Chapter 373: Bribing a Moderator
Kaguya wanted very badly to say something to that particular shameless remark, but the fear of what Yukari might do to her in retaliation won out.
Sheer survival instinct forced her to bite her tongue and let it go.
She steered the conversation elsewhere instead, turning to Ahri — whose expression had visibly shifted. "Did some kind of invitation text just pop up in your head? All you need to do is accept it, and you'll officially be part of the Dimensional Chat Group."
"You could refuse, of course, but we did come all this way to save you and take out your enemies. I doubt you'd turn down an olive branch from the Dimensional Chat Group after all that?"
Ahri hesitated for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and nodded. "Ahri... accepts."
The moment she made that decision, the Dimensional Chat Group appeared in her mind, fully formed.
At the same time, both Yukari and Kaguya heard a familiar chime in their own heads — the notification for a new member joining.
No need to guess who it was. This was, after all, the only active invitation quest going, and the odds of some entirely unrelated newcomer happening to join at this exact same moment were basically nonexistent. That kind of coincidence would've been lottery-jackpot territory.
Kaguya's consciousness slipped into the chat, and sure enough, there was Ahri — already in the group.
And, without anyone even asking, she'd already picked out her own chat handle.
[Ding! Newcomer "Nine-Tailed Fox Spirit" has joined the Dimensional Chat Group!]
The moment that notification popped up, a wave of longtime members flooded the chat with the usual "welcome newcomer" spam.
Not excluded from the pile-on: Master Roshi, over three hundred years old and still an avid connoisseur of not-entirely-wholesome films, chiming in with his own requests for the newcomer to post a photo.
Roar of the Evil Dragon: Welcome, newcomer Ahri~ throws confetti Get to know my face, would you — I'm the only dragon in this whole chat!
Roar of the Evil Dragon: If you're into tail meat, I wouldn't mind whipping you up a nice pan-seared butter tail-meat dish sometime~
RawrSoFierce: Welcome, newcomer! By the way... Tohru, isn't your own tail meat poisonous? Are you trying to off the newest member already?
Roar of the Evil Dragon: A few special cooking steps and the toxins come right out, perfectly fine! Would Admin-sama like a taste too?
RawrSoFierce: ...I think I'll pass. Eating a fellow member's tail is a bit much for me, honestly.
Crazy Diamond: Welcome, newcomer! If you happen to be strong, please, take pity on me and carry me a little — I'm easily the saddest member of this whole chat.
Wandering Little Planet: Unacceptable — Josuke, you dare steal my title of Saddest One Here? I challenge you to a duel!
Crazy Diamond: Oh-ho? A duel, you say. Rock-paper-scissors, best decides!
Admiral Kizaru: Pfft... aren't your "duels" always a bit too childish? Newcomer, don't mind them — they're honestly harmless.
Street-Corner Illustrator: Eh? Kizaru-ojisan's already out of the Shadow Box, then?
Admiral Kizaru: Yukari-senpai was gracious enough to let me out.
Admiral Kizaru: I will, of course, absolutely deny bribing her with 100 Points to do it.
Street-Corner Illustrator: Pfft... bribing Yukari-senpai, how's that working out for you.
Senbei Is So Tasty: ...You just admitted it right there, you dolt. Also — you useless Borsalino, is your paperwork finished yet? You've got time to chat in here?
My True Form Is Cola: Ahahaha, feels like the moment Kizaru-ojisan gets out of the box, old man Sengoku's just going to chew him right back out again.
Edward Newgate: Gurararara, tell you what, little Kizaru — why don't you become old Whitebeard's son instead? As my boy, you can do whatever you like, sleep in as much as you like, no complaints.
Admiral Kizaru: Ooh? Really now? What's the monthly salary look like, bonuses, any attendance perks?
Edward Newgate: What kind of son asks about salary and bonuses and all that nonsense?
Admiral Kizaru: Pah! Waste of my enthusiasm there. Who's out here working for free these days?
My True Form Is Cola: Way too real, genuinely uncomfortable levels of real. Us broke folks are shaking in our boots.
Kaguya-sama: @Nine-Tailed Fox Spirit, our newcomer's in! Welcome!
Nine-Tailed Fox Spirit: Eh? Huh? Ahri can actually talk through this weird thing too?
Nine-Tailed Fox Spirit: ...Kaguya-sama? Is that the Kaguya from a minute ago?
Kaguya-sama: Ding ding! Correct — no prize, unfortunately, but yep, that's me!
Eternally Seventeen: Newcomer, quick, guess who I am!
Nine-Tailed Fox Spirit: You're... the blonde girl who came out of that strange passage earlier?
Eternally Seventeen: Σ(っ°Д°;)っ G-g-girl?!
Eternally Seventeen: Just for those two words, I'm officially adopting you! Whenever anything comes up, just drop my name — Yukari!
Eternally Seventeen: And remember to watch out for a guy called "RawrSoFierce." He's got a thing for making nine-tailed fox spirits into dowry maids. Steer clear of him.
RawrSoFierce: ??? Wait, hold on — isn't Ran literally already your dowry maid?
Eternally Seventeen: Dowry maid my foot!
"..."
The chat carried on being as lively as ever — if anything, even more so with a newcomer in the mix. Even some of the group's most reclusive members, the ones who spent all their time heads-down cultivating in a bid to catch up to the group's heavy hitters, came out of the woodwork to welcome Ahri.
Kaguya's consciousness drifted back out of the chat. She looked at Ahri with a warm, easy smile. "Well? Told you — join the Dimensional Chat Group, and you'd understand exactly what kind of place it is soon enough."
Ahri, still visibly reeling, nodded slowly. "Mm... Ahri does understand now what the Dimensional Chat Group is. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine something like this could exist. It's genuinely hard to believe."
Ahri had always considered herself reasonably well-informed, but the Dimensional Chat Group had turned out to be something entirely outside her frame of reference.
If she hadn't glanced over the group's pinned announcement just now, she might have joined without even understanding what she'd stepped into.
She pressed her still-pale lips together and said, with genuine gratitude, "Thank you both, truly, for your help."
Yukari waved the thanks off with an easy hand, stepping forward to give Ahri's uninjured shoulder a friendly pat. "No need for thanks at all. From here on out, you're under my protection — one of Yukari's own, understand?"
Watching Yukari's sudden burst of enthusiasm, Kaguya rubbed her temple with a resigned sigh.
Clearly, the word "girl" from Ahri a moment ago had struck home exactly where it needed to — flattery landing squarely on target with the shameless Yukari-nee, once again.
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