The office door's click resonated in the stillness, yet the memory of my conversation with Esther lingered. She was… different. Her fragility, the way she seemed to need something, unsettled me. It was a feeling I didn't want to acknowledge, a deep-seated discomfort. I'd spent years fortifying my defenses, ensuring no one could breach them. But Esther, with her quiet strength and hesitance, made me reconsider.
I shouldn't be feeling this.
I shouldn't have wanted to confide in her. She was just a cog in the machine, a transactional thing. That's all it was meant to be. It wasn't supposed to get messy. But there I was, fixated on the way she looked at me, the careful way she spoke, as if she were afraid of crossing a line. She had no idea what I'd created.
The walls I'd built weren't arbitrary. They were a defense against people like her, those who could breach my defenses and destroy what I'd painstakingly maintained.
As the elevator descended, I pressed my back against the wall, the usual tightness in my chest returning. I could still picture her expression when I walked out of her office, uncertain, torn. She didn't want this, but the opportunity was irresistible. I understood that.
The money, the safety, the life she could only fantasize about. How could she possibly refuse? Still, something else lingered in her reluctance. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I raked my fingers through my hair as I exited the elevator and entered the lobby.
I had sworn I wouldn't let myself care about her.
This wasn't personal. It was about securing what I needed, safeguarding my business, my standing. Yet, she was becoming a problem, making it difficult to maintain the emotional barrier I'd always kept. I felt the pull every time she crossed my mind, and it irritated me. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. Not for her.
I got home to my penthouse that evening, the city lights painting the living room in long, dramatic shadows. The place felt oddly chilly, even with the underfloor heating humming away. Esther was all I could think about. Her face, the way she'd paused, the look in her eyes—why did it feel like she was getting too close, when I'd been trying to keep my distance?
I sank onto the couch, massaging my temples, the day's events settling heavily on me.
I picked up the whiskey, the burn of the alcohol a familiar sensation. I shut my eyes, willing Esther's presence to vanish. It didn't.
You're here because of the contract. That was the mantra. Nothing else.
So why did her hesitation bother me? Why did it matter that she wasn't simply complying? I should have appreciated her caution. Her deliberation.
Yet, as the minutes dragged on, and the shadows in the room thickened, something else began to stir within me.
A need. A need for something I'd long since buried, something I hadn't even realized I craved.
Then, a knock.
I shook off the sensation, the one that was starting to take hold, and moved toward the door. When I opened it, there she was—Esther.
I didn't need to ask what she wanted. I already knew.
"Can we talk?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her gaze flickering away from mine before locking on. I caught the tremor in her voice, a crack in her armor I couldn't ignore.
I stepped back, wordlessly letting her in.
She stepped inside, and the room seemed to shrink around her. Her shoulders were tight, and her fingers were busy with her purse strap. The silence was heavy, pregnant with things left unsaid.
I held my breath, but she didn't speak right away. She just stared at me, the doubt plain in her gaze. I could see the battle raging within her.
"Esther," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "What's happening? You know why I'm here, don't you?"
Her mouth opened, but no sound came out at first. I could see her searching for the right words, the pause stretching out.
"I—I don't know if I can do this," she finally managed, her voice a fragile thing. "I don't know if I can be a part of this… this… arrangement."
Her words twisted something inside me. This wasn't how it was meant to go. She wasn't supposed to hesitate. She was supposed to accept the offer and disappear. But there she was, standing before me, looking more real than I ever wanted her to.
"You signed the contract, Esther," I said, my voice flat, forcing the words out as if I were trying to persuade myself. "You knew what this was."
She shook her head, slowly.
But that's not the crux of it. It's you. This. You're not who I thought you were. I can't keep this up if it means faking it. I don't want to be... someone you just use." Her words landed hard, a physical blow, and I was at a loss. I wanted to tell her to stop, that it was too late, that she'd already made her decision. But something in her gaze, the hurt in her eyes, held me back.
I took a step closer, suddenly conscious of the space between us, the air thick with unspoken things. "What do you want from me, Esther?"
I blurted it out, the words escaping before I could rein them in.
"I need you to be honest with me," she murmured, her gaze finally locking onto mine. "Not this... distant person who keeps everyone at arm's length."
A wave of something unexpected washed over me—a deep yearning. It flared in my chest, a fierce, uncomfortable heat, like a thing I desperately wanted to touch but couldn't. I took a step back, shaking my head. "You don't understand," I said. "I can't let anyone in. You have no idea what it's like. These walls are here for a reason."
She was silent for a long moment.
Then she spoke, her voice a quiet strength. "Perhaps it's time to let someone else dismantle them."
My heart was hammering. I was at a loss. Her words, her openness, were affecting me. Something I didn't want to feel. But it was there, bubbling up, this urge to connect, to let her close.
But I couldn't. I wouldn't.
I turned away, struggling to suppress the feelings, trying to maintain my distance. "You should leave."
Her gaze held mine, a silent interrogation, as if she was weighing my sincerity. I caught the pain in her eyes, but she didn't protest. Instead, she simply nodded and moved toward the door.
She hesitated in the hallway, her hand resting on the frame. Turning slightly, she spoke, her voice barely audible. "I won't be waiting indefinitely, Matthew."
The door's finality echoed, yet her voice remained, a palpable presence, a tempest I couldn't escape.
For the first time, I understood something fundamental. I didn't want to escape. I didn't want to face this alone any longer.