Though I might look like a well built up man, I was still suffering from wounds that covered my entire body. They all recovered slowly, and a single weight lift could easily rip open the barely healed whip marks on my back.
Then that blood would drip down my waist and legs, leaving stains of my footprints on the stone tiles wherever I went. I was still not used for heavy works.
After few sessions, the guards who were monitoring us might have felt it somehow disgusting. So I was given other jobs that would not make me bleed that much. And still it was not far from the worse.
This morning, I was sent to the royal courtyard. A banquet was to be held the next day so I and a few prisoners from the dungeons, came here to do the heavy work load.
This place was closer to the Soaring Dragon Palace where the emperor lived. It was early spring. The fresh lemon grass of the garden was covered with a layer of cherry blossom petals. The cherry trees stood tall, with it's twigs covered with clusters of blossoms than it had leaves. The smell was also refreshing.
There was a sorrowful melody of a flute faraway, that blended with the gentle cold breeze of the morning. The servants and the maids who worked at the glades were also happily chatting.
At moments, a lad would crack a joke or intentionally play dumb, causing the young maids to giggle in soft voices.
It was peaceful. After such a long time, I couldn't help but smile with a hint of sorrow. When did I feel happy like this last? May be five years ago? May be even before than that...
I do not remember...
I turned to sweep the the glades with a stiff smile. Some burly males changed the positions of the flower beds and arranged accordingly. Heavy desks were brought into the garden. The maids washed the exquisite pillars carved with beautiful arts.
Some maids knelt down upon the lofty grasses, cleaning the stony tiles that made the way into the garden. They were sitting so close and whispering at each other's ears in earnest voices excitedly.
"Ning Ning, look! It's big brother Xiao Wei! He has come again!"
"Ooops, it really is him! Ling'er, look at me, do I look beautiful today? Do you think he will see me?"
"Oh, no way! He looked in this direction, look! He's smiling at us!"
"Awwwww! I'm going to melt!'
The girls were obviously glancing at a tall, handsome man in uniform. He didn't seem to be a servant and should be in a higher rank than others. But still he kindly reached out his hand to lend help to a weak lad who had trouble adjusting the desks.
The young girls ooohed and aaaaahed enviously. My smile broadened. This brought me some wholesome memories of long ago, when I was still the reckless youth residing at the Northern Fortress of Zhenhuang.
Back then, I was already the general. I was young and hot blooded. No matter how things turned out, I would sometimes gather my subordinates and ride horses through the border cities to reach the border forest to hunt. The things we hunted would be brought back to the city.
We would light enormous fires outside city residences and the city people would join us to roast the hunted things in the evening. I always loved this cooperation. We never had issues with grades and ranks. Even the lowly farmer sat next to the general to share the same disk of roasted meat.
This would have probably been an unusual sight if it was in the capital. But for the townsfolk at the Northern Fortress, this sight was very common and they were quite happy about it.
During the night, we would sit around the fires and would enjoy roasted meat and lotus wine. With all the merriments while watching beautiful and young girls dance and sing for the melodious notes of flutes and lutes, I never felt any pressure of being the leader of the murderous battalions of the empire.
I always remember my subordinates on how they specially felt about 'things.' Back then, they were in the prime of their youth. They would often gather to look at beautiful girls dancing and secretly discuss among themselves who was the best looking girl.
They even secretly fought with each other to curry favour with the girls. I knew this because I was their general, and naturally I had the ability to guess their each and every move. But I didn't stop them.
Instead, I smiled and let them enjoy their innocent games that way. Because I knew even if these young men were valiant bloodthirsty monsters in the middle of a battle, yet if a single girl comes confessing their love to them, they would scatter away like a frightened flock of birds. It always made me amused.
I used to smile those days. When my subordinates enjoyed looking at the young and beautiful girls, a strong sense of loneliness devoured me to the depth of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to interest myself in the young maidens of the city, I couldn't.
Because I always felt that my heart was already occupied. It had someone about whom I dare not speak aloud. And that person was not weak and slender like the young lasses of town. But strong and terrifying. That person did not have any warm welcoming smile in his face, only that face full of coldness, expressionless blank sheet or merely irritation. That person did not know how to sing and dance like the girls. But he could probably send several heads flying just with one kick...
I used to sit alone on the roof of my chamber with a jug of strong wine and stare at the moon reminding that person... I missed him...
Just forget it. Why was I bringing these up now? I shook my head furiously shocked at finding myself zoned out like this.
It was suddenly when there was a terrifyingly scream of a maid not far away. And the scary sound of heavy chains being dragged over and shaken followed with the frightening groan of a beast.
It was bloodcurdling. At first, I was stunned, just like everybody who froze on their spots inside the garden. Then I identified the call of the beast immediately. My blood went cold. It had to be Heifeng...
Heifeng was a tusker. It was a gift from the emperor of Dongyin (ancient Japan) when Lóngxuan first ascended the throne when he was eighteen. Heifeng was only three months old back then. It used to be playful and obedient, and always hanged around Lóngxuan. But it did not accept a second master. Maybe it was why it was untamable to any except Lóngxuan.
It spent the whole day at the Water Pavilion to the west of the Lotus Palace, lazing around nonchalantly, playing in the pool or lying down inside the pavilion to rest...
Why was it like this now?
The maid's scream drew closer and closer, startling the people inside the garden. And just within a moments' time, the glade was in a total mess. The arranged desks scattered and the flowerpots were beaten by heavy and strong trampling legs.
Heifeng broke into the glade, dragging the heavy chains along, leaving deep lines against the gravel earth. And it shook it's long tusks, shaking it's enormous head. It was truly a horrifying sight. Someone must have provoked it...
The tusker swatted it's strong trunk and immediately, several people who stood too stunned and frightened even to escape, were ruthlessly thrown into the lake under the bridge. One banged against a pillar, almost breaking it and his body slid down to the foot of the pillar, spitting blood. He didn't move anymore. It wasn't clear whether he was alive or not.
A maiden who was in the way of the tusker stumbled in her steps.
That little girl, although was dressed as a maid, looked fifteens or sixteen... She backed, terrified, with her eyes wide with tears...
If she did not get up and run, the outcome was very clear. But it was too late. She couldn't even move as she sat frozen on the tiles, paralysed.
May be because I had been reminding my valiant victorious past before, I did not know. But before I could think what I was doing, I was already standing, blocking the path of the beast, fearlessly, like I used to stand in front of the enemy armies proudly with my sea of subordinate behind me.
It was always my nature to rush first when there was a danger, just like I fought in the front most lines when breaking through enemies' ranks. But I just acted upon instincts and completely forgot my current situation. I'm weak than a mediocre! How can I possibly match the strength of that monster who was at least sixteen feet tall and weighed several tons?
But when I realized that there was still one girl trapped in between me and the beast, my sense of reasoning was blown away by the wind. She must be saved...
I didn't think anything further. I directly barged in between and grasped the beast from the tusks with all what strength that was left within me and firmly restrained the beast in place. "Quickly get out of the glade and summon Junshang! All of you!" My voice was extremely hoarse as I shouted at the top of my lungs.
At first, I only faintly saw each and every one of them gaping at me like they had seen a ghost. I couldn't help but feel irritated. "Hurry up and summon Junshang!" I shouted again angrily. After the initial shock, people came back to their senses after my scream and quickly ran out of the garden. Heifeng was maddened at the humiliation.
It violently shook it's head, slashing his trunk around. It forced several steps front causing me to step back and my resistive legs made the tiles crack beneath me. That strength of the beast of inhuman. The pale white tusks that I held in a tight grip in my arms loosened when I felt the scars of the whip marks in my back get ripped open.
I felt the warm blood ooze down my back. My knees bent in the pressure, sweat poured down the temples and my head buzzed. The screams around me were unclear. I groaned loudly, mustering up all my strength and pushed back the menacing beast.
I wanted to hold time. I wanted everyone to escape the ground and then all will be fine. I don't care about my life anymore...
But the girl was still several tens of feet away, obviously scared out of her wits, unable to move. Her eyes were tearing down with tears and she was very frightened. "Big brother!" She cried out horror stricken. "What about you!!?"
At this moment, I saw stars in the day light. Why the fuck can't she just leave and keep her damn life safe without coming back into the glade? As long as she was there, I couldn't let go of the beast. But if I let go, then the circumstances were clear...
I knew the beast would immediately kill me and trample me to death.
"Get out!" I groaned with the top of my voice. "Get out of here!" I felt my grasp loosening again with the violent struggle of the beast. I tightened my grasp forcefully. But it was in vain.
Perhaps with the strength I used to have five years ago, restraining the beast who was several tons heavy still wouldn't have been a big deal. But now my strength was very weak, perhaps weak than a normal mediocre. And just like that, what little strength I had, ended up being used by me like that...
And then I slowly felt it. Blood slowly trailed down my legs and collected onto a pool at my feet. My mind slowly scattered, just like my strength. My slight blurred. With the horror striking cries of the girl behind me, Heifeng broke through my defences. I was thrown several feet back. The screams of the people at the outer glade wasn't clear. I only saw the unclear sight of Heifeng advancing.
Was this the end? My mouth was already tasting of blood. Also fine. A mad smile stretched across my pale blood stained lips. At least I can atone for a one tenth of sins I've committed this way...
But suddenly when I thought the tusks would pierce through my chest, from behind, I felt a strong repulsive force that made my hair stand on the end. I felt my vitals go numb. The energy was full of murderous intent and the ground beneath me shuddered gently.
"Heifeng." There was a sudden deep and an unfaltering voice calling.
I did not know how or when Lóngxuan had arrived. He appeared suddenly out of nowhere amid the screams of people.
Lóngxuan pushed me away with the single strength of his left palm. The wind rushed against my ears. Why was Lóngxuan so strong that even his single low power strike can send people flying? That was unfair!
I hit the ground and an unbearable groan escaped my lips. The wounds on my back got ripped further and blood seethed down, staining the pale grey stone tiles. I spat blood.
Tears came to my eyes. I tried to move but realized I couldn't. Each and every aching body part of mine felt as if they weren't mine anymore... Thank heavens at least that child was safe...
The little girl immediately hurried to her feet and knelt beside me. "Big brother! Are you... Are you alright?" Her voice trembled incessantly.
"... ..." Big brother? Grandson, I'm your ancestor. Call me uncle! Can't you see how old I am?
I wearily waved my hand signing it was fine. Then I dragged myself into a sitting position with great difficulty. The girl supported me by the shoulder and we both turned to look at the beast.
Scared off by Lóngxuan's death glare, the sixteen feet tall tusker slowly backed, feeling menaced. Lóngxuan advanced towards the beast. Heifeng suddenly looked flustered when the garden wall pressed against it's back. Lóngxuan was tightening his brows as if to show he was really unhappy. He didn't speak a word but pointed his finger towards the Water Pavilion side.
Heifeng, though a beast it was, yet clearly understood it's master's words. Then as if nothing happened, it slowly walked away towards the pavilion, dragging the long and heavy chains, making the sound of a hundred knells.
The guard at the service of the tusker were all kneeling with their faces frightened and pale. They wanted to thank the emperor but also was scared silly to go back to the pavilion to latch back the chains of the beast.
Lóngxuan was not dumb. Just with one look, he could fathom out many things that others even couldn't think of. He would naturally understand this. He looked at the guards with creased brows. "Zhen will clap back the chains. What happened?"
The head guard knew what Lóngxuan was asking. Maybe he was asking the reason for the tusker to loose his sense all of a sudden. The head guard dutifully reported without hiding anything.
"Junshang, the person who usually handled the daily matters of Heifeng was sick. So this lowly servant asked a maid to supply the food to the beast. Without knowing Heifeng doesn't like his place being intruded by outsiders, she had entered the pavilion... Then..."
Then there was nothing more to say. The beast would naturally chase her out. So it was what really happened. The guard lowered his head. "Luckily that person was there and he was able to restrain the beast before it could do further harm..." He pointed his finger towards me.
"!!!" Fuck!
Lóngxuan turned his gaze in my direction and his lips ended up with a haunting smile, nearly almost paralysing half my soul. "Oh..." He spoke softly. "Let Zhen see who this person is..." He quietly drew closer, his eyes narrowed with hate. "Oh, it's the general..."
I'm clearly a traitor and yet he calls me general. Perhaps in this world it was only me who understood the hate, loath, sarcasm, anger and hostility within that word. He used it only to humiliate me.
My jaws tightened. I badly wanted to get up and show my respects to the emperor without lying on my back like this with my limbs spread over the four directions... But my body was entirely numb after I got carelessly slammed against the stone tiles.
My struggle was seen by him. His eyes only darkened. The little maid was still a girl who was practicing and didn't know many things. She was innocent, pure and naive. She immediately knelt down on the hard tiles and cried out in a shuddering voice. "Junshang, it was this worthless maid's fault. Please don't punish big brother. He saved my life..." She choked in the end.
When other people's faces went paler, I could only congratulate her in my heart. Successfully done!
How can a maid order around the emperor? A maid even didn't have the honor to raise her head and look at the emperor let alone speaking with him. She dared!
I felt pity for her. I pursed my lips looking down and calmly waited for the emperor to order the guards to get her flogged a few times in her butt. But unexpectedly, Lóngxuan wasn't even listening to what she was saying.
He directly came towards me and looked at me darkly. "Looks like our general's playing the role of the hero again. How very touching..."His voice was unfaltering but so low that only I could hear. He smiled narrowing his eyes. That smile only carried mock. "It's strange when the wolf wants to be the sheep." He said meaningfully.
These words were daggers in my heart. How can I not understand? Even if I save the child now, would that atone the sins I've committed by killing more than a thousand children in one night?
After all in the rebel five years ago, I did kill more than a thousand. So Lóngxuan had every single reason to slap me with words like this. I deserve this... It was I who brought this to myself. I could do nothing but to endure... I tightly bit my lower lip and lowered my head. I didn't want him to see the wetness in my eyes, neither the pitiful miserable look in my face...
He was soon gone. And my beating heart was gone too.
That night, sleep did not come to me. I weakly lied on my rough bed, turning this way and that. His voice echoed through out my ears, stabbing my heart with each cold merciless word.
Five years...
Had that person ever once wondered why I betrayed him?
Had that person ever wondered what made me end up like this?
Had that person ever missed me like I did for five years?
Had that person... ever felt that way about me like I did to him?
Maybe no...
To begin with, even from the start, he was a monster. He had a heart of stone. His face was emotionless and unreachable than ever. And I guess he doesn't even know the meaning of what love is. What liking is.
But it was so torturous for my love being just one-sided.
I only felt so lonely...
Since I was small, it was me who always did the waiting. But now I'm sick of waiting.
The warmth that I missed and still couldn't get now only existed in my memories, born by the past of long ago, in those wholesome days of old, when he and I were small kids that learned at the same academy, practiced at the same ground, ate at the same table, slept on the same bed and shared the same steed...
But it was long ago. Now they only felt like a dream. So distant... Unreachable...
Turning back, I realized how close we had been. Though he had been unreachable even when he was small, wasn't it only me who he endured with?
I remembered the first day I met him in my life, eighteen years ago, in that cold morning, under the giant sandalwood tree.
It was when I first saw him, sitting elegantly under the tree with his head lowered calmly as he read a scroll in his hand.
He looked very handsome, calm, well behaved, patient and overbearing. He never bothered other matters than reading at all. It was a beautiful sight.
I sighed. My entire body ached causing lack of medications. If I don't get medicines within a day, my wounds would definitely start to fester. My eyes felt a bit wet at the ends. I ignored it and closed my eyes to endure the pain of another sleepless night and let the darkness slowly swallow me in.