He grabbed his arm again, holding him back. Standing in the middle, Looktan felt heartsick seeing his father's disappointed face and the painful tone in his voice.
Tiny tears began to spill even though he was biting his lip hard, trying not to sob. He had no idea how to defend himself. Everything suddenly felt worse than ever. He was stuck between the two people he loved the most two men who would never understand each other.
"Why do you put so much expectation on your own child like that?" Tod tried to keep his voice calm, not acting like the street punk his lover's father already assumed he was. But to the older man, his tone still sounded rude and uncultured.
"Whatever you're upset about those are your demands. Your expectations. Things you wish to choose for your son. But what Looktan does, what he tries, those are things he likes. They're his life experiences. You can't violate someone else's life just because he happens to be your son. That's not right."
"And what the hell would you know?"
The old man barked at him, eyes sharp with fury. "You can't even handle your own life! One look at you and I already know you're irresponsible, selfish, and think only your own opinion matters! You don't even love or take care of your own little boy. And you think I'll hand my son to someone like you? Are you out of your mind!?"
He shoved Tod in the chest hard, his angry voice echoing loud enough that people began to stare.
"We love each other," Tod insisted, voice trembling but steady. "We love each other more deeply than you think. Maybe buying lottery tickets was a stupid accident, but that accident made us cross paths. It made us grow close. It made us fall in love. Why judge us just because we met in a messed‑up situation? I've been with Looktan for almost half a year. We've gone through things together you couldn't possibly imagine."
"Even if you die for him, I still won't believe it would ever make up for anything!" the old man roared. "A bad person only changes temporarily because he finds something he likes. But soon enough, he becomes the same awful person again. And the person you're 'passing time' with is my son. And I will never let anyone hurt my boy. Remember that!"
"But.."
"Tod… that's enough. Please." His voice shook. "I… I think it's better if we end things here. I'm tired. I'm so tired I can't think anymore."
"What…? Looktan, what are you saying?"
The smaller man lowered his head, tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks.
"I already requested a transfer… to teach in the city." His voice cracked. "I won't be coming back there anymore. I'm sorry… for confessing to you. I only wanted Teng to be safe. I wanted him under your care that's why I made that offer."
"What… what did you just say?"
"I shouldn't have gotten involved in your family. I shouldn't have… from the beginning." His voice broke into sobs.
He peeled Tod's fingers off his arm one by one, tears spilling as he finally looked up at the taller man he had prepared himself for heartbreak, but not this fast.
"When you said you loved me… was that a lie?"
Tod completely froze. He had confessed because he truly loved him. And now it all felt like a lie just a trick to make him take care of Teng.
So after that, what was supposed to happen…?
"No…"
He didn't even get the chance to explain. The painful expression on Tod's face made Looktan's chest ache until he felt numb.
"Go, Looktan."
Whoosh!
The pale curtains were thrown wide open, letting the high morning sun flood the room. A small figure lay sprawled across the bed, arms and legs stretched out, slowly blinking awake as the sunlight hit the soft lids.
Little eyes fluttered rapidly, and he sat up so quickly that his hair stood on end, wild and messy. Across the window, a tall figure stood, shirtless, arms crossed, staring out before finally turning to look at him.
"Why… why am I here, Tod?"
He remembered going to sleep just last night in Uncle P's condo, feeling warm and safe while the teacher tucked him in. Then he had dreamt of traveling somewhere unfamiliar.
The dream had been uneasy, shadowed he had seen Looktan crying and disappearing into darkness.
"There's no teacher anymore. From now on, it's just you and me," the tall figure said sharply, a stern edge to his voice. Just yesterday, everything had seemed light and happy they had laughed together, smiled, and shared easy moments. Now, none of that remained.
"…I don't want that."
"I'm telling you straight. You may be six, but I won't sugarcoat it or speak with soft smiles like… others do."
"If it's not Looktan, I don't want to listen."
"The one you shouldn't listen to… is the kind, gentle Looktan you used to know."
"Why not? Yesterday you told me to be good, to obey the teacher."
"Yesterday was yesterday. Things don't stay the same forever. And if that teacher isn't here, how are you supposed to live?"
"…Whatever. If someone wants me somewhere, I'll go."
"You'll stay here. I'm tired of worrying about anyone else. Even if I don't fully understand how to care for a child… you're my child. No matter what, you're mine, and I won't let anyone else deceive you."
"Deceive? I don't get it at all."
"Let me spell it out. I'm working on legally taking care of you now."
"I want to stay with Looktan…"
"Stop talking about him… People from the city lie to everyone. And you still want to idolize that fake love."
His voice hardened, a flash of anger sparking the moment that person was mentioned.
"Don't you dare talk badly about my Looktan!"
"Then don't mention him. I don't want to hear it… Now, go eat."
The little one woke up again in Grandma Si's large garden house a place with someone called "Dad," the man everyone said was bad news.
We first truly met three days ago. This man had stormed into Looktan's teacher's apartment in Bangkok. That was the first time our eyes met, the first time I got a full look at him.
His face carried the resemblance of grandpa and grandma but in the form of a demon. A scowling face that seemed angry all the time, broad shoulders, a solid frame, walking with the swagger of a thug. Not to mention tattoos covering his body and metal piercings scattered across him.
This was clearly a yakuza.
"What are you staring at?"
"If I have to grow up like that… I'd rather stay small forever."
"Hmph… Back when I was a kid, I was cuter than you. Didn't your mom ever tell you?"
"She did… but I didn't want to hear it."
"…"
The little one looked at the thing in front of him that was supposed to be food, completely puzzled. He poked at what looked like an egg mixed with finely chopped vegetables, some bits of pork, and chunks of meat that weren't fully cut. He scooped one piece after another onto his plate.