Julia stopped checking her phone after that day.
Not because she didn't care, but because caring had started to hurt too much. Her thoughts flooded her mind leaving her restless and tired.
He texted sometimes.
Random texts.
Short replies.
Some would take this as a sign, but Julia didn't. She took it as hope- hope that there was still space for her somewhere not knowing it was the drawing line.
She held on.
And in holding on, she began revealing her desperation.
Texting first. Texting everyday. Waiting.
One day, while they were walking together in private as usual, he was on his phone.
Distracted.
It felt as if she was invisible, as if she was walking alone and after a while, she asked
"Are you okay?"
Still on his phone, he replied without sparing her a glance
"Yeah"
Silence followed.
Julia's heart kept beating. She felt like she was disturbing him or boring him and so she stopped walking.
He noticed and stopped too finally looking at her with eyes that said,What's wrong?
And then she asked him
"Did I do something wrong?"
He looked at her briefly and then replied
"No", he said quickly. "Why would you think that?"
"You've been distant, you longer talk to me like you use to or treat me like you use to, you're so cold towards me now" she said.
He sighed, clearly unbothered.
"You're just overthinking things."
She paused, looked at him in the eyes and nodded.
She wanted to say more, but he no longer gave her listening ears, he no longer cared about how she was, how her day went, he didn't care anymore.
She wanted to explain how she felt hurt.
How she felt ignored.
How she felt hidden to be remembered only in private.
How she felt she was forcing herself on him.
But she didn't.
Because she was tired of explaining herself to someone who didn't want to understand.
Someone who only reached out when he was bored.
Someone who came in contact with her only when they were alone.
Later that day, she was walking with her friend Daphne when Daphne said
"Do you know Jerome is dating Micky?
Julia froze
(Jerome was him)
She nodded and forced a small smile.
"Yes"
She lied
She had suspected it but didn't know it was true until suddenly everything made sense. She remembered the things he did for Micky- things he never did for her.
Going to her house.
Being with her openly.
Smiling freely in public.
Buying her things.
Things Julia was never considered worth of.
And then it dawned on her.
She was never something.
As she walked, she saw them at a corner, standing close, talking like couples do- comfortable. Smiling.
Their eyes met.
He looked away immediately.
Then he smiled.
Not at her.
But at Micky.
At that moment, everything became painfully clear.
She had never been the choice.
She had only been the secret.
Julia walked away before the tears could fall. She didn't run. She didn't look back. She just kept walking until the noise faded and the ache in her heart became too heavy to carry.
That night, she cried.
Not loudly.
Not desperately.
Just quietly into her pillow as if she was afraid even her tears would be too much.
She cried for the girl who stayed.
For the girl who waited.
For the girl who believed.
And when the tears finally stopped, she felt like a fool and blamed her self for ignoring the signs
But slowly....
She accepted it.
The next morning, she didn't text him, and neither did he.
The silence hurt but it also freed her.
Because now she knew the truth.
And knowing even when it hurts is the first step to letting go.
TBC...