Chapter 18:
So we are officially back.
That was the thought echoing in my head as I walked toward the school bus with Jack. I felt excited. Happy. Whole,ike a part of me that had been missing, had finally been found and gently stitched back into place.
And before you jump to conclusions about Matt's invitation, let me explain.
After running away from Lily, who, by the way, is still mad at me, I went to see Matt first.
When I arrived at the meeting spot, I scanned the area for him until I heard the click of a camera. I turned around and saw him standing there, holding it, smiling at me softly.
My heart ached.
I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I didn't want any misunderstandings, so I asked carefully,
"What did you want to talk about?"
He suggested we sit first. Once we did, he said quietly,
"I'm sure you didn't notice, but we've been in the same class since middle school."
The confused look on my face made him laugh a little.
"I knew you wouldn't remember," he continued. "Those weren't my proudest moments anyway. What I'm trying to say is… I've known you for a long time. I've watched you grow, open up, become even prettier."
I stayed silent, my chest tightening.
"When you changed your hairstyle," he went on, "I realized I was scared. Scared that I had been watching you for so long and that I was losing you. I thought I was the only one who saw how cute, special and selfless you are."
He looked straight at me with his green eyes.
"I don't know if there's something between you and Jack. But I wanted you to know that I love you, Lea. I have for a long time. I might be late, but if I keep trying… I believe you'll feel the same one day."
I stood up to answer him, my heart heavy.
"Matt… you don't know how much it means to hear that. Thank you for telling me. Maybe—maybe if Jack wasn't in my heart so much, I would've looked into your eyes longer. I can see how loving you are."
Before I could finish, he stood up abruptly.
"I still won't give up," he said firmly.
(In my head: Wow. Please. No. Give up. This is stressing me out. I can't hurt you or anyone else.)
When I tried to respond, he had already walked away, leaving me standing there—confused, overwhelmed, and oddly sad.
So now you know. He never really wanted to hear my answer.
On the bus, everything hit me all at once. Jack had just kissed me, or rather, I had been kissed. My cheeks were still burning. My thoughts were tangled up in him. I could still feel his lips.
How was I supposed to look at him now? How do people have normal conversations after that?
"I don't know where you disappeared to," Lily suddenly said, wrapping me in a blanket like an angry but loving mother. "You leave me alone, come back bright red—what is this? Did you catch a cold? Are you blushing?"
She was still mad, but she was still protecting and caring for me.
I hugged her tightly.
"I'm so sorry. I promise I'll explain everything. I'm really glad you're my friend."
She froze, then hugged me back, instantly forgiven.
When we reached the bus stop, I waved goodbye to Lily. Matt was nowhere to be seen.
Then someone grabbed my hand.
I looked up—it was Jack.
I didn't resist. I just followed him.
When we reached a quieter street, he said softly,
"Let me walk you home."
I nodded, eyes glued to the ground. It was winter, but I felt unbearably warm. My hand was probably sweaty. I couldn't even hear what he was saying. How could he just hold my hand like this, as if nothing had happened?
I glanced at him.
He was already looking at me.
I stopped walking abruptly, clutching my chest to catch my breath. He leaned down, concern written all over his face.
"Are you okay? You look red."
As he straightened, I almost lost my balance, and he instinctively caught me by the hips, pulling me back against his chest.
"Wow, we almost lost you there," he said lightly. "You're acting strange. Are you sure you're okay?"
I turned my face away, mortified.
"I think I'm just tired," I said quickly. "I'm almost home anyway. It's cold, you should go unpack and rest."
I grabbed my bag from his hand and started walking away.
He caught my sleeve.
"Wait, we should go on a proper date tomorrow. What do you think?"
Without turning around, I answered,
"Yes. I'd love to."
When he let go, I continued walking.
I was nervous. Embarrassed. Overwhelmed.
But most of all, I was happy.