***
My everyday, mundane days came to an end, and I was simply the very cause of it.
Unable to confront my emotions, I chose to ignore them out of pity for myself.
Yet, what am I becoming? Torturing a man who only meant well and was gladly smitten with me. Just because of a whimsical dream.
People always see dreams, then learn, live, and forget. That is a process everyone follows, but I can't seem to do the same.
I watched Haider as he put on an apron before bringing some condiments to the kitchen counter and stalking behind me.
He opened a cabinet closer to my leg and brought out some pots before placing them on the stove.
Neither of us spoke. I reached for the vegetables while he gathered the ingredients, our hands occasionally crossing paths as we worked around the same counter. He washed what needed washing while I prepared what needed cutting, each of us quietly filling the spaces the other left behind.
We both wordlessly worked side by side, our weekend going to waste.
A housewarming.
It had already been a month since we had gotten married, moved into a house, and begun putting each other into our daily lives.
It was a common practice among married couples to host such a party, to assure others that they and their spouse were getting along well.
Both of our families would be attending. I was more than happy to see Joyah and Arwa again, not to mention little Sarah.
All the dishes were prepared accordingly. He made his classics while I made some traditional dishes.
After tucking them away with some paper foil, I trudged back, feeling a strange nervousness creep slyly into my tummy.
People from our families were coming to observe, understand, and conclude. And with the air currently between us, I would definitely be asked about it.
That only made me feel more unfitting for him. The same worry I had during our marriage returned to me.
He loved me, but that didn't mean he deserved someone like me. I could still argue that he deserved someone much better. Someone who was willing to easily foresee his feelings and return them without any casualties.
Unlike me.
I munched on my dry lips, staring at the door as the clock hit 6 p.m. He was also awaiting their arrival beside me.
"سيكون كل شيء على ما يرام." (It's gonna be alright.)
He uttered politely while glancing at me.
His Arabic slipped off his tounge like oil and that caught me off guard.
After all this, he remained kind and comforting.
He executed his duties with outmost sobriety. Often making me believe that there could be no perfect man than him.
I looked away in response, almost like a reflex from my guilt-woven heart.
And to my manner, he sadly smiled before he paced himself away from my side, unhurried.
Immediately, my heart sank. Another mistake.
The heat from his body disappeared from my side, and the very absence of it felt unpleasant.
"Ya Allah…"
I muttered, inaudible to his ears, while trying my best to look decent before the guests came through the door.
Prior to that happening, I stole a simple glance at him to make sure he wasn't wearing the same sad smile.
Oh, Alhamdulillah, he wasn't.
Instead, he was beaming while swirling the cat toy around for Lion, giggling as he watched him chase after it.
A relieved smile found its place on my lips.
The sound of the doorbell soon interrupted the quiet that had settled between us.
Lion's ears perked up at the sudden sound, his attention immediately shifting towards the entrance. Haider looked up as well, setting the toy aside before straightening his apron.
"They're here."
I nodded, wiping my palms against my clothes as the familiar nervousness returned.
The house, which had felt so quiet only moments ago, was suddenly filled with the sounds of approaching footsteps and familiar voices from beyond the door.
Haider reached for the handle, and I stood beside him, preparing myself to welcome our families.
One by one, people rushed in, and we greeted them with practiced smiles.
"Assalamualaikum, Sister!"
Joyah flung herself over me excitedly before Arwa greeted me as well.
"Wa alaikum assalam. Have you been well?"
I spoke happily while distancing myself from Haider's view.
I was still exchanging greetings when a familiar voice suddenly reached my ears.
"Ariya?"
My movements stilled.
I turned around, and my eyes widened at the sight before me.
Then I could also notice a stare from the back of my neck, Haider's head definitely turned to see the unfamiliar man calling out to me.
However, I was too stunned to spare him any attention. Afterall the man standing before me felt like a miracle.