"So, that is my life story" said Lorimer calmly as he lied on his bed "or two life story? You get the point"
Lorimer was now talking to his therapist...that he created...to talk to...who was faceless to not judge him
"You know? Maybe i need therapy myself" said the therapist "i need to check if I'm mentally ill myself. Being made by you is worrying"
The therapist was quickly incinerated by a fire stream from a plant on the ceiling and got replaced immediately
"You are great and wonderful!" Said the new therapist
"Sucking up to me won't protect you" deadpanned Lorimer "now work. Make me feel better"
Before the therapist could plead for his life, Rick barged into the room and he was bery confused by what he saw "uhh, what is going on here?"
"Please! Save me! He's a lost cause and he's gonna kill meeeee!" Pleaded the therapist before getting incinerated like the one before him
"Therapy? Are you serious?" Asked Rick in disappointment, completely ignoring the incinerated therapist
"I was desperate"
"Well, your mom told me to get you out of your room" said Rick with a frown, causing Lorimer to just groan "*sigh* okay, let's do this"
Rick quickly began pulling Lorimer away from his bed. Not meeting any resistance while doing so, Rick spoke "yeesh, at least struggle a bit like your brother."
"No"
"At least give me a snarky remark or something" said Rick with a frown as he poked Lorimer who was on the floor "okay, what is it gonna take for you to get up"
"The lockheed SR-71 blackbird, an advanced long range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of mach 3 and an altitude of eighty five thousand feeeeeet"
"Is this another one of your references?" Asked Rick in disappointment as he crossed his arms and Lorimer nodded "seriously?! Can't you just make a living TV like last time or something?"
"It's a coping mechanism, like how you drink a lot of alcohol"
"Are you seriously comparing your obscure and immature references to my irresponsible consumption of alcohol?" Said Rick narrowing his eyes and Lorimer very very very slowly nodded "seems about right. Let's go steal an aircraft, babyyyy!" said Rick before opening a portal and throwing Lorimer inside
"Cynthia..." Said a bachelor on TV
The entire Smith family, save for Rick and Lorimer, were now watching some show about romance or something on TV (this narrator is single, shut up)
Morty, unlike the rest of his family, wasn't paying attention to the show and was playing with Junior
All of the family waited with bated breath for the bachelor to continue "...will you please NOT marry me. I choose Veronica"
"What?!" Said Summer
"Yes!" Said Jerry
"Called it!" Said Beth
"Why would he choose Veronica?" Said Summer in disbelief
"Because he loves her?" Replied Jerry with a smug smile
"Well if it's any consolation, Summer, none of it mattered, and the entire show is stupid." Said Rick bluntly as he and Lorimer walked into the room
"Hey, Lulu, you're out of your room" said Beth with a soft smile
"I was bribed handsomely" deadpanned Lorimer
"Ignoring that" said Jerry changing the subject "I've got an idea, Rick: you show us your concept of 'good TV', and we'll crap all over that."
"I thought you'd never ask" said Rick with a smug smile, gaining Morty's attention as he walked to the TV and disconnected and dropped the cable box which broke it and replaced it with a different one with a purple crystal
Jerry was about to say something before Morty cut him off "Oh cool! Is that crystallized Zanthonite? It conducts electrons across dimensions"
"20 percent accurate, as usual. The important thing is that i upgraded our cable package with programming from every conceivable reality"
"Does that mean there are realities where shows got more episodes than they did in our dimension?" Asked Lorimer with hope in his eyes
"Yes" deadpanned Rick
"Maybe life isn't so bad after all" said Lorimer as he sat on the couch and began watching
"Thanks, Dad for getting Lulu out of his room" said Beth happily
"No problem, Beth" said Rick as he sat down to watch
"Yeah, how did you get him out of that room in the first place?" Asked Jerry curiously as he raised a brow
"Uhh, oh about that" said Rick before clearing his throat "Beth*burp*what's your stance on one of your kids having an advanced long range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of mach 3 and an altitude of*Burp*eighty five thousand feet?"
"What?" Asked Beth in complete confusion before comprehending what she just heard "...what?"
"Recon- what?" Asked Jerry in confusion
"Non-existent, got it"
Beth, and Jerry, decided to not question it and just watch TV in peace
"Coming up next on 'Shmloo's shmloss" shmlony has a nightmare" said an announcer on TV
"Amazing, a dimension where all proper nouns start with 'schmla'" said Rick with a smile before quickly getting tired of the thing "all right. That got, that actually got old really quick"
Jerry groaned "Rick, can we please go back to me on David Letterman?" He asked
"Infinity's a big number, Jerry. I don't remember the channel" said Rick calmly as he quickly flipped through the pages
"Shame. Anyway can i see something?" Asked Lorimer as he held his hand out
"Knock yourself out" said Rick before handing Lorimer the remote
Lorimer flipped through channels at lightning speed, causing his family to yell at him to stop whenever something interesting showed up on screen
"Okay, who wants to watch random TV shows from other dimensions and then who wants to narcissistically obsess over their alternate self?" Asked Rick calmly with a frown
Beth, Jerry and Summer chose narcissism and Rick threw them what looked like a VR headset that could let them through the eyes of their alternate selves
"Found it!" Said Lorimer excitedly before the sound of Junior was heard "Junior, do not make me regret letting you live on as a human baby"
"Hey! He's just a baby!" Said Morty angrily as he crossed his arms
"Well, he can stay silent for a few minutes. Just watch" replied Lorimer and Morty and Rick sat down and stared at the TV
"Welcome, everyone, toooo 'Animal crime reactions'!" said the announcer on TV "where we find random people who think nature is all bees and trees then scar them for life by forcing them to say some disturbing facts about nature! It's as morally questionable as it gets people and you love it! Actually it's horrible, but they signed a contract and our producers are heartless. So as long as no one swears, no one cares!"
"Oh my god" said Morty in disbelief
"Yup, i always wanted to watch something like this" said Lorimer with a smile "it brings a smile to my face"
"Wow, i never knew you could be so demented" commented Rick in surprise
"I rather morally ambiguous" replied Lorimer "now shush, it's starting"
"So, our first contestant is this random guy we kidnapped after believing he was perfect for the show, and as long as i say that as a joke i can't go to jail, so let's get to it" said the announcer before the camera focused on a guy sitting in what looks like a news desk "now, please read the paper on your desk. It's about dolphins and all of is true"
"Oooh! I love dolphins!" said the guy cheerfully as he read the paper "dolphins are intelligent animals that have earned the nickname 'humans of sea'. So far so good. They also like doing things humans like to do like...what with a what?...let's ignore that. they also like...WHAT?! AND WHAT?! AAAAAH!"
"Aww, calm down, kid" said the announcer "how about some fun facts about penguins?"
"Yes! Penguins are cute!" Said the guy in hope as he got handed a paper "well, it says here that..."
The guy just stopped working "i think we broke him. Well everyone! That was great! Cut to commercials!"
"Wow...that was something" said Rick before taking the remote from Lorimer "let's watch something else"
Lorimer spent the rest of the day on the couch resigning to his fate to watch interdimensional all day. ignoring any and all disturbances by Jerry, Summer or his mother, but who can blame him? I mean, you're reading this instead of going on an adventure too, right?
But at least now, Lorimer canonically owns a lockheed sr-71 blackbird.