The summer before second year, all four boys didn't see one another. The Potters were visiting family between Kent and India, Peter's family went on holiday to Australia and didn't even make it to Diagon Alley until 31st August, Remus was too ill—or so his letters said—and Sirius was forced into formal function after formal function.
James and Sirius wrote though, all summer. They tracked the moon. James even found some books when he was in Bangladesh about werewolves, and though they were infused with muggle legend, they had some information.
They arrived on the platform eager to see each other, two boys in secret loaded up with information they would divulge at such a time they could be undiscovered.
Sirius and James were on the platform first. Sirius had been accompanied by his father and House Elf. He didn't miss the scathing looks they shot James' parents, but Sirius was raised with propriety and deference to Pure Blood families, and went over to say hello. He'd be punished either way, he supposed.
"Mum, dad!" James grabbed Sirius by his sleeve and yanked him over. "This is Sirius."
He received firm handshakes and then a small hug from Mrs Potter who even ruffled his hair a bit. Sirius refused to look over at his father who wouldn't dare come any closer.
"Orion," Mr Potter said, nodding his head.
Sirius heard a gruff response, but again was too afraid to glance over. His ribs ached a bit under his shirt when he thought of the last time he'd displeased his father this summer. "Well boys," Mrs Potter said, breaking the tension, "have you got all your things?"
"Yes mum, Merlin," James groused. "You packed it for me. Twice."
"Where are your other friends, raaje?"
James turned pink. "Dunno, mum." He grabbed Sirius by the sleeve again. "We should go. I'll write soon."
Sirius was dragged aboard the express and they tore down the aisles until they found their compartment from last year. One boy, looked to be first year, was in it, and James glowered. "Find your own place, yeah."
"But…"
Sirius pulled out his wand and gave it a lazy flick. Sparks shot from the end. "Out, firstie!"
The boy scrambled to his feet and hurried away, and James was about to walk in when a familiar redhead stood behind him, arms crossed.
"That was rude!"
"Oy, Evans. Good summer?"
Lily scoffed. "You're not even going to apologise?"
"I will if he's in Gryffindor," James said with a shrug. "What's it matter, this is our compartment."
"No such thing," Lily argued.
"Bugger off," Sirius groused. He shoved James inside and shut the compartment door. "She's bossy for a muggle-born."
"Yeah and better marks in everything," James pointed out.
Sirius raised a brow at the defence since Evans was always nattering at the boys to behave and stop losing them house points and whatever it was girls blathered on about. But right now they had more important things to do.
"So d'you have the chart? Last moon was what?" Sirius asked, reaching into his robes for the scroll. "Two weeks ago."
"Yeah. And according to the book I found, he'll be weaker as the moon approaches. Also he's got an aversion to silver."
"Not chocolate though, he eats it in heaps," Sirius pointed out. "So not like a dog."
James tapped his chin as he looked over their chart. "So he's got a while before the next moon. When d'you think we should ask him? Should we tell Peter anyway? Or Frank?"
"Tell Peter what?"
The boys' eyes went wide as Peter himself walked into the compartment and sat down, glancing at the chart. "Is that homework?" James tried to get the book back in his robes before Peter could see, but it was too late. "Werewolves? We didn't talk about them. Have I missed something?"
"Look, we'll fill you in later," James said in a hurry, knowing Remus was probably not far behind. "But you've gotta keep your gob shut. Understand? Not a word to Remus?"
"But…"
"I will hex you. I know creative ones," Sirius warned, flicking his wand again.
Peter went pale round the cheeks. "Yeah. Alright. But it's not going to hurt him is it? Whatever you're plotting?"
Sirius went funny on the inside, shaking his head. "We'd never hurt Remus."
The other boy didn't arrive until the train was moving, and he looked tired but broke into a grin when he saw his mates. "Wasn't sure you'd be here. We were almost late." Remus banged himself in the seat Sirius kicked Peter out of. "I was running to the doors as the train was moving."
Sirius kicked off his shoes as he'd done before and rested his feet in Remus' lap. At home, no one touched him ever at all. Not without intent to hurt. Not without a wand. It was something he was feeling now, addicted even, though he didn't quite understand the meaning of it. But his craving to throw his arm round his mates and just hold them was barely restrained.
He settled for Remus' gentle fingers prodding the arches of his feet absently, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Did you have your birthday over the summer, Sirius?" Remus asked after the witch had come by with the trolley.
Sirius, who was currently disembowelling a pumpkin pasty, looked up with wide eyes. "What?"
"Your birthday. James and me had ours in March. And Peter's in May. I just realised we never celebrated yours."
Sirius went pink in the face. "Well I er…I mean. I don't usually. Celebrate birthdays."
"Well that's rubbish," James said, sounding almost sorry he hadn't mentioned it before Remus. "You got me loads of gifts. And Remus and Peter."
Sirius looked away, flushing. "Well it…" He kicked Remus a little harder than he meant to, then was very afraid Remus would push him away. He didn't breathe again until Remus resumed the foot rub. "Listen you tossers, it's not important."
"Why're you being weird, Sirius. When is it?" James insisted.
"Fine. It's November. The third."
The entire compartment went a bit quiet. "But…" Remus shook his head. "We were at school then. We were friends then. No one said. You didn't…no one sent anything."
"It's fine," Sirius said sharply.
The word Blood Traitor screamed across the Great Hall seemed to be ringing between them all now.
"Can we drop it please?"
"Course," James said.
The conversation launched into Quidditch try outs this year. All four of them had brought the brooms James bought them. James was most excited of them all, and even Sirius got a little fidgety as he turned round and laid his head on Remus' lap, just under the book his friend was reading.
"You're going out for it, right Re?"
Remus shrugged. "Doubt it. I've…I have to visit home a lot. Probably not a good idea."
Sirius' eyes fixated on a new scar just under Remus' chin and wondered how bad the werewolf thing really was. There had to be books. Restricted section would be hard to get into but with James' cloak… He looked at James who was sharing his same look.
"Well I know I'm going. Keeper maybe, or Chaser. I'd be a shit seeker though."
"Beater for me," Sirius said, letting his gaze drift out the window. "Love to smash a few bludgers into Slytherin. Imagine their faces as they get knocked off their brooms…"
***
They approached the horseless carriages and climbed in. Frank was there now, and he grinned at them. "Good summer, lads?"
"Alright," they chorused.
Conversation was pleasant and light, and at the castle the students were sorted. James and Sirius were grateful the new student they told off went to Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor, though Sirius wondered how much they had to do with it.
Bedtime came too quickly, and the second years hurried up ahead of the new firsties, desperate to get in through the portrait. A prefect had the password waiting, and within minutes five second year boys were climbing into their pyjamas and arranging their beds like they'd never been gone.
"Do anything mad and muggle this summer?" Sirius asked, lying across Remus' bed as Remus stacked his muggle novels on his bedside table.
"Nothing mad," Remus said with a shrug. "Went to the cinema. Mum insisted I get some tutoring for muggle subjects. Maths and biology. That was dead boring but she thinks I might want a muggle job one day in case I can't find something wizarding."
Sirius frowned. "That's ridiculous. Why wouldn't you be able to find something wizarding?"
Remus went very pink and looked away. "No reason. She's just…It's just how she is, is all."
Subject was dropped after that, and the boys climbed into their own beds. That is, until James woke Sirius with a few smacks on the arse. Sirius woke with a gasp, looking round, but saw nothing until a tousled head poked out of the cloak.
"Get in! We've got research to do."
Sirius was yanked under the cloak after arranging his bed curtains, and together they crept out of the portrait hole, and down the library. Filch was on patrol, but they hid behind a statue until he was gone, and James used wand to unlock the library doors, and they snuck in.
It took them twenty minutes to find the books they needed, and by the light of Sirius' wand, they sat crouched against the edge of the bookcase, reading. "If mum could see me now. Studying all on my own," James said.
Sirius snorted. "Yes but this is for Remus, not studies. And could land us in about two million detentions."
James raised an eyebrow.
"Fine. Twelve at least. With Filch. In the dungeons."
James laughed, but went back to reading and the better part of two hours had gone by before they had their fill and both were feeling rather morose and a bit afraid. "You think he tears himself to pieces? Like the book said?" Sirius asked as they crept at a much slower pace back to their beds. "I mean…all those scars."
James nodded. "I think so."
"You think Dumbledore makes him go to one of those awful cells at the Ministry?"
"Dunno. I mean, where else?"
Sirius worried his bottom lip. "Maybe the Dungeons. Though you'd think we'd hear it. All that howling and wailing."
James stopped Sirius before the portrait. "I think we should tell him after the next moon. I bet he'll be in hospital, and we'll sneak in with loads of his favourite chocolates and just tell him. Tell him it's okay."
"All those books," Sirius said, shaking his head. "But he's Remus. He's…he folds his socks, James. Folds them. Pressed," Sirius said, making a sort of sandwiched motion with his hands. "He ruddy reads muggle books for fun and gives me foot massages. How can he be a monster?"
"He's bloody-well not one," James said, and his voice was harsh and angry. "He's not a monster and I swear I will hex anyone who tries to tell him he is."
Sirius felt a swell of pride and—though he didn't know it yet because rarely did he know this feeling—love for his best friend. And James was that. His best friend. "Same. We have to protect him."
"Should we tell Peter?"
"He already figured us out. But let's tell Re first, okay?"
James nodded. "Yeah, alright. After the next moon."
***
"Quidditch try outs!" James crowed at too-bloody-early o'clock in the morning.
Sirius and Remus both threw pillows at him, but he was undeterred, jumping on Remus' bed first, then Sirius, then for good measure both Peter and Frank who both said they wouldn't even be attending to support.
"Wankers!" James said. He pulled out his wand and held it threateningly over Sirius' head. "I know all the freezing charms. Freeze your bollocks right off. Get out of bed, you fucking tosser. We need to get a good warm up going."
Then James was banging down the stairs to the common room whilst Sirius sat up, giving a muzzy-angry look over to Remus who was scrubbing sleep out of his eyes. "I'll kill him," Sirius said.
"You won't after some breakfast. Once you get on your broom, you'll forget all about it." Remus, too wise for his twelve years, rummaged round for a jumper. "Besides fresh air will do us both good. I've er…got to go home tonight. Mum's poorly again."
Sirius side-eyed him but said nothing as he found his flying robes and shrugged them on over trousers and one of the jumpers he nicked from Remus' trunk. Taking his friend by the arm, he yanked him in close and nuzzled his cheek. Something Sirius often did with all the lads, really.
"When do you get back?"
Remus' blushing because everything made the boy blush these days, shrugged and put his fingers round Sirius' wrist which was dangling from his right shoulder. "Day after tomorrow, I expect. Shouldn't miss too much. Luckily she fell poorly over a weekend."
Sirius licked his lips and was forming a plan in his head, one he'd share with James later. For now he dragged Remus down for breakfast where James was shovelling down toast and pumpkin juice. He had a stack with jam and marmalade on them already which he shoved at his mates.
"Tuck in. No time to waste," he said, spraying toast bits at them.
Sirius flicked them off his robes and scowled, but managed to get down two pieces before James was hauling him off by the collar. "Catch us up, Re!"
Remus gave them a tired wave as Sirius was pulled down the corridor.
"He's off tonight."
James nodded solemnly. "We can focus on it once we've tried out. Until then, I want us focused on Quidditch. We need a plan. We have to make the team."
There was no getting through to James when he was like this, Sirius knew. Even last year when he acted as though passing his flying lessons were more important than NEWTS. And Sirius knew the only cure was to make the sodding team so he'd shut up about it forever.
Sirius threw everything he had into the field that morning, and was warmed when he saw Remus in the stands cheering them on as he huddled in his jumper and waved his small Gryffindor pennant. Peter was there too, looking pink in the cheeks but excited for his friends and Sirius thought to himself, this is it. This is my home. This is my family and sod those other pinch-faced, stuck-up, blood purists who gave birth to him because he was not them. And every sodding curse his father or mother cast at him was just another tick in the column that said anywhere else, everywhere else, was where he belonged.
He and James did well. James did better as Chaser, which was good because the team had an opening. Sirius did better than James, but he had the motivation to, because right now he bloody wanted to focus on making sure that their friend was supported during his difficult time.
"We find out Sunday," James breathed. "That's a bloody long time to wait." He threw his arms round Remus and Sirius, nodding at Peter to come along with them.
"It'll be okay," Remus said quietly. "You're sure to make it. You were both really great."
"Yeah," Peter chirped. "Amazing flying."
"Thanks Pete," James said, winking at his friend. "Evans was there as well. Did you see her?"
Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Didn't notice."
"Sitting with Alice, wasn't she. Course Slytherin was there and I know she was probably watching for Snivellus. Stupid git. Too covered in grease, he'd fall right off his broom."
Sirius snorted a laugh and shook his head. "We should put dungbombs in his cauldron."
"Or," Remus said, "we could be a bit more clever."
***
They had no time for pranks, however, as Remus was packing his trunk and heading out. When he was gone and Peter was down with Frank studying, Sirius slipped onto James' bed and pulled the curtains tight. "Can you do a silencing charm?"
"You know Frank and Peter will think we're snogging," James warned, though he cast the charm anyway.
"Oh who gives a fuck, James, this is important." Sirius flopped down. "Now, we can be fairly certain Remus goes to hospital wing after he gets back from…well…wherever. So what we need to do is find out where they're hiding him. Then we sneak down to the kitchens and nick some food. I bet we can get the House Elves to make a load of something really great and chocolaty. Maybe something French. I bet he'd like that."
James tapped his chin. "I've got a plan, but it's risky. It'll mean detention for at least one of us."
"As though we've ever cared," Sirius insisted.
James' eyes glinted as he pulled out his wand. "Well come tomorrow, I think one of us is going to need to get an injury."
***
In the end, they decided it should be Sirius who was injured. It would have to be dreadful, something which required an overnight stay. James would then use the cloak to go down to the kitchens, then he'd sneak into the hospital wing, find Sirius, and then look round until they got Remus.
It was really fool-proof. Except that they were twelve years old and really, what was fool proof at twelve years old.
"I've got a charm," James said quietly as he and Sirius were sat in armchairs by the fire. "It will remove a few bones."
"How many is a few?" Sirius asked darkly. "And where would we cast it?"
"Arm, maybe?"
Sirius shook his head. "That would be daft. What if she can't regrow them properly? How can I play beater if they're not grown back proper?"
James ruffled his hair. "Er. Foot, then? I reckon you can fly just fine with a few improper toes, can't you?"
Sirius contemplated this, then shrugged. "I reckon so. And if they're improper, maybe McGonagall will let me skive off a few more lessons."
Course they were both nervous, being young and having never cast the charm before. James was aiming for a few toes, but in the end Sirius' foot went all floppy and just complete mush. It didn't really hurt, but it was dead uncomfortable and he swore the veins were collapsing which he thought might actually kill him.
James called for Pete who ran for McGonagall who shouted until she was red in the face, then got Sirius to hospital but not before sentencing James to three full nights of detention—two with Slughorn and one with Hagrid.
James mouthed, 'Success,' to Sirius as he was being hauled off.
Then Sirius was choking down Skele-grow in the hospital bed and glancing round for some sign of their friend but there was none at all. Only there was a bed in the corner which just seemed…a bit off. Wards, he thought. Funny wards making the air round it all funny.
The Skele-Grow made him sleepy, but as the sun was setting and after Sirius had his dinner delivered to him, and Madame Pomfrey had gone to her quarters for the night, he hopped down off the bed, hobbling across the room with his wand, and poked at the funny air.
It wavered, and he slipped his hand inside and it tingled and went invisible.
"Wicked," he breathed.
Then he hopped in. The room shifted a little, like he was looking round hospital through very clear water. Before him was a bed, and in that bed was a bandaged and very groggy Remus Lupin staring at him with petrified, wide amber eyes.
"Hallo, Re."
Remus gulped. "What er…"
"Figured you out, I'm afraid." Sirius flopped on the bed and hauled his leg up. "Only had to lose the bones in my foot to do it. Watch this." He yanked back on a few toes then winced because the Skele-Grow was working down and tiny nubs of bones were cracking and reforming. "I hope you realise how much I love you. Not just any friend would lose the bones in their foot."
Remus was shaking now, and Sirius frowned. "Sirius I can explain. I was er…"
"Come on, Re. We know. James an' me. We know. About your er… furry little problem?" Remus really started shaking then, and a tiny sob escaped his throat and his hands clutching the duvet were so tight his knuckles were white. And Sirius, panicked and not sure how to deal with this at all just launched himself over Remus, making a sort of human-blanket. "Don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I've made you cry."
"Sirius," Remus said, sniffling. "How…did you know?"
"You leave every full moon. I mean, most people are thick but we're not. We charted it and everything. James and I spent the whole summer doing research, used his cloak too when we got back, for the restricted section." Sirius flopped down onto Remus' pillow, arms behind his head, injured foot propped up a little. "Merlin, it sounds dreadful. Is it?"
Remus looked uncertain. "It's er…I mean. I handle it."
"Clearly. How long?"
"How long what?"
"Have you been a werewolf, you tosser?"
Remus bit his bottom lip. "Since I was six. Was bitten." He scrubbed his face. "You really shouldn't be here. Merlin, I'm going to be in so much sodding trouble. No one's supposed to know!"
Suddenly there was a shifting movement, then a bright face popping up from behind a cloak with a massive basket of food. "House Elves went a bit mad but here it is," James hissed. He tipped the basket and the boys found chocolate cakes and pasties all over.
"Anything not chocolate?" Sirius asked.
"Course. Got cinnamon there," James said. He clambered onto Remus' bed and gave his friend a long, studious look. "Alright, Re?"
Remus shook his head. "No! I'm going to get expelled."
"Oh sod off, they're not going to expel us for nicking food from the kitchens," James said, now mouth full of chocolate cake.
"No," Remus insisted, his voice low and miserable. "No one's supposed to know."
"So?" Sirius said. He poked at a cinnamon pasty, then nibbled on the corner. "Not like we're going to go blabbing, are we?"
Remus toyed with the hem of the blanket, his eyes fixed on a particularly decadent bit of cake which James eventually pushed over to him. "You won't tell anyone?"
"Are you daft?" Sirius shook his head and nudged Remus with his elbow. "Christ, you'd think we're some sort of depraved bullies who like to see our friends hurting."
"Does it?" James asked. "The books made it sound fucking awful."
Remus bowed his head, pinching a bit of the cake and he put it into his mouth. "Um. It's not a tickling charm."
Sirius snorted. "Is that Remus speak for it's the worst shitting-awful thing I've ever gone through? Does it cause the scarring?"
Remus took a proper bite of the cake as he shook his head. "No. That's the er…I mean…" He took a breath, then just went right for it. "That's the wolf. Wants to run, to do other things but it's all locked away so it hurts itself. Hurts me."
There was a solemn quiet amongst those three boys right then, and Sirius felt something cracking deep inside him, something pouring out that just wanted to wrap round this broken boy and fix him back together like patchwork.
"Where do they stick you?" James eventually asked as he stretched out beside Remus.
"Not going to tell you." Remus stuck his chin out as he always did when he was being obstinate or trying to get his friends to just behave, just for a minute.
"Go on, tell us!" Sirius prodded.
"No I won't," Remus declared. "If I do, you'll do something mad and idiotic like try to come and see me and that's…you can't. You can't do that."
"Well what if…"
"No," Remus said, his voice high and tight. "Because I could kill you, or bite you, then you'll be wolves and it's…and I'll go to Azkaban."
"Oh fuck off," James said. "They're not going to send a twelve year old to Azkaban."
"They'll send me," Remus said, his voice low and grave. "They'll send me because I'm not some twelve year old boy. I'm a twelve year old half-breed monster and they're always looking for an excuse to put me down. Like a rabid dog, because once a month, I'm as good as."
"No," Sirius said, and his voice was suddenly low and full of heat. In spite of his foot he was on his knees and holding Remus by the face, forcing Remus to look him in the eye. "You're not a rabid dog. You're Remus Lupin and our best friend and no one is going to ever lock you away. Ever."
Remus gulped, glancing over at James who wore Sirius' same, determined expression. Remus then felt something of his own cracking and desperate because his entire life he'd just wanted to know he wasn't a monster and not even his parents could give him that. Not with all their love and support. Because he was still other.
"You can't follow me," Remus said, just barely a whisper. "Promise me. It's not safe. I'm not safe."
Sirius let Remus go, settling back down, and shared a long look with James before they both took Remus' hands. "We promise," James said.
Sirius squeezed Remus' fingers. "On our friendship, on our lives. On all the marauding we'll do at this school for the next five and a half years. May I never play another prank again should I break my vow."
Remus tried to be stern, but his smile broke free and he shook his head. "Alright. Fine."
And they vowed never to say a word, never to put themselves or Remus in danger. But they all knew.
***
From that moment on, when Remus was torn to shreds by the moon, two—then eventually three—boys were there to piece him back together with cuddles and chocolates nicked from the kitchens. And Sirius would do Remus' essays that he missed, and James would read to him from their lessons when Remus was too tired. And Peter would copy his potions homework because Peter was actually quite good where Remus was not.
And it wasn't perfect. It wasn't the best. But it was indeed very much better than Remus had ever felt about who—about what—he was. And it was all because of his Marauders.