Fingers go numb first – not cold not sore just… dead. Chalk's still there white against my skin but I can't feel it like it's stuck to someone else's hand and I press my thumb hard into my palm hard enough it should hurt but nothing nothing nothing—
Move. Move move move—
My hand twitches. Slow. Like it's wading through mud and I wait wait wait until it curls around the chalk again and okay okay it's still mine for now for now—
Head down keep head down don't look up don't make them notice you—
Chanting's going on above me low and smooth like they're all humming the same song they've sung a hundred times before like they're not about to burn someone up just to make their spell work and the sound sticks in my ears like wax—
Boot scrapes stone behind me. Loud. Too loud. I freeze not all the way just enough to make it look like I'm focusing but every muscle in my back goes tight like a wire about to snap—
Voices. Quiet but not quiet enough not for me I've always heard too much always listened when I shouldn't—
"She's still here?"
Snort. Rude. Like I'm a bug they forgot to swat. "Where else would she be?"
Another one closer male voice sounds like he's smiling like this is funny "Poor thing doesn't even realize."
My hand clenches around the chalk so hard my knuckles go white but I don't turn around don't breathe too deep don't do anything because reacting is dangerous reacting means they'll know you're listening—
"They didn't tell her?"
"They never do."
Laugh. Not mean just… easy. Like talking about the weather like talking about food like I'm not even in the room "She'll figure it out."
I stare at the glyph under my feet it's broken jagged where I messed up earlier and my eyes blur I blink hard but the lines stay crooked stay wrong stay mine to fix—
Throat tightens up not panic not yet just… small. Like something inside me's folding in on itself getting smaller smaller so I take up less space—
I finish the line. Hand doesn't shake this time doesn't waver because useful things last longer right useful things don't get thrown away you keep them until they break—
Behind me fabric rustles metal clinks against stone they're not whispering anymore don't need to I'm not worth hiding things from I'm not worth anything—
"Do you think she'll last long enough?"
Pause. Long enough. Just long enough. "Long enough."
Laugh again dry like dust like they already know already planned it all out—
I press down harder on the chalk it snaps clean in two crack sound way too loud in my ears and I stop breathing stop moving wait for them to yell wait for them to throw me out but—
Nothing. No one looks no one cares no one even hears it—
Chest rises slow slow slow falls even slower and I bend down pick up the broken piece still works right everything works until it doesn't until it breaks and then you throw it away—
Shadow moves at the edge of my eye I look up before I can stop myself it's him it's Elric—
He's standing where he's supposed to be exactly where he's been this whole time hands behind his back shoulders straight like a stick and he's supposed to be watching me supposed to be making sure I don't mess up he always does always fixes my hands always tells me how to stand always makes sure I do it right—
He's not looking at me.
Staring at the seal staring at him staring at anything but me and my fingers tighten around the chalk piece he has to feel it he always notices everything I do always knows when I'm scared when I'm tired when I'm about to make a mistake—
He's not looking now.
Chest feels hollow. Like I'm shrinking into my own skin. Just a spot on the floor and I keep staring keep waiting maybe he'll turn maybe he'll look maybe he'll—
His head turns.
Not to me. Away. To one of the silver-robes talking to him nodding like they're planning something important something that doesn't involve me something that uses me—
My hands stop. Just stop. I don't try to move them don't try to fix it I just let them sit there and my lungs feel tight like I'm breathing through a cloth like air's too thick to get in and I force it in slow quiet don't make a sound—
He trained me. He picked every job I ever did he signed the paper that sent me here he looked me in the eye and told me it was important told me I was needed told me—
Told me nothing. Told me lies—
Stomach drops. Not sudden not dramatic just… click. Like a lock turning into place and I look at the seal look at where I'm sitting right in the middle right where all the lines meet way closer than any of them way closer than anyone who's supposed to go home—
It doesn't hurt. Not yet. Just sits there heavy like a rock in my gut like I've known it all along and just didn't want to see—
I look at Elric again just once quick fast before I can stop myself he's still perfect still straight still not looking at me not correcting me not helping me not stopping this—
Because he's not supposed to. Because this isn't a mistake because this is what I was for—
Grip loosens chalk slips out of my hand again falls to the stone click and I don't pick it up right away just let my hands hang empty at my sides still still still—
No one notices. No one cares. Of course not—
I bend down eventually pick it up finish the line because what else am I supposed to do stop and they'll kill me run and they'll kill me stay and I'll die anyway but at least this way I'm doing what they want I'm being useful I'm being good—
He sent me here to burn so they could stay cold.