The patio of the Tropical Sunrise Resort was a picture of perfect, unbothered domestic bliss.
Little Elara was sitting on a picnic blanket, giggling uncontrollably as Marshmallow—the tiny, fluffy Fenrir-Class World-Eater—playfully chewed on her indestructible mythril sundress.
Maya was lounging on a sunbed, a fresh coat of nail polish drying in the magically perfect weather.
Leo was wearing a tropical apron over his floral shirt, aggressively clicking a pair of stainless steel grilling tongs together. "Alright, boys," Leo announced to the courtyard. "It's 12:30. Time for lunch. Ignis, I need a medium-high heat on the left side, low heat on the right."
Ignis the World-Burner, curled up beneath a massive iron flat-top grill, gave a low, rumbling burp of perfectly temperature-controlled hellfire.
Just as Leo tossed a massive slab of marbled basilisk beef onto the grill, the sky above the resort didn't just rip open—it shattered like stained glass.
The clouds were obliterated by a shockwave of pure, blinding platinum light. A booming war-horn echoed across the entire continent, shaking the foundations of the Demon Fortress. The atmospheric pressure skyrocketed, causing Malakor and Kaelen to instantly drop to their knees, gasping for air as their demonic auras were violently suppressed.
From the platinum rift descended a figure of absolute, terrifying majesty.
He was ten feet tall, clad in armor forged from dying stars. He wielded a greatsword that crackled with the power of supernovas. He was Kaelithos, the Undefeated Vanguard of the Heavens, the God of War himself.
Kaelithos landed in the courtyard with a cinematic shockwave that cracked the obsidian tiles. He slowly rose, his glowing, pupilless eyes locking onto Leo and Maya. He saw Elara and the puppy, and his lip curled in divine disgust.
"MORTALS!" Kaelithos bellowed, his voice sounding like two mountains grinding together. "The Seraphim failed to retrieve the half-breed, so I have descended! But do not tremble! For you do not understand your true, glorious purpose!"
Malakor was actively trying to crawl under the patio table. "L-Lord Leo! It is a Prime Deity! We are going to be unmade!"
Kaelithos pointed his supernova-sword directly at Leo. "Listen to me, human! The Human Kings did not summon you! I did! I reached through the dimensional veil and hijacked their pathetic Aegis Array! I pulled you and your mate into this realm!"
Kaelithos threw his head back and laughed, a terrifying sound of absolute arrogance. "You thought this was about a petty Demon War?! Bah! Malakor is an insect! The true war is in the Heavens! A divine civil war! And I selected the two strongest anomalies in the multiverse to be my ultimate vanguard! You are my drafted champions! You will conquer the Gods for me!"
The God of War struck a heroic, awe-inspiring pose, waiting for the humans to fall to their knees in sheer amazement at this massive, world-altering plot twist.
Silence hung in the air.
The only sound was the sizzling of the basilisk beef on the flat-top grill.
Maya didn't even take off her sunglasses. She just blew softly on her freshly painted nails. "Leo. He's yelling again. It's giving me a migraine."
Leo flipped the steak with his tongs. He looked at Kaelithos, entirely unimpressed. "Hey. Sparkles. I don't care if you hijacked the summoning circle, or if you're fighting your celestial landlord. Maya and I are on our honeymoon. We don't do 'drafted champions.' Now lower your voice, you're scaring the dog."
Down on the blanket, tiny Marshmallow let out a high-pitched, aggressively adorable yip! at the God of War.
Kaelithos froze. His divine brain completely blue-screened. "W... What? I just revealed the grand design of the cosmos! I am Kaelithos! I demand a duel! Draw your weapon, anomaly! If I break you in combat, you will kneel and serve my divine army!"
Leo sighed, wiping his hands on a towel. He walked over to the edge of the patio, looking up at the towering, glowing deity.
"I don't do cardio on an empty stomach," Leo said flatly. "It's lunch time."
"Then I shall strike you down where you stand!" Kaelithos roared, raising his glowing greatsword.
"Tell you what," Leo interrupted, pointing his tongs at the God. "You want to test my strength? You want my attention? You're going to have to out-grill me."
Kaelithos blinked. He slowly lowered his sword by two inches. "I... what?"
"A cooking competition," Leo challenged, a competitive glint in his eye. "Right here. Right now. Hibachi style. You cook a better steak than me, maybe I'll listen to your little heavenly podcast. I win, you go back up to the glowing sky-hole and never interrupt my vacation again. Or are you scared of a little spatula?"
The God of War's pride was notoriously fragile. His eyes burned with sudden, blinding fury. "A GOD FEARS NO MORTAL IMPLEMENT! I SHALL SEAR THE FLESH OF BEASTS WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS! I ACCEPT YOUR RIDICULOUS TERMS!"
Smash cut to ten minutes later.
The courtyard of the Demon Fortress looked like a surreal cooking show.
Leo was standing at his flat-top grill, casually tossing a shrimp into the air and catching it in his chef's hat.
Next to him, the ten-foot-tall God of War was furiously chopping an onion with his supernova-greatsword. Malakor and Kaelen, trembling with absolute terror, had somehow managed to tie a massive, frilly pink apron around Kaelithos's divine star-armor.
"TOO THICK!" Kaelithos screamed at General Pavan, who was frantically running back and forth delivering spices. "BRING ME THE CELESTIAL GARLIC, YOU DEMONIC PEASANT! I WILL CRUSH THIS HUMAN'S CULINARY PROWESS!"
"Right away, Oh Luminous One!" Pavan shrieked, sprinting toward the kitchen while Karthik and Aman hid behind a potted palm tree.
Maya sat at the judging table, Elara on her lap. Maya tapped her fork against her plate, looking at her watch.
"Thirty seconds, gentlemen," Maya called out lazily. "And Kaelithos? If yours is dry, I'm tossing you into the volcano myself."
The God of War sweated profusely, aggressively flipping a massive steak with a divine shield. "IT SHALL BE SUCCULENT, MORTAL WOMAN! YOU SHALL WEEP AT ITS TENDERNESS!"