◆◆
"Seonmi! Have you seen this?"
The moment Jeong Najeong opened the door, she plopped herself down on my bed.
"Seen what?"
"This. Look at this."
She urgently thrust her phone in front of me.
A photograph of two familiar people filled the screen.
Gowon and Hong Yeonhwa.
The two stood side by side, impeccably dressed as though the photograph had been taken at an official event.
And above them was a bold headline.
Crown Prince Finally Engaged
My fingertips froze for a moment.
I pushed the phone away as though it were nothing.
"I was wondering what all the fuss was about... It was already decided from the beginning."
"Right! People have been talking about his engagement to the Hong family for ages."
Najeong looked down at the screen again, visibly excited.
"What I mean is, aren't you happy? This is huge. It's something to celebrate."
"..."
"The Crown Prince and Lady Hong Yeonhwa. And honestly, they look good together."
"They do."
The answer came more easily than I expected.
"They look good together."
And they really did.
The two people in the photograph looked flawless together.
The Crown Prince and the daughter of a prestigious family.
A union desired by the royal family, celebrated by the people, and questioned by no one.
I had known all of this already.
So why did my chest feel tight, as though I were hearing it for the first time today?
"Are you sick or something?"
"Hm?"
I hurriedly forced the corners of my lips upward.
"Oh... I'm just tired."
"I thought so. You haven't looked well all day."
Fortunately, Najeong didn't think much of it.
I looked at the phone screen again.
This time, my eyes caught the sentence beneath the article.
The Royal Household officially announced today the engagement of His Royal Highness Crown Prince Gowon and Lady Hong Yeonhwa.
Officially announced...
Only after reading those words did it finally feel real.
So Gowon really is going to belong to Lady Hong Yeonhwa now.
Suddenly, I remembered seeing him in the corridor earlier that day.
The face that hadn't looked at me.
The eyes that had passed over me as though I were a stranger.
Was that why?
Now, everything seemed to make sense.
He had put an end to it.
Those strange emotions that had tangled him up with me.
It was a good thing.
It was what I had wanted too.
And yet one side of my chest kept aching.
This tightness.
This hurt.
They were feelings I could never reveal to anyone.
The palace always moved with the precision of a clock's second hand.
In this place, no one cared about someone's hurt feelings.
Their anxiety.
Their bitter pain.
This was a place that existed only for the royal family—
and for the nation.
Thanks to that, these feelings I couldn't understand were gradually buried away, left untouched until they gathered a stale layer of dust.
That was a relief.
Time passed so quickly that I barely noticed the changing of the seasons.
Color slowly returned to the garden after the long winter.
Tender buds appeared at the tips of dry branches, and in the places where sunlight lingered, tiny flowers began blooming one by one.
"Put this over there."
With the Crown Prince's wedding drawing near, the entire palace had become busy.
Old curtains faded by time were replaced with new ones.
Furniture worn at the corners disappeared one piece at a time.
The places once occupied by plants that had withered through the harsh season were filled with fresh flowers.
It almost seemed as though the palace were erasing every trace of its old life, one by one, preparing to welcome its new mistress.
Preparing for Lady Hong Yeonhwa to become the lady of this palace.
"Seonmi."
"Yes?"
As Head Maid Kim Sera sorted through a large box, she gestured toward one side with her chin.
"Take that vase to the Crown Prince's study."
A vase unlike any I had seen before sat where she had pointed.
Delicate blue petals had been painted across pristine white porcelain.
"Is it new?"
"Apparently, Lady Hong Yeonhwa chose it herself."
My hand stopped just before reaching for the vase.
"She said his study looked too bleak. I suppose quite a few things will change once they're married."
"...I suppose so."
I carefully gathered the vase into my arms.
My steps came to a halt before the enormous door.
Perhaps it was because it had been so long since I had entered the Crown Prince's study.
I felt slightly nervous.
Creak.
I carefully opened the door.
The study was empty.
Gowon was nowhere to be seen.
Thank goodness.
I stepped inside.
The room was exactly as I remembered it.
The curtains were drawn tightly enough to keep out even a sliver of sunlight, while the documents, pens, and everything else on his desk remained arranged without the slightest disorder.
I wondered where I should put the vase.
His desk was a place for work.
He probably wouldn't appreciate something this ornate sitting there.
I pulled over a small table from farther away and placed the vase on top of it.
The moment I set down the carefully arranged flowers, the bleak room seemed to come alive.
A subtle fragrance drifted from the blossoms.
I had smelled it somewhere before.
Without thinking, I breathed it in.
Then I realized.
It was the scent Lady Hong Yeonhwa always wore.
Hong Yeonhwa's fragrance in Gowon's study.
For some reason, my heart grew heavy.
Creak.
The sound of the door opening came from behind me.
My entire body stiffened.
No way.
Slowly, I turned my head.
Strangely enough, ominous premonitions always seemed to take exactly the form I feared most.
It was Gowon.
He stopped the moment he stepped through the doorway.
I couldn't move either.
It had been months.
Perhaps we had both been deliberately trying not to cross paths.
Gowon's gaze rested briefly on my face.
Then it slowly lowered to the vase I had just placed on the table.
The silence stretched on.
Only the faint fragrance of flowers drifted around us, almost as though it were secretly watching the two of us.
I was the first to look away.
"The entire palace is being redecorated in preparation for Your Highness's wedding. We're replacing the old furnishings and organizing everything while airing out the rooms."
For some reason, I kept talking.
I gestured toward the vase and added,
"As you can see, I only came here to deliver this vase."
No answer came.
I cautiously lifted my head and looked at him.
He remained perfectly still.
His expression was quiet and impossible to read.
"Lady Hong Yeonhwa chose it herself."
"…"
"It has a lovely fragrance as well."
I didn't even know why I was going this far.
"So... please don't remove it. Just leave it where it is."
Silence again.
The room was so quiet that even the sound of me swallowing seemed unnaturally loud.
As discomfort spread through my entire body, my feet moved before anything else could.
"Then I'll be going."
I bowed and hurried toward the door.
But before I could even reach for the handle—
Gowon took a long step forward.
His body blocked the doorway completely.
I stopped instinctively.
When I looked up, he was much closer than I had expected.
The face I had spent months trying so hard to avoid was right in front of me.
And at last, after maintaining that long silence, his lips parted.
"It seems you came in here today with a very clear purpose."
"What?"
The corner of his mouth twisted ever so slightly.
It wasn't a smile.
"It's especially pleasing to see how concerned you are about my wedding."
His tone was calm.
And yet there was something strangely barbed beneath it.
I frowned slightly.
"I don't understand what you mean."
"You don't?"
His voice dropped.
"You, who never even considered me your master."
Gowon lowered his head slightly. His face drew closer, and I nearly stepped back without realizing it, only just managing to stop myself.
"And now... you're so delighted that I'm getting married. How gracious of you to care so much about me."
"I was merely doing my job."
"Is that so?"
His gaze shifted past my shoulder.
"Then was telling me not to remove Hong Yeonhwa's vase part of the errand you were given as well?"
"…"
My lips pressed shut.
Please don't remove it. Just leave it where it is.
Only then did I regret adding those unnecessary words.
I should have simply put down the vase and left.
Why had I bothered telling him that it smelled nice?
And why had I told him not to remove it?
The words I had forced out to conceal my emotions had instead betrayed them.
"Answer me."
"That..."
I couldn't get the words out.
Because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
My fists clenched.
I pressed my lips together until even the tip of my chin tingled.
My thoughts were a mess.
What could I possibly say to make Gowon accept my explanation?
What could I say to make him step back and free me from this suffocating closeness?
That was all I could think about.
Then Gowon took another step toward me.
I instinctively retreated, and my back struck the door.
There was nowhere left to go.
Gowon stared down at me for a long moment before suddenly lowering his head.
"Is it really such a difficult question?"
His low voice came from directly above me.
"If you truly felt nothing for me, it should be an easy one to answer."
My heart dropped.
It felt as though I had been caught.
As though he had found something inside me before I had even dared to look at it myself.
"Lady Hong Yeonhwa would surely be upset if she heard that you removed the vase she personally chose. So..."
"…"
"That's why I said it."
Gathering my courage, I looked Gowon directly in the eyes.
An unaffected face.
A face that insisted there was nothing more to it.
It was the best I could do to make the lie look like the truth.
Gowon's eyes narrowed.
"I can never tell who it is you're always so concerned about."
"...Pardon?"
"Because Hong Yeonhwa might be hurt."
He murmured in a low voice.
"Because Go Chaeha might be lonely."
"…"
"Because the palace maids might get into trouble. Because you might cause inconvenience to Her Majesty the Queen."
With each person he named, his voice sank a little lower.
"You're always thinking about everyone else."
Gowon's gaze slowly swept over my face.
"And yet you couldn't care less about how you feel."
For a moment, I had no answer.
"Why? Are you that happy I'm marrying Hong Yeonhwa too?"
"…"
"You tell me to keep the vase because Hong Yeonhwa chose it. You tell me not to remove it because Hong Yeonhwa would be upset."
"…"
"You sound like someone desperately hoping my marriage goes well."
What I saw in his eyes was unmistakable.
Hurt.
The moment Gowon's emotions reached me, every detail of his expression suddenly became painfully clear.
His face was almost too vivid from this close.
His dark hair.
The straight bridge of his nose.
The hard line of his jaw.
His lips, usually pressed together in cold restraint, were slightly parted today, shallow breaths escaping between them.
His face remained indifferent.
And yet his eyes looked like those of a man who no longer knew what to do with himself.
Suddenly, I was afraid.
Afraid that my heart might begin walking down the same dangerous path.
Afraid that I might end up running beside him toward an ending that had already been decided for us.
I lowered my gaze slightly.
Then I forced the words out.
"Because it's something to celebrate."
Gowon's expression hardened frighteningly.
But I had already started, and I couldn't stop now.
"It's a marriage the royal family has wanted, and the two of you look good together..."
"Enough."
His voice was low.
Yet it seemed to ring through the room with chilling force.
I cautiously studied his face.
His dark eyes had gone cold, and the space between his straight brows slowly twisted.
The emotions he had held down for so long were laid bare in his tightly pressed lips and rigid jaw.
Instinctively, I started to retreat.
That was when he abruptly closed the distance.
Before I had time to escape, his lips covered mine.
It happened so suddenly that I didn't even have time to close my eyes.
His breath tangled with mine, and the familiar heat of his body pressed close enough for me to feel it completely.
This... can't happen.
Gowon's large hand closed around my wrist as I tried to pull away.
"I told you. Don't even think about running from me."
My heart pounded wildly.
Flash.
Lightning split the sky without warning.
A faint patter of rain sounded against the window, then rapidly swelled into a violent downpour.
The rain struck the glass relentlessly, almost as though it were trying to conceal the sound of our heated breaths.
"St...op."
I barely managed to tear my lips away long enough to speak.
But he captured them again, swallowing the word before it could fully escape.
Our tongues tangled, carrying all the desire he had been holding back.
I knew I should run.
I knew this was wrong, that even now I should push him away.
But my hands refused to move.
Instead, the fingers clutching the fabric of his clothes slowly tightened.
Whenever I faced him before, a chill sharp enough to raise goosebumps had seemed to wrap around my entire body.
But now, pressed against the hard heat of him, it felt as though everything frozen inside me were melting all at once.
Carefully, his hand lifted the hem of my skirt.
No matter how instinctively I drew in on myself, there was nowhere left to retreat.
The moment his fingers touched the damp fabric beneath, Gowon suddenly went still.
A moment later, he raised his head.
The faintest smile slowly appeared at the corner of his mouth.
It was nothing like his usual impassive expression.
There was something deeply knowing in it, something heated and provocative—as though my body had just revealed the answer I had refused to give him.
His eyes moved slowly over my expression.
Then he murmured in a low voice,
"You're already like this."
His gaze remained fixed on me.
"That could be a problem."
Gowon stopped before the bookshelf that covered the entire wall.
He placed his palm against one side.
A moment later, a low mechanical sound filled the room, and the bookshelf slowly slid aside.
Gowon's private room.
I had been there once before.
No.
It was a place I could never forget, no matter how hard I tried.
The memory of that day returned with such clarity that I unconsciously swallowed.
Without a word, Gowon stepped inside.
Then he turned when he realized I wasn't following.
"This place..."
The truth was, I hesitated.
I stood at the threshold, unable to make up my mind.
Then the door behind me slowly began to close.
Gowon caught my wrist and pulled me inside.
I stumbled several steps after him.
A heavy sound echoed behind me.
Click.
The door closed completely.
Under the dim lighting, the familiar scene emerged.
Stuffed animals covered the walls.
Their lifeless eyes stared emptily into space.
And in the center of the room stood the bed.
It wasn't my first time there.
Yet I still couldn't get used to it.
Perhaps having been there once before only made me more nervous.
Because, whether I wanted them to or not, the memories of what had happened there that day returned one after another.
Gowon removed his jacket.
Then, with deliberate ease, he began loosening the neatly knotted tie around his neck.
He wasn't in any hurry.
As though there were no reason to rush after prey already laid before him.
With every slight loosening of the knot, the tension inside me tightened instead.
Gowon caught the loosened tie between his fingers and slowly walked toward me.
One step.
Then another.
Instinctively, I almost backed away, but barely managed to hold my ground.
Gowon stopped directly in front of me.
Close.
So close that I couldn't see his face without lifting my head.
Eventually, I slowly looked up at him.
Something dark had settled into Gowon's eyes.
They were the eyes of a man who had held something back for a very long time—
and was finally ready to claim his turn.
He spoke in a low voice.
"Do you remember?"
"…"
"What I told you?"
His gaze held mine.
"That I would make sure you remembered, very clearly, exactly who it is you're supposed to serve."