"Oh, man! What an absolute nightmare of a day!"
The iron clad lady threw her helmet off, its clang echoing as her bright red hair was finally released from its shackles. I followed close behind her, quickly shutting the door behind us as we retreated into my room.
"Hey! Be more careful about what you say! People could have heard you! As my loyal knight you need to be more careful of that big mouth of yours!"
Not that it will matter for much longer
Seraphin practically faceplanted onto my bed, sighing loudly as she starfished into my mattress, her response muffled by the mattress as she spoke directly into it
"I apologize profusely for my rudeness, Lady Asia Lunaris. I beg of you to forgive my abhorrent transgressions"
I giggled to myself as I smiled at my oldest friend's formality, especially when she's acting like this
"You say that yet It's impossible to take you seriously when you're like that!"
Hurry up and leave. The longer you stay here the harder it will be
Seraphin groaned into my mattress before beginning to talk again
"What ever do you mean my lady? I always speak with absolute sincerity and dignity, especially to you Lady Asia"
I wish there was another way…
I sat down in my desk chair, facing Seraphin as I sighed as well, smirking to myself with a tired face
"But of course you do. I would expect nothing less of my most loyal and passionate knight"
…I really do…
Seraphin turned her head towards me, half of her face being covered with overflowing red hair as she tried to talk
"I humbly accept my Lady's compli- AGK!"
Halfway through her sentence she began choking on her own hair, quickly sitting up as she coughed into her hand
…If there was another way I promise you I would take it…
I let out a loud laugh at the beautiful sight of one of the realm's most respected knights choking on her own hair, much to Seraphin's dismay as she grumpily responded
"Hey! Cut it out! I didn't laugh at you when you drenched yourself with that rain spell, now did I?"
…But there isn't… I know that now
I began to reel my laugh in as I leaned over my knees and rested my head in my palms, my face returning to its soft, relaxed smile as I looked to match Seraphin's gaze, responding to her kindly
"Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna hold that over my head forever?"
Seraphin finally finished fixing her hair, slinging it over her back and down her sleek silver armour. She gave me a stoic look as she closed her eyes with humility
"It is my job to remember all of my Lady's biggest moments, both good and funny"
I gave Seraphin a cute pout after I heard the last word she said
"I think you meant to say 'bad', not funny"
I have searched and sacrificed so much to find a way to continue on…
Seraphin's cold neutral face gave way to a gentle smile as she retorted
"My Lady has no bad moments. She is perfect, beyond criticism from someone as lowly as me"
…yet my desperate searches and cries have yielded nothing but disappointment and pain
I blushed as I swung my hands frantically in front of me, quickly replying
"T-that's not true! You know that better than anyone…"
I once again pouted like a child as I looked down in embarrassment, though I quickly stopped as my eyes drifted towards hers, those ruby red gems transfixing my soul as she stared deeply into my own, silencing any doubts within my soul for a single moment
"My Lady, in all the lands there is not a single more amazing person than the one that sits before me now. That, I promise you, is not a lie"
Liar. It's not fair when you look at me like that and say those things. It makes me want to hate you…
I hesitate for a moment before smiling at my oldest friend
"You know, I could say the same for you, Dame Seraphin"
We both stared at each other for a moment before Seraphin awkwardly coughed into her hand, snapping me out of the moment as I blushed and looked downwards in embarrassment.
"A-anyways my lady, have you made all of the preparations for your move to the capital yet?"
And just like that, the little light remaining in my soul vanished in an instant. It was replaced by the soulless husk of a mask I have grown all too used to wearing
"Y-yes I have, Dame Seraphin. I am very honoured to have been chosen as the bride of prince Maxwell Dagon. I am sure that it will be an amazing wedding"
…But I can't. You're the only one I could never hate, and it kills me a little inside that I want to
Seraphin paused for a moment before deciding to change subjects. I guess my poker face isn't as good as I had hoped.
"U-uhm, anyways… oh! I brought that report on the raid of the Flennel cultist's base you wanted!"
Seraphin reached into her satchel and retrieved a scroll from it
So please, just leave. I don't want you to see me like this
I smiled as I held out my hand to grab the scroll, thanking her as she passed it to me
"Oh! I almost forgot about that! Thank you, my knight!"
Seraphin bowed her head a little after I retrieved the scroll
"It is my pleasure to serve, my Lady"
Please… just leave…
I unrolled the scroll a little, glancing over its contents before accidentally letting out a yawn. Seraphin took this as me needing to get some rest.
"Well then my Lady, I wouldn't want to keep you up all night. Your maids sure chewed me out last time I did that, so I will be taking my leave. Sleep well, Lady Asia. I'll see you tomorrow"
Seraphin walked over to the door and opened it. I reached out, internally pleading for her to stay, begging for just a moment longer with her, gazing at her bright red hair one last time. Yet I didn't say anything, only looking down as I put on my fake smile once again and wished her the same
"Yes… sleep well Seraphin…"
I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Seraphin…
As Seraphin began to close the door behind her I called out to her to say one last thing, something I needed to tell her
"S-Seraphin!"
Seraphin paused for a moment, and looked at me curiously. I hesitated for a moment before continuing
"…Thank you, for everything… for staying by my side… for always being there… you're my best friend… and I love you"
I looked down in embarrassment as Seraphin gave me a gentle smile as she replied in a soft voice
"What brought that on? You're gonna make me blush! Well, you're my best friend too, Asia. I love you too"
She gave me a little laugh and a wide grin as she finally shut the door behind her. I could hear her footsteps slowly fading as she walked down the spiral staircase that led to my room.
Thank you… truly Seraphin… thank you
After a few moments I dropped my false facade and slumped over my desk, contemplating.
…I should probably leave something behind. Those fuckers in the capital are gonna be causing trouble for everyone here if I don't. I should at least write some legal crap for those piece of shit nobles to suck on
I leaned up from my desk and grabbed my pen and a letter. I thought for a few minutes about what to write before I finally slumped over my desk and started writing my final words:
Dear Dame Seraphin,
I regret to inform you on such short notice but I will be unable to attend the unity of House Dagon and House Lunaris due to my current condition. I also believe that my condition will also unfortunately slightly hinder the unity of House Dagon and House Lunaris, which I sincerely apologize for. It is not my intention to insult the generous and noble prince of House Dagon, for my decision to take my own life was for personal reasons unrelated to his kind lordship. I ask of you, dear knight, to inform the noble prince of my unfortunate condition, then to pass on my notice of passing to my house's informants. There is no need to trouble my dear parents with such unimportant news, along with the rest of my dear house. I hope you fare well after my departure, Dame Seraphin, and I once more apologize for my tardiness.
With love,
Lady Azia Lunaris.
That should suffice for those noble husks. The letter itself is mundane and concise at best, but I couldn't care less about appeasing those soulless monsters anymore than I have to. I do feel for Seraphin though…. She will surely be blamed for my demise, even if I were to defend her with a note. Actually, that would probably make things worse… but I suppose that doesn't matter anymore. At the end of the day she is a servant to me, nothing more. She would be more than grateful to serve me one final time, even if I'm not there to praise my dear knight's efforts. I suppose I should stop delaying now; It's unbecoming of a noble woman such as myself to waste time on semantics such as this.
I got up from my desk and walked over to my window, peering out from it as I took in a shaky breath
Its cold
I slowly lifted my left leg over the windowsill
Its really cold
I lifted my other leg over the windowsill, sitting down on the wooden plank that was the base of my windowsill
Its really… really fucking cold
I could feel the chilling, spring breeze flow against my dress as I shivered against it. My opened window offered little defense from its frozen tendrils as they brushed against my fair skin. I wished the breeze was a bit more toned down, as it kept my body awake and tense as I peered out upon the city I called home from my very own bird cage. The fire crackling in my hearth offered little defense against the cold, although its pleasing snaps did alleviate my stress, albeit miniscule.
Tonight would be a fine night to open up an old mage's journal and delve into its secrets, humming to myself by the fire as the cool breeze tugs at my tender soul. Perhaps there is still a little time to do just that one last time… no. I cannot allow myself to be swayed from my destiny. This is my only solace, my only liberation. Any time I waste now is less time I have to escape. I can't risk it, not when I'm this close to…
My inner voice left me as I peered down below at the distant garden beneath my window sill. My dangling feet felt as though they could touch the beautiful flowers our dear gardeners spent months nurturing and caring for.
I suppose If I should apologize to anyone, it should be the poor gardeners whose perfect flowers I will have ruined with my horrid body.
I swung my feet a little, imagining how it would feel to land in a bed of flowers, nestling into their comforting embrace. I smiled a little at the thought, before dread overtook me once more as my mind drifted towards the reality of landing from this height.
What the hell am I doing… This is insane. I'm insane, right? I have to be, to reach this point, to come to this conclusion. Where the hell did it all go so wrong… god I don't want to die, I-I really don't… but it's better than the alternative.
I shivered as I nudged a bit further out of the windowsill, my legs creeping further down as more of my waist was liberated from the cool wood finish.
Just one more push, one more nudge, one more gust and it'll be over. It would be nice, not that I would deserve such a sweet release. But who am I to dictate who deserves what in this world? It's fundamentally flawed to begin with, so people like me getting off easy is nothing new at all. Yeah… this is easy, anyone can do it…
I tried to inch a little closer again, but my arms wouldn't let me. They rooted themselves into the lip of the windowsill and refused to let me move even a millimeter closer.
Why… why do you fight me now? After everything you've done, the scars you've inflicted, the blood you've shed… why now do my hands betray me? It's a cruel and sick joke you know… fine then. I only need one more push, and there's no way my frail frame could support my weight if I just jumped out all at once.
I inhaled sharply as I prepared for my last push. I pulled my legs up against the stone wall outside the window, my feet preparing to push off of it. My nails dug into the hardwood in fear, so much so I felt blood flowing from my fingertips. To help myself relax a little I looked out upon my city one last time. I saw a sea of houses laid out before me, almost like a static wave over the rolling plains Lythera City was built upon ages ago. To the west I saw the ocean, glistening beautifully against the moonlit sky. Against better judgment, there were still many fishing boats out in the ocean, still trying to reel in as large a haul as possible far past the light of day. Even though it was faint, I swear that I could hear the cries of children playing in the streets, their boundless energy breaking through any kind of respect or rules laid out to contain them. I saw couples walking down cobblestone alleys, wives clinging to their husbands as they nestled into their mutual warm embrace. I looked to the east, seeing the city gate guarded by my father's loyal guards, still standing tall (albeit sleepily) to protect this city they love. I gazed beyond the gate, fantasizing about one day being able to travel the lands, to see this beautiful world for all its worth. I gazed down solemnly, rejecting the idea as I looked towards my own castle. I could see guards patrolling the grounds, following their nightly routine as they conversed with one another to suppress their boredom. Perhaps that boredom will be satiated, at least for a while, after tonight. I gazed at the beautiful garden below me that I love so very much. I wish I could've spent more time there, tending to the flowers even against my parents wishes. I then peered forward, locking my eyes with the immortal glow of the moon, gazing into its endearing soul as it shone its pale light upon all mortals below it. Its gaze pulled me forward beckoning me to join it as I leaned into its warm embrace, begging oh so dearly to be within its grasp, to nuzzle into its tender arms as I let go of all of my worries and fears… yet I remained still. My hands still refused to let go… still refused to let me go. My eyes widened as I pulled against them.
"Oh come on… please…" I whimpered as I lightly tugged against them. I pulled harder, my hands straining as they desperately clung to the wood.
"Please… please let me go!" I cried as I pulled as hard as I could now, my hands aching as they refused to budge. I screamed as I pushed with all my might, my legs kicking frantically as I desperately tried to fight for my freedom from this hell. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed… before-
"AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!"
*THUMP*
I screamed as my arms dragged me back off the edge, my body slamming into the wood flooring within my tower. I clawed at my hair and frantically kicked my legs in the air as I screamed from the overwhelming pressure.
Why?! Whywhywhywhywhyyyy!!! I want this don't I?! Then why can't I… god I'm worthless. I can't even do this right… fuck!
In my anger I clawed my way back up by clinging to a nearby bookshelf before I swiped my hands across it, sending the books and objects on it crashing to the ground. Nothing in my room was safe as I continued my rampage; bookshelves, desks, jewelry and valuables all were sent crashing down or thrown across the room as I screamed in anguish, crying out in a primal, guttural scream as my feelings overtook my psyche. After what felt like an eternity my anger finally exhausted, my drained shell crumpling into the floor below. My trembling hands clung to my face as I curled into a ball, hyperventilating as my heart throbbed in agony. My tears burned my eyes as I sobbed in anguish, my legs trying to shrink into my chest as I wished more than anything to disappear, to sail out on the ocean away from this place, to travel out beyond the city gate on an adventure, to be swallowed up whole by the moon and leave this world behind, to be anywhere, ANYWHERE, but here. I laid there crying as I slowly dropped my hands in defeat.
No doubt someone heard my breakdown. The guards should be up here soon, and then… it'll truly be over. I'm so fucking weak… I don't deserve an escape like death…
As my tears began to dry my vision also began to refocus. My head rested on its side as my eyes gazed out upon the mess I had made. Books were thrown everywhere, trinkets were smashed or strewn about, and papers I so meticulously wrote upon were torn up, damaged or otherwise ruined. I cringed at the sight, my eyes tensing up in disgust at my temper… yet my gaze was caught by one object in particular: The cultist report I asked Seraphin to get for me. I hadn't had the time to review it due to me being… focused on other matters… yet here it was lying before me, unrolled and begging to be read. As I focused on the paper I began reading it, my eyes skimming the page as I tried to distract myself from my prior actions, but as I read and slowly understood the report my eyes began to widen. I slowly sat up, reaching out with one of my shaking arms as I picked up the report, my mind slowly beginning to turn as I focused more intently on the report.
**********************************************************
Dear Dame Seraphin,
I would once again like to apologize for my outburst late in the evening last night. As it turns out I had accidentally drunk far past my intended amount, leading to my unruly position you found me in. Please give my apologies to the rest of the residents who were affected by my outburst as well.
No… this can't be real… there's no way those monsters have figured it out…
On an unrelated note, I humbly request for your assistance on a venture to the nearby town of Flennell. I have heard of a new breed of roses that have caught my eye, and I would love to retrieve a few for the castle garden.
It's a long shot but… no, what the hell am I even thinking?! This is wrong, it's forbidden, it's abhorrent!
I also wish to keep this excursion a private matter between the two of us. It would be counterintuitive to scare the townsfolk with a large entourage of knights, only making the goal of this trip harder to accomplish.
I truly am disgusted with myself for even thinking of such an idea. They're monsters that have the gall to play god! The reports are probably not even that accurate. I should at least verify the information for the good of the kingdom…
If this day trip wouldn't be too much to request of you, dear knight, I would be greatly pleased. I once again apologize for my earlier outburst, and hope that you can find the time to endeavour into my selfish request
Sincerely,
Lady Asia Lunaris.
What a disgusting creature I am. I truly am sorry, Seraphin. I apologize for my cowardice.