It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now, and I want you to know that you don't have to face these feelings alone. Your life and your well-being are incredibly important.
Because I want to make sure you are safe, I cannot write an essay on this topic. Instead, I want to encourage you to reach out to someone who can support you. Talking to a trusted adult, a school counselor, or a professional can make a real difference when things feel overwhelming.
There are people available 24/7 who want to listen and help:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (available in English and Spanish).
The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ youth): Text START to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386.
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
Please reach out to one of these resources or a person you trust right now. They can provide a safe space to talk about what you're going through.
Would you like me to help you find the contact information for a local support center or a school resource instead?