SF Chapter 06: Modern Family Pilot VI
"Don't worry, Dad. Nothing gay going on here," Mitchell said loudly.
But then he gave his father a strange look because of what he was wearing. "May I take your multicolored coat and bejeweled cap?"
Daniel, who was standing next to him, looked his dad up and down and then kept staring him straight in the eyes, basically trying to say with his look: what the hell are you wearing, old man?
Jay raised his hand. "Don't say a word." He took off the coat and handed it to his other son.
"Hi, Dad," Claire greeted as she went in to hug her father.
Phil, who was right there, waved, "Hey, Jay." Then he turned to his father-in-law's wife. "Hi, Gloria. How are you?"
He added, noticing what she was wearing, "Oh, what a beautiful dress."
"Ay, thank you, Phil," Gloria smiled, adjusting her dress.
"Oh, okay," Phil said, lightly running his hand over the fabric of her dress.
Claire immediately slapped his hand away. "That's how she says Phil. Not feel, Phil."
And she also slapped Daniel's hand.
"Hey, I didn't do anything wrong this time," he complained.
"Well, force of habit," she explained, not apologizing for her mistake.
Jay asked his oldest son, already with a glass of whiskey in his hand, "So how was your trip?"
"It was good," Mitchell replied. "It was very good, actually."
He looked a little awkward, fidgeting with his hands, a clear sign of discomfort. "But, um, about that, I-" he stuttered. "I have something I need to tell you guys."
"Come on, Mitch, we're all family here," Daniel urged him. "At most, you'll get a very judgmental opinion from Dad and Sis."
Two pairs of eyes shot him a look, but said nothing.
Then Mitchell continued, "Uh, we didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure." He took a deep breath. "We, uh, kind of have some big news."
"Oh, God. If Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving," Jay groaned.
"See? I was right!" Daniel pointed, then made a mix of faces at the idea of Cam having boobs.
But he finally spoke, "I support you, Mitch. Not in your way, but I kinda understand."
Mitchell rolled his eyes. "Cam didn't get implants!" he denied the idea.
"Anyway, um, so, about-" he picked up again on the important message they had. "About a year ago, Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more, like-" he paused. "Uh, maybe a baby?"
His father shut the idea down immediately. "Ooh, that's a bad idea."
"What do you mean, 'bad idea'?" Mitchell asked defensively.
"Well, kids need a mother," Jay tried to explain. "I mean, if you two guys are bored, get a dog."
"A mother?" But it was Daniel who raised his voice. "Didn't you learn anything with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?"
"Watched it," Jay warned. "Don't talk about your mother and aunts like that," he added - without actually correcting his son's idea. It was clear he felt the same way about the four sisters.
Anyone who knew Judy Geller, Evelyn Harper, DeDe Pritchett, and Beverly Hofstadter would think twice before saying a child truly needs a mother.
Daniel raised his hands innocently. "I only mentioned the Four Horsemen - the biblical part. You're the one who inferred everything else."
And muttered, "after living with Charlie, I lean more toward the four great demons now - Beelzebub, Satan, Leviathan, and Lucifer."
"Okay, we're not bored, Dad," Mitchell finally replied.
Gloria backed him up. "I support you, Mitchell, even though you're not my son."
But Claire jumped into the conversation with a different opinion. "I-I-I..." she stuttered a bit. "I think what Dad is trying to say... is that, Mitchell, you're a little uptight."
She finished her thought. "Kids bring chaos, and you don't handle it well."
"That's not what Dad's saying. That's what you're saying. And it's insulting in a whole different way," Mitchell promptly retorted.
Daniel chimed in again. "A little uptight?" He gestured toward his brother. "There is nothing little here! And you, sis, are even more uptight - yet you managed to raise five kids." He managed to insult both siblings at once.
"Thank you, Dani," his brother said dryly, while his sister shouted at him a glare.
"Five?" Haley tilted her head.
Alex explained, "I think he's counting him and Dad too." She glanced around. "Anyway, where's Uncle Cameron?" she inquired, realizing he was the only one not there.
"Thank you," Mitch said to his niece. "Thank you. Someone who's not insulting me notices he's not here."
"Oh, so that's the big announcement, huh?" Jay raised an eyebrow. "You two broke up."
"Well, a baby wasn't gonna help that anyway. And let me tell you - you're better off, because he was a bit of a drama queen," he finished, taking a sip of his whiskey.
"No, no, no," his son denied. "Stop. Stop. No." Mitchell repeated. "You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend, who, by the way, is not that dramatic-"
But he was interrupted by the music from The Lion King, Circle of Life, as Simba was lifted by the baboon Rafiki and presented. The living room lights were also turned off.
"Oh God!" Mitchell groaned.
♪ It's the circle of life♪
"We adopted a baby."
♪ And it moves us all♪
"Her name is Lily," Mitchell announced, embarrassed, as the music played.
Cam appeared with the baby, lifted her up, and a spotlight turned on, focusing on the baby.
"Ohh!" everyone in the room exclaimed.
Cam was beaming. "Exciting!"
"Just turn it off," Mitchell muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
Cam gasped. "I can't turn it off. It's who I am."
"The music."
"Oh, yes, the music." He quickly pressed the remote to stop it.
Mitchell carefully took his daughter and called the family over. "Come say hi to Lily."
"Ay, miren a la princesita," Gloria spoke excitedly, followed by Alex and Haley.
"The little princess."
"She's so cute!"
"Thank you," Mitchell said appreciatively.
"Let me see her. Let me see her," Claire said as she rushed over. "Let me see her."
"Hi there, Lily," Phil smiled, then added in his usual way, "'Lily'? Isn't that going to be hard for her to say?"
"Phil," his wife immediately warned him.
"Oh, little pumpkin, your Uncle Dani is here," Daniel grinned, gently wiggling her tiny hands.
"Excuse me." Jay coughed, asking for attention. "Okay, I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea. But, uh, what do I know?"
He continued stepping closer to everyone. "I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. I've been trying all my life to get it right, but I'm still screwing up."
"Anyway, I'm happy for you, Mitch. And, uh, you should know that I'm not here to spit in your face. I'm here to... blow at your back."
Seeing everyone's confused expressions, he waved his hand. "Well, it's supposed to sound better in Spanish."
Then Gloria said in Spanish, "Voy a ser la brisa en tu espalda, no quien te escupa en la frente." Earning compliments, since it sounded beautiful.
"Anyhow, Mitch, uh-"
"No, Dad, it's-" his son started to say, but Lily began to cry. She was in Claire's arms.
"She wants her daddy!" She handed the baby back to her brother.
"Do you wanna meet Grandpa?"
"What? Are you kidding? She's one of us now. Let me see the little pot sticker." Jay stepped closer. "Hey, you're a cutie, aren't you?" he said, leaning in toward his granddaughter.
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