DAY 8
"Pip, I just realized something," I said, using my new Tyranitar hands to casually lift a boulder that probably weighed three tons.
"What's that?" Pip asked, pecking at some berries on a nearby bush.
"I can check other Pokémon's status screens."
Pip stopped mid-peck. "You can what?"
"Yeah, I just... focus on a Pokémon and think 'Status' and boom. I can see their level, moves, everything." I paused. "I haven't tried it on you yet because that felt kind of invasive? Like reading someone's diary without permission."
"Huh." Pip tilted their head. "That's actually really considerate for someone who yells at the universe for giving them experience points."
"I CONTAIN MULTITUDES!" I shouted, which scared a nearby Rattata so badly it ran into a tree.
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 5 EXP for self-expression!]
"See? SEE?! This is what I have to deal with!"
Pip hopped closer. "Okay, I'm curious now. Check my status."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! I want to know what level I am. I've never really thought about it before."
I focused on Pip and thought Status.
A blue screen appeared, but this one was slightly different—simpler, since it was showing someone else's information.
NAME: Pip
SPECIES: Pidgey
TYPE: Normal/Flying
LEVEL: 14
NATURE: Jolly (+ Speed, - Sp. Attack)
STATS:
HP: 47/47
Attack: 21
Defense: 19
Sp. Attack: 15
Sp. Defense: 16
Speed: 27
ABILITY: Keen Eye
MOVES:
Tackle
Sand Attack
Gust
Quick Attack
STATUS: Healthy, Happy, Slightly Nervous About Having Status Checked
"You're level 14," I said. "Jolly nature, which gives you extra speed. You know four moves: Tackle, Sand Attack, Gust, and Quick Attack."
"Level 14!" Pip said excitedly. "Is that good?"
"For a wild Pidgey? That's pretty decent, actually. Most wild Pokémon are probably between level 5 and 20 in this area." I paused. "Of course, I'm level 58, so everything seems low to me."
"You're level 58 because you're broken," Pip pointed out.
"Fair."
Pip fluttered around excitedly. "This is so cool! Can you check other Pokémon too?"
"Probably? Let me try—"
A Caterpie crawled past us, munching on a leaf, completely oblivious to the world-endingly powerful Tyranitar standing nearby.
I focused on it.
NAME: ??? (unnamed)
SPECIES: Caterpie
TYPE: Bug
LEVEL: 3
NATURE: Docile
STATS:
HP: 18/18
Attack: 6
Defense: 7
Sp. Attack: 4
Sp. Defense: 4
Speed: 9
ABILITY: Shield Dust
MOVES:
Tackle
String Shot
STATUS: Healthy, Hungry, Unaware of Giant Predator Nearby
"Level 3 Caterpie," I reported. "Living its best life, completely unaware that I could sneeze and accidentally obliterate it."
"Please don't sneeze on the Caterpie."
"I WASN'T GOING TO!"
The Caterpie looked up at my shout, saw me, and immediately shot String Shot everywhere in panic before scurrying away as fast as its tiny legs could carry it.
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 5 EXP for intimidation!]
"Why does intimidation give experience?!" I wailed. "I'm not trying to be scary! I'm just existing!"
"You're a seven-foot-tall purple Tyranitar," Pip said. "Existing is scary."
"I'm only seven feet tall?"
"Only?! ONLY?! I'm literally eight inches tall! You're like a kaiju to me!"
I looked down at my friend. Pip was right—from my new perspective, they were tiny. Like, I-could-accidentally-step-on-you tiny.
"Okay, new rule," I said. "You fly or perch on my shoulder when we're walking together. I don't want to accidentally squish you."
"Aww, you care about me!"
"Of course I care about you! You're my only friend in this entire prehistoric world!"
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 25 EXP for expressing affection!]
"STOP REWARDING ME FOR HAVING EMOTIONS!"
We spent the rest of the morning wandering around while I practiced my new ability to check status screens. It was honestly fascinating.
There was a level 22 Nidoran (male) that knew Poison Sting, Focus Energy, and Fury Attack.
A level 18 Mankey with an Adamant nature and the move Karate Chop.
A level 31 Primeape—probably the Mankey's parent—that took one look at me, checked my level somehow, and immediately retreated into the forest.
"Everyone keeps running away from me," I complained.
"Again: seven-foot purple kaiju," Pip reminded me.
"I'm not a kaiju! I'm just... large. And powerful. And apparently terrifying."
"So, a kaiju."
"Pip, I swear—"
A loud screech interrupted our banter. We both turned to see a Spearow—not the one from a few days ago, a different one—diving toward us aggressively.
I checked its status.
NAME: ??? (unnamed)
SPECIES: Spearow
TYPE: Normal/Flying
LEVEL: 19
NATURE: Brave
STATUS: Aggressive, Territorial, About to Make a Huge Mistake
"Level 19," I said. "And it's actually attacking me. Either it's very brave or very stupid."
"Brave nature," Pip said, reading over my shoulder. "So, both?"
The Spearow got closer, beak glowing with energy—Peck attack, probably.
I just stood there and let it hit me.
PECK
It bounced off my chest armor with a metallic tink sound.
The Spearow looked at its beak in confusion. I looked down at it.
"You done?" I asked.
The Spearow, to its credit, tried again. Another Peck. Another tink.
"Okay, seriously, you're going to hurt yourself," I said. "My Defense stat is 153. Your Attack is probably, what, 30? Maybe 35? You're literally doing 1 damage per hit."
The Spearow screeched indignantly and used Fury Attack, pecking me rapidly five times.
tink tink tink tink tink
"That's just sad," Pip said.
The Spearow finally gave up, panting from exhaustion.
I knelt down—carefully, so I didn't cause an earthquake—and looked at it eye-to-eye.
"Look," I said, "I appreciate the courage. Really, I do. But you need to pick your battles better. I'm level 58. You're level 19. The math just doesn't work out in your favor."
The Spearow glared at me defiantly for a moment, then seemed to deflate.
"Although," I continued, "if you want to get stronger, you could hang out with us? I mean, I'm probably going to attract strong opponents just by existing. You could gain experience by watching? Maybe participating in battles when they're more your level?"
The Spearow perked up.
Pip landed on my shoulder. "Are we starting a team?"
"I don't know, are we?"
"I think we are!"
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 50 EXP for recruiting a new friend!]
"Of course," I muttered.
The Spearow—who I decided to mentally call "Spike" until they told me otherwise—chirped in agreement.
I checked its status again and noticed something new.
STATUS: Healthy, Slightly Bruised Ego, Joined Party
"'Joined Party,'" I read aloud. "Is this a video game? Am I the protagonist of a video game?"
"You have a status screen, level up by doing random things, and gain experience from existing," Pip pointed out. "You've been in a video game."
"I hate that you're right."
DAY 10
It had been three days since I evolved into Tyranitar, and I was now level 64.
Pip was level 16.
And Spike the Spearow was level 23, having gained four levels just from following me around and occasionally fighting Pokémon that were dumb enough to challenge the giant purple kaiju.
We were having a peaceful morning—well, as peaceful as things got when you're an overpowered pseudo-legendary—when Pip suddenly started glowing.
"Uh," I said. "Pip?"
"What's happening?!" Pip squeaked, their voice getting higher. "Why am I glowing?! Am I dying?!"
"You're evolving!" Spike said excitedly.
"I'M WHAT?!"
The white light of evolution surrounded Pip, and I watched as my tiny Pidgey friend grew larger, sleeker. Their tail feathers elongated, their crest grew more pronounced, their wings became more powerful.
When the light faded, Pip was a Pidgeotto.
There was a moment of stunned silence.
"I'm... I'm evolved," Pip said, their voice now slightly deeper. They looked at their wings. "I'm a Pidgeotto!"
"You're a Pidgeotto!" I repeated, grinning.
"I'M A PIDGEOTTO!" Pip shouted, doing a loop-de-loop in the air.
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 25 EXP for witnessing a friend's evolution!]
I ignored the notification. For once, it could give me all the experience it wanted. This was Pip's moment.
Pip flew higher than they ever had before, their new wings carrying them effortlessly. They swooped and dove and soared, testing out their new body.
When they finally landed on my shoulder—which was easier now that they were bigger—they were breathing hard but grinning.
"That was AMAZING!" Pip said. "I feel so much stronger! And faster! And—wait, can you check my status?"
I focused on them.
NAME: Pip
SPECIES: Pidgeotto
TYPE: Normal/Flying
LEVEL: 18
NATURE: Jolly
STATS:
HP: 67/67
Attack: 34
Defense: 31
Sp. Attack: 27
Sp. Defense: 28
Speed: 43
ABILITY: Keen Eye
MOVES:
Tackle
Sand Attack
Gust
Quick Attack
Whirlwind
Wing Attack
STATUS: Healthy, Excited, Recently Evolved
"Level 18," I reported. "You gained two levels from evolving, and you learned Whirlwind and Wing Attack. Your stats all increased significantly."
"This is the best day ever!" Pip declared.
Spike chirped in agreement.
"You know what?" I said, looking at my two friends. "Despite everything—despite the ridiculous leveling system, and the existential dread, and the fact that I'm going to be overpowered for fifteen thousand years—this is actually kind of nice."
"Having friends?" Pip asked.
"Yeah. Having friends."
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 50 EXP for appreciating friendship!]
[NOTIFICATION: Level UP! You are now Level 65!]
"Every time," I said. "Every single time."
"At least you're consistent," Spike said.
"That's not the compliment you think it is."
We all laughed—or made our species' equivalent of laughter—and for a moment, everything felt right.
Sure, I was absurdly overpowered. Sure, I had thousands of years ahead of me. Sure, I gained experience points from breathing.
But I had friends. And that made it all a little less overwhelming.
LATER THAT DAY
"Okay, so I've been thinking," I said as we rested near a stream.
"That's dangerous," Pip teased.
I ignored them. "I can check status screens, right? And I've noticed that when I check them, I can see what moves Pokémon know. Which means I can help you guys learn new moves more efficiently!"
"How?" Spike asked.
"Well, in the games—uh, in my memories of how this world works—Pokémon learn moves in a specific order as they level up. But they can also learn moves through training, or by watching other Pokémon use them, or through TMs—which are Technical Machines that... probably don't exist yet because we're fifteen thousand years before human civilization develops."
"So we just have leveling and training," Pip said.
"Exactly. But here's the thing: I know seventeen moves. Seventeen! And I'm constantly learning more. Which means if you guys watch me use moves and try to copy them, you might be able to learn them too!"
Spike's eyes lit up. "Really?!"
"Maybe? I don't know! This is all theoretical! But it's worth trying, right?"
"What moves do you know that we could learn?" Pip asked.
I pulled up my status screen and read off my move list. "Tackle, Leer, Bite, Rock Throw, Scary Face, Sandstorm, Rock Slide, Chip Away, Screech, Rock Tomb, Crunch, Thrash, Dark Pulse, Payback, Stone Edge, Earthquake, and Hyper Beam."
"That's... a lot of Rock moves," Spike observed.
"I'm a Rock/Dark type. What did you expect?"
"Could we learn Dark Pulse?" Pip asked. "That sounds cool."
"You're a Normal/Flying type," I pointed out. "Dark Pulse is a Dark-type move. I don't think you can—"
[NOTIFICATION: In this world, Pokémon can learn any move they can comprehend and execute, regardless of type restrictions. Type only affects a move's power and effectiveness, not whether it can be learned.]
I stared at the notification.
"Did... did the universe just give me a tutorial message?"
"What?" Pip and Spike said in unison.
"The status screen just told me that Pokémon can learn any move regardless of type! You could learn Dark Pulse! You could learn Rock Throw! You could learn—" I paused. "Actually, that's terrifying. That means any Pokémon could theoretically learn any move?"
"Is that different from how you thought it worked?" Spike asked.
"In the games, Pokémon could only learn specific moves based on their type and species! But here, apparently, a Pidgeotto could learn Earthquake if they practiced hard enough!"
Pip and Spike looked at each other.
"I want to learn Earthquake," they said simultaneously.
"Of course you do," I said. "Okay, new plan: I'm going to use all my moves, and you two watch carefully and try to copy them. This is either going to be really cool or really stupid."
"Why not both?" Pip said, echoing my earlier words.
I laughed. "Fair enough. Let's do this."
I spent the next hour demonstrating my moves while Pip and Spike watched carefully.
Rock Throw was straightforward—I grabbed a rock and threw it. It glowed with energy as it flew and hit a distant boulder, shattering it.
"That looks doable," Spike said, grabbing a small pebble in their beak and throwing it. It went about three feet and didn't glow at all.
"Keep practicing," I encouraged.
Dark Pulse was harder. I focused dark energy into a sphere and released it in a wave of malevolent power that made the air crackle.
Pip tried to copy it, concentrating hard. A tiny wisp of dark energy flickered around their wings before dissipating.
"You almost had it!" I said.
"It felt weird," Pip admitted. "Like trying to use a muscle I didn't know I had."
"That's probably exactly what it is," I said. "Move usage is probably part physical, part mental, part... something else. Keep trying!"
Earthquake was the most dramatic. I stomped the ground with enough force to create actual seismic waves, cracking the earth and sending tremors rippling outward.
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 10 EXP for teaching!]
"Okay, DON'T try to copy that one yet," I said quickly as Spike looked ready to attempt it. "Start with the simpler moves first. Earthquake could cause a landslide if you mess it up."
"Spoilsport," Spike muttered.
We trained for hours, and while neither Pip nor Spike successfully learned any new moves that day, I could see them getting closer. Pip's Dark Pulse wisps were lasting longer. Spike's thrown pebbles were starting to glow faintly.
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 25 EXP for effective training methods!]
[NOTIFICATION: Level UP! You are now Level 66!]
"I gained a level from teaching," I said. "I literally gained a level from being a good teacher."
"That's actually wholesome," Pip said.
"It's weird is what it is."
"Those aren't mutually exclusive," Spike pointed out.
I sighed. "You two are spending too much time around me. You're starting to sound like me."
"Is that bad?" they asked in unison again.
"I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!"
[NOTIFICATION: You gained 5 EXP for existential confusion!]
Pip and Spike burst into laughter—well, chirping and screeching, but the sentiment was there.
Despite everything, I was smiling too.
END OF DAY 10 STATUS:
Days Alive: 10
Current Level: 66
Friends: 2 (Pip the Pidgeotto, Spike the Spearow)
Pip's Level: 18
Spike's Level: 23
New Discovery: Can check other Pokémon's status screens
New Discovery: Pokémon can learn any move with practice
Sanity Level: Improving (surprisingly)
Times Gained EXP from Weird Things Today: 7
Years Remaining Until Anime: 14,999.97