◆
Why did I feel so uneasy?
Nothing about my position had changed. So why?
The uneasiness came rushing over me, turning into irritation.
I couldn't even understand myself—why I had come all the way here looking for you like some madman.
How utterly foolish.
What the hell are you so distracted by?
Don't live like Father did.
Don't let yourself be swayed by something as trivial as emotion.
I found myself repeating in my head the very words Grandfather would have said to me if he were still alive.
"Your Highness, we've arrived."
At my attendant's voice, I turned my head.
Beyond the tinted glass, I could make out the silhouettes of two people.
Seonmi.
And Go Chaeha.
I lowered the window.
Seonmi, leaning against Go Chaeha's shoulder, looked at me with unmistakable shock in her eyes.
You look as though you've seen a ghost.
Why do you always look at me like that?
"Bring Master Go Chaeha here."
The moment I gave the order, the doors of the black vehicle behind us opened.
Attendants dressed in black suits stepped out and headed straight toward them.
Two of them moved to either side of Go Chaeha and seized his arms. Displeasure immediately crossed his face.
"Wait. I can walk on my own, so don't drag me around like a criminal."
While the attendants hesitated, he reached out his hand to Seonmi.
"It seems we have no choice. Let's go."
She rubbed at eyes so swollen from crying that I couldn't even begin to guess how long she had been in tears, then took Go Chaeha's hand.
Watching her only strengthened my determination to separate the two of them.
As though it were the most natural thing in the world, they began walking toward the car waiting behind mine.
"She rides here."
I gestured for the rear door to be opened.
One of the attendants immediately opened it.
"I'll ride with Master Chaeha—"
Of course.
Nothing involving her was ever easy.
She was always like this.
Like a tiny thorn lodged in the sole of my foot, irritating me with every step.
"Didn't you hear me?"
I cut her off and looked directly at her face.
Her eyes were red from crying.
Her cheeks were still wet.
And then there was the hand that, only moments ago, had been holding Go Chaeha's.
Every single thing about the sight irritated me.
Forcing myself to ignore it, I spoke.
"Get in this car."
"She can just ride here."
Go Chaeha's voice came from behind her.
"Did I ask your permission?"
"Not permission. But shouldn't you at least ask what she wants?"
The image of the two of them pressed close together moments earlier resurfaced like an afterimage I desperately wanted to erase.
They must have shared something deep.
When grief overwhelmed her, he had been the one person she could lean on.
Perhaps she had even thought about living quietly somewhere with him...
Perhaps.
Without realizing it, my gaze turned cold.
A faint tremor refused to leave the fingertips hanging loosely at my side.
My body was reacting before I had even acknowledged my anger.
"What she wants... is something you ask of someone who stands on equal footing with me—or at least above me."
"..."
"Do I need permission even to decide which car a single palace maid rides in?"
She stood perfectly still, like a stone statue.
"Why are you just standing there?"
"..."
"Get in."
"No."
"What?"
"I said no."
It was as though the two of them had known I was coming and rehearsed a script beforehand.
Every word out of their mouths seemed designed to get on my nerves.
She stared at me with reddened eyes.
"I'm going with Master Go Chaeha."
Something inside my head seemed to snap.
I'm your master.
Who the hell do you think you serve?
"Seonmi."
Before I realized it, I had called her name.
"You said you had no intention of asking what I wanted."
"Then at least allow me to decide, with my own two feet, which car I get into."
"..."
"Or is even that something Your Highness must decide for me?"
I had come all this way because I was worried about her.
Because I knew Seon Yeojeong was already dead.
Because I knew Seonmi had come all the way here without even knowing that truth, and I was worried about what she would find.
I had pushed every other engagement aside and come here myself.
And yet what I found when I arrived—
was you crying in another man's arms.
I tried to convince myself that Go Chaeha was the reason I was angry.
But I knew better.
What I truly couldn't stand was something else entirely.
You saw me, yet you didn't come to me.
You took Go Chaeha's hand without the slightest hesitation, yet hesitated when I told you to get into my car.
That fact drove me mad.
Slowly, I stepped out of the car.
Up close, the redness in her eyes was even more pronounced.
"Your insolence has gone too far."
Seonmi's eyes wavered.
I took another step toward her.
"Fine."
My insides were boiling so fiercely that keeping silent felt impossible.
And yet what came out of my mouth was neither concern nor jealousy.
It was power.
The weapon I had wielded more naturally than anything else my entire life.
"I'll make sure you remember exactly who it is you're supposed to serve."
My gaze bored into hers.
"Very clearly this time."
All I wanted was for you to come to me.
And yet once again, the words that left my mouth only reminded us of the difference in status between you and me.
I saw her expression stiffen ever so slightly.
I turned away and got back into the car.
"Drive."
The car slowly pulled away.
The snow-covered landscape swept rapidly past the window.
I sank deep into the seat and closed my eyes.
Emotions truly had a way of making a fool out of a person.
All my life, I had tried not to waver.
What I should choose.
What I should abandon.
At the very least, I had believed I could maintain perfect control over my own emotions.
But ever since Seonmi entered my life, everything had become a mess.
I did things I would never have done before.
Said things I never should have said, only to regret them afterward.
I hadn't even managed to ask if she was all right.
Not even after seeing how red and swollen her eyes were from crying.
In the end, all I had said was that she was insolent.
That she should remember whom she was supposed to serve.
A hollow laugh escaped me.
"...I've lost my mind."
Even I thought I was pathetic.
I had come all the way here because I was worried about her, only to hurt her and walk away simply because I had found her leaning on another man.
The mere thought that Go Chaeha might have wiped away her tears had been enough to make me lose all reason.
I had no idea when I had become someone so completely ruled by emotion.
I was sick of the tangled mess inside my head.
Enough.
Slowly, I opened my eyes.
My engagement to Hong Yeonhwa would be announced soon anyway.
The royal family was faltering, and I had no time to waste on something as trivial as emotion.
Seonmi had probably chosen Go Chaeha as well.
If that was the case, all I had to do was let her go.
Don't go looking for her.
Don't wait for her.
Don't wonder who she's with.
Whether she cries or laughs.
No matter whose arms she leans into.
I simply had to stop caring.
Easy.
Simple.
I turned my gaze toward the window.
For a long time, I stared at the place that had already disappeared far behind us.
Then I murmured quietly,
"It's simple."
◆◆
To be honest, I had been scared.
I never expected him to actually let me ride in the same car as Go Chaeha.
Go Chaeha held out a handkerchief to me.
Then he mimed wiping his nose.
"Oh..."
I hurriedly wiped my runny nose with his handkerchief.
Go Chaeha laughed.
"I'll wash this and return it to you."
I gave him an awkward smile.
"Why didn't you just get in his car?"
"Well..."
Worried that the attendants might overhear, I lowered my voice.
"Because he's obnoxious."
Go Chaeha laughed again.
"You're the first person besides me I've ever heard insult him."
"Everyone else just keeps quiet. I'm sure there are at least a few more."
Maybe I had gotten a little too carried away.
Only moments ago, I had been sobbing my eyes out.
Perhaps that was why Go Chaeha looked at me with concern instead.
"I'm sorry about your mother."
The mood suddenly settled.
I fidgeted with my fingers as I answered.
"...I never thought she would be easy to find."
"I'll keep looking for her with you for the rest of my life."
The moment those words left his mouth, my eyes wavered helplessly.
He had said he would help me find my mother.
But when the words for the rest of my life were added to it...
It sounded almost like a confession.
Like he was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.
You shouldn't say things like that so casually.
I should have been happy.
Instead, I hid the uneasiness rising inside me and answered,
"Thank you."
When we reached the palace, the car slowly came to a stop.
The door opened.
The moment I stepped out, I found myself looking for him without even realizing it.
It seemed Gowon had arrived before us and gone straight to his study.
I was just about to let out something resembling a sigh of relief when I spotted a familiar figure in the distance.
Hong Yeonhwa.
Our eyes met across the far end of the corridor.
Even from that distance, I could clearly sense how stiff her expression had become.
Hong Yeonhwa stood there for a while, staring at me.
Then—
She abruptly turned her head and disappeared into the palace with quick steps.
Looks like I've gotten on her bad side again.
After exchanging a brief farewell with Go Chaeha, I hurried inside the palace.
Without even taking the time to fix my hair, still damp from the snow, I headed straight for the detached palace where Lady Hong Yeonhwa was staying.
That was when Head Maid Kim Sera stopped me.
"You don't need to go there."
"...Pardon?"
Something about the atmosphere felt strange.
"Someone else has been assigned to Lady Hong Yeonhwa."
For a moment, I simply stared at her.
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
"Your previous duties. Just continue as you did before."
Only a few days ago, Her Majesty the Queen had summoned me personally and ordered me to remain by Lady Hong Yeonhwa's side for as long as she stayed at the palace.
And now, without any warning, I had suddenly been replaced by another maid.
"Did I make some kind of mistake?"
"No."
Kim Sera flipped through the documents in her hands, answering as though it were nothing important.
"The order came from above."
From above...
Hong Yeonhwa's stiff expression when I had seen her outside the palace came back to me.
Could it be...?
Then another face suddenly flashed through my mind.
Gowon.
I remembered the cold eyes that had looked down at me in the snow only a short while ago.
"...Whose order was it?"
At my cautious question, Kim Sera's hand paused.
She glanced at me once, then lowered her gaze back to the documents.
"I'm warning you. Don't try to know too much in this palace. Nothing good will come of it."
"..."
"Just do as you're told."
With that, she turned and walked away with her usual proud stride.
I stood there, watching her retreating figure.
I couldn't tell whether what she had said was meant for my sake or not.
Just as she told me, I stopped trying to find out anything.
Perhaps that was why.
For the past few days, the palace had been unusually quiet.
More precisely—
it was only quiet around me.
Normally, the palace maids passing through the corridors never stopped chatting, and whenever I walked by, at least one of them would grab me and eagerly tell me the latest news.
But not anymore.
Whenever I approached, their conversations abruptly stopped.
Even those who had been laughing only moments before fell silent.
At first, I didn't think much of it.
But once it started bothering me, I kept noticing more and more things that felt strange.
Could they be avoiding me?
Just then—
Everyone at the far end of the corridor suddenly stepped aside.
Without thinking, I looked in that direction.
It was Crown Prince Gowon.
And beside him was Lady Hong Yeonhwa.
The two of them were walking toward me side by side.
They looked no different from usual.
I neatly folded my hands in front of me and stepped to one side.
As their footsteps drew closer, my fingertips tensed for no reason.
I lowered my head.
"Greetings, Your Highness."
There was no answer.
Click, click.
Their footsteps came right up to me.
Lady Hong Yeonhwa's shoes entered the edge of my vision.
For a moment, they seemed to stop.
Then they moved again.
She didn't say a word either.
Before, she had been the kind of person who would stop me over even the smallest matter.
But now, she walked straight past me as though I were a palace maid she had never seen before.
It felt strange.
Still, I could understand Lady Hong Yeonhwa.
The real problem was Gowon.
Without realizing it, I lifted my head ever so slightly.
That was when I caught sight of his profile.
His gaze was fixed straight ahead.
His face was expressionless.
He didn't look at me.
Gowon simply walked right past me.
I remembered what he had said to me a few days ago.
That my insolence had gone too far.
That he would make sure I remembered exactly who I was supposed to serve.
After getting so angry with me...
now he walked past as though I didn't even exist.
...This is a good thing.
It's what I wanted.
If Gowon stopped paying attention to me, things would be easier for me too.
I wouldn't have to constantly watch myself around him.
A single careless remark from him would no longer be enough to shake my heart.
More than anything, I would no longer have any reason to feel guilty about coming between him and Lady Hong Yeonhwa.
And yet...
Why does this feel so strange?
I watched the two of them walk away.
Gowon said something to Lady Hong Yeonhwa.
I couldn't hear what it was.
She looked up at him as she answered, and Gowon lowered his head slightly to listen.
The distance between them was close.
Anyone who saw them would think they looked perfect together.
For no particular reason, I began fidgeting with the corner of the papers in my hand.
Not long ago, he had come all the way outside the palace looking for me.
Whether it was jealousy or something else, whenever I was with Go Chaeha, he would lose control of his temper and lash out.
But today...
he hadn't even looked at me once.
It felt as though something had completely changed in that brief span of time.
A strange emptiness slowly opened in the center of my chest.
"...What the hell."
I forced myself to look away.
But I hadn't even taken more than a few steps before I turned around again.
Gowon and Lady Hong Yeonhwa had already disappeared together around the end of the corridor.
Strangely enough...
I felt a little hurt.