Gamer pulled up on his belt buckle and prepared for a long road ahead. The blushroom's heavy pants were mildly distracting. Inconvenient, one might say. The castle mentioned sat many hills away, with a plethora of pipes and floating blocks dotted hitherto. Knowing how games are, Gamer expected enemies abound between the hills.
The giant pipes they passed by were significant in size. Wide enough to fit into, Gamer checked a few tops. To his curiosity's dismay, none were open. They were either broken or dead-ends. Since the blushroom couldn't talk, Gamer reserved his questions about their purpose for later.
The blushroom led Gamer around certain pipes. After one turn, two more blushrooms came into sight. They walked side by side, allowing their bodies to rub against each other with synchronized waddles. The stimulation made the duo overjoyed. His blushroom, however, guided Gamer away and out of sight. It didn't like him looking at them, and forced its head against his hand for attention. Jealousy, in such simple creatures. Gamer opted to not engage the other blushrooms; three bulbous horndogs would be too much of a handful.
With the naughty couple behind them, Gamer refocused ahead. However, his blushroom thoughtlessly walked over an unseen pit opening. Gamer gasped, grabbed, and pulled the blushroom back. It nearly fainted from exhilaration. He saved it from plummeting, but it didn't seem to care. He swapped places with it at the edge, and peered below. Darkness peered back up.
"Woo...too close," Gamer sighed. The blushroom snuggled into his butt, and extended its tongue out. It wrapped up between his legs and poked his stomach under his shirt. It wasn't...uncomfortable, and Gamer could still walk. With this new leashing method, he guided it around the pit. More pits were spread about, hidden sometimes by bushes and shifts in terrain elevation. If the blushroom didn't care about life or death, Gamer started to wonder if using it as a guide was a good idea. After a third pitfall, Gamer heard grunting noises coming from farther ahead. Unlike the erotic tone the blushrooms made, this sounded distinctly womanly and more frustrated.
"I wonder if that's another NPC in arbitrary trouble?" Gamer asked. The blushroom retracted its tongue and bobbed ahead. Gamer tailed it until they arrived at one of the many blocky buildings. The brick itself appeared to be chunks of cobblestone, but red like clay. A doorway denoted the front, and windows accented the sides. However, there were no doors, glass panes, or barriers; each was open to nature. The frustrated female could be heard within. Gamer peeked through an opening to a peculiar scene.
In the middle of the barren, studio apartment-sized home was a curvy humanoid. She rocked a full set of legs, green shorts, white tank top, and tan skin. Her tiny turtle tail wagged energetically as she struggled with a huge turtle shell. The shell was fitted around her head, shoulders, and arms. This was Gamer's first encounter with a shellie. She seemed stuck.
"Dagnabit! Oh, bother!" the shellie fidgeted, her voice echoing inside the shell. The shell itself was slightly smaller than the blushroom.
"Stay here," Gamer patted the blushroom on the head and stepped through the doorway.
The shellie heard, "Huh? Is somebody there?"
"I am somebody. Somebody looking for a wand," Gamer narrowed his eyes.
The shellie stumbled in circles as she spoke. With the shell obscuring all sight, she didn't have any sense of direction. Now that Gamer was up close to her, he saw why the shell wasn't fitting on her. Her breasts and arm positions were preventing it from sliding properly. She said, "A wand? I'm sorry, I don't have one of those. I'm not a shellie mage."
"Oh, okay," Gamer turned and began to leave. "The turtle people have boobs..."
"Wait! Before you go, can you help me?" the shellie pleaded.
Gamer bargained, "Helping a stranger takes a lot of work. More than a finger lift. I don't know...what will I get out of this?"
"Oh, billies, this is bothersome. Um...how about I help you find that wand? My leader, Cammy, is a shellie mage. She's a big shot in Lord Shellie's graces," the shellie offered.
"Hmm, I'm wary of anybody who uses the phrase 'big shot'..." Gamer kept salesmen in mind. "...but I do need allies. Alright, I'll help."
"You will? Thank the bobs! I just need to get this shell on or off," the shellie swung her upper body about like a maniac. The way the shell carried more of the swing than she did frightened Gamer from getting too close. Even if he was digitized, there was no respawning available to him.
"A'ight, hold still," Gamer approached and clasped onto the shell. As heavy as pure iron, Gamer pulled to remove the shellie. Unfortunately, she remained stuck. No amount of force and tandem cooperation with a blind turtle chick could help. When Gamer abruptly gave up, the shellie fell backwards and landed on her backside. She laid there in defeat, and Gamer pondered, "Why in the gluten free world is this so difficult? How in the shell did you get this on before now?"
"I panicked and slipped it on wrong. Oh, fiddlesticks...if I can't get it back on, I'll be defective..." the shellie began to sob. The echo effect made it even more sad.
Gamer thought for a moment, and then something clicked. He waved over the blushroom, who at this point was touch deprived. It tackled and engulfed the upper body of Gamer. He screamed inside its mouth as its suckage began tearing him in two. Luckily, his magic fingers unlatched its jaws and released him. He stomped on it and pushed it over to the shellie.
"Okay, you gluttonous nympho...would you like to be touched?" Gamer asked after catching his breath.
The blushroom panted eagerly.
Gamer pointed at the shell, "Suck on this."
The blushroom obeyed and moved to the opposite side the shellie was stuck on. It opened its wide mouth and in similar fashion to nearly killing Gamer, it sucked onto the shell. The skin-ripping, torso-dividing power of its suck began dragging the shellie. Gamer kneeled and held the shellie by her ankles. He pulled to prevent her from being eaten whole.
The teamwork made the dream work; with a strong suck and a capable tug, the shellie popped out of the shell. Gamer collapsed to the ground and the shellie's legs crossed over his. They both sat up and were greeted face to face. The beaked lips weren't actually a beak, and reminded Gamer of an overbite. Cute face, long blonde hair, and green eyes; the turtle girl was pretty.
"Ah! Marco!" the shellie kicked Gamer straight in the face. She rolled away, frightened, and crawled towards the blushroom. She freaked out when she saw her shell was nearly consumed, "Ah! My shell!"
Gamer recovered from the kick with an annoyed expression on his face. He rubbed his shoe-marked nose and stood up. Tears welled up in the shellie's eyes as she reached out to stop the blushroom. It was too late. With a satisfied gulp, the blushroom swallowed the load. It plopped backwards and relaxed. The shellie fell to her knees in silent despair.
Gamer wondered how the blushroom's anatomy would account for a shell that was nearly the same size as it. He rolled his eyes, not too concerned, "Ah, if the shell's as durable as it seems, I doubt it can be digested. You can get it back later."
Gamer approached the shellie, who scooted away, still scared. She whimpered, "Please, Marco, don't hurt me."
Gamer still didn't care and offered a hand to help her up, "I'm not Marco."
"You're not? Then who are you?"
The question didn't have an answer. Who he was in the real world was deleted on his way in here, along with his body and mind. All that was left were the 0's and 1's that made him up. He kept things simple, "You can call me Gamer. Player would be too weird."
The shellie discarded her apprehension instantly and took the offered hand. As she straightened up - tall enough to be at shoulder height - she introduced herself, "My name is Minnie. I'm one of the shellie who patrols these lands. We don't get many visitors, and you look similar to Marco. Please, accept my apology."
"It's fine," Gamer flicked off the last of the dirt she kicked on him. "If you're on patrol, what are you doing here? It's kinda hidden away."
"Nothing!" Minnie squeaked with unwarranted suspicion.
Gamer decided to ignore it for now, "Okay...you said your leader could help me?"
"She would have, but not anymore!" Minnie said with an oddly chipper smile.
"Why not?"
"Well, my shell identifies me. A shellie without a shell is nothing but a lie! I am effectively dead to all my kind now. I will be killed on sight," the smile persisted, like an absentminded airhead. Gamer equated it to existential dread.
"You've got to be kidding me. All that effort..." Gamer massaged his temples to combat the oncoming headache.
Minnie held up a finger, "Don't fret; technically, I can still help you."
"How?"
Minnie pointed at the castle on the horizon, which they were halfway from, "Cammy, the shellie mage I mentioned, lives inside the castle. She's the one who helped us capture this land for Lord Shellie. She'd never give the wand away, but maybe if you ask nicely..."
"Can you give me an introduction?" Gamer asked.
"No...I am defective," Minnie's whole body reflected defeat.
Gamer rolled his eyes, "You're not defective; you gave me directions to a person I can talk to. Come on, let's go. We'll figure it out."
His words startled Minnie out of her sadness. Gamer walked over to the blushroom, rubbed its cheek, and motivated it to stand up. Gamer needed a new goal for it, "If you help me reach the castle, I'll give you head pats until the cows come home."
The blushroom opened its mouth and stuck out its tongue. Gamer obliged its cravings, and it released a satisfied sigh. Minnie walked over, taken aback by Gamer, "You befriended a blushroom...you want a defective shellie's help...I don't understand, but I like you."
"What? We friends now?" Gamer mocked.
Minnie leapt over and hugged Gamer in a tight squeeze, "Yes! My first friend!"
The blushroom's jealousy kicked in and it rammed its body into Gamer. Minnie leaned away when it engulfed the upper half of Gamer. He yelled within, "STOP!"
Once they settled down, the trio started their quest towards the castle. He needed to stay near the blushroom to pacify it with pokes and pets. Minnie's cooperation and higher level of coordination gave him somebody to interact with.
"Where are you from, Gamer? What brings you to Chanterelle?" Minnie asked.
"This place is Chanterelle, huh? Well, I come from a far away place. They didn't like me, so they sent me here," Gamer loosely explained.
"Were you defective?"
"You could say that. Where I'm from, games are more important than anything else. I committed the cardinal sin of cheating. They caught me, and before you know it, I ended up in...er, here," Gamer relived the memories; soda dew and cheese ball dust splatter, broken windows and tangled power cords, and an entire SWAT team surrounding him.
"Why'd you cheat?"
Gamer hesitated, then grumbled, "I needed to win. Mainly for money. Do you know what gambling is?"
"No..."
"Then don't worry about it," Gamer finished the conversation. It didn't take much longer before they hit their next obstacle, however. Walking past a giant pipe, a long stretch of wasteland dotted with bushes remained between them and the castle. A tall flagpole denoted the entrance to the castle. A red motif of a draconic face was exemplified by the black color of the flag. It reminded Gamer of a jolly roger.
What made this stretch of land an obstacle were the numerous blushrooms and shellies. The shellies were a mix of female and male, all nearly identical. Their shells were worn like armor.
With little to no cover, the trio stood out like a sore thumb. So much so that all eyes fell on them. The blushrooms mindlessly started their march towards the trio.
The legion of shellies, on the other hand, pointed in anger, "Intruder approaching! Marco is on his way!"
The shellies barked at one another to prepare for battle. Spears and bags of hammers were readied as they followed behind the blushrooms. Their misidentification of Marco simply annoyed Gamer. He rolled his eyes and calculated how best to manage a league of enemies. His blushroom and Minnie quivered at the sight.
One of the frontline shellies noticed Minnie. They furiously shouted, "A shellie without a shell is nothing but a lie! Kill the defective!"
"Baaah!" Minnie began crying instantly. She crumbled to her knees and laid her arms forward, prepared for the execution. She groveled, "Forgive me! I didn't mean to lose my shell! I took it off to enjoy sunbathing, and then it was eaten! I was being a shellfish idiot!"
"Sunba - ah, I see what you did there, nice - sunbathing in a hut?" Gamer found that odd.
"Um...shellies love to sunbathe. However, the exposure makes us horny. So, I was also..." Minnie's cheeks turned slightly orange in embarrassment.
"Are all enemies in this game horny?" Gamer asked rhetorically. Her condition and dodginess at the time made sense now.
"No excuses! You're nothing but a filthy mistake!" many of the shellies switched targets from Gamer to Minnie.
Minnie cried out, but a hand grasped the back of her tank top and pulled her to her feet. She recoiled behind Gamer as he took a defensive position in front of her. He bore unto the league of enemies a new, wild glare, "Shit talkers are my favorite kind of enemies to beat up."
Gamer waited for the moment the enemies closed in and converged in a narrow line. Once most of them did, he grabbed his blushroom by the cheek, pulled it in front of him, and rubbed away. It wailed with happiness until its mouth was as wide as possible. Gamer aimed its mouth like a cannon. He jumped up, planted his hands on the top of its head, and brought his weight down on it. The squeal it let out was soon muffled by the squeeze. Gamer's maneuver worked, as once he pushed down enough on the blushroom, Minnie's shell shot out of its mouth. It flew forward like a speeding boulder. The blushrooms and shellies were smashed aside like bowling pins. The wake of the shell made a clear path heading towards the castle.
"How did you know that would work?" asked a baffled Minnie.
"Video game logic - let's go!" Gamer yelled and dashed forward. Minnie and the blushroom ran after him, though the blushroom fell behind due to its anatomy. Minnie was able to catch up right behind Gamer. Blushrooms and shellies yelped as the shell continued its warpath. Just ahead, Gamer noticed a stone outcropping that looked like stairs. When the shell reached the outcropping, it shattered into pieces.
Minnie cried out, "My shell! Now I'm forever defective! Oh, the inshellmanity!"
"Quit being dramatic! Do you see me wearing a shell? We're all defective!" Gamer chastised.
"Oh, okay! I'm defective!" Minnie switched on the dime to pride. Gamer rolled his eyes, and the two started scaling the outcropping. There were no longer any enemies around, but some stirred on the ground. The shell hadn't disabled them all. Minnie stopped Gamer from bounding forward over the outcropping, and good thing, too. A giant slice in the land created a chasm that split not only the outcropping in half, but a natural gap between the wasteland and the castle.
"Woah! Thanks..." Gamer pulled away from the edge. To cross, they would need to clear over fifteen feet of space. The chasm was bottomless as far as they could tell. Gamer sighed, "That was close. If we were more careless, or stupid, we'd have run right off. We can't make any mistakes, and..."
Gamer's blushroom slammed into the back of both him and Minnie, and all three plummeted into the chasm.