I turned the pages closed before returning the book to my bag.
My gaze drifted towards the car window, searching for the familiar figure.
"Assalamualaikum."
I jolted in my seat at the sudden voice coming from my side door.
She slid in naturally, as if I hadn't been startled by her sudden appearance.
"Cough. Wa alaikum assalam."
I fixed my jaw before allowing myself a glance. She sat still, her books clasped close to her chest and a tired, stern stare directed forward.
Her head moved once more, away from me, as she looked towards her window. Her face was completely hidden from me.
I gulped, feeling a strange sensation in my stomach as I drove. My only sense of pleasure after work was seeing the new expression she would make after her classes were over.
Sometimes, it was a heavy pout, and other times, it was a very unpleasant face mixed with a frown.
Her guards were lower then, since her mind was busy recalling the events of her day. I was sure she would be pleased to have a listening ear. Yet, she held herself back, her awkwardness winning over her comfort.
"MashaAllah."
I whispered, while a smile formed along with it.
I stole another glance. She still hadn't moved from her position. Both her legs were adjusted towards the door as a response to my murmur.
It felt like an arrow through my heart, seeing her behave like this.
Does she really hate me?
The rest of the drive remained silent.
Not the comfortable silence I had grown accustomed to, but one that felt cold and unfamiliar.
Usually, even the smallest things would break the silence between us. A complaint about her classes. A random story about something she had seen. Sometimes, she would simply hum along to whatever was playing in the car.
Today, nothing.
I kept my eyes on the road, refusing to steal another glance, afraid that I would only find the same distant expression waiting for me.
When we finally reached home, I parked the car and turned off the engine.
Neither of us moved.
For a moment, I wondered if she was waiting for me to leave first.
I opened my door and stepped out. She followed soon after, keeping a noticeable distance between us.
The sight alone made my chest tighten.
I unlocked the front door and stepped inside.
The house was just as quiet.
Usually, coming home meant something.
Her books would be left somewhere they shouldn't be. Her voice would echo from one room or another. I would hear her complaining about something trivial while I pretended not to listen.
I placed my keys on the table and glanced behind me.
She was already walking towards her room.
"Ariya."
She stopped.
My throat tightened.
I wanted to ask her if she was alright.
I wanted to ask whether my confession had ruined everything between us.
But none of the words came out.
"Never mind."
She turned around and resumed her trudging.
She was still avoiding me, and my yearning only grew. The ache in my chest became almost suffocating.
Why is it so hard to reach her?
I sat down on my chair, the room cooling my bare body. I rummaged through some files before shoving them into the dustbin near my table.
My fingers ran through my hair before I let my head fall back against the chair.
There was too much to do and even more to ponder.
The Khan coronation was enough to occupy my mind, and now the one who was precious to me was drawing away from me.
I couldn't put into words the feelings that weighed upon me.
If only she knew all of this.
Maybe, just maybe, that would have been enough.
I had relayed my feelings to her. I had given her my whole heart, everything I could offer. All that I had to give already belonged to her.
The whispers that lingered within my heart- she should have noticed them by now.
Yet, my hope hadn't died down.
All I could do was work harder to win her.
Our marriage was decreed by Allah fifty thousand years before the heavens and the earth were created. It was the same for all marriages.
No amount of searching or delaying could alter what Allah had written. What is meant for you will arrive precisely when the time is right.
It was the decree of my Lord that our marriage occurred when it did.
Then it must surely have a meaning as well.
RING RING
My phone buzzed on the table.
It was Zayne.
"What is it?"
...
I grabbed a T-shirt and pulled it over myself before finding Ariya in the living room.
"Umm..."
I spoke softly, careful not to startle her.
She looked awkward when I called out to her, but I continued anyway.
"We need to host a housewarming party."