"Yunxi..." Rayna's voice was soft, hesitant, as if the rest of her question was caught in her throat. She wanted to ask further, why he always looked as if he was trying to make himself smaller—but for a moment, she just let his name hang in the air, waiting for him to speak.
Yunxi's black-and-white fur looked dull, even in the light.
"I was born frail," he began, his voice soft but heavy, as though every word cost him something.
"I'm the youngest in my family. When I was just a few years old, I got very sick. Fever so high that everyone thought... I wouldn't make it. Somehow, I survived, but the sickness left marks all over me. Spots, patches of rough skin that never went away. Even when I healed, those marks stayed."
His ears drooped low, and he kept his gaze fixed on the river.
"And after that, the way everyone treated me changed. Everyone said I looked hideous. That my skin looked... ugly. My brothers, the other cubs in the village, even the adults, they would look at me with pity, sometimes even disgust."
Rayna's chest tightened at the way his voice trembled.
"They told me, 'You're ugly Yunxi. It would be better if you stay in your beastform. It suits you better that way.' At first, I hated it. Hated myself. I could see it in their eyes, Rayna. The way they recoiled... even if they didn't say anything, I could feel it. That disgust."
He curled up a bit.
"So... I stayed in this form. At least like this, I'm just another panda beastman. At least like this, I can pretend I'm normal."
"You know, during the Nomei Festival that was held here, my brothers chose to remain in their beastforms, since this was the first time panda beastmen had come to the festival, staying in beastform made it easier for others to recognize their tribe right away."
Yunxi continued,
"Otherwise, my brothers... they're good looking in their usual forms. Everyone liked them. And me? I just became the shadow following them around. Someone who always stays in the background. Even they, after a while, said it was better if I stayed like this. They said it would save me the pain."
He swallowed hard, blinking fast as if trying to clear away the dampness in his eyes.
"So I believed them. And I thought—maybe if I listened, if I stayed quiet, lived as if I didn't exist and did as I was told—they'd keep me. I always tried to please them. My mother, father, my brothers. I did everything they asked me from cooking, cleaning and even assisting them in everything I could. I even learnt medicine a bit and I was interested in herbs so I thought if I could become the village healer, I could make them accept me. Let me be with them. That's why I followed my brothers everywhere. And yet, the moment things got hard... the moment danger came on the way to Nomei Festival... they left me behind. I worked so hard to be accepted by them, so that they could love me, even a little bit, and so that I'm not a burden to them. But after everything, they abandoned me. Just like that."
He laughed, but it cracked like glass.
"Part of me still thinks—it's because I wasn't good enough. That maybe... maybe I deserved it. I mean, look at me—I'm hideous, weak, useless. A fool who can't do anything right. At the end I'm pathetic and useless who doesn't belong anywhere."
Rayna slowed down and looked at him, her heart aching. She could see herself in him for a moment. She felt every word Yunxi said. After all she has felt similar to what Yunxi was feeling right now.
You know the feeling... when you start to believe you're worthless?" Rayna began to think in her mind. The feeling that,"What should I do so people accept me? So they don't feel I'm weird? I keep worrying—what if I'm too much? Too dramatic? So I try... I try so hard to prove that I'm not useless, that I can do something that matters. That I have worth. But no matter what I do... it feels like I'll never be enough."
Yunxi's words made something in her chest twist. Because she knew that feeling. Far more than she ever wanted to admit.
Rayna had always been a background person in her world.
Someone everyone smiled at but never really chose. No one's first choice. Always an option. Always a maybe.
People had their groups, their best friends, their people—and Rayna was just... there. Present but treated as invisible.
She worked so hard all the time, juggling her studies and part-time jobs. At the end of the day, she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom at night in her dorm, thinking maybe, just maybe, someone would see her. Notice her. Want her.
There was one person she thought as her friend, someone Rayna confided in. But even that person, over the last few months, had started drifting away. Probably found someone new, she remembered thinking. And there it was again—that sinking feeling of being left behind, fading into the background of someone else's life.
So when Rayna came here—into this strange beastworld—and somehow became mates with Soren first, then Ezra... it was the first time in her life she felt chosen, because of who she really was. Truly, deliberately chosen.
For the first time, she wasn't treated as if she was invisible.
Rayna thought, "They see me. Even the smallest things I say, they take seriously. They prioritize me. Pamper me. Care about me. Protect me."
It was everything she had always wanted, everything she had always yearned for but never received.
And as Rayna looked at Yunxi now, hunched, trying to hide his pain, she recognized that same yearning written all over him.
He just wanted to belong. To be wanted. Even if just a little.
And in that moment, she understood him. Completely. To treat someone like that just because of their looks is absolutely unacceptable.
She got up and for a moment, just hugged him from behind.
Yunxi froze. Ofcourse he didn't expect that.
"Yunxi," Rayna said softly, voice barely above a whisper. "Listen to me. You didn't deserve that. None of it. What they said, what they did—it's on them. Not you."
He looked up at her, eyes wide, as if he couldn't believe someone was saying this to him.
"You are not ugly," Rayna continued, a little stronger this time. "You've been carrying so much hurt alone for so long and have been treated so unfairly. And no one—no one—deserves to feel like that."
She paused, letting out a slow breath.
Honestly, these last few days, she'd been watching Yunxi in the village. Quiet, timid, but always trying to help. He cooked meals that warmed you from the inside, he knew so much about herbs, and now he was even going to be the assistant of the healer.
Respectful. Gentle. Kind.
And all of this... all of him was being crushed under the weight of something as shallow as how he looked?
It made something in her ache.
How unfair could people be?
She patted his back, speaking with as much warmth as she could pour into her words.
"Yunxi, you're really nice, you know? You cook so well. You know so much about herbs. You're thoughtful. You don't need to prove your worth to anyone, Yunxi."
Yunxi's breathing hitched, but she pressed on.
"You deserve to be cherished. To be loved. Just as you are. Without proving your worth to anyone."
Yunxi's ears twitched, and though his head stayed low, his voice came out barely above a whisper.
"Really?" Yunxi's voice broke. Tears fell down his furry face.
"Yes really." Rayna reassured him.
Her fingers gave his paw a gentle squeeze. Yunxi hesitated to hug Rayna back. He just held her hand, as if holding onto something warm for the first time in years.
Yunxi continued to sniffle for some time.
Rayna just patted his back. She said nothing more, just let him cry. She let him have his breakdown moment.
After a while, Yunxi slowly pulled away.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured, his voice hoarse. "I dirtied your hand... let me clean it."
Before Rayna could say anything, he bent a little and carefully wiped away the small tear-stains on her arm with his soft fur.
She couldn't help but chuckle softly at how earnest he looked.
"It's alright, silly," Rayna said, smiling. "And don't keep apologizing like that to me."
His head lowered further, like he was ashamed of even that.
And in that moment, Rayna realized something so clearly—
This wasn't just about him being polite.
He had a tendency to always apologize.
Every little thing he did, every word he spoke, it was like he was always on edge, afraid that if he wasn't careful, he'd offend someone, that people would leave him again.
Rayna wished she could shake him and make him see himself the way she did.
"You don't have to be on your toes around me, Yunxi," she said quietly, her tone soft but firm.
"Chill out. Breathe. Inhale and exhale." Rayna said to him.
Yunxi followed her instructions and took deep breaths.
Rayna smiled at him.
"Yunxi, just... be how you are. You don't need to be so careful around me all the time. Just relax, okay?"
For a moment, he just blinked at her, like he didn't quite know how to process those words. Then, very slowly, a small, shy smile tugged at his lips.
"...I'll try to," he whispered.
The tension in his shoulders eased, just a little, and Rayna felt something in her chest soften too. Maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of Yunxi learning to be himself.
Rayna asked in a light tone, "Whenever you feel comfortable, do shift back from your beastform, okay? No pressure whenever you feel like."
"But you'll feel disgusted Rayna, I really don't look good..." Yunxi said.
"Its alright. Don't feel that way please. I'm telling u whenever you feel like comfortable, I do want to see you, apart from your beastform. That's a part of you too, right?" Rayna said.
She already was ready to drop the topic since she knew Yunxi was still uncomfortable, and he needed time.
"W-Wait," Yunxi blurted out suddenly, his voice trembling. "I... I'll show you."
Rayna froze, her lips parting in surprise.
"Yunxi, you don't have to force yourself," she said gently, already reaching out to stop him—but before she could, in the next second, the fluffy fur she'd always seen was gone.
Her eyes widened as she saw him.
His fur was replaced by smooth, pale skin. He stood there nervously, wearing a simple black-and-white fur skirt that hung just above his knees. His round panda ears still sat adorably on top of his head, twitching every so often, betraying his nerves. His hair was short, really curly and black, soft-looking, slightly messy like he had just woken up.
He wasn't built like Ezra or Soren—no sharp muscles, no defined abs. Instead, his body had a soft, slightly chubby look. His stomach wasn't flat, but it wasn't large either—just a gentle curve that made him look cute.
And his face...
A round face with soft cheeks that looked so squishable that she had to restrain herself from reaching out right there. A subtle flush on his cheeks, his eyes were large, black and shiny, like polished stones, filled with hesitation and fear.
Who in the world said he was ugly?
He was... so damn cute. In the most natural, heartwarming way. Adorable, even.
Rayna blinked, staring at him in disbelief, and the only words that came out of my mouth were:
"Yunxi... you look so cute."
"I-I ... what?" Yunxi stammered.
Rayna chuckled and took a step towards him.
"How are your cheeks so soft and plush-looking? Like a cloud got jealous and gave up. You have an unfair level of adorableness."
"Huh?" Yunxi was surprised Rayna didn't coil in disgust.
Rayna's brows knitted, her voice sharp with anger as she spoke, her tone shifting.
"I swear, Yunxi, I seriously want to give a beating to your brothers—and to anyone else who treated you like that," she said, glaring fiercely. "Who in the world told you you're ugly? Spots? Where are they? I can't even see them!"
Yunxi blinked at her, startled by the sudden fire in her tone. Slowly, hesitantly, he lifted a trembling hand and pointed to his arm.
"Here... look. You can see the red patches," he murmured, almost as if ashamed to even show them.
Rayna leaned in, squinting at his skin. There were faint reddish marks, barely visible—like the faded ghost of an old illness. She looked at them for a moment, then straightened, disbelief flashing across her face.
"...These? Seriously? These are what made you think you're ugly?" Rayna's voice rose, incredulous. "They're so negligible I can barely see them! For this!? For this they made you feel worthless your whole life?"
Her hands curled into fists, and for a moment, her eyes burned with fury.
"This is ridiculous, Yunxi. Absolutely ridiculous," she said fiercely, her words like a shield she wished she could wrap around him.
Yunxi's eyes widened, lips parting slightly. He stared at her, stunned—not by her anger, but by the fact that someone was angry for him.
Yunxi hesitated, his voice barely above a whisper.
"S-So... you don't think I'm ugly?"
Rayna crossed her arms, looking him straight in the eye.
"Absolutely not," she said firmly. "Get that nonsense out of your head once and for all, Yunxi. You hear me?"
The strength in her voice made him jolt slightly. His lips parted, words tumbling out in a stammer.
"W-Well, I... I—"
Before he could finish, the sound of voices cut through the air.
"Rayna!"
She turned toward the sound just in time to see Ezra come crashing down, thrown from above, landing on the ground with a loud thud. She sighed, stepping forward as Soren swooped down right after him, landing with effortless grace.
"I don't deserve to be treated this way! Like a prey!" Ezra groaned, rubbing his sore backside, glaring up at Soren.
Rayna rolled her eyes, but her attention drifted back to Yunxi. He had already taken a small step back, shoulders hunching, the earlier shy expression returning in full force as he shrank under the sudden attention.
Soren's sharp gaze fell on him, unreadable as it swept over Yunxi. Ezra, still on the ground, followed his line of sight—and his expression shifted too, eyes narrowing slightly as they both regarded Yunxi in silence.
The air grew heavier, Yunxi looking even smaller under their stares.