sure. Whenever yours is done."
"So what'cha 'wake for? Couldn't sleep?" Brad asked. It seemed as if he was following a script that had been taught to him, almost as if the questions were going-through-the-motions for him. I didn't think he really cared about my answers.
"Something like that."
"Uslar?"
"Partially." The mention of his name made my heart turn to ice.
"Everyone diez eventually. War only rushez dat procezz."
"Doesn't make it hurt any less." I paused. "I don't get it. How do you get past all the death so easily?" After I asked that, I realized how dumb that question was.
"Don't ask stupid questionz."
"Right. Project Glasshouse. Although, that doesn't explain how you danced a fair dance with Ghost. I mean, he couldn't read you. How?" After Brad managed to chase off Ghost, I explained to him what Ghost's ability was. At the time, Brad shrugged it off like it was no tall feat.
"Fightin' iz az simple az walkin' tah me. Don't gotta think 'bout da act, only where da destination iz - n' da destination, for me, iz tah win."
"Hmm. So if you're gifted enough at fighting to make every attack a reaction, he can't read it. Too bad I'm not that gift--"
Brad shot out his hand to stop me, then he stared over at something. "He ridez among us again. Da final settlement, da horizon we all share… sought by some, ah relief tah many, n' da endpoint tah all," Brad whispered.
"Wha--" I stopped mid-sentence when I laid eyes on what Brad saw. It was him - the same man I saw back at the Ghost Town where Landis was abducted. White light radiating from his figure, dark suit, the man stared back at me! His soulless black eyes stared past my clothes and flesh, into my spirit. His almost skeletal figure creeped me out to no end.
"You… you know him?" I asked Brad.
"Too well." Brad paused in ominous silence. "Follow him, James."
"What?" I asked Brad.
He ignored me and was back to scanning the area. His gaze passed over me, and he didn't even see me. It was like I wasn't there. What was going on? I looked back in the direction of the mystery man and saw him walk down an alley, turning the corner into the unknown.
Quickly, I jumped down and creeped past all my allies. I hastened my pace down the lonely, barren alley. Down I came, around the corner of the building, to a closed-off alley. The man I was following was gone, but there was light. At the center of the almost empty alley was light; bright, forming, and no bigger than a baseball. As I came closer, a form festered, a being. What I saw next was impossible; it couldn't be.
"Hello, James," said my fallen friend.
"U-Uslar!" My jaw was on the pavement, and I was nearly speechless. "N-no, no. Th-this is impossible. You're… you're dead." I collapsed on the bench beside me.
"It's me, James."
"B-but how?"
"I don't know. Life is a mystery, but death… that is a whole other wheel-house."
I was out of words. Here I was, staring into the face of my guilt. All the mistakes I'd made as a captain practically reflected on his glowing spirit. "It's my fault," I finally sobbed.
"James--"
"No, it is. As captains, we are given missions to complete, and they are our responsibility. But above all else, I put my comrades' lives first. Me… I've always felt I have a job that outweighs any others: To get my soldiers… my family back alive. And… and I screwed it up. Got you killed. I let you down… let everyone close to you down… and for that I'm so… so sorry. Ho-how am I supposed to carry on?"
Uslar came over to my side and sat down next to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder. I could feel it, like he was really there, warm and soft. The guilt weighing on my shoulders almost seemed to brush off.
"You carry on like every other soldier. I signed up to the military knowing full well what could happen… everyone does."
"But Landis, Bremco, Alexander, my mother… you and many others… all dying around me. At some point, the guilt weighing on me becomes an overload."
"So move on."
"What?"
"On one side of the scale is your guilt and all your mistakes. On the other side is your big heart. Use it to do what you think is right. Make the galaxy a better place. That will tip the scale away from the guilt, James."
"But what if what I think is wrong? How can I trust my judgment when the people around me die?"
"Because of all the people who have and will be saved because of your decisions… all those citizens and soldiers you don't even know about. Take it from a dead man: Without you being on the path you are right now, more would've shared this grave with me." Uslar looked back, almost as if he could see something I couldn't. "I must go."
"Wait. You can't."
"Tell my parents, boyfriend, fellow soldiers, siblings… all my loved ones that I love and miss them." Uslar breezed backwards, and the light faded away, taking him and any trace of him with it.
Sitting on the bench, my mind raced for answers. What had just happened? What did I witness? Magic? Hallucinations? Was I dreaming? It seemed my life only got more complicated the further I traveled down life's path.