I still remember the first time I woke up in the snow.
The sound of my breathing echoed around me.
I was shaking. My arms and legs were so frozen that I could barely move them.
I blinked several times before my eyes adjusted.
When they finally did, I stood up clumsily.
My legs moved, but they didn't feel right, as if they didn't fully belong to me.
Like I had woken up inside a smaller version of myself.
Inside the body of a nine-year-old boy.
"Where… am I?" I whispered.
I looked at my frozen hands, my bare feet, and the single piece of cloth that barely covered me.
I kept walking, even though there was no sign of a path.
One step.
Then another.
I don't know how long I walked.
I had no sense of time—maybe minutes, hours, or maybe forever.
Part of that was because this world looked perfect.
Too perfect.
Like I was the only thing that didn't belong.
And then I realized I was wrong.
When I reached the invisible edge of the field, the ground trembled beneath my feet.
They rose from the snow.
Five shadows, as if they came from the same place as me.
Before I could react, they surrounded me.
Two on my sides.
One in front.
Two behind.
A perfect circle.
No escape.
Their movements were calm and coordinated.
I stayed still, trying to understand what they wanted from me.
That was my mistake.
The first shadow pierced my stomach in a blink.
I didn't feel pain at first—only a sudden emptiness.
I fell to the ground as blood stained the snow.
Everything became blurry.
The snow slipped through my fingers.
I didn't know if I was falling or floating, but something inside me began to fade.
Until I found myself inside a black ocean.
That was when the Observer appeared.
It didn't look at me closely.
It didn't judge me.
It just stood there, far away, completely still.
Seconds later, tentacles rose from the darkness and tore me apart until nothing was left.
That was my first death.
When everything went dark, I woke up in a different kind of snow.
In the real world.
I remember the weight of a warm coat on my shoulders.
The worried voice of an old man, and a boy staring at me without blinking.
They had found me in a park, almost frozen to death, and rushed me to the hospital.
I didn't remember who I was or where I came from, so I held onto their voices.
Wataru and Minoru.
They were the beginning of my life.
They gave me a home. A family... And a name...
They stayed with me in that hospital room when the nights felt endless.
The first days were not easy.
I woke up screaming, clutching the sheets of the bed.
My body remembered death, even under white lights and clean walls.
It happened every night without fail.
My mind kept returning to that hell.
The nurses said they were just nightmares, but the fear never left me.
I was exhausted, and I had no way out.
I overheard the doctor say that if it continued, I would be sent to a place for mentally troubled children instead of an orphanage.
So I learned to hide it.
I covered my mouth when the pain came back.
I endured it in silence.
After a month, I was sent to an orphanage for another six months.
It was quiet… but too dark.
Too empty.
When I woke up, the room was filled with the sound of other kids snoring, but my eyes took time to recognize where I was.
My hands always went to my chest, just to make sure I was still alive.
I looked pale... Scared.... Broken.
And people don't like broken things.
When couples came to adopt children, they looked at me for only a few seconds.
They whispered to each other, then walked away.
I understood.
No one wanted someone like me.
But Wataru never left.
He came back again and again with Minoru, until I got used to waiting for them.
In the sixth month, he decided to adopt me.
I don't know if it was pity… or if he thought no one else would do it.
But he took my hand when no one else did.
That day, I made a promise to myself.
I would be my best self.
I wouldn't show weakness.
I would be strong and never burden them with my problems.
I would protect their lives, even if it cost me mine.
Since then, I kept everything a secret, telling them I was just prone to nightmares.
Until now…
Every time I remember the past, voices from the abyss echo in my head, telling me there is no salvation.
And when I open my eyes, I am still trapped between two worlds.
For a second, the winter wind brings me back to the present.
"Hey, you look like a zombie… Did you sleep at all?"
Minoru poked my arm while arranging packages on the bicycle.
"I'm just a little tired."
"Another weird night?"
"It's nothing."
He looked forward, knowing I wouldn't say more.
"Well, as long as you don't fall asleep, it's fine."
He got on the bike and tapped the back seat.
"Come on. Have you ever given up over something so small?"
"Never…"
I answered like I always did as I climbed on behind him.
After all, even if I wanted to, I couldn't give up.
The bike wobbled slightly before moving forward through the snow.
For those few moments, everything felt normal.
My daily life.
My place in the real world.
But when night came, sleep found me again.
And I returned to my only truth.
No matter how hard I try… Once again…
My eyes focus on the gears in the sky.
…I have to fight for my life.
"I'm sick of this!"
My voice echoed, but there was no answer.
I was sure the Observer was still watching me from the void.
I was convinced it was the one that trapped me here.
"Why do you hate me?!"
Since my first night, falling asleep meant waking up in this frozen field.
And I had had enough.
"Do you enjoy driving me insane?!"
My voice stretched into the endless distance.
No matter how much I asked, silence was the only response.
As my voice faded, my fingers curled into a fist, numb from the cold.
I clung to that faint chill that kept me standing.
At least until the message came from the horizon.
[Take the weapons. Defeat the shadows or your life will be consumed.]
That message wasn't there at the beginning.
It appeared at the end of my second year… when I finally defeated one of the shadows.
At first, I had no weapon.
But that night, bandages appeared around my arms, and the shadows changed the way they attacked.
They began to use weapons once I proved I could hurt them.
The first carried a spear.
The second, a heavy sword.
The third, curved blades.
The fourth, a scythe.
The fifth, a pair of chains.
From then on, every night became forced training.
Distance against the spear.
Strength against the heavy sword.
Speed against the curved blades.
Timing against the scythe.
Escape against the chains.
Each battle made me stronger.
At first, I copied them.
But my limits shaped my own style.
A fighting style made to counter them.
My bandages responded to every command, as if they remembered a past I didn't.
The message echoed again.
The final warning.
There was no time to question it.
I grabbed the pair of curved swords tightly.
They were light as wind, connected to the dark bandages covering most of my arms.
"Observer… if this is what you want… then fine…"
I whispered, even though I knew no one would hear me.
"You can ignore me… kill me as many times as you want. But you won't escape whatever it is you're running from."
I blinked once.
Twice.
The air felt heavy.
Deep down, I knew no one could reach me here.
It was just me against the darkness.
The same endless horizon.
The same snow.
The same silence that seemed to enjoy watching me fall.
I was tired of this cycle.
Of coming back to the same place.
This time, I would give everything I had.
If I wanted to live, I had to do it for myself.
And if the Observer's plan was to torture me, then I would use the weapon it gave me to destroy it.
In an instant, I stood firm.
No doubts... No regrets.
Just one decision.
My hands tightened around the hilts of my swords.
"Observer."
I pointed my right fist toward the endless horizon.
"This step is all you need to know that I will break your world… even if it means breaking myself with it."
The shadows charged toward me.
They knew I wasn't the same anymore.
My stance was that of someone who had lost everything…yet had never been defeated.
One last time.
That was when the world shattered.
Without moving a single muscle, my true power awakened.
It was as if it had been waiting for the moment I believed in myself, granting me the key I needed.
The same key that proved my worth to the Observer.
In that instant, an invisible timer began to move between us.
Seconds became my new reality.
I saw more than a thousand versions of myself, each with a different ending.
But this time, my past deaths opened the best path among a thousand shadows.
"Today… I'll create a new ending."
Snowflakes floated in front of me as the shadows stood still.
The bandages tightened around my arms.
The message echoed once more.
The five shadows advanced together, leaving me no escape.
My body trembled slightly, but I didn't step back.
After six years of dying, I understood one simple truth.
If I didn't win today, I would never leave this place.
The spear came first.
I leaned to the side, feeling the blade pass close to my heart, and answered with a single strike that split the shadow instantly.
The heavy sword came next.
It fell fast, meant to cut me in half.
I blocked it with my left arm, and my right blade cut through its torso without hesitation.
There was no blood.
No screams.
Only two red lilies blooming on the snow.
Even so, I didn't stop, no matter how tired I felt.
My left sword sliced the scythe in half as the chains tried to tear my arm away.
But I had already cut their grip with my right blade before they could reach me.
A single slash crossed its shape, and the shadow dissolved into another red lily.
Only one shadow remained.
The first one I had ever defeated.
The one with my face.
My height.
The one that never stopped copying me.
Our swords clashed, mirroring every stance and every breath.
It was like staring into a mirror that refused to break.
My bandages stretched to their limit, burning my arms.
"I'm stronger than you."
I jumped aside and threw my left sword with all my strength.
The bandage guided it perfectly, slicing open the shadow's back.
With a sharp pull, the blade returned to my hand, sealing the opening.
I was ready to end it.
I took a deep breath and rushed forward with both swords raised.
But the shadow screamed.
"GYAAAGHH!"
A sonic pulse threw me backward.
I covered my arms as the air itself shattered.
Then its body split open from the inside.
Mist poured out, spreading until it swallowed the world.
"Why… is this happening now?".