Chalk slips – click like a fingernail breaking on rock and the line's fucked now just a jagged mess where it should be straight and I stare at my hands because they're shaking why are they shaking I held them under cold water for an hour this morning to make sure they'd stay steady I practiced every glyph fifty times I—
No. Stop. Just pick it up pick it up pick it up—
My palms are sweaty. Robe's scratchy. I wipe them on my thigh and leave dirty streaks on the fabric but who cares no one looks at my clothes anyway no one looks at me—
Air's thick. Can't breathe right. Smells like burnt pennies. Rotten fruit. That sickly-sweet stickiness on the pavement. Makes my throat close up I have to swallow three times just to get saliva down and I almost gag but bite my tongue hard enough to taste blood because if I make a sound—
No one's looking. Or they are but they don't care. Same shit different day Lyra's just the spare part the one you use when you don't want to risk anyone who matters—
Chamber's huge I keep forgetting how huge it is ceiling's black nothing I can't see the top just keep looking up and getting dizzy like I'm gonna fall backwards into the dark but I can't fall I have to stay on my knees they hurt so bad I didn't notice until now why didn't I notice until now—
Archmagister's voice cuts through everything. Sharp. Not loud just sharp like he's cutting me open with it. Continue. Not talking to me never talks to me talks to the floor talks to the lines talks to anything but me like I'm furniture like I'm not even alive—
My back straightens before I think. Shoulders pull up hands reach out automatically because if I stop moving they'll know I'm useless they'll throw me out or worse they'll—
I finish the line. Chalk scratches stone sounds almost nice if I don't think about what happens when we're done almost like rain but rain's clean this isn't clean nothing about this is clean—
I look up. Can't help it can't stop myself look past all the silver robes all the perfect faces all the hands that don't shake because they know they're safe they know they're not the ones paying—
There he is.
Kaelreth.
Devil King whatever.
Chains on him thick as tree trunks but he's not pulling not fighting just kneeling head down hair dark and greasy looking like it's never been washed and he's just… there. Not trapped just there. Air wiggles around him—heat off pavement. Stone's cracked where he sits. He hasn't even moved.
My breath catches in my throat. I hold it hold it hold it until my chest hurts because if I breathe too loud he might hear me but why would he care why would anyone care—
Why isn't he fighting?
Any normal thing would fight even a dog tied up barks and snaps but he's just sitting there like he's waiting for something like he already knows how this ends and I don't know why but that makes me more scared than if he was screaming his head off—
My stomach turns. Feels like I ate dirt feels like I ate rocks feels like I'm gonna throw up all over the seal and then they'll definitely kill me but I can't throw up can't make a mess can't draw attention because attention is death attention means they'll see how close I am how the lines all lead to me how I'm right in the middle of everything important and I know enough to know—
You can't make something disappear without taking something else.
I look down at my spot. Lines glowing sickly yellow right under my knees and I want to move want to crawl backwards want to run but my legs won't work they're stuck stuck stuck and even if I could run where would I go the doors are locked the walls are thick and even if I got out the whole world's looking for him they'd find me anyway they'd find me and use me to find him and—
Chanting starts again. Their voices mix together. Bees. Flies. Constant machine hum. I'm the only thing in here with a pulse, and they're just gonna grind it out of me.
My hands stop. Chalk's in my hand but I can't move it can't make it draw straight can't make it do anything because the thought won't leave me now I can't push it down anymore I can't pretend anymore—
I'm gonna die.
Not today maybe not tomorrow but soon. Because whatever they're putting on him they're putting on me too I'm the sponge they're using to soak up the mess and sponges break when they're full they just fall apart and spill everything everywhere—
Chalk falls again. Click. Too loud too loud too loud echoes all over the room like a bomb went off and I freeze every muscle tight every bone locked because now they'll see now they'll know I'm not good enough now they'll—
No one looks. They just keep chanting keep moving keep pretending I don't exist and I don't know if I want to cry or laugh or punch someone in the face because—
Of course they don't care. I'm nothing. Less than nothing.
I pick up the chalk again. My fingers are clumsy fumbly I almost drop it twice and my hands are still shaking shaking shaking like I've got a fever like I'm dying already and I can't make it stop can't make anything stop—
My eyes go up again. I don't mean to I swear I don't but they just go there and this time—
His head moves.
Just a little. Just enough for his hair to slide off his face and I see his eyes and—
Oh.
Oh shit.
Not mad not scared not anything. Just calm. Calm like dead things are calm like water that's been still for years and it makes me feel tiny makes me feel like I'm just a bug he could squash without thinking and he's been watching me the whole time—
His eyes lock on mine.
Not searching. Not surprised. Just looking. Like he knew I'd look up like he was waiting for me and my breath stops my heart stops I can't move can't blink can't do anything because—
He's not looking at the Archmagister. Not looking at the other mages. Not looking at the seal that's supposed to trap him. He's looking at me.
Something slams into my head so hard I see stars – I shouldn't be here. I was never supposed to be here. They picked me because I was easy because I was trash but he knew he knew I'd be the one here and now I know I know I know—
I'm not the seal.
I'm the payment.
And he's been waiting for me all along.